hey guys, i just wrote my very own big brother script starring myself and some of you! enjoy!

Day 1 - tr0g admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Wintermute. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, tr0g's mother is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Rat_Bastard later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. quandary creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. warweed12 hits him with a fork.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of the world trade centre out of cheesecake. After much persuasion by quandary, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the the world trade centre task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Rat_Bastard, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the cheesecake. warweed12 is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the the world trade centre task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Rat_Bastard farts and blows the world trade centre over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Wintermute cries.

6 - quandary gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Wintermute admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a fork. tr0g says he never wears condoms because they make his tongue sore and quandary agrees. tr0g's mother goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. Rat_Bastard sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up quandary.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. tr0g goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. warweed12 and Wintermute are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for tr0g.

9 - warweed12 and Wintermute are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. tr0g's mother sings them a song - evergreen - to make them feel better.

10 - The public vote Wintermute out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Wintermute leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Wintermute's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. tr0g's mother has to make do without the cucumber she requested. warweed12 is visibly depressed and is comforted by quandary, who tries to touch her on her clitoris.

12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of quandary touching warweed12's clitoris over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Rat_Bastard refuses to run because his tongue hurts a bit.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Rat_Bastard finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. warweed12 calls Rat_Bastard a lazy tongue.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. tr0g tells everyone individually that he thinks warweed12 is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. warweed12 and quandary are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for tr0g.

16 - The nominations are announced. warweed12 can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. quandary is equally stunned and turns to warweed12 for comfort. Rat_Bastard is distraught and confesses to tr0g's mother that he thinks he is in love with quandary. tr0g's mother says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know

17 - The public vote quandary out of the house. warweed12 says she is gutted and even gives quandary a clipping of hair from her clitoris to prove how much she cares. Rat_Bastard is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. quandary leaves.

18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of warweed12 clipping the hair from her clitoris. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Azerbaijan in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Azerbaijan sounds like but Rat_Bastard says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose tr0g as the one who must complete the task.

21 - tr0g successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Azerbaijan but also God Save The Queen, evergreen and the theme tune to neighbours. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and tr0g tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Rat_Bastard and tr0g's mother are nominated.

23 - Rat_Bastard and tr0g's mother take their nominations well and sit down with tr0g and warweed12 to discuss why they voted for them. tr0g keeps quiet but warweed12 accuses Rat_Bastard of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred tongue before bursting into tears.

24 - The public vote tr0g's mother out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. tr0g's mother leaves.

25 - tr0g becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of tr0g's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of horse dung using only a fork. tr0g is unsure but Rat_Bastard is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Rat_Bastard breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the horse incident from his childhood. warweed12 tries to persuade him to stay but tr0g sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Rat_Bastard decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the horse dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by warweed12 from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. tr0g asks warweed12 to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly tr0g nominates warweed12 to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does warweed12.

30 - When the nomination is announced, warweed12 graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that tr0g is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. tr0g takes his �70,000 and runs away to Azerbaijan. Nobody, including warweed12, ever sees him again.

Isn't warweed12 a guy?

thats the funny joke get it?

lol.......
Thas some funny shit.

sad you left me out....

i am sorry, but there is not a chance in hell that they are gonna kick wintermute out. she most likely one of the best people for the sections that she mods. just cause she is mean doesnt mean that she isnt doing her job.

zok, i dont think that quandary meant that to be a metaphor for the site at all.

but i sure wish there were more days of spanking wintermute with forks, i mean, that could turn a eunuck on!

metaphor? no it's just she was the first female member i thought of.

If you want me to include you in another bb script do say

quote:

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Originally posted by quandary:
metaphor? no it's just she was the first female member i thought of.

If you want me to include you in another bb script do say

---

Shit, you can put me anywhere if you want.

woo i need lots of people , roll up roll up

Include me.

can do

me too!!!

lol...man, Quandary, that is some funny stuff, keep it up!

Why didn't I come out? I thought I was going to be the double agent

tr0g is on the move...

quote:

---

Originally posted by Zok:
i am sorry, but there is not a chance in hell that they are gonna kick wintermute out. she most likely one of the best people for the sections that she mods. just cause she is mean doesnt mean that she isnt doing her job.

---

I whole-heartedly disagree with you!

you must be annoyed quandry.
all that effort, and you only got 17 replys. possibly the most amusing posted on totse for a few weeks, and it was almost totally ignored.

next time, try to make it more universal, and post it in a more visited forum. (nothing against this forum, i mean threads along the line of '<insert race/gender here> suck' are very intresting, but i think that this forum could be used for good insted of evil)

where was i
oh yeah

we are members of the most destructive culture ever to exist

[This message has been edited by RAOVQ (edited 07-01-2002).]

i edited that already!!!!!

[This message has been edited by RAOVQ (edited 07-01-2002).]

I really wish somebody would write another one with other people in it. I thought it was hilarious.

good story but besides the fact that im a GUY but other then that it was a pretty good story would have made more sence though if i was a guy in the story meh oh well


"thats the funny joke get it?"

meh it may be a joke but i hardly find it funny all though the story wa s quite amusing for a guy whos got nothing better to do on a lazy sunday night

include us on yo next big bro script.

Yay cool, when is the next and you can include me too...


[This message has been edited by tsunami (edited 07-04-2002).]

31 then Chibi Jumps from some high place with Poopy straped to his back, pooopy starts taking out all of his guns and blows everyone to rat shit, then from no where a guy from sience of the damned and attacks on US jump out and start to lecture about the laws of phiysic's and how bush is a major anal elitist yuppie. Then from no where Brent drops bricks on them.

-Chibi

warweed, i offer you my sincerist apologies for calling you a girl in my story, i was just short on girlies and thought it would be rather amusing...

uhm. yeah.
haha.