Ok, here's the (long) story.

I have been dating my girl friend for 5 years now (going on six in three months), and this is by far the stupidest thing that has happened while we have been dating. I'll state right now that we are not going to break up, this is more of a funny story.

So I have teased my girl friend for almost all of our relationship that some of her friends are REALLY retarded. Keep in mind that when I say retarded, I mean REALLY foolish and stupid. There have only been a few events that have really worked toward proving my theory, but this one, by far, helps me rest my case.

Anyway, back to the story. My girl friend and I attend the same university, and school is due to start very soon. We have to be back on campus by next Wednesday. Because of this, Sarah (my gf) decided that we should try and get together with some of our old friends (people that we went to grade school/high school with). So, she invited about 7 people (including me) over to her house for a little get-together. Included in this group was one girl (I'm just going to call her Moe) who I find VERY intolerable. However, Moe has been a family friend of Sarah's for all of her life, and Sarah felt obligated to invite her.

Anywho, we all arrived at her house, and decided to sit on her back patio. For about a couple of hours, we talked about the old days, and what was going on with our lives. We ate and drank, and everything seemed normal. Then, something really weird happened.

Moe told us that her sister was pregnant. A silence descended over the party, because we didn't know what to say. None of us were really good friends with her, so that made it worse. And, to tell the truth, none of us were too surprised. Unlike Moe, Moe's sister was more well known. For example, when we were in the 8th grade, she (who was in the 10 th grade) was caught with a 28 year old.

After some of the girls said that they were "Sorry" and etc., the story gets even worse. You see, all of us went to Catholic school. And, if you know anything about world religions, sex before marriage is considered a "sin" in Catholic doctrine. Although none of us are not what you would call a "practicing Catholic", Moe's family is the opposite. They are, for lack of a better term, Catholic extremists.

Anyway, this is when things get funny. Moe starts to tell us some elaborate story about how her sister has NEVER had sex since the incident way back when, and that she got pregnant from dry humping. From what she told us, her sister AND her boyfriend both had JEANS and UNDERWEAR on, but she somehow got pregnant. Oh, and the guy DIDN'T EVEN CUM.

Wow. All of us just sat there and tried not to laugh. I guess that there some 1 in an infinity chance that SOMEHOW the guy had superman sperm in his precum, and she got pregnant from dry humping, but come on, that's illogical. Especially considering this girls reputation.

Well, being the person that I am, I had to speak up. So, I made one of the flaky intellectual jokes which I am trademarked for.

"Wow, Moe, that's amazing! Let me guess, her child is the second coming, right? And... wait... don't tell me... YOU were immaculately conceived also!?"

There was a silence, and then my friend Kevin burst out laughing, spewing beer all over the brick ground. Everyone else started laughing, but, as you can predict, Moe FREAKED out. Now, I am planning on becoming a psychiatrist, and I SWEAR she had some sort of manic episode.

She started babbling on about "Not believing one's word...", "A manufacturer of lies...", and how some day I'm going to "Rot in the fiery sewers underground." Every bit of it just made me laugh harder. Then, she simply got up, and walked home. That's right, she WALKED home, even though she HAD A CAR!

When she left I gave my girl friend an "I told you so" look, and everyone kept laughing. Sarah wasn't that mad, because she has had to put up with "Crazy Moe" for her entire life, and knew that what I said had just pushed her off of the edge. I found it quite funny.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this experience with all of you, because I though it was funny. Before the radicals call me a dick, I'll make my defense. Moe was asking for it. She tried to get Sarah to break up with me countless times during high school so that she could steal me from her. I barely know her, but every time I have encountered her, hostilities have erupted. This was the FIRST time that I have openly insulted her, every other time SHE insulted ME first, and I just had to put up with it (because I didn't want Sarah to hate me. We hadn't been dating that long back then).

Replies are welcome, I would like to know your thoughts.

"A manufacturer of lies...",

I love when people say things like this. It makes me laugh my ass off.

I love when people say things like this. It makes me laugh my ass off.

It was even funnier because she was the one who was lying.

"So, Jeff, when did your wife get pregnant"

"Well, Bob, that's a funny story. We were sitting across from each other in a restaurant when aliens put an anal probe in my ass. All of the sudden my cum shot through my wife's clothes, and into her pussy!"

"..."

It was pretty much as ridiculous as that.

That's right, she WALKED home, even though she HAD A CAR!

Maybe if more Americans did that you wouldn't be so FUCKING FAT.

Maybe if more Americans did that you wouldn't be so FUCKING FAT.

I agree with that.

But it's weird when you COME to a place with a car, and WALK HOME instead of using it!

I agree with that.

But it's weird when you COME to a place with a car, and WALK HOME instead of using it!

Real men unicycle everywhere. Man I have to learn to ride a unicycle.

Actually, the manliest way of getting somewhere would be to walk on your hands.

Good read, thanks.

Real men unicycle everywhere. Man I have to learn to ride a unicycle.



Once my sister was in her car and she honked at a kid on a unicycle and he fell off.

I Didn't Read Your Post, But I Do Love How You Felt The Need To Capitalize The First Letter Of Every Word In Your Title.

So Jesus is coming back to reign over the world, and Moe is his aunt? Sweet.

Let me guess.. she's also a fat bitch?

OMG!
http://www.myspace.com/medosofresh
This is a guy from my school.
Try reading his description without poppoing a squirrel out your bumcheeks.
Every fucking word is capitalized!

But damn dude, that was funny :D
Good on you.

Riiight.

Bunch of arrogant christians get together, bully some girl who has a psychotic religious episode and flounces off.


Yeah. Yeah that was a hilarious read. It deffinately made my morning.

EDIT: ffs.

I thought it was funny.

Good show.

She had it coming.

Lol, glad I could help.

the only thing that could make that funnier is if her sister really gave birth to Jesus.

Would we really want a Jesus with retarded genes?

I'd shit my pants. No joke.

you just made my day a little better, thank you.

Real men unicycle everywhere. Man I have to learn to ride a unicycle.


hey me too...
how odd
got a qu-ax 20" trials if that means anything to anyone...

and this story wasnt really funny at all

Any updates?

Has she started throwing blood at your house to banish the daemons?

Real men unicycle everywhere. Man I have to learn to ride a unicycle.

Actually, the manliest way of getting somewhere would be to walk on your hands.
No, to walk on your ubermanly pecs! Or abs or someshit like that.
Anyways, +1 nonexistant rep for OP, good story.

She won't talk to my girl friend anymore... says that she needs to ditch me because I have "evil around me."

I'm sure she's bound to do something crazy, as I will be at Sarah's house today. We leave on Thursday, so if anything happens, it will have to happen soon.

PS: Thanks for the imaginary rep.

Whoa...
Perhaps what you said pushed the girl over the final bumpy ledge into the pit of madness.

Mad people are scary. Mad religious people are worse. Keep an eye on your girlfriend.