Hes both a chav and an amature stand up comedian. He embarrasses me to shit when i go in town with him because hes loud and obnoxious, and also obviously looks like a chav.

I have several cousins, and most of them are weird (one of them is being forced to wear womens underwear around the house, but thats a different story), but this guy is the worst.

I mentioned hes an amature stand up comedian. Well according to him one of the ways to train to be funny is to look at what other things household objects could be. He likens ash trays to 'contact lenses for the jolly green giant', plates as 'battle shields for dwarves' and shit like that.

some of them are pretty funny, but he keeps going on and on about them, and trust me after a while even the funny ones just piss you off.

Hes only coming over for a couple of days thank god but i have a horrible feeling they will last ages.

This is a pointless rant really i just wanted to get across my situation so i wouldnt be suffering alone

I didn't read any of that, but punch him in the throat.

Ditch the fucker, you aint obligated to be his buddy.

Slip him some laxatives and he will be in the bathroom all day.

Problem solved.

I don't usually care to hear others Bitch and Moan.

It's just a couple of days stop whining!

quote:

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Originally posted by DeathFromAfar:
I don't usually care to hear others [b]Bitch and Moan.

[/B]

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It isnt really a topic for bitch and moan i didnt think. admittedly the topic is a rant, but i figured that noone would really read it there.

quote:

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Originally posted by LuKaZz420:
It's just a couple of days stop whining!

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you dont understand it may be a couple of days but it will feel like a couple of weeks. And the bad thing is that hes comng over to take a look at my citys university (exeter, which happens to be a good one), so i may be seeing him all the time soon

This might belong in the BAD IDEAS section of totse. But you could drop some visine in his drink.

this thread is useless without pics.

You just need to scare him off some-how.
Maybe consider going homo on him. Of course, if you're a Brit, like I think you are from that past topic, then that might be a no-go since he'll just be like "Oh well, that's natural. Let's go drink some tea and have butt sechs".
Note that I'm just playing, so don't get all pissy and go off on the flames. I won't read 'em.

If he's really that fucking annoying just tell it to his face and maybe try to impose some of your own personality. Nothing says family like being judgmental and trying to change everyone to your liking.

quote:

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Originally posted by DeathFromAfar:
You just need to scare him off some-how.
Maybe consider going homo on him. Of course, if you're a Brit, like I think you are from that past topic, then that might be a no-go since he'll just be like "Oh well, that's natural. Let's go drink some tea and have butt sechs".
Note that I'm just playing, so don't get all pissy and go off on the flames. I won't read 'em.

If he's really that fucking annoying just tell it to his face and maybe try to impose some of your own personality. Nothing says family like being judgmental and trying to change everyone to your liking.

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That other thread is just because i fancied a good old fashioned flame war. Although everything in it was true, i dont act like that every time someone says anything against england.

Yeah, I realize. Same here. I'm usually not such a prick. Well, maybe I am, but whatever.
No harm. Britain is America's brother. The younger one, with the fucked up teeth and annoying accent. Cheers!

Back on-topic. What the Hell is a chav? I keep seeing it all over these forums. Derogatory adjective? Is he really a fruit? He must be kinda if he's a trying to be a stand-up comedian.

quote:

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Originally posted by Curry:
He likens ash trays to 'contact lenses for the jolly green giant', plates as 'battle shields for dwarves'

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Am I the only one who got a giggle? Smoke a nice big fat joint, and try to join in for a laugh. I realize this won't last long as it is retarded, but it is something...

Don't be mean to the kid.

Just find something you both enjoy.
{DA}

quote:

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Originally posted by jimany:
Am I the only one who got a giggle? Smoke a nice big fat joint, and try to join in for a laugh. I realize this won't last long as it is retarded, but it is something...

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Yeah some of them are funny, but having it constantly through every waking hour i see him is horrendous.

oh and DeathFronAfar - A chav is a steriotype in England. Kind of lie a fucked up cross between a wigger and a redneck. google video 'Devvo' and you'll get what i mean.

http://tinyurl.com/jjcfn

Those videos were made to make fun of chavs, and the sad thing is that they are so realistic

and fuck you

edit: one of the best imo is 'devvo at the leeds festival'. its there near the top.

edit: tinyurl

[This message has been edited by Curry (edited 03-15-2006).]

[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav]
Kind of the British counterpart of the American "gangsta" type, really. Pop culture and whatnot.

In any case, try and make him not want to be there any way you can.

Murder/suicide...It's the only thing to do man..

When DFA said buttsechs I immediately thought of Devvo. 'Hallo thar, mate. Care for some buttsechs?'

No matter how annoying he is, he can't be worse than Kyle Broflovski's cousin, Kyle....

Every time he repeats a joke, punch his throat... Then post pics!

The Ronin13.

Kill him then, call the police and tell them there was a gang fight.

Too long/Didn't read, Murder/Suicide, this thread is pointless without pics, butsecks, etc...

Thermonuke this motherfucker. Then jerk off on his ashes.

suck it up. he's family, and there's always going to have someone like that around and you're just going to have to deal with it.

Yes, this will sound cheeseball, but bear with me.

The reality of the situation is, that if you can't count on your family, then you can't count on anyone; blood being thicker than water and all that.

This guy is part of your family: thus I advise to bring him into your fold. (So to speak.)

Try to get him out of what he thinks is his natural element. Like planting pipe bombs, reading shit on Totse, and generally behaving like an anarchist. The idea is to get him into consistently unfamiliar surroundings/situations, so as to nullify his annoying personality traits. Keep "throwing him change-ups" (to borrow a baseball metaphor) and eventually he should be so disoriented as to accept your suggestions, like "quit the lame-ass stand-up comedy shit", "act more like a serious human being and less like a 'chav'", that sort of thing.

But above all, definitely DO NOT GIVE UP on the kid. He's your family, after all, and you never know when you will need the support of your family members (yes, even this whacko).

You never know, you could end up in a situation like I've faced, when your family vouching for you is all that stands between you and a LONG prison sentence.

Hell, it could be even worse for you sometime in the future: Imagine if your family, and their testimony, was the only thing separating you from a death sentence. THEN you will be glad as FUCK that you were patient with your annoying cousin. Think about it; it's not at all impossible.

Just promise that you will think long and hard about what I've said: I'm probably at least 10 years older than you, and I've seen a LOT more than my fair share of this kind of shit go down. Trust me when I say, you DON'T want to alienate him.

Maybe give him some comedial inspiration. A toilet bowl, or a helmet for chavs?

I feal bad for you because I may, in a month or two, be in a similar situation. Only my cousin will be staying for a week.

He has been raised by a hard core republican and subliminally protective parent who has mind fucked him (I can't even exagurate) into completely hating music, any people who look different, and anyone who smokes.

Seriosly, he believes that if someone smokes it means that he or she is a bad person.

Think about the music part. Music is part of the human nature. And he hates all music!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! Ive tried to get him to listen to ANYTHING from heavy metal to classical, and he refuses to listen to it. This just baffles my mind, he doesnt understand why i like music.


He refuses to grow up and at the age of 14 has just started hitting puberty.
On top of this all i can't be mean to him because he cries. He actually cries over being yelled at by me.

On top of all this he calls me every 2 to 3 days when i dont want to fucking talk! FUCK FUCK FUCK! I think im going to shoot myself before he arrives at my house

[This message has been edited by mr.t1000 (edited 03-19-2006).]

quote:

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Originally posted by Curry:
I mentioned hes an amature stand up comedian. Well according to him one of the ways to train to be funny is to look at what other things household objects could be. He likens ash trays to 'contact lenses for the jolly green giant', plates as 'battle shields for dwarves' and shit like that.

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Made me laugh

fuck. pressed quote button instead of edit...

[This message has been edited by mr.t1000 (edited 03-19-2006).]

mr.t1000, you should kill him. people like him are the ones who are going to be fucking us over in the future.