50 Fun Things For Non-Christians To Do
In Church

1.Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here,you'll go to Hell."

2.A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the scheduled sermon is entitled
"Why God Sent AIDS to Punish Homosexuals".

3.Put stray dogs in coat closets.
4.Un-tune the piano.
5.Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".
6.Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.
7.Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"
8.Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts.
9.Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"
10.Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.
11.Start a wave.
12.Do cool things with the lighting.
13.When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff".
14.Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.
15.When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"
16.Make up your own words to the songs.
17.Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand up, and say: "Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly.
18.Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
19.If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT
GODDAMN THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!"
20.Dress all in black, or in camo.
21.Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire. Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two. Change sets for the evening service.
22.If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.
23.At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that you can see an
image of Jesus.
24.Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and socks.
25.Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the first mention of "fire and
brimstone", throw it in.
26.Inflate balloons, then send them off.
27.Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side cartoons.
28.Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Draw in asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the page.
29.Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.
30.Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.
31.During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks what you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over 65 million years ago."
32.Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor. Discreetly light them.
33.Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned, especially Stephen.
34.Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how good it is.
35.When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
36.Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me," and lick them.
37.Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
38.Blow bubbles.
39.Fake a possession.
40.Distribute condoms.
41.Speak in tongues.
42.Ask where the nearest ashtray is.
43.Drool in the collection plate.
44.Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians.
45.After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish jokes. When someone points out that Pope John Paul II came from Poland, act embarrassed.
46.Show unusual interest in any reference to the word "Ministry".
47.At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of a wristwatch embedded inside.
48.Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new ones depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery. Send the bill to the pastor.
49.Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!"
50.Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address of the church next Saturday at midnight.


feel free to add yours
-------------------------
totally nihilistic

1. spit in the wine
2. blow huge bubbels with gum
3. hide in the confessional with your boy/girl friend before a servive and during the gospel boath or you start moaning and saying stuff like you are 'you are so much better then my husband!!'
4. steal from old ladies handbags when they go up for communion
5. sleal bibles
6. spray paint stuff like 'where is your god now' on the side of the church
7. put food die in the holy water

i am really starting to like this chick,

nothing makes me more in awe of woman than those that show they can mix it up with the mayhem, you kiciked arse in the mall comp too,

maybe i will see you when i am in the us of a
at the end of the year- right after winki.

----------------------
totally nihilistic

also the dood that wants to do some thing at the mormon camp, be my guest, knock your self out, be sure to light the shit on the last night, and tell the camp dood that you saw a winged freak with horns laughing and running in the distance.

-------------------------
thats what i said any way.

nihilistic,

that brought tears to my eyes.

i was laughing so hard.

especially about the bawling brat.

that should be said in any public place.

I went back to look for that one, and I saw one two I missed that I like.. the beach ball thing is cool.. but the "stoned or crucified" thing is fucking great! Of course, you'll probably get a preacher who doesn't know that part of the story..

You people are assholes don't talk bad about church, JUST KIDDING!!!!

1.) mouth naughty words at the preacher
2.) quiatly mutter naughty words
3.) fall asleep
4.) ask everyone to have oral sex with you
5.) throw firecrackers instead of rice at the wedding.

spiffy and lost wait untill the uncut version surfaces man,

i might add some off that shit above onto it.


-------------------------
totally nihilistic

If I knew this already before, I would have
gone voluntary to the service at that time!

1) Mix something into the the communion bread
and/or wine (weed,laxatives,...)
if you can't exchange for a prepared one
2) In addition to #16, drown everything
with your voice when singing.
3) When they are praying, loudly throw in
comments like: "Jesus we praise you!!"
Try to act as fervently as possible.

Still looking for more..

Heres a couple :
1) Say to the priest "Hey man you the dirty cunt who got charged off the cops for shagging them boys".
2) Say "Hey id love to fuck that nun"
3) Say "Lend me �5000 for my sisters operation and i swear by almighty god that il pay you back next week"
4) Say "Hey priest i had a shit in the bog last night and all i had was the bible and i used that and there was more shit come off the bible than what came off my ass"

1)Bring a megaphone and yell stuff during songs, prayers etc.

2)Bring a person of the opposite sex and pretend to be married. Have bouts of spousal abuse. (NO, HE SAID HYMN FUCKING 142, NOT 123 YOU FUCKING RETARD! *BOOM*)

3)At the babtism, when they ask the parents questions, yell "DONT DO IT MAN!"

4)Have a picket line against Jesus right outside the church.

5)Bring elvis impersonators.

6)Wave lighters during the hymns like at concerts.

7) Yell Bullshit whenever the preacher says something.

8)If they have a children's moment, go up with the kids.

9)In addition to 8, while up there, smoke or drink.

10) Wear propaganda, rascist, or profane clothing.

11)Come naked.

12) Have a gay rally.

13)Try to sell drugs to old people. (It will help your glocoma, dude!)

Riot gurl, your amazing, thats all...

------------------
Crime is an Art and a science

Sit at the back and roll marbles across the floor under people's feet.

Stand up when someone important is talking and shout "Jesus saves!"

Build small skyscrapes out of the songbooks and bibles lying around. Or the cushions on the chairs.

Bring some fishing line and some hooks. Hang interesting things off the rafters... Shinto charms, perhaps?

Speak in tounges.

Leave weird things in the collection basket. Dead critters? Coins with satanic symbols painted on them? Handfuls of foreign currency? Rocks?

Leave literature that disproves religion or promotes some cult or another lying around.

I'm sure you can think up a few more. It's amusing to think about, but does anyone else actually have the guts to do this sort of thing?



------------------
Day must fade to night,
Night must give in to sunrise,
I watch, silently.

~A Haiku, Minami Sasake

in japan do you dudes really have vending machines for school girls underware, and do they smell at all.

and yes the riot girl is a maniac.

plus yes and i have done worst to a church.

-------------------------
totally nihilistic

I'm not sure exactly where that rumor got started... Do you mean USED schoolgirl's underwear? Certainly not! Why is it schoolgirl's underwear? Last I checked we used the same kind of underwear as everyone else...

There are vending machines that sell (new) underwear, as well as socks, shirts, and all manner of other things. The shirts are usually souvenirs for the American tourists. They're pretty neat, really. They vacuum pack them down to about three inches across.


------------------
Day must fade to night,
Night must give in to sunrise,
I watch, silently.

~A Haiku, Minami Sasake

. . .

1. Go into a confession booth and confess to an unearthly fetish for priests.
2. Put out a cigarette in holy water, tell the preacher "my bad," and apologetically remove the wet butt and throw it on the floor.
3. Go in to church carrying a clipboard, a pen, and your monthly bills demanding to speak to God.
4. In the Xmas service, put your dick to the virgin mary statue and proclaim she's lost her virginity.

I don't think they include a vagina in the standard Virgin Mary statue. If there is one, you'd prolly not be the first one to use it...
www.realdolls.com

lol-thats some funny shit...
DDCrew.wigloo.com

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"He who is asked what a Hacker is and responds with a reply, knows not what a Hacker is."

quote:

---

Originally posted by Bar room hero:
. . .

---

ahhr bar room, i knew there was some thing about you, not just in your cercumsesion, but the way you hate dudes that hate jews and christians etc,i dont hate them personally, just their lack of awareness in the mind,

hey man, this is only a bit of fun,
if you are a true christian, i would take you out to the forest, and kill you.

no im not joking.

its okay though, just dont bitch about your non existant god, or your hellucinations of the mind, and senses which the nihilist knows deceives you, too me, and i wont make fun of your comic book character that was invented for greed and subjugation okay bro.

-------------------------------
totally nihilistic

nihilistic, you can't spell. Bar seems ta be a nice guy, we all have beleifs we can't really defend

*yawn* im tired its 1:32 am

put a strap on didlo on the virgian mary statue.....i garuntee that will turn sum head

hehe

------------------
I have never seen your "GOD" so why should I have to beilive in him?

goth, hmmm, proberly the shock value would work, but even better show the evidence that the virgin mary is really a bastardization the isis.

and to the little dude that said i cant spell, suk it little dude, i aint in school, so i dont need to give a frogs fat arse hole!!.

and bar that

bar room is a nice dude.

--------------------------
totally nihilistic,

[This message has been edited by nihilistic (edited 05-30-2001).]

Not really a bastardization more of an adoption of mythos. There are some similarities in the mythology which would make it easier for the adoption of the cult of isis into christianity. Mainly that Isis bound together the parts of osiris and he was reborn. The story seems similar to the story or mary collecting the blood of jesus and burying him. Christianity as a relitively new religion adopted aspects of other religions to assimilate them.

me and my friend are working on a project that fits in this topic we stole a condem machine from a gas station and we are going to try to install it in the church bathroom