Well lemme just get to the question, how do u finger a chick, what do they like done to them, im a premature ejaculater or what ever- it takes me 2-3 minutes to jackoff and cum and all that i want to last a long time with this chick, im not that muscular all that? THis chick is kinda chubby, medium sized tits, stuff like that. what should and shouldn't i do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

oh yeah im 13 and she is 13, should i use lube wut kinda condoms? well okay tehre o ya my dick is like 5-6 inches when its hard if that helps or nething, I NEED HELP!!!!

...lol

you're obviously not ready or mature enough to get laid this friday.

i would advise against doing it.

this will be my chance to be a man, and get a bj

[This message has been edited by mike-h (edited 05-12-2004).]

Well, you're 13, so you really shouldn't be having sex, but my saying that isn't gonna help. Anyways, you kind have to figure out that stuff for yourself. Just go buy some condoms, I suggest Lifestyles with spermicidal lube since you don't last long. Just search these threads and you'll find what you're looking for.

whats the best kind? what make it better or safer or whatever? they sell condoms and pills in the bathroom of gas stations here

Your better of just not having sex at 13, cause what the fuck are you going to do if she comes up pregnate?It seems obvious that you have no clue what to do, and maybe thats a good thing, my advice would be to just if you do anything, get a bj, and finger her, its very simple and she wont get pregnate.

quote:Originally posted by SARDONICPILLOW:

you're obviously not ready or mature enough to get laid this friday.

i would advise against doing it.

No shit. If you can't even figure this stuff out yet you're too damn young. I wish i knew you so i could slap you for being an immature little fuck.

People are such pigs. The only thing they want to do is fuck and get drunk and do a bunch of other shit like that. Be great if we had some MORALS in this world.

Do you think I give a shit about morals? Nobody is helping, how do I know you know how to? If you know then tell me your secrets and shit.

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

Do you think I give a shit about morals? Nobody is helping, how do I know you know how to? If you know then tell me your secrets and shit.

Thats why they are secrets dip-shit. Find out the hard way (no pun intended) like the rest of us did. You're too young. Find love first then do it.

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

whats the best kind? what make it better or safer or whatever? they sell condoms and pills in the bathroom of gas stations here

Buy at least one condom and do some digging here in Sex & Affection to learn about other stuff. And quit being a dick to people.

And go watch some porn. That'll teach you a few of the basics, i.e. where everything is. That can be a little confusing the first time...



[This message has been edited by SublimeZen124 (edited 05-12-2004).]

hey mike listen up.this is the real deal kiddo.

having your dick sucked won't make you man. it will make you a kid with bubble gum on his dick- except you won't even be that cos the moment she takes you in her hand/mouth you'll no doubt shoot (that's normal when you're 13).

only needing 2/3 mins to jerk off is also totally normal at your age.

if you really want to be a man then wait til you know she's ready to have sex with you and at 13 she ain't.

this is no flame kid just me as an old fart telling it to you as it is.

take her for a milk shake and treat her sweet.

otherwise in a months time you'll be posting here that you're scared shitless cos she's missed her period.and then you'll really find out what it is to be a man ...



[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 05-12-2004).]

And go watch some porn. That'll teach you a few of the basics, i.e. where everything is. That can be a little confusing the first time...

[/B]

That is where I learned everything I know about sex from porno. Chick only like it doggie style, and they beg for it on their face. You can put it in their ass without lube, and they love it there, as long as they can suck it aferward. Also have they want it hard and fast all the time, and 2 women (1 guy) are encouraged.

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

this will be my chance to be a man, and get a bj

Ugh.

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

only needing 2/3 mins to jerk off is also totally normal at your age

ahh, the good ol' days....

all you women on totse:

i have just had this horrible vision of this 13 year old ramming his less than clean digit up his girlfriends cunny on friday night, probably behind a shed in 'upper nose bleed' utah.

she's probably too young to know what she wants and even if she does pleasure herself often, she will be too embarassed to say what she wants.

come on- tell mike how you'd want him to start. should he just lightly cup her cunny in his hand and gently move it up and down til she relaxs and starts to moisten?(cos that would have been my advice)

quote:Originally posted by WristSlitter:



People are such pigs. The only thing they want to do is fuck and get drunk and do a bunch of other shit like that. Be great if we had some MORALS in this world.

Have fun with your morals... I'll just be over here getting hammered, chainsmoking, and fucking random women I've known for twenty minutes. And enjoying every goddamn minute of it, you condescending little shit.

quote:Originally posted by Wmupilot:

That is where I learned everything I know about sex from porno. Chick only like it doggie style, and they beg for it on their face. You can put it in their ass without lube, and they love it there, as long as they can suck it aferward. Also have they want it hard and fast all the time, and 2 women (1 guy) are encouraged.

Well duh!

how can i make it bigger, or shoot more?

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

hey mike listen up.this is the real deal kiddo.

having your dick sucked won't make you man. it will make you a kid with bubble gum on his dick- except you won't even be that cos the moment she takes you in her hand/mouth you'll no doubt shoot (that's normal when you're 13).

only needing 2/3 mins to jerk off is also totally normal at your age.

if you really want to be a man then wait til you know she's ready to have sex with you and at 13 she ain't.

this is no flame kid just me as an old fart telling it to you as it is.

take her for a milk shake and treat her sweet.

otherwise in a months time you'll be posting here that you're scared shitless cos she's missed her period.and then you'll really find out what it is to be a man ...



[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 05-12-2004).]

LOL.

Well put.

Or summing up the way my parents put it.

"Sex is great for a night, but can you afford the lifetime of headaches that come with it?"

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

how can i make it bigger, or shoot more?

You can't. Period.

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

this will be my chance to be a man, and get a bj

A bit of advice:

1 - Your chance to be a man? Be a kid a little while longer. Stick with the pb & j and leave the bj's for later. The man thing will come in due time.

2 - Slap the retard who gave you the impression that bj's make you a man.

I had sex when i was 12 and 13 but...i wasnt like this moron.

Wow.. I'm surprised this thread hasn't been closed yet. Ok.. um.. you're 13 and thinking about getting laid? You're 13. Stop trying to grow up so fast. If you're a premature ejactulator, then masturbate to last as long as possible, not get off and feel good. That will help train your body out of the current problem. As for you not even knowing about fingering a chick, or what kind of condoms.. You really shouldn't be having sex for about... 3 years at least so you can learn this shit.

But alas, my words will most likely go unheeded, so if you want a good condom for a pre-mature ejectulator, buy Trojan extended pleasure condoms. That will help.. and.. yeah. I can't advise much else. I taught myself basically from scratch.. but you.. I don't know.. I'm leaving.

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

how can i make it bigger, or shoot more?

if by "it" you mean your penis (that means dick!) then there is no way to make it bigger.

you can increase the volume of ejaculate (that means how big your load is) by masturbating beforehand but NOT coming.do this a few times in the hours before and you will come loads but this will also make it certain that you will come very very quickly-so a bit of a two edged sword really.

Haha. A&A, you kick fucking ass.

/raises my glass of bourbon to AA

Anyway.

Buy some of those extremely rough skin-exfoliating gloves; you're intended to use them in the shower with soap, to scrub dead layers of skin off. Don one, and shove your fist into her snizzpod. Don't misinterpret her cries as pain; it just means she loves it, because it tenderizes her inside and perfectly hits the Schraffenberg spot. Oh, and it's not blood, it's just glandular fluid, the female equivalent of cum.

After you're done, use that same hand to grab a gun and kill yourself.

See, I have a different objection to this thread than most people would. It's not that I think you're too young to be having sex. It's just that you're too goddamned stupid to be using a computer. I don't understand what the hell they're teaching kids in school these days. When I was 13 (less than 2 years ago), I had no problem spelling words like "anything" and "what". Seriously, what the hell is going on that you're having trouble with this? Odds are you're retarded and fucking this chick can only do harm.

quote:Originally posted by [G-Prime]:

Wow.. I'm surprised this thread hasn't been closed yet. Ok.. um.. you're 13 and thinking about getting laid? You're 13. Stop trying to grow up so fast.

Jesus! Even on the rare occasion that I agree with you, you still manage to say something really fucking stupid and fuck it all up. You actually think they should close the thread because you don't think that he should be having sex at this age? Are you some kind of fucking nazi?

To the dumbass who started this thread (because I didn't say much in my initial response): Don't fuck her when you have no idea what you're doing. And don't fuck fat chicks. They're fat. Have some standards. And for the love of God, don't plan when you're going to have sex.

Just a random comment..

Glitterpunk, you're probably the most down-to-Earth and forthright chick on Totse. You're not an emotional fucking wreck or always in a bind about some shit (like me) or very unsure of yourself, you're more-objective and more sensible. Sorry to suck your proverbial E-dick, but it's just something I find highly respectable.

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

this will be my chance to be a man, and get a bj

Dumbass... hey KID, everyone else has already said it, but I'll say it anyway just to be redundant: DON'T DO IT! Honestly, dyou really want to lose your virginity to a fat chick??

I completely disbelieve the saying "fat chicks are like mopeds, they may be fun to ride but you don't want your friends to catch you doing it." Fat chicks are bad, all the fat jiggling around, having problems keeping your pee-pee in her love hole, and possibly getting suffocated in her boobies doesn't appeal to me, I'd rather have sex with a circus midget.

Having sex doesn't constitute as a right of passage to becoming a man, having a rugged beard, hunting, and playing manly sports like rugby does.

Wait, you'll be glad you did when you think about having that porker's rolls falling all over you and jiggling as you push in and out.... gross... I'm going to throw up now...

take a picture of yourself naked mike, so everyone can amuse themselves by editing it on photoshop or something....

damn that would be funny to see......

i will go now

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

how can i make it bigger, or shoot more?



It's a penis, not 50 calibre machine gun. You want it bigger? Wait 8 years.

treat her clit like bubblegum.

quote:Originally posted by GlitterPunk112358:

[quote] And don't fuck fat chicks. They're fat. Have some standards. And for the love of God, don't plan when you're going to have sex.

you are wrong glitter! sleeping with a fat chick just shows he is young and has not yet acquired taste.

sleeping with a red head would be not having any standards!

am i the only one who finds "this will be my chance to be a man, and get a bj" extremely funny? Having a girl give you a blowjob really isnt that big of deal, especially if she's fat. Fat chicks tend to be rather slutty and have low standards. Probably why shes thinking about fucking you.

OMG!!!

It's all come together now, Glitter is a 14 year old bisexual lesbian.

I now see why kids are getting so off track now a days.

They are trying to figure out their sexuality before they are even sexually mature.

Good god what is wrong with kids todays?

13 is to young to be having sex, you want to get harder? Last longer?

Well unfortunately has a 13 year old punk you are probably going to creme your pants at the sight of a naked women infront of you.

Oh so pathetic.

Okay look it is none of our business what a 13 year old does, it is only your choice on what your going to do. You can make fun of him so he has no clue what to do or you can help him out to keep him as safe as possible. Look, chances are your going to need a regular sized condom so go get one with lubrication and hopefully spermicide. Really watch porno so you can see where to put it. LOL, and try to not hurt her. I would seriously reccomend you not going through with it at 13, but I can't make fun of your honesty. You obviously want to fuck this girl, but be careful and try to not get overstimulated just from a touch.

It's impossible to not be sensetive to a touch at the tender age of 13.

I'm one day away from getting laid. If she sucks on a condom with spermicide will it mess her up?

the taste of a latex condom with or without spermicide will probably make her retch .

and if she's giving you head why would you need to wear a condom?......unless you have'nt washed your dick in a year ?

ps. no the spermicide will not do her any harm!

[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 05-13-2004).]

Yes, if she gets it in her body in any way at all it will cause instanteous death... You may want to be careful also, a very slight amount of women are allergic to the male genitals. To test for this start out by placing the tip of your balls on her chin, then slowly move down until your entire member is on her.

quote:Originally posted by Lazzaro:

Thats why they are secrets dip-shit. Find out the hard way (no pun intended) like the rest of us did. You're too young. Find love first then do it.

haha thats great!!!

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

how can i make it bigger, or shoot more?

1.Bigger-every nite us ure PS muscle...u know the one u use to stop pissing, do it for like 5minutes anite and it will slowly get bigger!!!

2.More-Use the stop start technique...

quote:Originally posted by FlowerGatherer:

treat her clit like bubblegum.

hey hey...someone likes nofx!!!

quote:Originally posted by NewRage:

Yes, if she gets it in her body in any way at all it will cause instanteous death... You may want to be careful also, a very slight amount of women are allergic to the male genitals. To test for this start out by placing the tip of your balls on her chin, then slowly move down until your entire member is on her.

HAHAHA that is hilarious...omg that craked me up!!!

Don't have sex so young, you'll regret it, wait until you are in a meaningful, loving relationship until you lose your virginity, it'll mean so much more.

Spicy I don't think working the PC muscle makes your dick bigger.

I think it just gives you a lot stronger and harder erections.

Do those ribbed for her pleasure condoms really make it a better experience for her? Im gunna buy a condom soon and i want to know if i should go with ribbed or a spermicide one, wut do u the neon color ones do?

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

medium sized tits

Shes 13, are you sure those aren't fat rolls or little children??

Shit when I was 13 I barely knew what sex was. Maybe you shouldn't get started so early (god knows I'm 16 and still a virgin), but obviously some random guy on the internet isn't going to stop you from doing what you want to do, so a word of advice: don't knock her up (if she's even old enough to get knocked up).

Glitter, you're pretty cool for a 14 year old; you remind me of myself when I was your age (which was less than 2 years ago). Yes I'm blatantly copying Infrared, but I'd be honored to fellate your e-dick, as he so eloquently put it. Keep up the good work, stay in school, and don't do drugs (unless you want to).

Oh and yes "this is my chance to get a bj and be a man" is the funniest thing I've heard today; thanks for making my day, you unsophisticated rube.

[This message has been edited by deptstoremook (edited 05-14-2004).]

Hm, thanks for the e-bj. Looks like my cock is getting more action than this kid's.



Carbon, I can accept the fact that you don't respect me. This is okay because some people don't. But it's really not cool that you constantly try to cut me down by saying that I'm unsure of who I am or that I'm too young to know. I know exactly who I am and I'm fine with it. Eventually you'll have to deal with the fact that women are sexual beings. I know it might scare you, but it's true. We're not objects for your pleasure and we're not all confused until you come along to define us.

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

Do those ribbed for her pleasure condoms really make it a better experience for her?

I'll tell you this, they are definetely ribbed for her pleasure, not his...

LOL...I cannot believe the amount of people that took this troll seriously. It is even funnier than the original post.

quote:Originally posted by CarbonB:

It's all come together now, Glitter is a 14 year old bisexual lesbian.

Bisexual lesbian?

quote:Originally posted by watchmeburn:

wait until you are in a meaningful, loving relationship until you lose your virginity,

HYPOCRITE!

mike-h there is a reason you dont know all this basic facts yet (hint: because you shouldnt) getting her pregnant would really fuck you up!

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

Do those ribbed for her pleasure condoms really make it a better experience for her? Im gunna buy a condom soon and i want to know if i should go with ribbed or a spermicide one, wut do u the neon color ones do?

I wish I could be a fly on the wall when he goes in to get his rubber.

And the neon ones are make your cock like a torch, so you can like, guide your cock in when it's dark.

It's like landing a plane at night.

For someone who is so sure who they are it seems quite odd for some of the things you said in that sexual preference thread.

I know you may think you know who you are, but at such a young age lots of things change. I mean your not even half way through puberty and your saying you know everything there is to know already?

You are confused about your sex preference and you are confused about who you are, it's just something that everyone goes through and to deny it is just denying yourself a chance to grow.

Now on the part about me cutting you down, yes I do like to cut people down and it's just something your going to have to deal with.

Something that I do because it seems funny to me.

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

Im gunna buy a condom soon and i want to know if i should go with ribbed or a spermicide one

Why not get one that has both?? Oh yeah, and unless you get one from the gas station bathroom, good luck to you. The gas station attendent is going to laugh his ass off at you and tell you to go home and watch cartoons.

well tonights the night mike - good luck kiddo whatever.(still think you should take her for a big mac and skip the sex thing)

I'm just kinda wondering if Mommy and Daddy are going to give him a ride over to his friend's house, or maybe he will take his new cool bike...

quote:Originally posted by jackketch:

hey mike listen up.this is the real deal kiddo.

having your dick sucked won't make you man. it will make you a kid with bubble gum on his dick- except you won't even be that cos the moment she takes you in her hand/mouth you'll no doubt shoot (that's normal when you're 13).

only needing 2/3 mins to jerk off is also totally normal at your age.

if you really want to be a man then wait til you know she's ready to have sex with you and at 13 she ain't.

this is no flame kid just me as an old fart telling it to you as it is.

take her for a milk shake and treat her sweet.

otherwise in a months time you'll be posting here that you're scared shitless cos she's missed her period.and then you'll really find out what it is to be a man ...



[This message has been edited by jackketch (edited 05-12-2004).]

This dude is the fucking man mike dude its not worth it wait... from my experience sex screws thigns up ( no pun intended) i've had the requisite scare...i've been with a few chicks, now i've found someone im in love with and they now about this and have a hard time fully trusting me, I look back and consider losing my virginity a mistake thats cost me a lot later in my life



quote:Originally posted by Noisy Anus:



It's a penis, not 50 calibre machine gun. You want it bigger? Wait 8 years.

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time thank you noisy anus

quote:Originally posted by GlitterPunk112358:

Hm, thanks for the e-bj. Looks like my cock is getting more action than this kid's.



AGHHH!!!

/IR winces

That's gotta be the hardest-hitting pwn I've ever received. Congratulations.

I thought you loved me, Glitter. Does the night we shared in Ho Chi Minh city not mean a thing to you anymore?! "All those late-night promises, yeah, guess they don't mean a thang"...



[This message has been edited by Infrared (edited 05-15-2004).]

....>silently wonders to himself why all his one-night stands with Totse girls took place in big Asian cities<..

why the fuck would you want it to shoot more when you're using a condom anyways?

also, you're not supposed to be able to last a long time yet, you're only 13. you gotta have more wanking experience. later on when you get bored with just stroking it you'll start experimenting with lubes, and if you're a creative bastard like me you'll make your own pussy replica out of a towel, a rubber glove, a pillow, some rubber bands, and a belt. and if you're a really creative fucker like me you'll add a heating pad to all that. thanks to my invention i can stroke my willy non stop for a good 10-15 minutes. if you wanna last longer just fucking relax, tensing up your muscles causes you to blow your load faster, learn how to relax and you'll be able to go longer. not that you should be worried about how long you can go when you're 13, but what the hell *shrugs*

so now that it's over what happened?

did you have sex or not?

i'm really curious man cos i still think that u didn't have sex at all...

Remember to pull it out. You want to be a father before you even had a chance to play Larry Flynt?

Howd it go man????... go through with it or had different ideas (im not gonna say your chicken or anything). You've got balls for even trying at 13... well done on posting it on the net... i spose its pretty anonymous oh and well done on your brutal honesty from me and my mates.

You didnt wonder if the chick might read it did you. Well Cya

pulling out doesn't work, i hate stupid people who are like "dude how can she be pregnant i pulled it out!"

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

Well lemme just get to the question, how do u finger a chick, what do they like done to them, im a premature ejaculater or what ever- it takes me 2-3 minutes to jackoff and cum and all that i want to last a long time with this chick, im not that muscular all that? THis chick is kinda chubby, medium sized tits, stuff like that. what should and shouldn't i do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

oh yeah im 13 and she is 13, should i use lube wut kinda condoms? well okay tehre o ya my dick is like 5-6 inches when its hard if that helps or nething, I NEED HELP!!!!

YOUR FUCKING A FAT CHICK? EUUUHHHH

I HOPE YOU CRABS BITCH

Wondered why Infared was a loser...

Figured it was due to the fact he acts like he had sex with 14 year old girls on totse.

Hmmm anything worse to be ashamed of? Yes, fabricating an entire story and 10 threads to make us believe his meth'd ass had a hot Italian girlfriend who of course dumped him for being a loser.

Hoooooray for Infared!!!! HIP HIP HOORAY!

No sex, cuz i had no condom, we went into this house they were building, but we didnt do jack. We went to her house and i put my finger in her pussy, but i didnt finger her. MY FINGER SMELLED GROSS, ITS GOTTA BE WEIRD TO EAT OUT PUSSY

This hole thread has to be a joke. Mike, it smelled because shes a fat chick,shes not clean. Youre an idiot. If you ddint have a condom yet you were going to get a bj to become a man then whats the problem.

Please cut off your testicles so you do not spread your disgusting stupid seed. Thats all this country needs is another stupid fat piece of shit. Not like youll get laid anyway.

heres some good advice

get really drunk and bring a toaster in the bath with you.

(plug it in duh)

quote:Originally posted by Punk_Rocker_22:

heres some good advice

get really drunk and bring a toaster in the bath with you.

(plug it in duh)

I second that.

Hey Infrared do the world a favor and use that nice gun of yours to kill this kid. The entertainment value of this thread is decreasing.

I already said what I had to say about you; I hope you read it. If you have to make personal attacks on me, because I joke around and laugh or because you think my experiences with her were all fabricated, then I understand; anything to help you heal, man. I do hope that you now will feel good about yourself again for the evening because you've convinced yourself of these things about me. If that's what it takes to make it easier on you, then oh well. Do it all you want, because so far, you've not nailed me on a single facet of my life, but still, if your insults and your delight in whatever misery you think you might be bringing me can bring some meaning and validity to your life; can enable you to tell yourself you're special because you're not like me, then I'm happy for you, man.

Again, best wishes.

-Infrared

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

We went to her house and i put my finger in her pussy, but i didnt finger her.

Anyone else confused? I'm just kinda wondering, did you sniff your finger in front of her?

its obviously a troll, don't even waste time giving him advice. But if you are serious go to www.google.com. (http://www.google.com.) search for methods of fingering or something around that line.

quote:Originally posted by mike-h:

No sex, cuz i had no condom, we went into this house they were building, but we didnt do jack. We went to her house and i put my finger in her pussy, but i didnt finger her. MY FINGER SMELLED GROSS, ITS GOTTA BE WEIRD TO EAT OUT PUSSY



hahahaHAHAAHAH HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HA HAHAHAHAHA

i third that about the toaster

-ARCO...IS BACK