this is my first time posting here
I am really confused. U see, there's been this girl i've been going out with for two years already and we're madly in love with each other... (seriously). anyways we've been apart for 3 months because we bothe applied to different colleges in different states so we decided to break up at least until we could be together again. However we've kept in touch, have talked everysingle day on the phone and still tell eachother how much we love eachother.
The problem is that a week ago she was at a club and saw and old friend of her's and left with him to his house. They didn't have sex, nor oral or any other type of sex but did a few other things (got to second/third base I think). However, i'm deeply disapointed with her. I also know she's frenched other guys (although i dont really care about her kissing cuz we're not "together"), but so have I been with other girls... So I please ask you guys/girls for some advice:
- Should i forgive her and still go visit her (and possible get back with her?
- or should I just go visit her, "get" with her, have a good time (she's living in FL), shop, and break up right before I leave?
-or should I simply forget about her and move on?
by the way, she's deeply sorry for what she did and is still asking me persistently to visit her.
Please specify if ur a women because I'd like to differentiate your points of view.
Thanx everyone, I'd apreciate any advice...

Well, from what you described, she didn't really do anything wrong. However i can see how you are hurt. I say get back together with her, you love her, she didn't really cheat on you or anything, I say go to her and have a good time while your at it, and forget this ever happened.

Well i know she didn't really "cheat" on me. But what hurt me was the fact that she did this only 2 weeks before i visit her. Also that she slept with another guy, even though they didn't have sex. I mean... hell, y couldnt she just get with the guy at the club... i dont know. I'm thinking with my heart. I might sound like loser, sorry I'm just hurt

I might actually think of letting this one slide...

a girl has needs ya know...

This is why i don't belive in that long distance crap anyway..

i've been in similar situations, and i feel your pain man, it hurts, even if its not "cheating" it still hurts, because you love this girl, and it probably gives you the feeling that she doesn't love you, or you're not satisfying her, or something like that...

well I am transfering to a college in FL in Fall so this distance relationship thing is impermanent. However, now I dont know how trustworthy she is. Even if we aren't "officially" back together, how am I to know if she'd do this to me again. It'd kill me to know that this has happened again. Maybe she'd go even further with the guy... see, i'm paranoid right now. If we got back together... i wouldn't know if she'd of cheating on me.

well if she is "trustworthy" then why don't you trust her? you're talking about how she could cheat on you, and you're transferring colleges so you can keep a close eye on her...it doesn't sound like you trust her very much, or yourself...

CS1400: I'm transferring colleges because I love her and want to be with her. Not b/c i wanna keep a closer eye on her. It hurts me she didn't think about that while she was with the guy!

well, from that last post it sounded like you were very insecure, and you were trying to do everything you could to not let her slip through your fingers...but, whatever your reasons and decisions are, its up to you...I say you go to florida, and go get your girl back! go for it dude...good luck!

Go to her and ask her what the kisses ect... ment to her. If she says it ment more to her than you... You know she don't love you.

You said the two of you broke up, if only temporarily. That leaves a certain amount of room to play with. Unless you guys set certain ground rules- which would make it more of an open relationship than breaking up- it's a judgment call. You trusted her in a relationship for two years, now you're not going to based on that?

Like you said, you're speaking from the heart at the moment. Get a good night's sleep or two, try to get your mind off of it as best you can... it can take time to get a clear head about things less emotionally charged than this, so be patient. But for fuck's sake, don't lose your faith in someone for making what doesn't appear to be more than a very mild error in judgment.

Edit: fucking typos.

[This message has been edited by Spiffy McBang (edited 12-26-2002).]

ITS OVER... if she REALLY loved you she wouldnt of done anything with anyone else,. when she made moves with other guys like you said. she would of first thought of you and how bad it would of hurt you. so therefor, she didnt think of you and probably doesnt anymore. So if your a perv i say you should just visit her and use her for "benefits"...wanna know a true fact? GIRLS LIE

ummmj i agree with mr creep, if she really "loved" u then she wouldn't of done that, then again she has needs. she cant wait for u 4ever. ummm talk to her and discuss it with her, ask her what she wasnts to do. btw how u find out what she's doing? im assuming she didn't go "oh i love u and btw i was making out with this guy i met". and u said they didnt have a oral sex but they got to 3rd base? but isn't oral 3rd base? from my understanding it is:
1st=kissing
2nd=handjobs/finger
3rd=oral
4th=sex
5th=all of the above in a single hour with 2 different girls

(i am a girl)

We do lie, there is no way around that.
What you really need to do is talk to her about it, tell her it hurt your feelings and that you are confused. If you have had a relationship for two years you two should be good at sharing feelings.
At least she told you, I would not have said a word about it to you if I was in that situation.'Course I would be doing a hellofallot more than just kissing.

Alykorn, please be aware that just because you're female, you do not speak for the entirety of womankind.

I don't lie, not in relationships.

As for this whole thing, you guys weren't together, at the end of the day, she did nothing that was actually wrong, she didn't break any rules. Yeah, so maybe it wasn't exactly a *good* idea, but she didn't cheat on you.

I have to say, it's one of those things, you're both young, and both doing what is totally normal.. maybe you should go visit her, but just chill on the 'hot and heavy I LOVE YOU" stuff.. it's not easy to do at anytime, and you've got the rest of your lives to worry about that stuff.. lighten up a bit on yourself and each other. The emotions you feel are real, but the expectations you have of those emotions and each other may be unrealistic at your current age.

Well, thanx everyone for the help. You were are really helpful. Just so you all know, we talked about what happened and she practically cried and asked me to forgive her. I know she is really hurt b/c she thinks she fucked things up between us.
I think I'm just gonna go with the visit, have fun, then forget thing. I know it sounds very mean of me, but the sweet and tender image I used to have about her is gone. I still love her, but we'll still be apart for another 4 months so I wouldn't know if she'd do this again, or tell me if she did. I'm young so I'll try not to take this so seriously... I think I made up my mind. What do u guys think? i'm not an evil guy... really girls. I just dont see how things could be the same again. WEll thanks everyone again for the help! This forum rocks!

As long as you don't expect people to be more than they are they won't disappoint you. The movies would have you believe that women will wait forever for the right man, but truth be told four months is a long time for anyone to go without if they don't have to.

Personally in the modern world I think it's foolhardy to think that you're in a position to seriously consider the big R until you're out of school. It's such an artificial environment that there is no way of knowing how the relationships you form during those years will survive the pressures and stress of the rest of your life.

Also there is so much growth during that time that I can say with fair confidence neither of you will be the same person that entered college by the time you leave.

If this is absolutely what you have to do, fine. BUT. Things change. That's the way the world is. People change, relationships change, everything changes. Are your feelings for her, or were they for the image of her you had in your mind? It sounds like the latter now, but consider the question before you do anything permanent.

If you know that you're going to end it for real by the time you get there, tell her *before* anything else. If you go and have your fun and then end it, you're basically using her. Then you really are a dickhead. Tell her first. She may still want, eh, going-away playtime or whatever you want to call it, but it's perfectly reasonable she won't. If you want this to end on as upbeat a note as possible, respect that and deal with it.

Of course, you could go through with your little plan anyway just to fuck things up so you can know there's no going back... but if you need to do that, I'd put money on it that you're not sure you're doing the right thing in dumping her in the first place.

You're right. I'm not sure if i wanna do this. Physically being with her has really been like a fairy tale. we ussually never had problems about jealousy, cheating or anything and we've never been happier. Its just this distance between us thats tearing us apart. Still I don't know if I'd forgive her, and if i do; forget, b/c nevertheless what she did was really wrong. I guess when we're together again in two weeks I'll see if things are still the same and how commited she is to me... if not... i guess I'll end it before I return...

quote:

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Originally posted by Wintermute:
Alykorn, please be aware that just because you're female, you do not speak for the entirety of womankind.

I don't lie, not in relationships.

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*bows*
Point taken.

Whatever dude... you keep saying she fucked up so badly, but you're also the one who said the two of you broke up until you could be together again, which would mean she didn't fuck up that badly at all, even if there was some kind of "understanding" not to go too far. So, hey, good luck, hope you can get the story straight before you see her again and have to choose one way or the other.