She told me she wants to break up. She said she feels like she needs to be alone and so I am out. I'm at home visiting my parents for the Thanksgiving holiday so it's kind of bad for me in that.. I have to go back to get my stuff at some point and then move back home after 3 years of living about 300 miles away.

I really don't know what I am going to do as far as a job here or where I will live.. I mean obviously it will be with my parents for a little bit, but where do I go from here? I don't know. She's been such a huge part of my life for so long. I guess if I was making her miserable, though, it's better that I'm not there.

The thing is that this was all very sudden. Just 2 days ago when I was there, everything seemed fine. It wasn't like some build-up for me, but apparently it has been bothering her for some time.

I am really not looking for advice or anything at this point, I'm really just kind of venting because I literally just stopped talking to her 5 minutes ago. I'm still kind of in shock.

Wow...

7 years...

I couldnt even imagine that. Theres nothing I can say to make it suck any less. It's going to suck for a while, I'm afraid. But once you get over it...you'll be completely free. Dont worry about where you'll work or where you'll live. At this point in your life you can literally go anywhere and do whatever you want. Dont get tied down working for the sake of working. Go relearn how to walk on your own feet. Rediscover yourself, that sort of thing. There are no more boundaries.

This doesnt seem logical, maybe she's making a mistake? Someone just doesnt spend seven years with only one other person to just break it off, wow, that is shocking.something is fishy about this...

Dont just be passive about it, pal, interrogate her about what she said, get to the bottom truth...this isn't the end..just doesnt makesense man...7 years is a long time.

and if you made her feel miserable

she would have told you and gotten rid of you earlier ..

think about it

E

Hmm. It seems like she's been unable to communicate her feelings with you, and has chosen the easy way out. This is not your fault. I don't know what you can do about it, if anything, but I suggest looking at this as a life-shakeup and an opportunity to follow some dreams.

Whatever happens from here dude, I wish you luck.

Bummer. Never really been there, so there's not much I can say to make you feel better I suppose. Hope you win lottery or something, that'd show her.

Murder / Suicide

Oh man, thats awful my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how that would feel, my longest relationship doesn't even compare in length to that. Chin up, its going to be a rocky road but who knows, it could be something postive when you look back on it in a year or 2 from now.

im sorry for you...

self denial works well?

talk to soemone who sees through the master plan..someone who knows everythings not okay.

seven years..jesus..

i'm so sad for you that it ended.

i guess that if she could just sever things so heartlessley after so long she may not be worth it anyway.

i wish i lived closer to you, we could share the delight that is three quid sainsburys lambrushco and watch old martial arts movies together

Well thanks for the replies. Last night when she 'notified' me of this I asked her if there was someone else and she kept saying there wasn't/that she just wanted to be alone. I do feel like it is a mistake on her part, but obviously it's not my choice.

I certainly don't want to interrogate her, I have no reason not to trust her. I guess I feel a little betrayed as well as shocked still. I mean it's just surreal. Literally 24 hours ago things were fine and now it's just like huh?

Don't really have anything else to say.

Oh man. I want to say I know how you feel; exactly the same thing happened to me. I just felt like "wtf? where did it go wrong? how did this happen?" Bolt outta the blue.

But that relationship was one-seventh as long as yours. It must be so much worse. I don't know what to say, really... other than that I too think she's making a mistake. But maybe it's for the best; it'd be worse if she was yours for 14 years and sprung this on you.

Be happy you found out she's a flake before you were even deeper into her life (marriage/children).

oh, and why do YOU have to move? Did she buy the house? Or was it just "deciding" that it'd be best if you moved?

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. I felt shell shocked after me and my ex broke up after two years, so I can't imagine how I would have felt if it had been seven. After you get over your initial "wtf!?" stage, just embrace your singleness and have fun. It's nice not to have to answer to anybody for a change.

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

oh, and why do YOU have to move? Did she buy the house? Or was it just "deciding" that it'd be best if you moved?

Because I am not from there, and really have nothing there other than her. Where I work isn't really a big deal, I only moved there to be with her. I will not stay in the area after this. I really don't like it there, anyway.

As a side note, her mom is a real nutjob who left her dad after 20 years or so of marriage because she couldn't stop chatting to other guys online. She ended up moving in with some other guy for a while, but after a bit ended up moving out on her own. She still goes over her ex-hubby's house, goes to breakfast with him, goes to movies with him.. but at the end of the day, she still leaves. I feel really bad for him, and I don't want to be like that.

Fuck a man, I hate this. It is so lame. I am trying to go about this rationally, but I just can't believe that I couldn't see any distress or anything before if it really was there. Know what I mean? Living with someone for years tends to let you know when something is wrong. I haven't felt that.

why don't you just try and work things out, i mean you have been together long enough to know each other pretty well, I'm sure it will turn out for the best and if she really doesn't want you that's what was meant to be. There are other fish in teh_sea.

Payce.Razor

That's what I've been trying tonight. It just doesn't seem like there is a real reason for her to be so extreme. We'll see.

Update to any who care:

I talked to her for a bit last night, and we seemed to be able to identify and come up with possible solutions for the main problems. However, she is still not sure about.. everything? I don't know. So I am in limbo.

I feel like I am waiting for the gallows or something. It's a pretty uneasy feeling.

I tried to go out earlier with my brother, but it really didn't do anything for me. I was miserable.

I'll update again whenever I find out more.

murder/suicide

Last update for what I will assume will be a week or so:

I talked to her again tonight, thinking everything would be able to be worked out or at least we could try working it out when I got back. This also led me to believe I could TALK to her like I normally do. Not so. She was ignoring me or giving me one line responses.

And I lost my cool. I flipped out like Dennis Green after that Arizona Cardinals loss on MNF. Seriously, it was bad. I told her that she was making me feel like utter shit and that it wasn't fair to me to just leave me in limbo, not even talking to me. Just waiting to see without having anyone to really talk to about it. She told me to stop trying to make her feel guilty. Heh.

And this was all supposed to be because she felt like she was making me miserable. Well guess what, she sure as hell is now. Never before.

So she told me that when she said she needed 'alone time' she meant completely alone (however, as long as your name isn't mine, you're ok to talk to) and that I ought not talk to her AT ALL until the day I was originally planning to come back to see if she wants me back at that point. WTF? I said fine. I'll wait until December 3rd to talk to her again, at which point I will assume that I will find out if I will be going back to live or going back to pack up.

Life is funny sometimes, isn't it?

quote:Originally posted by Gus:

Be happy you found out she's a flake before you were even deeper into her life (marriage/children).



QFT

When a shit who's just dumped you says they want 'alone time' what they really mean is 'I want to fuck other people.'



I guess it's a good thing that you could move out, just like that. When my ex and I broke up, because he was skint and didnt have a place to go he ended up living with me for a few months. Torture.

7 years/./. jesus..

yoyobek@yahoo.co.uk

I'm never ever on msn usually, but you can email me if you like. It's probably no comfort but I've recently been in a horribly similar situation.

If she actually told me that she wanted to go out and fuck other people, I would just drop it altogether and not talk to her. But as it is, I still have no idea what is going on and so it drives me crazy. I swear I have a fuckin ulcer already. My stomach has been feeling horrible ever since Wednesday when I found out.

The worst part is that she said she wanted to be friends, yet she won't talk to me. WTF is that? It doesn't make any sense to me AT ALL. 'Alone time' from me only. Nice.

The bad part about being so far away right now is that I can't just go over there and say 'tell me what is going on or I am leaving' then take my shit. It will take me a good 5 hours to get there, then however long to pack everything, then 5 hours to get back. Means I have to stay there at least for one night eventually.

Ugh.

7 years - thats pretty shitty - I feel for you as much as I can for some random internet dude......

Seriously, the best thing to do is try to rise above everything you are feeling, and look at the bigger picture. 7 years is hopefully about 7% of your whole life - mabey it is time to move on and start doing the things you always wanted to do. Travel, move somewhere else, or take up knitting - whatever floats your boat.

I know it's hard, but seriously, flakey people are often not worth the effort - best to go out, and be happy. Hell, if you are in Sydney, I'll buy you a beer to get you started..lol.

Just look forward, and don't dwell on the past. When you do contact her, she may like the new you, and then it will be up to you wether you take her back - not the other way round.... you just never know.

And finally - try to always remember, you are your own person. You don't need someone else to complete you...

Cheers,

Chump