I would like to know the various crimes some of you have committed. Please post them, thanks.

And right under that I'll list the witnesses and where I hid the evidence, but you can't use any of it against me, right?

No, but to start the discussion, one time I jaywalked after stealing more than 10 newspapers out of a vending machine.

It was cool.

That is all.

[This message has been edited by F.B.I. Agent (edited 08-15-2002).]

WOW. 10 newspapers? You must have the biggest balls in the world. Give me a fuckin break. 10 newspapers isn't shit, and jaywalking I do that all the time. Come back when you steal something worth sharing.

Peace,
The Hated One

I have been caught once by the police. For tresspassing i was only 9 so they couldnt do fuck all. However since that i have never been caught.

Peace Renegade,

I smell Pork-- The other light Fed---

*sniff*

and oh yeah, I almost forgot... I killed somebody with a bag full of doorknobs. Some fucking homeless person... It was some funny shit...

I threw his ass in the sewer, I don't think anyone ever fount him.

umm...

quote:

---

Originally posted by F.B.I. Agent:
and oh yeah, I almost forgot... I killed somebody with a bag full of doorknobs. Some fucking homeless person... It was some funny shit...

I threw his ass in the sewer, I don't think anyone ever fount him.

---

Why do I have this itty bitty feeling you're full of shit?

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ironz:
umm...
Why do I have this itty bitty feeling you're full of shit?

---

itty bitty teeny weeny...maybe someone else has adjectives to add.

Nox

Im not lying.

Now post your fucking crimes assholes.

is public nudity a crime?

quote:

---

Originally posted by F.B.I. Agent:
Im not lying.

Now post your fucking crimes assholes.

---

I raped your momma and that's where you came from, prick.

What movie was that term mopery used in? Exposing yourself to a blind person. ha ha ha ha FBI fuck off man no one thinks your funny.

quote:

---

Originally posted by F.B.I. Agent:
Im not lying.

Now post your fucking crimes assholes.

---

that's cohercion, fuckstick.

you fuckin nancyboys

What are you looking for? Inspiration?
Lets see.....
Drug possession
Drink driving
Assault
At least those are the things I've been caught doing and paid my dues. As for the rest, you'll have to speak to my lawyer.

quote:

---

Originally posted by F.B.I. Agent:
you fuckin nancyboys

---

Does that count as a crime? being a nancyboy? *dies laughing*

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChaosWyrm:
Does that count as a crime? being a nancyboy? *dies laughing*

---

Not if you live in California. I got a couple with my .357 when I lived there.

My, stealing newspapers to murder, then admitting it online.... How charming.

I once killed an F.B.I Agent for walking onto Canadian soil.

Speaking of which, wanna come visit me F.B.I. Agent?

quote:

---

Originally posted by F.B.I. Agent:
and oh yeah, I almost forgot... I killed somebody with a bag full of doorknobs. Some fucking homeless person... It was some funny shit...

I threw his ass in the sewer, I don't think anyone ever fount him.

---

He's serious, he really did. See his post in weapons and combat. My post there about mall ninjas probably applies to him too.

Keep your country clean by throwing him in front of a speeding bus

i have anal sex in states where its illegal.

quote:

---

"I once killed an F.B.I Agent for walking onto Canadian soil."

---

Oh, how I wish that were true.

quote:

---

Originally posted by junglist:
i have anal sex in states where its illegal.

---

Wouldn't that make your ass sore?

quote:

---

Originally posted by F.B.I. Agent:
I would like to know the various crimes some of you have committed. Please post them, thanks.

---

I committed suicide

Suicide isnt a crime. Its perfectly legal to kill yourself.

You'll get arrested for it though if you try.

If the state doesn't want you to do it, it's probably illegal.

quote:

---

Originally posted by SomeEverydayNobody:
Suicide isnt a crime. Its perfectly legal to kill yourself.

---

Attempted Suicide is a crime. Successful Suicide is not, solely because they cannot punish you for it.

...and therein lies the beauty of it all.

By making attempted suicide a crime, the government is finally punishing stupidity. Only a moron could screw up something so simple. I only wish they would expand the laws to include other acts of malicious stupidity.

I once got an extra ticket out of a machine at Chuck E. Cheese. Booyah.

I skateboarded today!!! Arrest me!!! And "confiscate" my skateboard so I can find it on ebay in a few weeks!!!

quote:

---

I once got an extra ticket out of a machine at Chuck E. Cheese. Booyah.

---

I once pissed on a Chuck E. Cheese place. That was fun.

i pissed off a bridge alond a state route i piss evrywhere i can!

Are there really states where anal sex is illegal? Which ones?

I recieved oral sex in minnesota...5 years hard time for that offense if caught.

hmmm... me and my friend snuck into a waterslide place and drew all over the inside of the slides... my friend even went and drew a naked girl getting tenticle raped.

wooo... fun. but it's so easy to get in, I never worry about getting caught. although, I don't go back much anymore... it would make a great hiding place. and it's comfortable to just sit there...

quote:

---

Originally posted by great_sage=heaven:
Are there really states where anal sex is illegal? Which ones?

---

I'm sure we would be talking "bible belt" states, where your southern baptist, god-fearin', pork-a-hooker-in-the-ass-on-Saturday-Night; church-on-Sunday crowd.

I haven't had time to read the entire topic, but this past week in San Antonio Tx, some moron was arrested by the FBI for insurance fraud. This rocket scientist had a friend steal his SUV and burn it, whereupon he collected the insurance. Sometime later, a local radio station had a topic just like this one where you could tell about your best con. This genius-wannabe called in, gave enough specifics that a cop listening to the program solved the case. Now Mr. Geek is all upset that the cops are "picking" on him.

Brain disease is everywhere.

Nox

quote:

---

Originally posted by great_sage=heaven:
Are there really states where anal sex is illegal? Which ones?

---

Sodomy is illegal in Texas

Can Someone Personally Explain To Me How The Hell You Fail At Commiting Suicide??? I Mean Hell They Should Kill You For Being So Damn Stupid. And BTW Getting Sent To Jail For Anal Would Just Increase The Amount Of Anal That Goes On.

quote:

---

Originally posted by F.B.I. Agent:
and oh yeah, I almost forgot... I killed somebody with a bag full of doorknobs. Some fucking homeless person... It was some funny shit...

I threw his ass in the sewer, I don't think anyone ever fount him.

---

your a sick fuck FBI, that's why it's so interesting, what did he say to you? what were his last words? did he make any crazy sounds? do you feel any guilt? BTW, i just found out it's illegal to have oral in utah... FUCKED UP! I'm a goddamn felon now.

Hell If Anal Is A Felon In Utah I Have About 700 Years In Prison I Need To Serve

[This message has been edited by FuckAuthority (edited 09-01-2002).]

You had to give alot of blow jobs to need that much prison time.

Your So Funny And You Think Your All Big With The Word Moderator Next To Your Name... It Should Say Homosexual... At Least Then It Would Describe You. And How Many Years You In For After All The BJ's You Gave Me. Bitch.

[This message has been edited by FuckAuthority (edited 09-01-2002).]

Capitalization is usually reserved for the start of a sentence and names, not the firstletter of every single word.

The word moderator is not next to my name, it's under my name.

That's the best comeback you have? That's sad. Especially since you edited it to get it to it's high point of refinement.

Your origninal post said "oral" why did you change it? I could easily have changed mine to say anal too and it would have been just as effective.

Fag.

[This message has been edited by FuckAuthority (edited 09-01-2002).]

quote:

---

Originally posted by rlpinca:
You had to give alot of blow jobs to need that much prison time.

---

If you wanted to get technical rlpinca alot isnt a word

Ty Pyro Guess Not Everyone Is A Flamer.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nox:
itty bitty teeny weeny...maybe someone else has adjectives to add.

Nox

---

YELLOW POLKA DOT BIKINI

Did you wear it for the first time today?

Nox

quote:

---

Originally posted by pRiMo_PyRo:
If you wanted to get technical rlpinca alot isnt a word

---

a lot, 2 words, not one.
I should have known better, I had that corrected on a research paper this summer. My most humble apologies for the butchering of the language.

quote:

---

Originally posted by FuckAuthority:
Fag.

[This message has been edited by FuckAuthority (edited 09-01-2002).]

---

You had to edit that? Did the edit make it any better? What is your fascination with homosexuality, anal sex, fantasies of oral sex with men, and prison? You seem to bring those up a lot.

Note the "a lot" used correctly.

LOL @ Nox yea but my dick and ass crack sorta hang out i got pics of me in it give me your e-mail and ill send em.

quote:

---

Originally posted by rlpinca:
You had to edit that? Did the edit make it any better? What is your fascination with homosexuality, anal sex, fantasies of oral sex with men, and prison? You seem to bring those up a lot.

Note the "a lot" used correctly.

---

Well I Did Edit "Fag."

At First I Spelled It Oral.

Dumbshit.
Doesnt Make Any Sense Does It?
Flaming Bitch.
Queer.
Lamer.
Prick.
Snub.
Cunt.
Dumbhoe.(Its Now 1 Word.)
Dipshit.
Chink.
Beaner.
Redneck.
Nigger.
SandNigger.(Bound To Be One Of Them.)
Analalequimena.
Asshole.
Abberdackist.
Crossdresser.


Ill Post Some More Later... Thanks For Reading Dipshit.

[This message has been edited by FuckAuthority (edited 09-01-2002).]

Whore.
Homosexual.
Butt Buddie.
Fucker.
Rapist.
Renob.
Buttfucker.
CockSucker.(Hey They Ryhme Isnt That Cool)
DingleBerry.
Crackhoe.
Hick.
Assmonkey.
FagCake.

Ok Thats It For Now Dipshit I Had Fun Hope You Did.


[This message has been edited by FuckAuthority (edited 09-01-2002).]

Prick
Redneck
Asshole
Fucker

That's pretty much me. None of the others apply.


Wow 2 posts in a row without having to edit. Good job! I'm sure you'll edit them later, just to be a dumbass.


[This message has been edited by rlpinca (edited 09-01-2002).]

Are You On Crack Dipshit. My Last 2 Were Edited. Bitch. 8====D

Ahh i think theres a conspiriacy going on here...

*fucks Fuck Authority*

Hum, crimes. I dunno if these would rate as crimes, but if they went to the police, I guess it would land us in big shit.

Throwing a sandwich at some guy that was about 2 meters away (he was behind a fence tying his dog up to a tree or something)

Breaking into a locker at school (Stole: Playboy college girls magazine, some Polo Cologne, and a toque. We checked for money, stupid spic had none)

Throwing a cup of coffee into a Jamaican restaurant window. I never thought it hit anyone, but about 3 minutes later we saw a black guy with a HUGE brown stain on his shirt talking to a cop. He said "It was a tall guy with a black shirt". Cue running away.

Broke into a school and literally SHIT and PISSED all over the teachers desk. We were thinking of jerking off on the desk too, but we didn't have the necessary materials to "get up".

Throwing a bag of sandwiches at cars passing by.

Throwing an egg into a convenience store. This one was close. This Chink started to run after us, I was running for a while, but than I stopped and started to walk. My friend that kept running was telling me he was coming down fast, so I started up again. The fucking Chink was a fast SOB, and he he got pretty close, but then he stopped. We went inside ANOTHER friends house on the same street, and when we looked out the window. What we saw was amazingly funny. This kid, about our size that we DIDN'T KNOW was struggling with the store owner while holding onto a post (Something like a kid would do when he doesn't want to go somewhere) he was crying and there were about 8 other people around him. We guessed that chinese motherfucker took him back into the store to clean up the egg. Either way, a funny thing went down, and seeing that kid holding onto a post and crying was the icing on the cake.

Actually I Do Believe A Site That Explains How To Kill And Blow Up People Isn't Legal.

King Nothing.

hey, fuck authority... did you get the phrase sand nigger from www.snuffx.com

Naw I Heard Someone Else Say It A While Back...


King Nothing.

Ive only eva bin caught once and i got charged w/ theft and equiped 2 steal.
It stopped my 3 yr run of stealin cds, dvds, videos, pc games, console games, computer hardware and booze. Fortunatly i was only caught w/ 1 cd, unforunatly it was 500 metres out of the shop door

I blew up our town's police car. YOU HEARD ME! ONE! UNO POLICE CAR! MY TOWN SUCKS ASSHOLE!

-TheParkinator

quote:

---

Originally posted by True_Ghetto:
YELLOW POLKA DOT BIKINI

---

purple people fbi agent eater blue light dung house running slow

[This message has been edited by Ironz (edited 09-03-2002).]

quote:

---

Originally posted by FuckAuthority:
8====D

---

Would this happen to be your facial expression when daddy ramrods you in the ol' cornhole?

I met this kid in juvi that blew up one of those radar detecter things that shows how fast you are going, and this other kid fuckin stabbed somebody at a mall, hardcore shit. I thought the radar was pretty funny. My biggest prank would have to be busting up my school which I explained in this other post, it was fun as hell, spraying shit with fire extinguishers and tearing down the school's quilt of pride thing from '84.

I think Terry Gilliam said it best "Americans have no sense of irony".
You guys are pissing me off, some of you take things so literally.
Okay, let's see what you've all done, be truthful but no specifics. Just state what it is and (value)?
Here's my list:
Vandalsim
Trespassing
Destruction of property to the value of..alot
larceny value of $5 grand total
It sucks when you do something you're proud of but can't tell anyone, not even friends

quote:

---

I would like to know the various crimes some of you have committed.

---

Sorry still waiting for the statute of limitations to run out =(

trespassing
vandalism
shoplifting
underage drinking
speeding
reckless driving
forgot to use my blinker 1 time
running from a cop on a cbr 900
running from a cop on a GSXR 600
more speeding
a little bit more spedding
several ATF laws
assault
battery
some more speeding
public intoxication
public urination(while guilty of the above)
some EPA laws
and a whole bunch more.

I've only been caught speeding though.

DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS DRUGS

possesion
manufacturing
distribution
trafficking

Hmm shyt i been caught forlemme think here a asec ok hers it all starting from age 8 till 3 monts ago {24 now}
Vandalism Broke 12 car windows
vandalism spray paint garbage can
Vandalism Set Transformer on fire
vandaLism set dumpster on fire
vandalism broke out shipping yard windows
vandalism broke out freinds neibor window
Age 12
Arson Set car onfire
Arson set park grass on fire
Arson set street sing on fire
possion of a knife in school
assault kid-school
Age14
Possion of controlled substace
Narcotics
Battery some freak at the Stop n Go
arson set my own car on fire in woods
Possion of Firearm w/o Permit
Age16
falure to purchase lincese Falure to register Falsifing Plates
Possison Of weed
Age 18
Grand Theft auto <found not Guilty>
Possison of explosive <TNT><Large Smoke Bomb
tresspassing x 3
Age 22 was in lock up for 9 months the good for awile
Assult
assult
battery
Pubilc intoxacation
Harrasment
Age 24
May 2002 Assualt
August Possion of Controled Explosive w/o Permit-falure to puurchase haserdous chem permit

Im a doumb fuck back then i wish i never did any of it but hell it was fun owell
Laters

actually in some states you can get the death penalty for attempted suicide

What the hell are you talking about?
Sucicide?

who thought of that? you would probably have to be in jail in the first place, right? maybe already on death row?

lets everyone quote people in every post after the second. SCORE.

Amatuers...

Lets see here: One I've been caught for: Grand Theft (see my new book: 'How To Spend Two Years Stealing Evrything Under Wal-Marts Roof', coming out next year from Random House)

Things I was never caught for (yeah, just try and prove any of these): Public Intoxication, Public Masterbastion (that is what they call peeing inpublic-done that soooo many times, can't count), Statitory (important rule when humping young girls-know the Parents), Driving while intoxicated, Illegal drug use (yeah, like I am gonna tell you what all I've done), Sodomy (still illegal in this state, no matter how much my ex-girlfriends loved it...), Oral Sex (also still illegal in my antiquated state), Vandalism, assault, frequent Jay-walking, and I have ripped all the tags from my mattresses....

now, I am sure there are plenty more (and I few including inciting riot and talking smack about the Prez-I'll just keep to myself), but hey, if you aren't doing shit illegally, then you just aren't having any fun...

by the way, I am just kidding, I never did any of that stuff...

(wink, wink, nudge, nudge....)

"Hello Mr Fucking Agent
"Now let's just See here 1)Crimes that I have Committed?"O.k One; I FUCKED YOUR WIFE
will you were Working..."O.k I fucked her 2 times up Her Asshole."You Ask Right...NOW
(2)I Cooked the Feet of 2 F.B.I Agents And 1
DEA Agent...Then when their Feet were nicely
Cooked I Put their Feet into Salt...Then I Cut of a Cord and Plug it in and Taped it to their Nut's..."They sreamed Just like the PIGS that they were...I never killed them that Way...Then I get My 2 PitBulls and bend the PIGS over a little Chair and Put some Cream on their BUTTHOLES AND MADE THE PITBULLS Fuck them UP THEIR ASSES..."After that then I put a YARDSTICK AND SEEN HOW FAR it would FIT into their ASSHOLE..."WOULD YOU BEILEVE MR F.B.I.MAN that I almost HAD THAT YARDSTICK COMING OUT OF THEIR MOUTHS..."DAM NEARLY."AFTER THAT," I HAVE A FEW BIG SPIDERS AS PETS and Sometimes I piss them OFF and Not FEED them for a FEW DAYS and ALL..."So I FEAT like getting SPORTY alittle...So I Get the Spiders alittle more Bad and THEN I Spread Eagle all 3 Agents and Taped the Spiders FOOD to THEIR NUTS and DROPPED THE LITTLE GUYS ON THEIR NUTS SO THEY can EAT..."IT WORKED out BEAUTIFULLY...IT was really NEAT to see and HEAR them SREAM like the PIGS they "WERE"...""Oh I hope that your getting this All DOWN MR F.B.I GUY..."As you Notice I did say "They WERE"...YOU See My VERY BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS The SPIDERS kept EATING away at THEIR MEAL...They all ended up Losing their NUTS and All..."I really believe that THEY died of PURE PAIN.."I'm not SURE on that..."BUT the way they were JUMPIN"AROUND AND ALL AND THEIR SREAMS GOT ME SO HARD THAT I CAM IN MY PANTS..."DAM I LOVE THEM SREAMS...I got so FUCKING HARD AND CAM IN MY PANT..."YOU KNOW MR F.B.I MAN WHY DON'T YOU and YOUR LOVELY PIG OF A WIFE CAM OVER TO CANADA SO I CAN DO IT ALL OVER."I'LL GIVE YOU MY WORD THAT I'LL FUCK YOUR WIFE OVER AND OVER AND OVER WILL YOU WATCH O.K then after I'm sick of HER then I'll Let MY 2 DOGS FUCK HER TOO as will AS YOU...And we CAN START AGAIN With the SPIDERS and All...O.K???I only have 7 of them...Thats all..."What do you Say COCKBREATH..."NOW I have to BEAT MY MEAT BECAUSE I JUST GOT A BIG HARD ON AGAIN THINKIN'About the PAST and What MAYBE a BEAUTIFUL TOMORROW WITH YOU and YOUR NUMEMBER 1 BITCH WIFE...Does your wife SICK???"DAM I"M SO HARD...I have to go Now So PLEASE tell ME how YOUR RAT WIFE likes to FUCK????PLEASEEEEEE .....I"M CAMMMIIINNNG..."Oh that was NICE...NOW FUCK OFF AND DIE MORON....."LOVE YOU>>>>>>

Renegade,-"I have been caught once by the police. For tresspassing i was only 9 so they couldnt do fuck all. However since that i have never been caught."

Gone a whole month without a bust.

Jeepers. You're on a roll, Renegade.

Tell us, Khaine: are you always so "emotional?"

Shoplifting (many counts)
vandalism ( graffit , brokien windows)
possesion of marijuna 2 ounces
selling weed
assalt
threating
varios computer crimes

Possesion: 7 grams of Marijuana
Dealing
Cultivation

and for others

Tresspassing
Petty larceny
Enbezzelment

........thats about it

quote:

---

Originally posted by TheParkinator:
I blew up our town's police car. YOU HEARD ME! ONE! UNO POLICE CAR! MY TOWN SUCKS ASSHOLE!

-TheParkinator

---

you live in Hell, Michigan? cool!
I heard about the place in a Bathroom reader...

Bullshit rating of this thread: 10 out of 10.