My "PO" is probably going to make me piss in a cup tomarrow, but ive been smoking tons of BUD. I heard that if you drink a package of "certo gel" in a gallon of warm water; the sugar will coat the bladder, allowing only the water through.
Any knoweledge on this or other methods might help to save me from a paroll violation.

~jack hair

tomorrow ??? i hate to break it to you, but your chances of passing are slim to nonexistent. forget all the folk remedies, none of them work. if you drink too much, the piss will be too diluted and you will have to give them another sample, as they controll the specific gravity, ph, creatinine etc. and forget about bleach, blood, nitrite and whathaveyou. they also test for adulterants and if they detect one, you automatically fail the test.

the only thing i can think of is getting piss from someone who is clean and smuggle it in. but be careful. sometimes they make you change into a surgical gown and/or watch you piss. and if they don't, they sometimes listen from outside whether you open a container. take a little glass bottle w/ a screw-on cap and fill in the clear piss. have it in your underpants for the right temperature. they check that, too. unscrew it and fill it in the cup they give you. if they complain it is too little, tell them you can't piss on demand. they only need a few milliliters.

that's the only thing i can think of. good luck w/ your test

for entertainment only. must be 18 or older. i do not condone the use of illegal drugs or otherwise fellonious activities. i never did anything illegal. a friend told me.

When i had probation i smoked night before and passed. all i did was drink mad water and eat mad food. also go to capricornconcepts.com and they got things to use. i bought it but never used it heh. also if you find anyone who like is clean if you get some of theirs you can let it evaporate or whatever nad it makes power you just add water and its like it was. hope that helps
peace

My advice:

Don't put a tight lid on it, fill it up walk it out to whoever wants it, TRIP and THROW IT RIGHT IN THEIR FACE, and say "I'MMMM SOOOOOOOOOOO SORRRYYYYYY. My balance has not been very good since I quit taking drugs"

(I could add more but you can take it from there) Then when they want another sample, obviously, you have already donated, and don't have a sample.

I would do this every time!! What the hell can they do, give you a death sentence?

HERE IS A BETTER ONE. PISS IN ABOUT A 2 GALLON OR TWO LITER BUCKET WITH A LOOSE FITTING LID, LEAVE IT SET FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS (TO RIPEN REAL WELL) THEN WALK IN AND POOR THE WHOLE THING ON SOMEONES HEAD...

OR BETTER STILL TRIP (STUMBLE) ON SOMETHING AND THROW IT ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!

You are doing what they instructed basically, giving a urine sample. Hey it's no fault of yours to accidently stumble and spill the sample.

Better still 3, 4, or five gallons, or 10... get some friends to help fill it up. BE SURE TO LET IT SET (TIGHTLY COVERED)FOR A WEEK OR TWO.

I wish I was in your position, to take a piss test for some pig bastards.

If I was there I myself would go in there and dump a couple of gallons on your parole/probation officers head, then I might be tempetd to kick his fucking head in, like going for a 50 yard field goal, more like kicking a hollow mellon full of shit.

I wonder how much blood comes out of a smashed skull from one of these fkg pig bastards. I know what human blood smells like, I will never forget it.

...no elaboration on that at this time.

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Yo.
My friends sis..she had togo for one of these drug test..anyways..what she did was, when she had to piss in tha cup..she put a lil' unda 1/4 water (thats if theres a tap there/no one watchin/as no-one was watching for her and there was a tap nearby)
then what it does is somehow waters down the impurities..but..
this was bout 1 yr ago..so the test coulda changed...and im not certain how it worked..
but it worked..

anyways thoguht i'd letcha know.
Peace

~V

i understand your anger and totally agree w/ you. my piss/blood/sweat/shit belongs to me and me only. no dickhead has the right to get a sample of my bodily fluids without a search warrant. the whole drug testing thing is a complete violation of the IV and V ammendment. but if you are on parole/probation that doesn't help you much. you have to fucking produce a sample or your little dipshit-nobrain-fuckhead-i-couldn't-get another-job-than-this-and-it-sucks-so-i-let-you-feel-my-frustration-and-fuck-with-you-any-way-i-possibly-can-imagine PO lets you have it! i agree that something has to be done. join NORML and write to your congressman and raise hell. but the main problem here is the enormous money that's behind that whole drug testing shit. we're talking about a 6 billion dollar/year industry !!!! now you know where the lobby comes from. the pharm guys squeeze THEIR house/senate members untill they don't know where god lives and - presto - drug testing will be implemented when you want to renew your driver's license. and that is no joke, THEY are considering it right now !

~tharealist

diluting doesn't work anymore. they either put some colorant in the water that comes out of the faucet in the booth or they test for certain properties (pH, creatinine etc) and they will detect it. the only thing that will work is smuggling clean urine in or making artificial urine and submit that.

Smuggle in someone elses or else your probally f**ked. I read somewhere that MJ takes a month to clear your system, sorry

Vhite viniger about i shot glass worth. Have a strong chasser cause its harsh, Trust me the shit always worked for me. Ihave a freind who is a probation officer he says that they can tell if you do a strait body water flush or if you try the bleach shit. Good luck

Strych-9,

You are SO RIGHT! The next thing will probably be a revival of transfusion i-v's connected to an analysis machine that you have to carry with you. They can drain your blood and infuse you with poison brainwashing chemicals.

I like the idea of dropping an Anthrax Bead in the Urine Sample.

!!!! WOW SKELETONS !!!!

~V

does it just seem that way or are your posts getting more violent with time ? man, chill it! spreading anthrax....whooooaaaaa man, didn't you read about that island where THEY tested biological weapons in the 40ies. you still can't go there without a level-a suit (fully enclosed w/ scba). it's somewhere off the shore of the UK. man, that's some weird stuff !!

peace

S9

. Somewhere I read that if you know of any Indians from India who are married to Americans just to gain citizenship that you can actually threaten to tell the INS, unless they pee for you , in a sterile bottle of course, on demand, apparently they don't do drugs and that their urine will be a-ok is a pretty good bet. Anyway it said that if you take the urine and fill a sterile surgical glove with it, (it says to tie off a couple fingers and the thumb)then either freeze it (with the option of having your girlfriend fuck you in the---with it, or simply, with all due patience, it says, insert one or two of the gloves fingers, personally, I imagine frozen
would be best, but anyhow it says to have it up your ass long enough for the temperature to acclimate w/ your own and then when asked to fill the cup I guess you're supposed to use a pre-sharpened fingernail to puncture the glove and then fill the cup. Apparently the sound of your own peeing can be used sometimes, and not others to mask any tell tale "fucking around" in the stall noises that might front you off otherwise. Finally, it says, in the article to respond with hanji, hanji when and if the examiner takes the sample from you with a thank you or similar acknowledgement. Don't forget the hanji hanji part, it has something to do with kharma , thinking good thoughts about bunny rabbits and other non-conventional ways to stay out of trouble, even if the trouble is, uh , inside you.

ps-don't threaten the Indian if you don't need to, actually saying hanji hanji each time you walk into the 7-11 may very well endear you to him in a short time with no
element of blackmail/extortion needing ever to be raised.
Also there are quite a few prescription drugs that will give a false positive for other illicit drugs, depending , on a case to case basis, well I've got the book ,but off the top of my head?????anyhow look it up then get a Dr.to give you a valid scrip for one of em. as a precautionary measure that is.

[This message has been edited by winki (edited 04-05-2000).]

~wink

yes there are a few prescription drugs ou there that give you a false positive with the primitive dip-test they use for a first screening. but then they take your piss and do a MS-GC analysis. and BANG they sort out the false positives and nail your ass for the correct positive result

go and get some clean piss or don't do drugs for some time and collect a sufficient amount of your own clean juice. fill a few cups jsut in case. or make artificial pee. or buy some substitute (see high times for more info; expensive though).
i don't know how long you will be able to fool THEM w/ the artificial stuff. THEY follow all the developments closely and i'm sure they will find a way to check if it's the real maccoy or a spoof.

Or, numb your dick w/ something and then get a catheter tube from someone w/ access to them and then fill your bladder w/ clean pee or just get a syringe and inject your pre-emptied bladder yourself. Maybe just empty bladder and drink clean pee, and lots of it. forgive me i digress...The End.

The best thing to do is to raise all holy hell in large numbers, refuse to take it, kick their asses, go to jail.. whatever it takes to stop these police state bastards.

I can understand concerns about a person's ability to function in a job environment where safety of persons and property is an issue. This BEING strictly an issue of a person's ability to function-- Not whether that person smoked pot 5 days ago.

I think I heard on the news that Jack has been executed for failing a urinalysis.

I ussually smuggle a chihuahua in my pants, then just squeeze, baby. Actually, a drug test is the only test I can pass nowadays. If anyone needs my urine email me at auto52212@hushmail.com I am very small and can probably fit in your pants. I will trade urine for heroin. uh... that's all.