This poem was written by a rape victim. I think it really expresses what forgiveness is and what it is not.

YOU say I must forgive,
It's the Biblical command,
so let's take a moment
to fully understand.

What forgiveness truly means,
and what it really doesn't,
what the truth about it is,
and what it actually isn't.

Forgiveness doesn't mean
I'm forced to hide the truth,
of my childlike innocence,
stolen from my youth.

Forgiveness, isn't "letting go"
because you think I should
and it's NOT forgetting
because you hoped I would.

Forgiveness doesn't mean
I forget about my pain,
so you won't have to look at yours
and you'll be comfortable again!

Forgiveness doesn't mean
I deny what I feel,
that because you CHOOSE denial
my feelings are not real!

Forgiveness doesn't mean
you've no consequences to pay,
what YOU did changed MY life
in a most dramatic way!

Forgiveness doesn't mean
your responsibility
can be ignored by you,
and forced to be with me!!

I've got a full time job
restoring peace within,
from the chaos I've endured
resulting from your sin.

I'm no longer filled with rage,
God took that away.
But healing comes in layers,
a little every day.

Forgiveness doesn't mean
I hide MY pain so deep,
that when it tries to rise,
I can not even weep!

For tears are "miniature
messengers"
releasing frozen pain,
unlocking rusted doors,
oiling hinges once again.
If I push my feelings away,
I lose an important part
of myself... and my life...
where my healing has to start.

Forgiveness isn't needing
to make the "other person pay"
it's listening to my feelings
and hearing what they say.

I have the right to discover
who I am... and what I need.
That's a gift God gave to me,
and He granted me the deed.

Forgiveness does not mean
I have to hide what's true;
to feed your denial
and keep protecting you.

There are no "family secrets"
just little things not talked about.
The price... too high ... results
in a deadly inner drought.

The process of my healing
means I see.. I feel... I talk.
The freer I become
the stronger I can walk!

I must have courage
to do what I need to do.
To take care of myself
and let God take care of you!

I know I can not change
what I don't control,
that applies to each of us
if we were to be whole.

I don't apologise
for who I am or what I do
it's between God and me
and doesn't hinge on you.

To me forgiveness MEANS
I give God my pain;
and penalties for my perpentrators
lie in HIS domain!

Whatever that entails
is between you and God,
I can not fix your pain
because it's not my job.

SHANNON SPRADLIN

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If you will the rat race, your still a rat!

Haha. Its up to God to punish him. LoL. We can leave it to happen again, and hope God doesnt not hear our prayers to protect us this time around.