This assclown down the street from me is really pissing me off. He actually tried to sell me aspirin, saying it was E.

He keeps pushing it, and I'm fed up. He has four small olive trees in his front yard, all in pots, and all very young. He loves these things to death for whatever weird ass reason, so I'm thinking of stealing one. And I don't mean like, taking the pot.

I mean sneaking up on his porch, and cutting one of these little things down and taking it.

Good idea? Or should I just salt his lawn?

Or salt the trees.

You laugh, but three theft happens. Many moons ago, my mother's neighbor (who primarily runs a fruit/christmas tree farm) had some Japanese thugs come by in the dead of night with a truck and chainsaws, and try to cut down and steal a full grown and apparently very rare and valuable tree. They were planning to sell the wood on the black market overseas. The tree was a Japanese Boxwood or something, I forget precisely the type. It's used for incredibly expensive furniture and inlays. He wound up having to chase these goons off with a shotgun, and they still make off with a big limb off of the tree in the back of their truck.

That sucks D:

But I don't think salting the trees will work. He attends to them every day.

I'm thinking of making off with one, and leaving a note of some sort.

how small is small?

could you cut them down with secateurs or a small saw?

you could always douse them in petrol and light the fuckers up

The thread title made me smile, but since it's for a good cause, I suggest you just cut them down. Try to make no noise (maybe a saw?) so no one looks in their windows to see you.

If you can't easily cut them, carve shit into them.
Carve big chunks and carve into the trunk really deep.

Maby dissolve some salt in water, dig a tiny hole in the pot and plant the salt water. Then fill the hole back up.

Try cutting all the little branches off to make the tree look retarded.

1. Pick up tree
2. Toss through his window
3. ????
4. Profit

If he really likes those trees, and you want to hurt them, just bring some really really hot, preferably boiling water... around 2 liters per plant would kill a small tree...

Just pour it in the pot, around the tree's body, making sure it hits the main roots... since they're small trees, it'll easily burn the roots.

It will die and start drying in front of his eyes in a week or two...

I guess it will entertain you to watch his fruitless efforts of reviving them with fertilizers and shit.

Or you could light the trees on fire.

True.

I had the local nursery hire a night watchman (rent a cop). Dumb as fuck and still didn't keep you out.

carve &t into the trees

Best idea yet

Nigga please, you probably bought his "E" and "tripped da fux out" on it, then were later informed it was aspirin and got your silly ass laughed at by a smart guy with your money in his pocket.

Damn, owned like a bitch. You should actually thank the dude for teaching you a lesson on how to not get ripped the fuck off.

Wow, someone's a nigger.

Get a life.

Umm.... That didn't make any sense. But I guess that's how 14 year olds are ya know? Poorly developed cognitive abilities.

Just be aware that I am whiter than you, smarter than you, older than you, cooler than you, probably better looking than you, and have way cooler shit than you. Keep that in mind and you'll be set straight mang.

Please remind me why I give a flying fuck?

Shit fool, I didn't say I was telepathic now fucking did I?

Shit'tard.

You see your prepubescent little dick? Immitate it with your thumb, and go FUCK yourself.

You're an angry person, you know that?

Chemical Whateverthefuck, Shut the fuck up. You started this. GTFO

As for the olive Trees, SAAAAAAAAAALT them. Like a half litre of salt in each. Water them well so it disolves.

That's not a nigger, it's a white guy dressed like a nigger!

Walk up on his porch like you're going to knock on his door, stop, pick up potted tree, leave note saying: "I'm in your base, stealin' yo treez" take tree, walk home. Hell, after that, piss in the damn plant for all I care. Problem solved.

I woudlnt recomend sawing the tree in his front yard. If you can you should grab the pot (temporarily) and bring it into a more scluded location before you start the sawing. Just my two cents.

wigger