So I'm pretty tweaked and am first plateau on DXM, therefore, while in #bltc I somehow became motivated to write a many-lines-long rant about Scooby-Doo. Not just any Scooby-Doo rant, though. I began to elaborate on all of the not-tied up ends in the lives of "The Gang"

So I bring to you now, in refined format:

Scooby-Doo and The Gang: The Untold Story

Not many cartoon characters stand out from the sixties and seventies, but there are a few which continue to live on to this day. The most noticeable character of the time, was in fact a group of characters dubbed �The Gang.� That's right, I am referring to the infamous group led by none other than Scooby-Doo himself. Who other than Scooby the great could lead a group so vigilant, so young and full of life? While at a fast glance this group of teens appears to be the picturesque representation of friendship and youth, upon further inspection this intrepid group's many flaws become extremely evident to all but those who are irreversibly retarded.

Firstly, Fred was fucking Daphnie and eventually left her to become an alcoholic. Daphnie comes to realize that she is carrying Fred's child, and Daphnie is urged to get an abortion by Fred. However, Daphnie declines due to the fact that she and her rich family are avidly pro-life. Eventually, her family begins to take notice of her very obvious pregnancy, and decides to inquire. When Daphnie reveals the father of her baby, her parents became enraged and kicked her out of the house at the young age of sixteen. Daphnie, soon after the birth of her son Daniel, would begin a job working at a strip club, turning tricks on the side. After having been hung out to dry by her family for many years, eventually they welcomed her back under their wing after they realized the direction her life had gone after they had abandoned her. She is currently happily married and leading a good life in Seattle, Washington.

Snap back to Scooby and Shaggy, whom have been attending a liberal arts college for eight consecutive years. They made their money during this time by selling small time to freshmen at their college, dubs and dimes mostly. They made the decision to move on up, eventually, and rounded up five-hundred dollars, and picked up a QP of Matanuska Thunderfuck using their undoubtedly amazing connections to growers and big time distributors alike. Upon receiving this QP, Shaggy and Scooby couldn't help but indulge a little. After smoking an entire ounce of this amazing strain to themselves, they panicked and realized they needed to sell off the last 3 ounces at extremely high prices. After pulling some strings and selling off the rest of their QP, Shaggy and Scooby used the money they made to get a pound of high-mids. After selling off this pound gradually over several months, Shaggy installed spinners, a footprint gas pedal, a chainlink steering wheel, and a massive ornate custom hookah in the Mystery Machine. Scooby and Shaggy, being enterprising young gentlemen, grew their business rapidly. All of a sudden they're slanging ounces to to half of the college. Everyone wanted a piece of Scooby and Shaggy, until one day, it all came down. Scooby sold a quarter to a guy in a mask, who turned out to be DEA. Shaggy was all like �ZOINKS!� and ran for the window, hopping out of their third story apartment and onto the lawn. After sustaining minor injuries, Shaggy sprinted off, leaving Scooby to be incarcerated. Scooby was taken in, and bail was set at one-hundred-thousand dollars. Shaggy, meanwhile, had picked up a fake ID, and was loitering outside the courthouse, debating whether or not to bail Scooby out. Eventually, Shaggy decided to go inside, and Scooby's bail was paid for in cash. After hooking Scooby up with a fake ID, they both ran to Peru, where they were last known to be pilots for a small commercial airline.

Now, we go to Velma, the quiet one. Velma graduated first in her high school class, as can be expected of someone of her intelligence. She receives a full-ride four year scholarship to Oxford University, where she hopes to study law. Midway through her sophomore year, she begins to enter a downward spiral of depression, mostly caused due to the stress of her move and the lack of friends in her new environment. She soon began a life of masochism, and became the first Emo. However, Velma proves herself not one-hundred percent Emo in that she finally follows up and commits suicide. In the mid seventies, velma plummeted eight stories to her death from the top of her dormitory. A suicide note was left in her room, blaming all of her turmoil upon her parents forcing her into getting a good education and always placing her social life second ever since she was a child...

...Her parents were Asian...It was a very backwards adoption. The conception of Velma occurred within the uterus of the fourteen year old daughter of a lower middle class family. Due to the family's very conservative values, they refused to pay for their daughter's abortion, and put the baby up for adoption immediately after delivery. The baby was soon adopted by Tong and Zang Ling, and was initially brought up under a traditional Korean name; However, the Lings decided to change their adopted daugter's name after she was made fun of in every school in her mid-western school district. In the early sixties, Velma met Shaggy and his dog Scooby. This duo led Velma to a brief interest in psychedelics and other soft drugs, which landed her in a mutual friendship with four persons. Scooby, Freddy, Shaggy, and Daphnie.

Thus, the famous group known as �The Gang,� mascotted for by Scooby himself, was begun and ended.

EDIT: Edited many times for spelling, grammar, problems during copying, etc.

[This message has been edited by cow43215 (edited 03-18-2006).]

Fucking great story!

Kudos, cow.

I thought it sucked myself.

How imaginative.

Great vocabulary use and I can tell you're intelligent, just unfortuantly the story is useless itself.

aww velma died, i thought she was the hotest one. but nice work, I saved it.

Nice! Good read.

gay...

I always thought that Velma was an emo and somewhat suicidal!

Hahaha!

Good read man, I thought it was excellent.

Good work.

Haha awesome story, cow! I laughed at how Velma's parents were asian. Followed by "A very backward adoption."

Too long / didn't read / don't care / why bother?

I think scooby-doo is inspired by psyacedlics.

quote:

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Originally posted by deathDiver:
aww velma died, i thought she was the hotest one. but nice work, I saved it.

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Same here

Great work dude

tl/dr

Word.


What happened to fred?

nice read

+1

We need the entire story of Fred too.

What the fuck. . . Nice job cow.

What happened to Fred?

What happened to Scrappy-doo, who it actually turns out, his real father isnt Scooby!?

http://tinyurl.com/nlpe5

Why do people take the time to post "too long didn't read"?!
Youd could use that time more wisely and read it...

quote:

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Originally posted by VolatileShiftInPersona:
What happened to Fred?

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He became an alcoholic and moved off to live in a trailer in the south.

Scrappy-Doo was Scooby's nephew, and who gives a shit about that asshole.

As far as Scooby Doo-ology goes, we were really in a dark age of sorts.

Kudos for advancing the state of the art, cow.

JINKIES!!!

Scooby snacks have a direct correlation to the likelihood of becoming a pot-head.

Scooby-Snacks were plain old Shroom and weed chocolates. notice how Scooby and Shaggy where allways alone while indulging on them, followed by a bad case of the munchies, shortly before 'seeing ghosts'

and the ghosts were alllways real, which is why Scrappy-Doo went into the mushroom cultivation business. Due to his shorter height he found that he was ideally suited to seeing eye-eye with them and so was in the know about their inner secrets. he runs his business out of SouthAmerica where is also close to many herb and chocolate fields. He also took a wife he can see eye-eye with, for she is a member of the PygmyNation. They make a handsome couple and live happily Evah after along with many little (litters of?) of Jr. Doo'ers.

and Fred? he was always quite business liek and dapper with his hair. he admired shaggy's hair too though, especially the big thick lock that draped across his forehead.

so Fred got a forelock and went into business but he misses having a gang to manage and so he also runs a program where he auditions people to be his sidekicks. Since Fred is in business, tho, and the van and show were so heavily associated with ghosts (and not everyone believes), he was forced to relocate his headquarters to a more traditional building and to change his name.

He calls himself Donald (cause he's letting the water run from his back on the ghost issue and he likes to be called Don because in Spanish it means Boss, Fred always did run things) and you can make an appointment with Don at Trump Tower.

you forgot to include a joke about ripping masks off

CNN News: 11/04/1998
CHILD SEX GROOMER FACES JAIL

A PAEDOPHILE who sexually groomed a girl of 13 over the internet faced jail last night.

Calling himself "Donald", Frederick Henderson, 39, posed as an online counsellor for abused youngsters.

He broke into tears as he was convicted of travelling to meet a child after grooming. His wife in the gallery also wept.

Remanding Henderson in custody for reports, Judge Rodney McKinnon said: "You may well be a danger to society. A custodial sentence is inevitable."

Henderson arranged to meet the "vulnerable" girl at a rail station in Hertfordshire after she falsely claimed her father was abusing her.

The youngster's mother learned of the meeting and police were alerted.

Officers recovered 500 child porn images, some showing rape, from Henderson's home at Wickford, Essex.


He admitted at Southwark crown court, South London, making indecent photos but denied travelling to see the girl

quote:

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Originally posted by cow43215:

Scrappy-Doo was Scooby's nephew, and who gives a shit about that asshole.

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Come on! You can tell us the manner of his very painful and excruciationg death, (We all know it couldnt've be otherwise), and make us all feel warm and fuzzy inside.

quote:

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Originally posted by flatplat:
Come on! You can tell us the manner of his very painful and excruciationg death, (We all know it couldnt've be otherwise), and make us all feel warm and fuzzy inside.

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Well, see, I was doing characters from the original series only. Scrappy is a character from a spinoff that happened during the mid-late seventies.

Anybody remember the white version of Scooby named "Scooby-Day" or some shit like that? He was also a product of that series.

Do another TV show.
I like.

[This message has been edited by Its steven (edited 03-19-2006).]

quote:

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Originally posted by Its steven:
Do another TV show.
I like.

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If I had the means, I would. Who didn't fucking know Shaggy smoked weed every day with his dog. All the time. Scooby pwned hardcore, he's done more drugs than anyone who's ever actually lived, and he's a fucking dog.

tooo drunk too underiostand, sorry.

i thought fred was the gay one, u know always wearing that yellow scarf... he probaLLY fucked each guy they caught at the end of the show.... shaggy and scoob DP'd that shit...

quote:

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Originally posted by maggotcorps:
i thought fred was the gay one, u know always wearing that yellow scarf... he probaLLY fucked each guy they caught at the end of the show.... shaggy and scoob DP'd that shit...

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Nah, gay people are generally smart...