My girlfriend and I are very much in love. We have talked at length about what we are going to do after high school. She is going to college at Stanford, and I am going to a college 3 days of driving away. This might sound dumb, but we are mature and we both want to end up together. We know that sticking together through college will be extremely hard, and we have agreed on a semi-open relationship; as in dating to make sure we are right for each other and to relieve sexual stress as we will not see each other but a couple of times a year besides summer.

What I am asking is, does anyone have any experience with something like this? More importantly, any good advice?

well i guess it all depends on how long you can really wait for this girl? and if she can wait for you.

I know with me, i can wait...but i can't wait forever on somebody. and besides alot could change in this time. just let things take thier course. and see how it unfolds i think.

Tough one man. Either you can stay with her, and maybe end up being with her. Or just forget about eachother, and find new people at your respective colleges. Very tough decision, I mean, it's 4 years without much major contact, and if you think it can work/you make it work, more power to you.

Doesn't work, since you're the guy. Guys have an easier time abstaining (it comes natural to us), but do you really think she won't get a little too drunk at a party one time or another?

1) You don't want that hanging over your head. The worry will kill you.

2) You're better of breaking it off, and remaining friends, and then seeing what's up in 4 years.

2) You're better of breaking it off, and remaining friends, and then seeing what's up in 4 years.

Definitely.
These are the prime years of your life. You shouldn't be flittering them away to an absent partner.

2) You're better of breaking it off, and remaining friends, and then seeing what's up in 4 years.

QFT.

Keep in touch but don't let her control your every move.

We have considered the possibility one of us getting drunk and doing something. We have also talked about doing things while we are sober, just for some fun or whatever. What we have come up with, is basically that we are both willing to TRY and not care if the other does something. Of course, we are going to try and limit this, but if it does happen, it will not create such a problem that would hurt our relationship. Cause you're right, somewhere along the way in our 4+ years, we are going to mess up, either on purpose or accidentally. We are willing to put aside the small things to be together in the end.

I have brought up just breaking it off, but neither of us wants that. We want to be together, while still letting the other explore and have fun.

Is it very naive of me to think this could actually work? A semi-open, very long distance relationship? I suppose all I can do is give it a shot. I am pretty optimistic about it.

Thanks for the help...

I think you're making the wisest decision given the circumstances. It's just not feasible to limit each other to such a confining long distance relationship. The open idea is a great one. Although it may hurt a little, you don't have to tell each other the things you do, if you do them. Just knowing about that possibility is enough. The only other thing you would have to worry about is her meeting someone else and growing attached to them. But that old saying whatever it is that says that love grows stronger over a long separation is more or less true, from what I've seen. I mean, you really have no other choice. You don't want to break it off as it would be too emotionally difficult. So all you can really do is try to hold on and tough it out as best as humanly possible. I wish you the best of luck.

Oh, and I have a friend going to Stanford next year too. Maybe they'll meet up and be friends, haha.

Oh, and I have a friend going to Stanford next year too. Maybe they'll meet up and be friends, haha.[/QUOTE]


^^^ Lets just hope your friend isn't a good looking guy. J/k
:)

Is it very naive of me to think this could actually work? A semi-open, very long distance relationship? I suppose all I can do is give it a shot. I am pretty optimistic about it.

Thanks for the help...

Probably a little naive.
My suggestion to you would be, if you cheat, to keep it from her.
That way she's happier.
The only reason you'd tell her is to obsolve your own dirty concience. She seems to be making a big commitment to you. So keep it to yourself, for both of your sakes.

She is going to cheat on you. It is going to hurt like a bitch. Why bother? Realize that you've met about 0.0000000000000001% of the world's population. There is no 1 perfect soulmate. You will meet dozens, if not hundreds of women in college who are equally if not better equipped to meet your needs. Why not embrace them. If you had a good run with your girlfriend, there's no reason to ruin your college experience because of worry and fear. Just let her go, and if it truly was "meant to be", you'll get her back in 4 years.

Good luck.

I too would try to make it work; however, is "semi-open" really a good idea? It sounds like a recipe for heartbreak to me, but if you are both okay with the idea...

hahahaha..won't work. I've been in two LD relationships before...both failed miserably. I guess if you're doing the open relationship thing, it will last longer....but if you're girl is screwing some other guy, eventually she's going to catch feelings for him (girls have a tough time separating sex from emotions, unlike guys). Then by the end of the semester you'll have an awkward situation....

Actually, my current girlfriend now was in a LD relationship with her HS sweetheart of like 4 years...he went away to a different college....she started cheating on him with me (which always makes me wonder...), and now we're dating and happy together.

get used to bouts of anxiety, worry and depression.

my boyfriend and i are in a long distance relationship. he lives in sydney, i live in perth. that's a 4 hour flight and $550 return airfare away.

it's not easy. you will be miserable. i see my boyfriend on uni breaks, we take turns. it's going to be ten weeks before i see him next.

i do not recommend the semi-open relationship. if either of you can consider sleeping with another person, then you're considering cheating, even if it is 'allowed'. i couldn't imagine going off with someone else, i love my boyfriend too much to want to do that.

as for advice: talk often. my boyfriend and i talk almost daily on messenger (IM or video chats) or through texting (neither of us can afford the phone calls). it's really hard to stay close to someone when you don't tell them the little things, so just make sure you do. i also like to send letters (and receive them). the internet makes contacting each other easy, but there's nothing like knowing that someone took the effort to write you a letter and post it etc.

i really suggest you rethink the open relationship idea. it will get messy, you will be hurt.

good luck.

/relationship

Thanks for the advice.

I suppose this could be a recipe for disaster, but I have to try. And I really don't want to/ see myself doing things with another girl. The 'open' thing, is just in case... Oh, and I plan on NOT telling her if I do something, and I told her I dont want to know. She does want to know though...

Its gonna get messy, we realize that. We have to try...

i really suggest you rethink the open relationship idea. it will get messy, you will be hurt.

Yup pretty much

I'm go to college about a 5hr drive from my girlfried, so its not so bad. I see her atleast once every month. But an open relationship is just a bad idea. If you do cheat, just lie to one another. Ignorance is bliss. But yea, you will go crazy thinking about her cheating on you.


Actually, my current girlfriend now was in a LD relationship with her HS sweetheart of like 4 years...he went away to a different college....she started cheating on him with me (which always makes me wonder...), and now we're dating and happy together.

That was about the last thing he needed to hear right now.

I'm going to tell you this for your own good.

It does not matter how much you love each other.
It does not matter that you plan to spend your lives together.
It does not matter that other women/men are invisible to you guys.

If you can't see each other on a regular basis, long distance relationships ALWAYS fail.

See, I'm under the impression that if its going to work, then its going to work no matter what.

If it doesn't work out, it was never ment to be.

Listen, I've been through this a few times.

My first girlfriend. We were together for about 2 years, but when she went off to college, it got harder. Eventually we had to split up because we just couldn't make it work over the distance. When we ended up in the same area for a while, we ended back together. And then she had to go. We tried to make it work, and no dice.

I've heard variations of the long distance relationship tragedy so many times. And it always ends the same way.

The best you can do is make a clean break, and promise each other that you'll see where you stand when the situation changes.

Humm, you seem to have thought all/most of it out, an just because everyone else's failed doesn't mean yours will.

Good luck with it - I think the 'semi-open' relationship idea is a good one, if you two are sure your both going to not mind.

I think the biggest danger is not one of you getting hurt by the other being with someone else, it's that one of you will sleep with someone else, spend lots of time with someone else and fall for someone else. THATS what's most likely to go wrong - both of you should watch out for that, although obviously you can't both never get close to anyone for 3 or 4 whole years.

I don't really have a solution for that, except that maybe you two should break up, but keep in contact, meet up in the holidays etc. and see if you both want to stay together afterwards.

Realize that you've met about 0.0000000000000001% of the world's population.

Incidentally, this statistic is obvious bullshit, as (taking six billion people as the human population of Earth) 0.0000000000000001% of the world's population is actually 0.0000006 people. Stop using numbers stupidly.

Alright so it seems that there is only one good solution for you.

Transfer Schools

EDIT: I mean, if shes worth it, then it shouldn't be that much of a sacrifice.

I'm doing it for my love. She's worth it for sure.

Incidentally, this statistic is obvious bullshit, as (taking six billion people as the human population of Earth) 0.0000000000000001% of the world's population is actually 0.0000006 people. Stop using numbers stupidly.

You're not taking into account the millions of people dying and being born each day. In the standard person's 70 year lifespan, a couple of billion people will have died and been born. The percent I used is arbitrary, but it's symbolic more than anything.

Stop being such a nazi and get a life.

About transferring schools… I have looked into attending a smaller school in her area. As much as I would like to, I could not attend Stanford. AND, I don't think she would want to get out of an almost paid for ride to Stanford and come to Oklahoma.

So we are looking into it, but I doubt it will happen. In state schools are cheap. Cali schools are not.

The whole situation is just very frustrating.

You're not taking into account the millions of people dying and being born each day. In the standard person's 70 year lifespan, a couple of billion people will have died and been born. The percent I used is arbitrary, but it's symbolic more than anything.

Stop being such a nazi and get a life.

Add up all the humans that have ever lived before now and you won't get to six billion, there are more of us alive now than have ever been in the past, although I get that you were being symbolic.

And I'm not being a nazi, I'm just enjoying pissing you off.
Thank you for the entertainment.