i phinnaly did it. i phound Sarah Mclachlan's physical home address. now i just need to get to vancouver but i dont yet have enough money. i was thinkin that i could sell what i know as sort of an ultimate stalkers guide to Sarah Mclachlan. after all, the info i have was almost impossable to obtain and well worth a menial price. ive got about 600k worth of text including full bios for some 15 different people. i could tell you what She drives and where Ashwin gets His glasses. i know how often She takes Her dog to the vet and which doctor She sees for Her midwife appointments. i could even tell you how much Her tits grew since the beginning of the pregnancy.

do you guys think i could sell such a book and make enough $ to get to vancouver. and could i sell it fast enough so that i could get there befor She knew? i figure that even if i cant sell it, i could atleast post it on the net.(assuming i dont meet with an untimely accident at the hands of Ash or some psychotic fan).........i dont know...

gimmi some ideas here.

Why do you wanna see her so bad and what do you plan on doing once you confront her?

Do what all of those pycho people do man. SHOOT HER!!!

I think you'll find that he is one of these "psycho people:"
http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum7/HTML/001086.html http://www.totse.com/bbs/Forum7/HTML/001110.html

quote:

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phracktal:
if i could get to Her, i imagine that i could convince Her that it would be within Her(and my) best interest to kill me. oh wouldnt that be a nice ending to the lovely lil story of Sarah and Her perfect "innocent" life. it would be almost as good if Ash (her husband) were to do it, but i would prefer that She did it Herself
IP: Logged

IsolatedMe:
What an odd fellow.

---

Hahaha, I just remembered I said that because I am clever.

phractal
how did you ever finalize on sarah?
let me explain what i mean...

i've always thought that i should be stalking someone. i'm a night person, i don't get along with most people or care to. reclusive, vindictive and resourceful. what starlet wouldnt want ME as a stalker??? i bet most stalkers are doing a half assed job... they put in their 20 hours of masturbating on her doorhandle and call it a day... rank disregard for the proffession, IMO.mainly, it was boredom thought brought me to the idea that i should be stalking...i took the personality profiler by k. jung and it said i am safely alienated from 99% of the population... so by all standards (at least the ones i'm using) im prime stalker guy material...
i just can't decide on who i should stalk... what is the etiquette if i start stalking somebody and then discover she's already being stalked.... that would be embarrassing... is there any protocol in place?
alsoi feel that the person i'm stalking will basically identify me as a person to others, meaning that ppl will associate me to her beliefs and values... i'm a little uncomfiortable with losing my individuality. if i stalk and then find out after months aof rooting thru her trash and living in her walls that she is not the person i thought she was and "loved" , aside from the utter betrayal would be the fact that she has been in reality dragging my name thru the mud due to the aforementioned association dilemna...
any pointers ???

hmmmm do you currently have anyone stalking you?? (just curious)

how you find a stalkee:

1. Eat until you have to poop.
2. While pooping, pick up handy magazine.
3. First picture wins your freakish love.

lmao junglist.

you there sawmangler,

i was laughin to hard to realize that you do truely have a delima there. i guess i "finalized" on Sarah because She represents all the pure things that i could never be.(though mah first chouce was Jewel) in anycase, its nothing personal with Sarah and i know better than to think that She is perfict. i did phined out some things i didnt like about Her while i was information gathering, but it wasnt worth ending mah endevor.(i spent far too much time on this to give up over something so menial)
i look at this as a very perverse experiment in social enginering with an unforseen outcome.

my advice to you would be to look at potential "stalkies" like you would look at a boigrapher. after all, your story will likely be told bah them.

quote:

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Originally posted by phracktal:
lmao junglist.

i guess i "finalized" on Sarah because She represents all the pure things that i could never be.(though mah first chouce was Jewel

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jewel???!!??? she was one of my possibles too!!! but, i dunno, her teeth are crooked and she did live in her van in san diego before she got famous... a litttle too "hip" for me... what was the deal breaker for you???

and what kinda things did you find out about sarah that you did'nt like? and since you are going through with the stalk, you are obviously looking past those things you disliked - which i take it means you have "unconditional love" for her? when did the "love/obsession" start after finalization of the "vic?" (victim)
did you pre-check her stalker status beforehand? or was it just "meant to be?"
how are you preparing yourself mentally for the obvious rocky road that lies ahead? and what about after you become introduced to or by the media??? how are you going to deal with that ?loser, pathetic psychopath stalker" stereotype??? <<<~~~~(a real big concern for me as i am extremely image conscious)

JUnGLIsT - with my luck i'd put my finger on an ad for that "TOMMY" cologne and it'd be a male model. i was kinda looking to do a heterosexual stalk, at least my first time around....
and are YOU being stalked?
what about you phractal, you never did answer??? you live in the northern hemisphere? canada or the USA? i don't have a passport... not that i'm thinkling... uh - nevermind....
oooh look time to masturbate again... lmao

ya sure do ask alot of questions in a post dont You.

lets see here. i live about 2 days drive phrom vancouver and if anyone's stalking me, its probably Her security staff or the FBI.

the "deal breaker" as you call it, was when i realized that of all the people in the world, She would be the most likely to Forgive me. after all "we are still innocent"lol

when i found out that She was pregnant, i had to rethink my approach to this whole endevor. at first, i didnt know if i could go through with it, but then i realized the fact that She contained another life inside of Her only made appear more angelic. She gives hope to Her fans and life to the innocent....cmon, it doesnt really get much better than that.
i dont know that i would say that i have unconditional love for Her. i just make exceptions for the Vertuous. admitedly, i wasnt this serious when i started this but the more i did it, the more it took over my life.

i dont think i "pre checked" Her stalker status really. i phound out in my endevor though that She had been stalked before. the precautions She took after the first stalker made it quite difficult to phined Her but i allways loved a good challenge. and yes i am trying to prepare myself mentally. im not to worried about the media though because if my calculations are right, She will have to kill me before they become an issue. they can say whatever they want once im dead. besides, ive made 2 copies of a letter and 2 tapes stating my side of the story. if anything gets mangled in the media, my phriends will set em strait.

as far as Jewell is concerned, im sure you could look past the teeth thing. the fact that She lived in a van should be of little consequence. if anything, it sais that She is humble and thats a fuckload better than the alternative. humble people are more likely to understand you.
whatever you do though, look before you leap because once you get started in this, it takes over your whole life. you become serious about things you could never have even imagined. make sure you know who you wanna persue and make sure your goal is something that you can stomach. remember that anything is possable and what starts out as a hobby, can very easily end up as a life altering event phor someone else.

happy hunting sport

phractal, thanx for taking the time to answer all or at least most of my many, many questions. curiousity is in my nature, please forgive me if i was in any way "intrusive", i just get carried away.

sounds to me like sarah couldnt ask for a better stalker than you. if i may be allowed one last question or two?
i think then my curiousity will be sated...
if not, hey i understand - you are busy i'm sure.

you realize that any rationalizations you may have in your letter and tape will almost certainly either sound twisted already or that they will be very easily manipulated and turned into something macabre and demented.
i use edgar allen poe's "the telltale heart" as an example... the main character (whom it is safe to say we all agree is obsessed and clearly 'off-centered') tries during the narrative to convice the reader of his sanity. "would an insane man be so clever as to..." and verses along similar lines only add to ones belief of his insanity.
the more you are convinced that you are right, the more you are almost certainly wrong...
(at least where rational behavior is concerned)
food for thought

while i cant say that i had previously givin it much thought, i can say that i dont suppose it should bother me. if it sounds twisted or they twist it, it still doesnt hurt my reputation any. the way i figure it, i should be so lucky as to be likened to someone like edgar alan poe.

through out history, bad guys the world over have been revered as hero's to some of our more enlightened members of society. i used to look up to people like charlie manson and john wayne gacy myself. people like to hear stories about rasputin or alister crowley etc.etc.
my point is that while not everyone out there will like the things i did, someone out there will love it.

hey, practical, I will buy your wilson combat for enough to get you to vancouver.

I thought from your other posts (and topics) that you weren't serious about it and you'd get cold feet or something. But if you try get to her, you'd be shot down by bodyguards or something and no offence, but it's a bit pointless. I've never heard of this Sarah McLachlan and it's not going to get you famous to the height of Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacy or any of those people.
In my opinion, it's a total waste of time to give your life up to some over rated, manufactured teeny-boper. The world will have forgotten about her within five years, just like the Spice Girls[tm] or any other pop band. And she's not forgiving or innocent or anything like that, that's just an image her manager, the record companies and of course, her fashion designer gave her. In most cases, these pop-idols have a far lower I.Q. than you or I and in that scenario, she would never be able to understand why you would do such a thing. She would think like most conformists (i.e. people who listen to her music) STALKER BAD. MONEY GOOD and she's part of whatever religion the country she was born in is part of.

ISOLATED ME = BAD MAN

lol rev, but im gonna need it to make sure that this adventure is not brought to a premature close by some olive fork wielding fan with a desire to protect Sarah phrom whatever sin he might think i have in mind.

and isolated, i wish you knew who She was... its hard phor me to explain the things i do sometimes, but make no mistake, i do them phor a reason. and my understanding about Sarah is not solely media based. alot of work went into my research phrom alot of different places. i know things about Her that the media would never print. still, i agree that i dont know everything i should. it doesnt matter to me that i understand every thing about Her though. i have my own impression of Her and it makes me feel good and thats all that matters. i dont need the truth. i dont seek the truth. if i bevieve that She is the person i wish to take my life, then little else is of any real consequence.

IsolatedMe: You should do like a search or something before you rattle your maraca. No offence but Sarah is one of the largest stars out there in the music world, I have no idea how many awards she has won and how many of her albums has gone metallic but I'm sure phractal could tell you.

BTW she is a middle aged woman, very mature,(I find her quite attractive) and the image her "record company" portrays(is she self produced?) is probably as genuine as it can get. She is far from some teenybopper idol.

Don't let my knowledge of her be taken as an interest in her talent or music however.

I'm curious as to how you will get her to extinguish you? We are very passivist here in Canada and a bodygaurd will restrain you but there won't be any gunshots. Hell our Prime Minister protects himself from angry crowds. E-mail me if you care to answer. I think you will need some pretty intricate plan. Heck you might even be able to just have a good conversation over starbucks and let it be at that. Where do you live that is only two hours away?

Anyhow it is good to see you have a healthy obsession. I like the reverse motive, truly amazing(you want HER to kill YOU). I like.

Jewel would be a poor choice, Some friends of mine met her before she got big and really she is an arrogant snobby bitch. Cute as a button though.

ok Tryptamine, i suppose thats a fair enough question. the way i see it, i could present it over coffee like it would be a "good idea" to kill me....or, and more realistically, i could revert back to the theory that a cornered animal will defend its self with a vehemence. when you take a look at all the variables in Her particular situation, ie. Her expected baby variables, it shouldnt be to hard to convince Her. phunny thing about motherhood, it makes killers outta Women.

and just because you brought it up, Sarah signed with Nettwerk records on 10-2-87 and Arista on 12-12-88. She still plays phor both labels.

Alright.

Oh and it's a worthy quest, true movie material(the kind I like).
I'll miss your crazy flames when you're gone.

lol

ya really think it will ever make it to the big screen? lol

well, ill miss flaming all the lil wannabe psychos im sure.

ya wanna know something phunny, it was the city of vancouver that led me to Her.

thats what canada gets phor mantin to be on the forefront of the techno world. i wonder if She will try to sue em.....nah. thats the american thing to do, not the canadian.

oh well lol

oh ya btw, im 2 "days" away...not two hours.

[This message has been edited by phracktal (edited 01-27-2002).]

quote:

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Originally posted by eth0:
Did this idea come to you in a big flash of brilliance?

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dood, did you even read the thread?? brilliance???
how about scariness, or spookiness, or freakishness, or....ah fuck it.

watch it be some fat chick thats also named Sarah Mclachlan...

Don't listen to tryptamine, he's just a cop!
Are you going to tell her that you were stalking her as well as making her think that it's in her and your best interest for her to kill you? Or just make her kill you without telling her that you were stalking her.
I still think it's a bad idea, existance is all that matters. If she doesn't kill you, what are you going to do? Go home? Kill yourself? Kill her?

But if you are going to go through with it, mention me on that video you said that you'd make, explaining your actions!

yes jung it's all those things and so much more...
and damned if it isnt the most fascinating and suspenceful thread in any of these forums...
i have to say i'm gonna miss him too...
ah shit - time to masturbate again, gotta get in shape... lmmfao

quote:

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But if you are going to go through with it, mention me on that video you said that you'd make, explaining your actions![/B]

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oooh yeah and me too??? i was there at the end you know... or i will be, well in spirit (ah who am i kidding... oh shit, look at the time! i falling behind now!!! gotta go)

IsolatedMe: I'm truly offended! I'm a university student, a chainsaw operator, and a chemist(legal only) (I'm even distilling d-Limonene right now)
I do like your statement about existance being the only thing that matters, I however believe that it is experience(good and bad), existance is therefore required.

I'm kinda thinking of some wicked movie Catch 22 way you can get her to off you. Set it up so she has to, like in Seven except without all the psycho shit. Like make her so mad she does it accidentally without thought, or have a setup so she does it out of carelessness.

Good luck

i dont realistically think that tryptamine is a cop.(not that it would bother me if he was.)and yes, i do want Her to know.(not that She doenst allready)

ive been noticing wierd things happening with mah computer over the las few days. when ever i run a tracerout, i phined that im accessing hops that i never used to. hops in odd places no less. i dont know if its in anyway related but i wouldnt be supprised if it were.
in any event, i dont want Sara to do it on accident. if it were an accident, or something done without thought, it would be missing the goal of this whole excercise. this is phor my own forgiveness and anything less would be a waste.
and dont worry about your names. ive made it a point to mention TOTSE in my letters. someone will come here and phined you all bullshitting about it. you might even obtain instant phame phor you efforts to stop me.
phor those of you who admire what im doing, well, youll get some kind of phame anyway..lol

I seriously think it's a bad idea[tm!] to mention &totse in your letters because you could get it in trouble (just like that kid who blew his leg off), like if you were going to say "thank you to totse for it's help", instead of that you should say "thank you to IsolatedMe, tryptamine, Sawmangler and Dark_Magneto on the &TOTSE BBS for their help" because then we will be the ones mentioned and the idea of getting rid of Bad Ideas or &TOTSE would be illogical.

[This message has been edited by IsolatedMe (edited 01-19-2002).]

Sawmangler: If Phracktal goes through with his plan successfully and the police or news reporters find this topic (I know the site is monitored but they mightn't have read this topic), you're going to get monitored too because they'll be retarded and think "look at the questions he's asking, he's the next Phracktal. Let's arrest him and take him to an institute for the criminally insane and force-feed him so much drugs that even the outside world looks great."

Hey if this is on the news, I'd better say something worth while.
Two joints of marijuana has the same effects as one pint of beer.

...and that's why I don't in drink. Police have bad taste in underwear and curtins.

I'm going to bed, good night.
(P.S. Police men are cool!)

Fucking shit, he's really gonna try to get himself killed?

Phrac man, me and you have gotten along pretty good in the forums, I have supported you in the past when people tried to scrutinize on your individuality and way you express yourself when you type your posts.

And although I don't know you IRL, I'm about to lay the smackdown on whats gonna happen when this resolves if you are successful.

Whats gonna happen is either someone else will kill you or she will kill you out of self-defence, its gonna be a small-assed article in the newspaper along with such-and-such famous actors birthday and "Today in History", its gonna be something unrelated, don't expect to make front-page cause' its never going to happen. Your going to have no more distinction than the daily jumble.

You will be long forgotten and anything you hoped to accomplish will fade away such as your life will. You told me you carry a gun everywhere you go, even if it is just to the can, and yet you care nothing about your own life.

Now I don't want to come off as preachy, but don't do something that you might later regret. You could be looking back on this a year from now and be like "Wtf was I thinking."

Like those people that go and get vulgar shit tatooed over their bodies like a giant swastika and then they marry and have kids. What idea do you posess in your head over influencing someone other than you that has precedence over yourself?

Lemme give you a run-down on what it's like to be dead since people tend to be dead alot longer than their alive. You had better realize what you are doing before your do it, your throwing everything away to ultimately accomplish next-to-nothing.

Your buddies are gonna go out and still have their fun, fuck hot women, drive fast cars, and eat good food while you are a festering corpse in the ground, sounds like a raw deal to me. Once you do this that is it, its over, lights out for you, its not open to debate, theres no negotiating it, you are just gone.

The media is going to twist and bastardize anything that was your goal and your just gonna be like those people you read in the newspaper that you get a kick out of when they blow their heads off while fucking their dead wife with a slit throat in the ass.

Shit like that happens all the time and everyday, your about to become a statistic and all your gonna do is make another Phractical like you go "Lol, hey look, this tiny assed article, almost missed it. Stalker was going after this celebrity, dumb bastard got himself killed. Hahah!"

If your intent on doing it and theres no way I can talk you or you reason yourself out of it then so be it. Hope you didn't grow too fond of anything here because thats about to be taken away.

This reminds me of a Magic Card quote "Give everything so others can have nothing" but in this case the only one that will end up with nothing is you.

If your gonna do it then give a good friend the keys to your house and tell him he can have all your shit and drop me an email of what your letters you wrote are so's I can set the stort straight.

I want to know what in your mind is posessing you to do this because even though I am a free thinker, and I can rationalize on several different levels and see where someone is coming from and their reason, their logic for doing something even though noone else can, I just don't see what there is to gain here.

I have learned many things in this lifetime, one of them being to stick around as long as I can to maximize the experience. If you were terminally ill then I could see why you would do it. I wouldn't approve of it, but I could still emulate that logic in my mind.

The most dangerous type of person to phuck with is the one that has nothing to lose and everything to gain, this scenario seems to be the exact opposite. Is your life so bad to the point where you cannot go on any longer and must do a suicide run? I can tell you right now that it would take a hell of alot to be any worse than mine has been.

Hell, its a miracle that I even have the internet access to tell you this right now, but out of all the shit I have been through, when I could have always taken the path of least resistance, I rode that shit out. and you know what? Had I given into my ambitions and tendencies back then I would have severely regretted it now, and I am only 19, still have alot to look forward to.

So in conclusion, you had better look down deep and see if this is something you truly must do. Fuck that whole tough guy act, you need to feel youself and feel it well, if you are forcing your own hand then it is not meant to be, you don't want to do it. If you are hell-bent on doing this then hell, I can't stop you. Via con dios, wish you the best, and hope you had a good run.

When looking back on your life from an earlier perspective, did you see yourself going out as some crazed fanatic on a suicide mission or a man of accomplishment?

-Dark_Magneto

After reading the ongoing saga of you stalking her, I gotta read what you wrote. Hey send me that 600k doc on Sarah. E-mail Me a copy if you would. Thanks
-Big Rico

Here, murders get on the front page of newspapers but if it's just going to be in a small column in the middle of the newspaper, nobody would notice if he didn't do it. I mean, he can just say on the board: "this will be my last post" and then create a new account. Then everybody's saying that there used to be this guy on &TOTSE called "phracktal" and he got killed by Sarah Mclachlan. But really PinosElHardo1234 is Phracktal and nobody knows.

........ . . . . . . sigh*

this is not up phor debate nor will anyone's advice alter my goal.(with exception to maybe Sarah's)

every day i wake up to a new nightmare and all i can think to do about it is to go vancouver to get it over with. its hard to eat, its hard to think, its like two people are pulling at me. its not about the headlines. its about being able to feel good again. its about being set free by Someone who has brought me comfort in the past... Someone truely angelic and Someone who just might understand....if She doesnt understand, well, i guess thats a horse of a different color. i dont suppose ill care much when im dead.

this topic started in a very stupid way and phor that, i appologize. i just wanted Her to know that i had phound Her and that i was on my way to see Her soon.(and i know that She is aware of this board)

i am not gonna give out the information that i phound to people i dont know. other people who might be in a similar boat as i should be smart enough to do their own research. i apreciate all the input but i now have work to do.

Well ok, now that we have established that there is nothing we can do to dissuede you then we can move on.

I hate to take up your valuable time, what, seeing as if this goes off as planned then your days are numbered, but I really want to know why you are doing this.

What is causing you to feel like this? What I am interpreting this as, is there is something(s) unrelated to her that have caused you to go through alot of pain in your life and you want to be released by someone that possesses qualities that would aid you in your endeavor.

Originally I thought you just flipped through the celebrity phone book and picked someone at random to do you in, so I am taking this as that for some reason or another you no longer wish to live.

I'm not a professional psychoanalyst and I haven't taken psychology, but I would really like to get your life story. Why you are doing this, your motive, to get in your mind and see the world through your eyes so I may better understand how you feel, your reason for doing this, and how you think.

You have already made up your mind and said that theres nothing we can do to change that, and I respect that decision. You appear to be doing this for personal reasons and not to become infamous in death as I originally thought.

Your motives are shrouded in a cloak of mystery and confusion, please help not just me, but the others here that are interested in this get the true meaning so we can relate to you and emulate your logic, and thus better understand why you must do this in order to obtain the peace you so ferverently search for.

The Dark Lord of Magnetism,
Dark_Magneto

-I have witnessed the weeping of Gods,
the souls of my brethren pass gently beneath my wings,
each battle I survive brings only sadness,
I am the Mutalisk .


[This message has been edited by Dark_Magneto (edited 01-20-2002).]

ya wanna know mah life story huh....sure, what harm could it do.

lets see here, where to begin. i was born on a cold day in late october. the doctor and my father sat on the end of the bed watching the CU MU game while my mother was in hard labor. CU won (not that it matters) and they finally decided to help bring me into this world.(little did they know that i would turn out like this.)
i was a basically happy child i think. my family was into the god thing at the tyme, but that wore off when i was about 9. oh ya, my entire family is nudest, if its of any particular sugnificance. i saw alot of things a child shouldnt see but it happens. right? i was never sexually abused as a child(at least not to my knowladge) but when it came to layin down the laws(of which there were many) my dad would beat the holy livin phuck outta me and mah syblings. blood and bruises were nothing i wasnt used to. i had more marks at the age of 8 than most experienced BD/sMers. i cant say as it was all bad though. i mean i learned alot. i get along with my father now though he still sais some really stupid shit. i know that the things he did, while way outta line, were because he didnt know any better. he loves me and i respect that he made his mistakes and can phinally admit to them. he knows it and thats all that matters.

my mother, god bless her soul, hates my father. they are still together after almost 30 years. she keeps telling him that she's gonna leave him but she never does. i love watching em bicker. they used to fight when i was a kid but she allways won. if i could ever think of anything about my mom that i didnt like, it would have been how she used to turn a blind eye to how my father used to beat us.
i love both of my parrents and we have a good relationship between us.
i have a younger brother that i get along with ok i guess. i rarely see him anymore but when i do, we go out phor a few drinks and talk about all the nasty things we used to do as children.(i still laugh every time i remember putting play ground gravel down his diaper.)
i have an older sister who is completely insane and i rarely talk about her because its somewhat embarrasing. she has some serious mental illness and she thinks shes phrom some other planet.(im serious) my parrents tell me though that shes getting better though. a few years back, she picked up my niece phrom day care and dissapeared. my parrents freaked out because she didnt have the resourses to take care of her. the hired a private investigator to phined her but he turned up shit.they then turned to me and i phound her in a few days.(she was living under and inside a brige downtown) social services took care of the rest and now my niece is living safe with mah parrents.

i just realized that this might be boring. i will write no more unless again requested. i just dont wanna use up all of totse phor mah life story......i will if asked i guess as i dont wish to send every one E-mails...

what do ya say, keep going or ney?

Please keep going,I'm very interested, in fact I would go out of my way to meet you if ever possible.

I enjoy the fact that there is such a large number of people on this planet that there is an fascinating and beautiful variety of behavior out there. I believe in letting things go there own way, (too bad there are so many lawful scardycats out there)

Phracktal, you exhibit an extreme uniqueness, that falls outside of societies' norm. This I like, I find it interesting(not appalling like Dark Magneto Does). However I am as he is interested in the psychological and neurological root of behaviors normal and abnormal.

Magneto you focus to much on logic. Human nature spawns illogical stuff.
Sounds like you've been to some pretty dark places too.

Later guys.

hey phracktal, i know i'm only a newcomer to this forum (i still don't know how i found it or why...) but i'd like to hear the rest of your story as well...i guess if things work out the way you want them too - well this could be like you're eulogy.. i agree with tryptamine, i would go out of my way to meet you too... you have a fascinating mind and your thought process is not run of the mill either... i find i want to know stupid little details about you and you're childhood... so far it seems a very accurate reflection of my own... except that mine grows increasingly worse almost exponentially... and it hasn't stopped yet, in fact i think it's picking up speed... i havent decided to die just yet, well not by my own hand or the manipulation of anothers' . i'm not judging you in fact i rather admire/envy you for having such focus and the strength of your convictions... i am realistically waiting for a meteor or astroid to collide with the earth and destroy everything. (it's not that much of a long shot) and if not a meteor, doesnt the incan calender stop at 2012 and the mayan stop at 2011? although i really don't think i'll make it that far....
whoa^^^ sorry about the tangent...
at least let us know who YOU are and tell your story... IMO- i think thats what is meant by "eternal life"...

ok...keep going it is then.

school was for me, likely similar to the way we all remember it.(as if to imply that it sucked)my family lived in a trailer park like 2 miles phrom the school and we always had to walk. it wasnt bad until the winters hit. oh how i loved the spring though...i can still remember the way spring smelled. the trees were so green and when it would rain in the morning, we would splash each other in the puddles. we used to have to walk through this really nice neighborhood on our way to school and everything was so calm. my father though, being the workaholic that he was, finally started making alot of money and decided to buy a new house in the still developing part of town. i was in the third grade when i first discovered the discomfort of loosing all of ones friends.

when i started at my new school, i realized that making new friends would prove even more difficult than keeping my old ones. these kids were evil. they all came phrom upper middle class families and were spoiled rotten. they didnt seem to jive with the fact that most all my clothes still came phrom the thrift store. i made a few friends but most of the kids just seemed out of my reach. the friends i did make were all misfits and had come phrom equally diverse suroundings. some were abused and others neglected but we all got along like one big happy disfunctional family.

i did my fair share of getting in trouble in school but no more than anyone else. i wasnt an evil child, and at that point, i wished no harm on anyone. even the annoying kids could come to me phor conversation if they so needed. i was becoming a sort of leader and soon, kids would start comming to me when ever things started to suck phor them....i soon became so engrosed with hearing about other peoples lives that my grades were starting to suffer. all i heard, all day long, were stories of how these kids were being mistreated or misled. it became like one big interactive soap opera where i was both the viewer and the little voice on their sholder. i would tell them things to make them feel better about their disposition but usually, it was by knocking their family or whatever was makin em feel bad. i would often show em, by the bruises on mah back, that they were lucky and that things could be worse....in retrospect, just talking about all of this is bringing back some unpleasant emotions...

more later

ok then...i dont know where to go phrom here...any sugestions? anything i could explain? im experiencing writers cube(or block as its more commonly refered to as) what do you wanna know?

Wow This is very interesting,I don't want to pry for more especially if it gives you bad memories. Well what kind of good/happy experiences have you had in your life? What knind of relationship have you had with women? What kind of grades did you get in school?

It sucks that there are so many people with painful childhoods(not saying that mine was tops but)

Later.

happy experiences huh...well lets see here.

i remember there was this girl named heidi that i used to hang around with befor my family moved. she was one of my babysitter's daughters. we used to walk to school together in the mornings in like the first grade. i remember one morning, on our way to school, we took a different rout than usuall. we walked and laughed all the way till we realized that we were lost. we were only about a quarter mile away from school but we didnt know it. somehow, we knew that everything was gonna be ok so we didnt worry about finding our way back. we had probably been wandering for 2 hours when we got the idea to pet these dogs in this persons back yard. they were big black and brown shepards and they seemed happy enough to see us so we went up to the gate and heidi reached for the handle.....
im not going to describe what it felt like getting trampled by the dogs nor am i gonna go into great detail about the blood running down my face. instead, i would like to jump to the part of the story where we ended up finding the school. we had both been mauled and scared shitless by the dogs and when their owner heard the racket, and came to our rescue, we ran like hell. we ran faster than we had ever run in our lives. suddenly, up ahead, we saw the school.
it wasn't as nice a sight as i thought it would have been. i mean ya, i was happy to see it, but i knew that i would probably end up getting sent home phrom the nurses office and eventually, beaten within an inch of my life. i was so scared that i had all but forgotten the dogs. sure enough, my mom had to come down to the school to look me over to see if she wanted to take me home to tend to me. heidi was in the office with me and it turned out that her mom had asked my mom to pick us both up. when we got out side, on our way to the car,(a shitty blue AMC Matador) my mom turned to me and gave me the biggest, most unexpected hug...i didnt know how to feel. she was so happy that i was allright that she didnt care about the dogs or the fact that we didnt try to phined the school. it was unconditional forgiveness fueled by her concern and love phor for me.
she never did tell my father exactly what had happened. she just said that i got attacked by a dog and left it at that. that day, though somewhat scary, was one of the best days of my life because i found out how much my mother loved me.....

i have since had many good days but the only other one that really holds much sugnificance is the day my son was born. but im not going to get into that untill later.

to answere some of your questions tryptamine,
i got great grades untill we moved in the third grade. after that, my school performance dropped like a rock. i was not at all popular untill i got to high school where i was the embodyment or rebelion. there i mostly skipped school and tripped my balls off. i had a few girls that i liked but i was to odd phor them. i ended up trying to kill myself over one of them but it was to no avail.(i drank some insecticide but all it did was slow me down) i spent some time in the phunny pharm where i met with all kinds of fuck-ups.(eventually i would end up spending alot more time there)

in the 10th grade, i got kicked outta school and had to go to an alternative school. by this point, i had become an evil child bent on killing anything and everything in my path. i dont know how i got this way but it happened over the course of years. eventually, i dropped outta school completely and became something of a myth. its hard to explain but at some point i had become an icon to disturbed kids all over the district. i think it had something to do with my vehemence about injustices that we all had to deal with. i would fight anything i didnt agree with to the point of makin a martyr outta mahself.

this is getting hard to explain...anyway, waves make popularity.

ill get into the girls later

You are a Father? That was unexpected to say the least.

later

ok lets see here. where was i? oh ya, girls.

i first started out like most of us did.(new and somewhat unsure)my first real relationship was with a girl named vicky and while she was older than i, she was alot less responsible. we were together phor about 4 months befor i found out that she was cheating on me with some suberban goat roper piece of shit. she begged be to let her come back and i blew her off(for about a year) my next was named ann and she was also older than i. she was a wild raver type girl whose only desire was to phuck while tripping.(it was a phun time)we were together phor about 3 months. after that, i kinda screwed around phor about a year with various girls befor i met my soon to be ex-wife.(realistically, we had known eachother phor a few years but never thought about doing anything) i thought she and i were almost perfect phor each other.(god was i dumb) she was one of those "only happy when it rains" kinda girls and i was all about makin rain. she had been in some bad relationships prevoiusly and i was like a big angry bandaid. i would make her feel better by makin the other guys feel bad.(as if to imply that i did bad things to them) eventually though, and over the course of a few years, she became almost normal while i stayed malevolent. she wanted the white picket fence but all i could think about was the size of the arsenal we should have. basically, she grew up and i didnt.
one day, in the middle of one of my weekend benders, in interesting thing occured. me and a few buddies were in the garrage drinking when she came in and asked brian, a mutual phriend, to come in and look at something. i didnt think much about it untill he came out with a blank stare on his face. i asked what was going on and she brought me into the kitchen. from behind her back she pulled out a pregnancy test.(she used to test herself like it was a hobby)when she held it out, she said "look, 2 lines" and then proceeded to ramble on phor 10 minutes about all the things she had planned out for our new babies life. i simply, calmy, said "im gonna go phreak out now" and headed out of the house to my car. (god i miss that car)...so 250 miles later and after almost killing myself, brian, my cousin, and a dozen moterists, i had calmed down. i went back to the house where i buckled in for 9 months of hell.
there were so so many things we fought about. not the least of which, how we were gonna bring our child up. i wanted him to be strong while she wanted him to be sensitive. somehow it never crossed our minds that he could be both.....i dont know what write...
i guess ill jump to the part when he was born.
my boy was delivered into this world on october 4th,1997 and it was bar none, the happiest day of my life. everything made sence for that one moment in time. its like the world stopped and everything was going to turn out just the way it should...

i dont wanna talk about what all happened after that just yet

i just wanna remember that for a few if you dont mind.

Yeah I do focus alot on logic as tryptamine said, I just find shit everyday that makes me think more and more about using a plethora of logic when making decisions. The only time I can't focus on logic is when I am mad, its like the difference between Bruce Banner and the Hulk.

Started going to alternative school at grade 10 eh? Heh, thats exactly when I started too, I could not put up with the fucked-up fascist dictators of the school that have contradicting rules/regulations so I left to pursue my education by alternative means.

I was like an icon to the people at the High School because everyone thought me highly intellegent and they saw how the public education system was fucking me for being a transfer student from another state. I influenced rougly 10% of the high school to go to the alternative school and they all graduated early or on time when they normally wouldn't have.

Needless to say, so far I have stuck with it, I was supposed to graduate in 2000, now I have 1 credit of Geometry to obtain until I graduate. I dunno what I'm gonna do after that though, probably work for a year or so and get me a car then try to scrape together some cash, take those standardized tests, and see if I can get admitted to a college.

I know where you are comin' from on the childhood part, mine wasn't a happy one at all, immense poverty, never knowing who my dad was, D.E.A. and S.W.A.T. team drug busts when I was 6 and living with my Aunt because of her heroin dealership with the Columbian drug cartels that ended in one hell of a bloody spectacle like out of some damn movie, and several other undesireables to say the least so I can relate to some of the stuff you have been through.

Well thats enough about me, the audience awaits your next post.

it seems to be my turn now...

how old are you (roughly) i don't need exact numbers approximations are fine. i think we're, tryp, dark and myself, are trying to paint a mental picture of you. (at least i can say i am) you might be a 4oish bored housewife married to a dentist and this post could be worth a shit and we all got sucked in... but as tryp said this is all very interesting and compelling, a rare thing to be able to exaMINE THE MIND OF SOMEONE ABOUT TO TAKE SUCH DRAMATIC STEPS ANd explore in depth his own mortality... this post is all bullshit? maybe... - if not, then i feel priveledged and fortunate...
what was it about tenth grade???? wtf? that's when i left school too... i was definately NOT popular tho... tryp you seem to be doing "ok" for the most part and you havent piped in your 2 cents worth of a lousy childhood which tells me that you arent reliving or remembering and commiserating like dark and i... am i somewhat correct?
it's a very elite club that no-one wants to be a member of... phractal excuse my audacity but i'm going to draw parrralels on your life and mine (yours too dark) until i see that i'm way off base...
were you thought of as very mature when you were younger? have you noticed you don't hear it anymore or lately? meaning that you skipped the child part of childhood and went into self preservation mode...
what i'm trying to say is that i think as you've already mentioned, is that we aRe stunted in our emotional developement and our abilities to have a successful relationship and our ability to deal with emotions , especially our own, unless its anger or hatred...
have you made any of these observations? have you looked into the abyss? <(looked into your self) did you see your shadow... lol (sorry, i had to lighten up...)
would you be willing to take the "personality" test i mentioned in my first or second post if i can find the link to it?(its safe and anonymous and it's by karl jung -the other side of the psychology coin) before you go about your "business"?
i just wanna see if we all share certain traits... that goes for you guys tooo and isolated me as well (pretty much everybody but jamirquoi(sp?) lmao...
i have a son too btw.... born october 10 1989. we ever procreate around the same time...(i was born nov. 1 - scorpio) not that it means anything...

[This message has been edited by sawmangler (edited 01-22-2002).]

That's one interesting life. What's your son's name?

if anybody is interested - here is the link to the personality profile by carl jung i mentioned...
it is the most widely accepted "test" used today...
you might gain a little insight into who you are tho, and then you might start thinking outside of the box... so be careful!!!
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

[This message has been edited by sawmangler (edited 01-22-2002).]

This is my 100th post, oh yeah.

I kinda think I know what you mean with that self-preservation mode, my childhood seems like it lasted 8 years and then whammo, here I am. I started thinking on a serious level at around 10 and I haven't been the same since.

I was far from popular when I went to the High School, I just appealed to certain people that were usually not too popular themselves.

People used to always fuck with me because I was poor or what have you and I just got tired of taking their shit one day and started cramming niggas into lockers that wanted to say somethin' smart. After that I gained a sort of "respect" but I still wasn't "popular", just well known. If anything it caused people to avoid me.

here we go.

my sons name is Donovan, and had he been born when he should have been, he would have been a scorpio like his daddy. as for my age, im ruffly 164 in dog years.(hows that for approximates) and oh how i wish i was just some bored 40ish house wife with nothing better to do than post on totse. it least at that point, i wouldn't pheel like i do. make no mistake, this is as real is it gets.
as for my childhood, yes i had to grow up fast. so fast infact that i missed out on some of the things that i think children need to experience befor they can be whole.
i phind that the things i desire are very immature on some level though i refuse to quit lookin phor them. its like i wont give up until i feel like ive reclaimed the parts of my childhood that were neglected. i dont know when i went into "preservation" mode exactly but it didnt happen over nite. presently, im invested in an indevor to shed that mode along with all the other modes that have brought myself and others pain.(this Sarah thing is quite the opposite of self preservation) i think that this is about so much more than simply not wanting to live though. its about forgiveness. its about ultimate forgiveness for my wrongs administered by the one Person i feel is vertous enough to make me feel calm while She's sending me on my way. i dont believe in heaven or hell nor do i addhear to most people's concept of a god. i figure that taking away the pain is as good a show of forgiveness as one could administer.

did i miss anything?

Yeah, what things have you done in your life that you really need forgiveness for? It sounds like they are really preying on your conscious.

No but your reatarded for fucking around so much in your life. that guy Daedalas forgot to change my password so i guess i can keep on posting im at my freinds house right now and i changed my email again that Daedalas fuck keeps on finding it out and sending me viruses.

I thought any person with maybe the I.Q of a retarded person would have got the point by now I have already told everybody your name even where you live are you stupid? Do you want to die?

Plus its no challenge for me to find out anything else of intrest but just to prove a point:

you were born in the royal childrens hospital in melbourne at 9:38am on 29/7/1986

are you done fucking around yet because i am chasing people like you around a bulletin board for one reason; and thats to make you stop any internet activity what so ever is that so bad. I harte to do this to your friends computer but that last message you sent was a mistake so now i have to send a virus to rachels106@hotmail.com as well as your other two or three accounts. As much as i would like to keep my abilitys a secret to the local aurthoritys for reasons of my own. I appoligise to everybody on this board except for Hiroshima who is now gone for good.

Times up Hiro lets make sure you never annoy anybody again

ive done many bad things, from the lightest offence to the worst. but the big thing right now is about how i feel. i want forgiveness for the things i havent done yet. the things i feel.....

i want Her to tell me that no matter what i do, or what i sometimes feel i want to do, that its all ok and that everything will be allright. i want to pheel safe and loved by someone that, while they dont know me, could never hate me.
i know it sounds odd and maybe even like an unknowable idea, but we sometimes want the unknowable.

so anyway, i got to thinkin tonight at coffee about other ways i could go about this. it was a far off concept i know, but i thought that i might be able to be killed without being killed. maybe She could phined a way to kill that part of me which needs to die...maybe She could kill that other me that wants to be released. maybe im just lookin phor some other way because im scared to scar something so beautiful....

maybe im just scared.... . . . . .

ouch....that revelation didnt pheel like rolling around in boobies.(as if to imply that it wasnt a nice revelation) i think i need to slap mahself.

never mind. She definately needs to kill me.

There are many possible outcomes:
1. You go to her and for some strange reason she does accept to kill you or you kill yourself in front of her then she would go to prison and I don't think you would like to be remembered as the man who ruined her life would you.
2. You don't do anything and you get over a serious issue and live a long and forfilling life.
3. Or you can give up now decide that you have failed in life when realy you have only failed in some things in the past but its to late now because you have already thought about it and you can take the easy way out of here.
?. What ever you decide...........

none of those 3 outcomes will apply to the reality of this situation. you have my word on that one.

I can see were your coming from now, but i still think your quitting out, suicide is for quitters wether its by your hand or someone elses.
You cant have that much love for this girl, cos your about to fuck up her life.
If all you want is unconditional love, make some serious figures, and marry a third world girl, she'll love you forever.

Until you put your past behind you, bad things will always follow you. Trust me thats from personal experience, I had a bad child hood as well, infact probably harder than yours, but that dont matter (whole different story).

Noone's safe and it'l never be alright, but you really want to be remembered by your son as a coward who couldnt be a man about life, and didnt have the balls to even kill himself, he had to destroy someone elses life by forcing them to do it.

If you got nothing else to live for dont you think you owe it your son, you bring him into a shit world and then leave him to fend for himself.
Im sorry but i got no respect for you as a human, as a man or as a father.

Some have it easy, some dont, its the bitches who take the easy way out.

Daedalas, why did you do that to Hiroshima, are you some kind of fascist neo-nazi or something? I came to this bbs because you can say what you like and people won't know who you are in real life so if they have a different opinion, they'll be forced to argue instead of using violence. But you got Hiroshima's e-mail address (from his profile) and sent him a trojan and thought "I'm the kewl 1337 h@X0R!!1"

You're the faggot of faggots.

Phracktal: If you want to only kill the bad side of you, see a psychiatrist. They will help you and you won't get her sent to jail, nor (if you survive) will you get arrested for stalking. If I wanted to kill myself, I would not phase out any thoughts of why I should live. Also, you have a son and you can get your problem fixed, so there shouldn't be a need to wreck the lives of Sarah and your son. (Marijuana will also help you!)

Actually come to think of it, resorting to drugs is much better than resorting to death. Anyway if I were ever to kill myself, I'd die of over-sexual stimulation...

Isolated: Ihear you on that last one, I don't think it's possible unfortunaetly. Though MJ might help it's just a way to numb stuff out.

Well phracktal, buddy, um The way I see it is that fufilling this need doesn't neccisarilly need to end your life, but just apart of it. I really understood your thinking for a while there in that post above, but then you changed your mind. Really it doesn't mean that some fear of death is forcing you follow a different route to your salvation. I think you have no fear and you need to prove you don't, plus death is so comforting in it's nothingness, like a warm blanket of numb. I've wanted to take the step myself on many occasions.

So I'm not trying to discourage you from your noble quest I'd just like to propose that your thought of an alternate salvation has some validity, and you must admit more of a challenge. Get her to kill a part of you, you know which part I'm talking about.

It's way easier to kill a whole person than a part of one.


[This message has been edited by tryptamine (edited 01-23-2002).]

I'll also give you all some insight into my young life:

I was never abused, or tormented by my parents. We were very poor and my parents split up when I was five. Oh did I mention that whem My mom found out she was pregnant with me she Yelled "OH SHIT!!"

So my mom re married and I went to live in a remote boondock, no friends 'cept at school, and I never really did fit in. Somehow my social skills were blunted (I'm playing catch up right now) In an elementary school so far out of town it was surrounded by forest on three sides I had clashes with authority on a daily basis over stupid shit, I got bullied by groups of older kids, though I was a big kid and not funny looking or anything, I did get my own back when I got one or two of the bastards alone. I also had several revelations on thought processes. I learned fast, Math was my strong point, several grades ahead but they don't believe in acceleration here. Ha I despise math now.

I guess since then I've always done things deliberately differently than other people do them. If I can help it I always challenge popular thought. Gets me into sooo much trouble but, I can't help it at all anymore, It still gives me an edge alot of the time.

So my family got more affluent as my stepfather gained rank in the company he worked for. He is now an exec and makes a hefty six figures. But that aside, when i was ten my parents had two children, a boy and a girl, my lovely little brother and sister. I didn't know it then but that is when I stopped having parents. Well I still had a father but he had his balls cut off by his new wife, and I never see him. Since then I've disowned my biological father over him having some fucked up hippocritical views of me(thinks I'm some sorta cokehead, yet I've only touched coke once) unlike his alcoholic sitting in jail days for DUI and punching out cops.

So yeah when my friends get groceries bought for them cause they are starving students, I go over to my 'rents house to do whatever and I expect a bill in the mail the next week. And my little sibs are turning out to be useless little spoilt brats but I'll still love them. So basically I've had sort of an emotional isolation from my parents 'cause they really are quite selfish. I was fucked up one way now I get to see how my little brother fairs as a spoiled brat that can't do anything for himself.

Well I'm over all that, and I'm very gratefull for the lot in life I do have. My regards to the many out there that have had it much worse, yes you that are thinking: "what the fuck are you complaining about?"



[This message has been edited by tryptamine (edited 01-23-2002).]

"Noone's safe and it'l never be alright"

Tanna, i think i just found my next tattoo...
thanx for having the balls to say what we were all taught not to say or think...
i've been saying a variation of that for a long while now... it's only recently that i am finding out what it REALLY means...

Tryptamine, i know that you are still in school (high school?) so you're pretty young (i'm in my 30's) but i would cross the street to shake your hand as well... you are very well spoken, articulate and most importantly you seem genuine... you are ahead of the game in a lot of ways (more than the masses) you are in an enviable position... don't let your head get in the way and you'll do alright... don't ask me what i'm trying to say, just credit where it's due i guess...

Phractal, ever hear of a metaphysical healing principal that the body renews its self like every month or so???
we are not the same physical being we were last month, last night or at last call (we all got better looking for a few minutes)...
just like your skin cells slough off constantly and your fingernails grow, the same thing is happening in every part of your body. every cell is replaced (every 6 mos? somebody has to know in here..) (i believe that includes brains cells as well as liver and kidney)
just think about that for a minute... every cell in your body is no more than 6 months old.. (give or take)you are living and dieing every day. it has been used by many as a tool for ridding theemselves of disease ( cancer most commonly) this is a radical new tratment that is mocked or frowned upon because it's new age or some shit... it's nothing but the truth and people can't accept it... youwant to kill a part of yourself? now you're talking! it can be done look in the mirror and look at all the parts of yourself have already died... be sure to look closely at the ones you yourself have killed... i know you see them - i see them in my mirror too just as it is possible to rid a cancer from our body when "modern medicine" labels us "terminal", just as it is possible for parts of us (good and bad) to be killed by our own hand or someone elses - so too is it possible that we can create life in a part of us that has a "vacancy". it's not bullshit, it may be the only thing that has kept me on this side of the taffeta... i'm not kidding
it' would probably be easier to get "Her" to off the entire you, than it will be for you to muster enough together for an addition to your "self" but i and obviously many others see something good and decent (as well as a cut-up) in you that will also be terminated along with the diseased ( dis - eased) part...why buy a new car if all you've got is a flat tire?
this has been too wierd for me... i've said too much and have exposed myself to a lot more people (actually 1 person was almost the record but i didnt go through with it) than i feel comfortable with, but FUCK IT i didnt want you to be the only one staring at the "submit reply" button...
it just occurred to me... what youre doing... the expression "the operation was a success, but the patient died"? that is you my friend...
imagine that me in the role of what?.... optimist? spreader of good cheer? its a role in which i do not often find myself and now i have some serious questions regarding my own ideology... im not blowing smoke and im not a hypocrate... sleep on it...although it has been a number of years and i still find my self trying to fully grasp the concept of being new, too much old negativity from the days when...

"No one's safe and it'll never be all right"

i'll edit the above post and make it readable , just not tonight... sorry if its hard to understand,, i was trying to keep up with the thought process...

I understood that post just fine. "Noones safe and it'll never be alright" reveals the harsh nature of the world we live on that we try to hide from our children as long as we can while facing the realization of it ourselves.

I remember back when I was still very young and I found out the world wasn't fair, it felt like I had been living in this near perfect environment and then all of the sudden I was a thousand miles from nowhere out on the harsh tundra. The rug got pulled out from under me one might say.

"Hath no ilusions, about free will."

What I think Phrac should do is try starting anew and putting whatever happened in the past behind, If it doesn't work then hell, at least you tried. You tried for yourself and you tried for your son, but if you just go and rush it and get it over with then your not really trying to work things out.

Its your life and you can do whatever you want with it, and as much as I wish I could control peoples bad decisions (everyone would thank me for saving them costly mistakes) I can't so the only thing I can do is give some advide and let them take it from there.

Don't forget about your son that you brought into this world, originally you did not intend to have him but you did and I would assume that you love your son and would want the best for him. The best thing a father can do for his son is be there for him and be a dad. I never had a dad growing up so I always had a void in that part of my life.

I never got to play catch out in the front yard with my dad, never had my dad there to teach me how to shave, talk to me about things I needed to hear from a father figure, I had none of that and because of that I was primarily raised on my own. And if there is anything I could do to stop another kid from going through what I had to then I would do anything in my power to see to it that they don't have to come up like that.

The only reason I turned out the way I did is because my own higher reasoning and logic that I possessed at a young age; I have yet to encounter someone that analyzes as much as I did at 8 years old. The majority of all my discipline has been self-induced, and without it I would have made many stupid mistakes in the past that would have cost me alot.

I have still made some stupid mistakes mind you, but they weren't that severe and because is simply just a fact of life that we will all make mistakes, but all of the major ones I see people dealing with today I have never done. I have been highly tempted to do some of them, but I resisted them mainly because they were only temporary gratifications with enduring consequences.

So I say to you, see if you can work things out. If you get a tumor, you eliminate it rather than the person it resides within. If not for yourself then for your son at least, he needs you whether you know it or not.

~Dark_Magneto


[This message has been edited by Dark_Magneto (edited 01-24-2002).]

hey sawmangler, i took that test you had marked and these are my scores, 11-1-33-22. i dont know if it means anything but there it is for you to look at. by the way, brain cells dont regenerate like other cells do. they can regenerate but it takes years and years.

and dark, ive decided that this time, to kill the parasite, were gonna have to kill the host.
whatever happens is gonna happen really fast and things that go down like that are rarely precice enough to get just one part of a person. ive decided.

I heard that brain cells only have the capacity to regenerate themselves during infancy, after that they lose the ability.

The brain can re-wire itself however, it happens to people that suffer brain trauma.

Phrac, tell your son g'bye before you do it if you get the chance.

hey phractal, i'm gonna miss ya man...
go in peace, brother and good luck...

it was a pleasure getting to know ya...

Put in a good word with God (or whatever) for me.

(By the way, this is IsolatedMe, I changed the password on my old account and I lied about my e-mail address and now I can't use my account because I forgot the password.)

if its of any consolation, its gonna be a few befor i get all the details worked out. i still need to save enough to go to vancouver. right now, im in the process of trying to sell mah truck. you guys aren't rid of me just yet.

Well the only thing I could tell you to do while your working your way toward it is to think about it.

Think about it long and hard, You might come across something that you neglected to consider before.

Can't you just drive the truck to vancouver instead of saving up?

ive driven that distance before and i dont care to do it again. besides, my truck stands out like a fat bitch wearing safty orange. i dont wanna get pulled over crossing state lines with my .45 on mah side.

the way i see it, as much as i hate greyhound, i think the bus would be the better way to go.

Speaking of Sarah McLachlan, did you know that today is her birthday?

[This message has been edited by Dark_Magneto (edited 01-28-2002).]

ya i know. born 1-28-68 bedford halixaf nova scotia to one Judith (Klains) James.

i wish i had thought to send Her something. sigh* oh well. at least i hope She's having a good time. birthdays can suck sometimes.

im not concerened about Her moving but the thought of Her not being there when i arive does bother me a bit. the way i figure it, She's expecting a baby here soon and She wants to get Her house ready. i can access vancouver building permits to see whether or not She's building anything new for Her little sun spot. its strange but i found the hot-tub permit on a hawaii site. i guess they get around when building huh.

im gonna try to make sure She's there when i arrive but i dont know how yet. perhaps a good catastrophy would be in order.(people tend to return home when something bad happens like a fire or something) i just hope it doesnt come to that.

Fire isn't necessary, if we've learned anything from Pulp Fiction, it's that you can wait in her house until she comes back and eat from her fridge.

Can't fake those test scores, sawmangler. I saved the link, but because it's cgi one has to put info on the test. I took it again later and got the same thing. Once or twice I've gotten the "healer" type. Makes sense to me. I frequently get these desires to try and do what I can to make the world a better place, but I have this introverted kind of shyness. So I guess I'm an INTP, or architect, with slightly expressed "healer" (forgot the letters)motivation.

Post up the link to where I can take this test.

quote:

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Originally posted by Deviant:
Post up the link to where I can take this test.

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DEVIANT - I HOPE YOUR'E GOOD AT MATH...

PAGE 2 (near the bottom...)

Here are my results:

quote:

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Your Type is
ENTJ
Extroverted - 33
Intuitive - 56
Thinking - 44
Judging - 22

ENTJ type description by D.Keirsey
ENTJ type description by J. Butt

Qualitative analysis of your type formula
You are:
moderately expressed extrovert
moderately expressed intuitive personality
moderately expressed thinking personality
slightly expressed judging personality

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Deviant, did you happen to see anywhere what percentage of the population you are part of???
not that it matters or means anything, i'm just going off on a little tangent here...

and now for something completely different;

phractal, did i read something wrong or did you say your "friends" will post here posthumously for you???
how many friends do you have? i'd really like to hear their ideas on what you're planning... now comes the question - Would a "real friend" try to prevent phractal from his pursuits (how about dissuade for lack of better term) or would he inspite of his personal beliefs support phrac because he sees that phractal is intent and he doesnt want to obstruct ol'phraction from chasing his dreams???
a good friend:
A) stops phracterminator from shangri la on a dollar a day (i.e., going to see her and getting dead)

B)says yo dude you gotta like, you'know feel his vibe and shit... plus i'm getting his "gratephuldead box-set" man, so - shhhh!!!

C)help "phrack-til-u-gack" out immmensely by stealing a car and driving him to vancouver,just to be sure he arrives at the location of his final "jesting" place in good health???

or

D) none of the above...

phuck phracktal, i would be lieing if i ever pluralized the word "friend" in reference to myself... (mostly by choice) but nonetheless - either they suck as friends, and only add to your misery or you gave the letter to some whino who now thinks you guys are like brothers because you were whipping pennies at him and hey, let's face it... he needed the change....

i have a few good friends and their just as fucked up as i am. they all seem to agree that it would bother them to loose me but they know better than to try to stop me. they all support me and if it means supporting me to the grave, then so be it.

one friend in particular sits around and pouts at the thought of me going to vancouver but its because im her only real friend. she just needs to realize that this is not an ending, but more of a beginning. i think ive done my part to make her a great woman and this will only make her stronger. she has control over how she feels and if she doesnt like feeling bad, then its her job to make herself feel better. i am not her keeper.

most everyone else thinks im just playin, with the exception of a few close friends. they knew it had to happen sometime or another and their glad that we had the time that we did.

lately, we just sit around and laugh, trying to make the best of what time there still is. its been good over the last few weeks.......

but this has to happen. it has to. i need this....the world needs this.