I wrote a couple'a songs back in school. My classes were really boring, especially English, where I wrote this one.

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King of Jews
Turned
Crock of SHIT
Bible Reading
Makes me SICK
Your God is gone, your God is DEAD
Hanged on a Cross
JUST CUT OFF HIS HEAD

Stoned to death
I'll make you DIE
Family Irradicated, Relatives Hung
I'll fuck you up, make you shit out a LUNG

December 25th, a fucking JOKE
Shove unholy bread down your throat
And make you CHOKE
Your loss is funny, your loss is good
Taken to where your God once stood
The Devil Incarnate takes his place
He controls your minds
And destroys your race

Undeniable End
Flesh Unmend

AND I LAUGH AT YOU!

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And this one...

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Planned death, made better than the rest,
Silently with a knife, slashed across a chest,
Laughing as you die, standing over you,
Stabbing chest again, this time right through,

Job complete, on to the next,
Dead body lay, it was the best,
Going crazy to find another,
Time is now! Slaughter a Mother!

Laugh as I walk, walk turned run
Mother found, found with her son
Sinful grin shows, shows too CLEAR
Urge to kill grows, grows less MERE

Chase ensues, cries are heard
Mother falls down, slips on a TURD
I stand over, pipe in hand
Beating her down, bury in sand.

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Post any comments or would-be upgrades to make these songs sound better/mature.

Not bad, i write too, but i dont want anyone jackin my idea.

Pretty damned good, but some of them sound weird as i think of it in my head. It all depends on how it would be sung, but it looks nice.

Wow, atleast here I get constructive critiscism.

Last time I told someone about these they give me a "are u fcuked on the haed or something"

(Mistakes purposely made)

It also depends on the music. Usually i like to think up guitar riffs in my head, and drum beats, then write lyrics around that, cause then i can still remember the riffs and everything when i read the lyrics.. sounds weird, but it works

the first one is not that bad and it could sound nicely in a black metal setting

Yeah, first one is sweet. Sounds ilke something deicide would do. I write grind/death lyrics. Bit more fucked up than that but each to their own i suppose.

Well.......Ther're ok....but i think you should try more bury more emotion in your lyrics. Concentrate your opinions and feelings into as little sentences as possible, that way your audience will read different lyrics as their personality differs from another....and you say one hundred times as much in the same amount of words....at least that's the way i do it. When i write, i can think about one sentence for hours, concentraing its meaning to the maximum.
I do like your opinions though (the above lyrics).

You have your very own style and I like that, just make sure you don't let it start sounding like Slipknot and you'll have a good lyric writing-base to improve on.
Someone said you should bury your emotion- that depends on what type of person you are, sometimes you need to write something straight forward. However, there is nothing wrong with being direct. Sometimes when you kinda bury the meaning you make people bored and they just say to fuck with it. If you pull it off right they'll sit and think about it for days and finally figure out it means something a little different for everyone.
Sorry if I became confusing there, anyway good work on the lyrics and keep writing.

"skimming off milk and falling off buildings
hide it like a man and never show your feelings"



[This message has been edited by TheSellOut (edited 09-28-2002).]

a good song shouldnt NEED profanity to stress a point. also alot of the lines seem childish like using words like turd. i would revise and edit this stuff alot.

I thought the childishness was on purpose. Swearing can really prey on people's square side if you fit it in the right place. Its all about pushing- all words are needed to push your thoughts. Theres no reason to limit what you write to words which don't make people angry or whatever. I disagree with kiddies who think swearing is cool. I do agree that swear-words are just words, words used to stress something or show emotion. Or even used to prey on peoples morals while expressing a point. Damn I just noticed he said 'make it sound more mature' at the end...


[This message has been edited by TheSellOut (edited 09-28-2002).]

I thought they sucked majorly, sounding almost like parody.

...which probably means you write catchy songs and will be selling millions by the end of the year.

you sound like a stupid whiny goth kid with a fishnet shirt on

I also write lyrics hears a catchy little number I wrote a few months ago:Her eyes are black
her skin a rotting green
her pussy smells like tuna
and her teeth...
she feeds off the dead road kill
on highway 66
she doesn't need to be fixed
and her teeth...
she sleeps in the mud with the worms
baths in the blood of the meek
drinks sewage that runs in the creek
and her teeth...
A Lighter Shade Of Yellow
Oh I wanna get her drunk and mellow
so I can be here fellow.. la la la
she dances at twelve o'clock moon
she awakes at twelve o'clock noon
shaves her legs with a broken vodka bottle
and her teeth...
tourists take pictures of her ass crack
they all must be on smack
hairy hairy ass hair
and her teeth...
tongue is brown
she swallows...cow dunge
oh she's so pretty
and her teeth...
A Lighter Shade Of Yellow
Oh I wanna get her drunk and mellow
so I can be her fellow.. la la la
her hair smells like a dirty douche
she has 24/7 flu
well she can always play my flute
and her teeth...
crusty green cream steams
out of her love box
she does the dirty like a fox
and her teeth...
she drives a beat up go-cart
she scares off all the customers at k-mart
but I I love her
and her teeth...
Oh yeaaah...A Lighter Shade Of Yellow
I want to get her drunk and mellow
so I can be her fellow.. la la la
Hit me again
A Lighter Shade Of Yellow
I want to clip her brown toe nails
and eat em up stale
oh yeah just one more time jo jo
A Lighter Shade Of Yellow
I want to get her drunk and mellow...oh so mellow
so I can be her fellow... FELL OW! Uh huh
la la la
la la la
la la la
Drink BEER!

lol thats some funny shit!! I like it a lot! You come up with that off the top of your head? I listen to death metal but that doesnt make me a whiney goth kid. I listen to so solid crew and fucking mozart god damn it! My lyrics are usually about death and shit. Thats why i laugh at all the little losers that cut themselve and call it a release. How pathetic! I cant remember my own song! but i know one part says :

lay silent and stiff on the mortuary slab, ill carelessly rape your remains!

Nothing serious! its all a bit of a laugh isnt it? by the way, my band is called brutal abortion. Like i said, its all a bit of fun.

I think that just makes you a dumbass who exploits something so he'll become numb to it and it won't scare him.

Whiny goth kids can be cute though...hmmm

Once again, pure ignorance. Maybe if you made sense you would express your point more clearly.

quote:

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Originally posted by horns_of_baphomet:
Once again, pure ignorance. Maybe if you made sense you would express your point more clearly.

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If anything, I'm stupid- not ignorant.
Your own ignorance is shown by the fact you didn't understand me.
The reason people scream alot of shit about ripping heads off cats and raping soccer moms is because they want to desensitize themselves and others.
Lyrics like that are a good example of human weakness and the power that morals have over people.
Its hilarious when I see frightened little Anti-Christs cling to their violent catch-phrases as if they were their only power against those evil Christians.

By the way, I don't think you write for the same reason as the original poster of this thread. He seems as if he is 'releaseing' aggression, you seem to write just because its: 'fun to say bad words and be evil'.
Correct me if I'm wrong- I obviously can't read your nerve impulses.


[This message has been edited by TheSellOut (edited 10-01-2002).]

stop seeing things from such a serious view and try and make it more fun for once. I play death metal in a band but i dont say "i want to be evil" I do it for enjoyment. Beatles and Elvis did it for enjoyment. Not because they wanted to make a difference in the world.

quote:

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Originally posted by horns_of_baphomet:
stop seeing things from such a serious view and try and make it more fun for once. I play death metal in a band but i dont say "i want to be evil" I do it for enjoyment. Beatles and Elvis did it for enjoyment. Not because they wanted to make a difference in the world.

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What makes you think that people who want to be evil don't do it for fun? Stop seeing things from your limited point of view and realize that being serious is fun
You can't speak for the Beatles and for Elvis, most of the Beatles are dead and Elvis- well Elvis is fucked too.
You can only speak for yourself, and I merit you on being able to do that.