Totse, I come in need some advice.

Background: I am 18, a freshman in college and my current roommate is a guy named Joe who is 18 who I've known since senior year of high school.

Ok, so here's the story.

My roommate Joe brought his girlfriend Jane, who is supposedly 17, down to campus about four weeks ago. First off, people are not supposed to stay overnight in your room, let alone someone who isn't a student here. Supposedly, she was just here visiting for a week. I thought to myself that a week wouldn't be so bad. It turns out that Jane is an unbelievably uncleany person. Her hair would be all over the sink, and she would come back with him from parties drunk and get into my shit for no reason while I was sleeping (they thought I was, but I'm a very light sleeper, and drunk people are very loud). One night while drunk she evidently sat up on the sink and pissed into it (fucking disgusting I know). Every night almost, they would come back drunk and they ALWAYS would end up arguing and waking me up. And sometimes after my classes, the door would be locked and they would be having sex.

After a grueling week with this disgusting, unhygenic bitch, Joe finally takes her home. Lo and behold, on Sunday night they came back together. "Oh, she's staying for another week." Dear fucking lord, I didn't think I could handle another week of the same bullshit. Another week passed and he was unable to take her home because of fraternity bullshit.

So it's been almost a month since she's been staying here, and I found out something even worse about this whole situation. On Friday night, they came back drunk and woke me up with their loudass voices. They got into a fight about some shit like she doesn't want to go home and stuff even though she's missed a shitload of school, and I remember Joe saying to her "When you turn 16, you can drop out of school." Holy shit I thought, your girlfriend is 15? That would definitely explain her unbelievably childish behavior. Just to make sure she was in fact 15, I looked up her facebook, and there it was, "Class of '11." Statutory rape? I don't want to be fucking involved in this shit. To make matters worse, he has alcohol lying around and not only is he underage, it's a dry campus and the punishments for getting caught with alcohol are fucking serious here.

I've thought of anonymously reporting the situation to the campus police, but I'm not really sure what I want to do yet. What would you do in my position, Totse?

i smell a threesome!

no but seriously confront him about it if it pisses you off so much, no need bringing the campus police into it if you can resolve the issue through talk.

Yeah, I'll definitely talk to him before doing anything drastic.

Dude, he's breaking so many rules. Just go to him and make it clear that if that bitch stays, you're going to squeal on him.

Sure it would make sense to report him and make sure all the shit stops.

But it would be much funnier to wait until him and his child girlfriend pass out drunk and arrange and photograph them in highly compromising positions, and then make sure those photos find their way (along with an explanation of the whole statutory rape/underage drinking/contributing to the delinquency of a minor thing) into the mailboxes of his family, friends, school administration, and local law enforcement.

While that's a superb idea, I am not sinister enough to pull that one off.

If you do report him, even anonymously, wouldn't he kind of expect it would have been you?

If that's the course of action that you feel inclined to pursue then I'd brace for an equally savage if not a worse room mate.

Have you tried telling him to take his filthy concubine elsewhere?

Tell your roomate, if he wants the whore over, have her over on weekends or whenever you're not there.

First off, people are not supposed to stay overnight in your room, let alone someone who isn't a student here.
You have a very strict very bullshit campus
Her hair would be all over the sink
You have your own sink as a freshman? Lucky bitch.
One night while drunk she evidently sat up on the sink and pissed into it
hawt
the door would be locked and they would be having sex.
Threesome or you're a faggot

So it's been almost a month since she's been staying here
You're a punk bitch for not saying anything yet.
Statutory rape? I don't want to be fucking involved in this shit.
Homo
it's a dry campus and the punishments for getting caught with alcohol are fucking serious here.
You're school sounds like it sucks.

Your options are:
1 - Live with it (you sound like a pushover, so this is probably your best option)
2 - Tell your roommate to kick her the fuck out or at least control her/let you fuck her (there's a difference between asking and telling, make sure to tell him)
3 - Report it to campus police (He'll figure out you're the one who ratted him out. Enjoy making an enemy for life)
4 - Complain that you hate your roommate and request a room change.

Hit on her while shes over

Threesome or you're a faggot

He doesn't like chicks :o

Threesome or you're a faggot

2 guys + 1 girl = faggot threesome

You should take turns. Make sure to call first dibs.

2 guys + 1 girl = faggot threesome

Its not gay if balls don't touch

What's a 15 yr old doing living in a dorm with her boyfriend for a month? Doesn't this girl have parents/friends/school/a life?

Evidently her mom called like a week ago threatening to put out a police report. Apparently Jane told her parents she was staying at a friend's house or something like that. I don't really know what the deal is with her parents. Yeah, she has a life - her boyfriend, sadly. She has the mental capacity of a 5th grader in all honesty; school isn't her "thing," I suppose.

By the way, I'm gay. Quit telling me to have sex with her.

Well why didn't you say so?

Obviously you need to start having rambunctious gay encounters in your room. Marking your territory and whatnot. If there's one thing that will scare her away it's a steady serenade of tenor grunts and sweaty man love.

Just curious, but does gay man sex turn you on (because I know lesbo sex does).

Just curious, but does gay man sex turn you on (because I know lesbo sex does).

No. I am neutral to the whole thing. I'm sure the men involved think it's just dandy, but I find it lacking in a certain aesthetic je ne sais quoi.

No. I am neutral to the whole thing. I'm sure the men involved think it's just dandy, but I find it lacking in a certain aesthetic je ne sais quoi.

I would partially agree with you. Partially in the sense that I think its revolting. I'm not a homophone or anything, but actually watching man anal sex makes me want to puke.

Whats with all your french phrasing? Where do you learn this french shit? (are you french?)

I would partially agree with you. Partially in the sense that I think its revolting. I'm not a homophone or anything, but actually watching man anal sex makes me want to puke.

Whats with all your french phrasing? Where do you learn this french shit? (are you french?)

*Homophobe. Homophone means that you speak the language of the gays.

I am from Canada, therefore I'm a cheese-eating surrender money by default. Oh, and it makes me sound sophisticated and worldly and junk.

Maybe put up some missing person signs around the campus wit her picture on them and her parents phone number, that way people will ring her parents and let them know where she is. That way the only thing you have to do is make sure that no one knows it was you who put up the sign.

lol @ homophone.

And I am from canada, and know plenty of people in canada, most of whom don't know a single word of french, other than bonjour, which is almost always pronounced incorrectly in an inappropriate situation.

"the french won't support the states in Iraq so they changed the term french fries to freedom fries, lol"
"Bonjerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

Oh my god *facepalm*

How hard can this be:

"Dude, your skanky little bitch of a girlfriend is pissing me off. She pissed in the sink, she's loud, and she wakes me up when I'm trying to sleep. If you don't get rid of her by the end of the weekend, I'm going to squeal on you for getting a child drunk and railing her on campus. You fuck."

If some loud whore disturbed my rest, I would have said something lonnggggg before.

Thus for holding out this long, OP, you're a giant fucking vagina with sandy tight grandma panties riding up your twat.

Man up, you little highschool fuck.

Snitch, if you dont mind having an Enemy.

OR

Tell her parents where she is

OR

contact Campus Police about Just The Alcohol (it will still get her out... as long as you don't have alcohol/a drug habit something most of totse possess in great abundance.

OR

Is his girlfriend hot? if so bang her then send pics to family, friends.

OR

Request a room change.

OR

No offence to your homosexuality.. Bring some boys home.
Seriously, they will do the 100 Yard Dash.

Hope I helped

you are not 13 you fucking shit head.

I am 13, i would provide pics but this it totse...
They would end up defaced and on page 1 of google. -.-
Im also a cop, everybody freeze *pulls out water pistol*
This is filled up with salt water... Just give me a reason!

Am I 13 yet?

Statutory rape?




fuckoff you motherfucker that shouldent even be a fucking law fuckoff man if you fucking report him he will be hunted down by peado haters with a google earth type map

You could always go to housing and ask for a new roommate, it's that easy. Or if you don't want to be a pussy about it, talk to him like an adult and explain you don't like having a 15 year old staying in your room, and that have a little talk about BOTH of their Hygienic habits so it doesn't seem that you are just pissed off at his Girlfriend

Then tell him that you don't appreciate getting woken up every night by 2 drunken assholes. If they're gonna be drunk at least try to realize that you do live with someone else and you have to respect their need for sleep.

Tell him that if this shit continues, your going to either have to report him to the administration, or have him find a new room.

I think the OP is making this up. We're going to need pictures of the girl to make sure.

request seconded

Thirded


Also, have a big gay orgy with oil and shit, offer to let the guy and his stupid<though probably jailbait> girlfriend film and/or participate.

request seconded

It wasn't a request, it was an order.

I expect for you to do something at least mildly entertaining, and I expect it to be on CollegeHumor's Roommate Confessions in the near future.

1. Call Chris Hanson
2. ???
3. Profit!!

Ok, I've discussed the situation with him. She'll be out of here next week and he's going to get rid of his alcohol.

No pics?

Nobody ever said anything about getting rid of the alcohol! Keep that!

No pics?

Nobody ever said anything about getting rid of the alcohol! Keep that!

By him getting rid of it I mean he and I will most likely be drinking it sometime soon then disposing of it in a very clandestine fashion ;).

The ONLY way you can get caught with alcohol is if one of you tells someone. They can't search your rooms without a warrant, and they can't get a warrant without probable cause, and they can't get probable cause unless one of you two somehow tells a cop.

Put it in your fridge. They have to have a warrant to open the fridge to look. Problem solved.

By him getting rid of it I mean he and I will most likely be drinking it sometime soon then disposing of it in a very clandestine fashion ;).

Whew, and there I thought you were going and wasting some perfectly good booze.




So, pics?

The ONLY way you can get caught with alcohol is if one of you tells someone. They can't search your rooms without a warrant, and they can't get a warrant without probable cause, and they can't get probable cause unless one of you two somehow tells a cop.

Put it in your fridge. They have to have a warrant to open the fridge to look. Problem solved.

Most universities and college reserve the right to search residences at their discretion. When you move in you're agreeing to their terms and they can search your room on a whim.

Most universities and college reserve the right to search residences at their discretion. When you move in you're agreeing to their terms and they can search your room on a whim.

My university was a dry campus. I lived in university housing. They couldn't open anything when they searched, so the fridge is safe unless cops get involved, which wouldn't happen unless it was serious business. They don't do room checks unless they have a reason to. Even if they did, they only look in plain sight. This is what RA's do. They wouldnt go through anyone's shit.

So, my point still stands. Put it in the fridge or hide it under some boxers and tshirts. Just don't leave it in the open and you're fine.

My university was a dry campus. I lived in university housing. They couldn't open anything when they searched, so the fridge is safe unless cops get involved, which wouldn't happen unless it was serious business. They don't do room checks unless they have a reason to. Even if they did, they only look in plain sight. This is what RA's do. They wouldnt go through anyone's shit.

So, my point still stands. Put it in the fridge or hide it under some boxers and tshirts. Just don't leave it in the open and you're fine.

Were these smaller, private colleges, or a religious college?
Or was it an actual public 4 year uni?

Were these smaller, private colleges, or a religious college?
Or was it an actual public 4 year uni?

4 year state university. Perhaps smaller schools do it differently, but at state schools they have to follow certain procedures. I don't know what kind of school the OP is at, so I guess my advice should be taken with a grain of salt.