First off, i'll give you a little background story, Im 16,She's 14, We're both virgins, we've been together almost 7 months. We have a great relationship other than the sex part. One time in the car when we were completely alone she let me put my hand up her shirt, remove her bra and play with her tits, and she claims to have liked it, but that's as far as we've gotten. She keeps saying that she wants to wait until she graduates to have sex, but supposedly as soon as she graduates she'll "give it up". That seems really odd to me, even more ridiculous than waiting until marriage to have sex.


Now here comes the interesting part... I found out that 3 years ago she was abused by a guy, I don't know that he ever anything beyond telling her a bunch of disturbing stuff and masturbating infront of her, but apperantly it's messed up her view on sex big time.


So totse, is there any way to fix her outlook on sex, or is that something that will just come with time? I personally can't see my future without her, and she claims that she also cannot imagine a future without me. we have an awesome relationship in all other areas besides the sex issue.

And please... I beg of you, mature responses only.

It should just take time, Be patient and loving, and don't try to push things too fast.

Try to get her to like it more, but if she says no, stop immediately and wait awhile.

You could always talk to her about it more.

She's only 14, with a bad sexual past. I know you're 16 and are as desperate as any 16-year-old guy to get his dick wet, but she's just plain not ready to have sex. Saying she'll put it off 'til graduation is just her deferring the act to some far-off future date that she doesn't have to think about now; it doesn't mean she'll actually be ready as soon as she graduates, it means she's not ready now and doesn't feel like she'll be ready in the forseeable future.

If you care for her you won't push the issue. When she feels ready and comfortable she'll bring it up herself, but you'll probably be in for a long wait. Make sure she knows you're there to talk about it if she wants, and be supportive, but let her come to terms with it herself.

Even if its legal where you are or 'quasi' legal (ie illegal but you'll never be charged as you're only 16) you still shouldn't be trying to get a 14 year into bed.

Very few 14 year old girls are mature enough mentally/emotionally to cope with sex. Sounds like she knows it too.

Good for her.

Thanks to you guys for the advice, I do infact love her enough to wait until she's ready, I guess until she's ready we can just continue to make the best of all of the non-sexual things in life :)

Although I can't say the idea of possibly ending up a 20-something year old virgin doesn't scare the fuck out of me. just as it would any guy

It depends.
Do you want to deal with the shit of a weak young girl who's going to make a drama out of being abused?
Sure, she may have been abused, but to refuse sex with you and use the abuse as a fucking excuse is pathetic. What, she's calling you a rapist now?

You said you love her enough to wait. That's cool and everything, just be warned that its' going to be a long and at times annoying issue to help her through.

Well, To be honest, She's not really a drama queen at all, She didn't even want me to know about her past, her sister ended up filling me in, because she thought that I should know.

Perhaps when she gets a little bit older(16 or so), things will change...

Maybe when you guys are making out, slowly move down her body and make it obvious that you are going to try and finger her, see how she reacts to that?

Do you want to deal with the shit of a weak young girl who's going to make a drama out of being abused?
Sure, she may have been abused, but to refuse sex with you and use the abuse as a fucking excuse is pathetic. What, she's calling you a rapist now?

...

Or perhaps being sexually abused made her a little uncomfortable with sexual activity? Trauma's kinda like that.

post pics of the girl. It's easier to tell after seein her.

Lol i was in the same situation we where in 10th grade and and she said "not until we graduate" and guess what 2 weeks later :D

If you've been dating for 7 months you should be to talk to her about and confront her.

Easy, tiger. She's only 14. And she wasnt using the abuse as an excuse. She was using the fact that she's not ready as an excuse. The abuse was stated as a seperate fact to show a little of her history. Either way, the girls got a right to not want to put out.

When shes asleep in her room SWIM needs to sneak into her house. So now SWIM is in her bedroom while she is asleep. Silently flip her body over so she is on her front. Slip off her panties carefully not to wake her up. Then whip out your dick and shove it in her ass *BAM*. She'll wake up surprised and violated but she will realise that you mean serious bsns and she will forever be your sex slave.

And please... I beg of you, mature responses only.

thats funny, considering that message is from a guy who wants to fuck a 14 year old girl....

Like others have said in this topic, all you can do is be patient, and tolerant. In most cases of sexual abuse, the after-effect lasts a life time. So, chances are, your girl friend will never be able to develop what society views as a "normal" sexuality.

If you can handle this, then go for it. However, if you have any doubts in your mind about if you can deal with the situation or not, then try parting ways. You're both still young, so the wounds will heal. The worst thing that could happen is a worse incident in the future.

"stick it in 'er poop hole"-dad

Am i the only one that thinks this guy is just plain retarded? I mean you haven't even got your dick sucked and your worried about sex with this girl? Seriously before you guys even start talking about sex work your way up dumb shit. I mean you don't just skip all the fucking other shit and go straight to sex. You gotta have the other good shit first. Get her comfortable with oral and fingering and all that other fun shit. Then maybe she will get more comfortable and eventually let you fuck her. Dude seriously you've barly gotten to touch her tits and your worried about her not letting you fuck her? Dumb ass theres certain steps, especially in youth you gotta go through them later on you can start skipping steps but not yet. First theres kissing, then theres touching, then theres oral, then theres sex, then theres almost anyfuckingthing you can imagine then theres anal sex,. Goes that way.

And if you don't follow the rules to the letter, it's three demerits and a black mark on your record.

Wow I think that's a really cold-hearted view on the situation; a girl of 14 is still a child and especially after being abused her head is going to be fucked up, it's not anything to do with being "weak".

Slow, easy, confident and caring.

Hand play works wonders for situations like that.

Also, always bring lube with you. Generally people who have been abused haven't been abused with lube (I prefer massage oil), so it's a MUCH different feeling than no lube.

Trust me: been there, done that.

-Dust

"Always bring lube with you."
"Generally people who have been abused haven't been abused with lube."

Lollorcoster.

Hey captain. See that you are still here. What's happening?





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