I love my boyfriend with all my heart and yes most of the problems that we have had were from me.......first I have to say I had a serious problem with lying.......and second for about two years I was a slut.....he has tought me to tell the truth and not lie about it.......Here is my problem I told him this and I said that I am ready to change and I did. But he still sees me for that and not who I am now.......I just need advise I what to do...he will probly get really really mad at me for this but he was the one who said that the internet is the best way to get advise.....I don't want to leave him at all I love him more then anything.....so please help me

Well, not to sound cynical or anything you may think you love him but, its probably just because he helped you through a tough point in your life. I think you should really focus on yourself at the moment. Oh yeah, one more thing...if he cant see you for what you are now then theres no real reason for you to try to pursue a relationship with him.


80proofgatorade
..the proof is in the gatorade..

My boyfriend is the sweetset person you would ever meet.....He is so great and that is why it hurts so much....I know I love him there is no I think about it

Sounds to me like there's something wrong with your boyfriend. You said he helped you through your problem but he still sees that problem in you. That's a bit wierd don't you think? What you have to do is talk to him and ask why he still thinks you have that problem. then try and work it out from there.

Give him time, it may just be he hasn't gotten over all the pain from being lied to yet... Maybe he's waiting to see if you really have changed for the better, and it's not just a temporary thing.

If you love him stick by him and give him time.

quote:

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Originally posted by just.landed:
Sounds to me like there's something wrong with your boyfriend. You said he helped you through your problem but he still sees that problem in you. That's a bit wierd don't you think? What you have to do is talk to him and ask why he still thinks you have that problem. then try and work it out from there.

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It's not weird in the least, unfortunately. Many, many, many people have trouble ejecting a negative image of someone or something from their minds once it's been solidly set. Having such an image due to being a lied-to boyfriend makes it several times worse.

That said, if you've changed, then he needs to see the truth. A friend of mine, who I've mentioned once or twice, made a very minor lapse in judgement. When she owned up to it, there was unhappiness with her boyfriend.. that's ok. It happens. What's fucked is that when things got rough, as much as three years later, he would throw that lapse back in her face. It was childish, immature, and absolutely not the way a relationship should be.

Like just said, have it out with him. Make him tell you the truth, and be ready to hear something, anything, you don't want to hear. If he hasn't let go of that negative image, it's just going to linger in his mind until he can be sure it's wrong and he can let it go.

Spiffy I was just alerting her to the fact that there is something wrong if her boyfriend still thinks she has a problem. I'm well aware of the attitudes of people.

Ok.

Okay i have went through some thing kinda on the lines that you are going through. when i first got with my guy i was very out there. meaning that i was really hard to get to know and hang around with. and before i got with him i was not the virgen mary by any means. but it took him a year or more to watch what was going on and to see that i really had changed. but there is hope where you may think there is non. we are working on 4 years and we are gitting marry next spring. keep at your new found self and if it was ment to be then you man's eyes will be opened and every thing will work out.

Ok, I'm gonna jump in here seeing as how I AM the boyfriend...

yes, people, that's right, all the stuff I posted here before about my girlfriend, crazydarkangel9 is my girlfriend and I told her that I'd post here and hope that we can work this out together.

You see the problem is, people here give me all different advice. Some of you say "can't turn a ho into a housewife" and some say to try and try to get her out of that life and show her reality and how she needs to not be like that anymore. I honestly am starting to see her grow up, we had a long talk yesterday and a lot of things changed.... but yes, you guessed correctly, I AM scared of her going back to it.

I have heard many cases of this, where the woman went back to it eventually, because it was in her mind, and nothing could take it out. I want to make sure it is out of her mind, and I'm beginning to see it, but the lying has made me see that I have seen wrong in her many times when I thought it was truth. I have been fooled many times and that is why there is this problem, I don't want to be fooled again or cheated on... I really do love her and want to be with her, but I just want to make sure she realizes how sick that shit is and how different this life is from that life.... Please just give me and her advice, yes it may seem childish for both of us to come here but we are working through it and I came here because you people know about all this shit.... help. I want to make this work. I love her.

to fuck
i just wanted to say that people can change i did and i am hard headed. i believe that your girl friend really loves you and that when dealing with love love over comes all so trust in her okay i think that if you can believe in her and look at how far she has changed you will see that she really will do any thing for you to keep you.

Doesn't this make things interesting..

Maybe it's just me, but as much as the internet is a haven for liars and fools, the fact she would come on here and say that with you already posting about the problem is a plus, if a small one. Maybe in a few hours or tomorrow I'd change my mind, but at the moment, I'd say give her a chance.

BUT.

I emphasize A chance. One. Uno. No more. If she cares about you enough to change, and has changed, then knowing she'll lose you if she fucks up again- as well as having someone who will believe in her- may strengthen her resolve enough for her to stay honest. If it's not, then, at least for the time being, I don't know how you could stay with her.

It's a choice. Lies or love. Let her prove which one suits her best.

Huh. People don't change, they can't.

quote:

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Originally posted by methangel83:
love over comes all so trust in her okay .

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I totaly agree with you and I know that I am changing I love my boyfriend with all my heart and I chose to have a better life then just sleeping around...that life my seem like fun to some people but let me tell you the emotional pain is so bad it makes you feel like you want to kill yourself....and that is not as bad as the pain of admiting it to the one you love....but people like I was can change if they want to....And believe me I do.......Don't say that once you are like that or once you have that life you can't and will never change...because I am living prof you can........so what I am tring to say is that the statement "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife" is not and will never be true.......I want to give advise to any one who has that life...get out of it you are worth a hell of alot more then that........I am so happy right now...for the first time in my life I woke up with a smile on my face and I know that I am truly changed...thanks everyone

cazy dark angel
well i have been there so. why don't you e-mail it is on my pro file and i can give you some more in this line okay .

As I said in the other thread, there is nothing wrong with sexual experimentation when you're young, male Or female. Just because you've had alot of sex, doesn't mean you are a slut. Cheating on someone is another story.

We All have hormones, desires, libidos. I'm not sure how old you both are, but I'm guessing late teens? If this is so, then the adolescent hormones have been raging. Don't think yourself a bad person, just because of having lots of sex. But if you want to continue doing this, with others than your boyfriend, then you are Not ready for a relationship.

I tend to think it was probably just a phase. it happens.
When I was that age, I was pretty promiscuous, but have since been in two long term monogamous relationships - including my wonderful and happy marriage. I would never dream of cheating on my husband, and besides, I got it all out of my system. I'm glad I had the experiences I did.

Did she cheat on you while you guys were together? Because if she did then I can understand why you are leery of trusting her again, I personally won't give a guy who cheats on me a second chance because I've learned from experience that some one who cheats once will usually cheat again. But if she didn't cheat on you and the reason you don't trust her is because you found out that she lied about guys that she has slept with then you really should give her another chance. If a girl just came out and told you on the first or even the second or third date that she has slept with 13 (or however many) guys before you would continue to date her? You need to think about why she lied to you in the first place. Was she just scared to tell you the truth because of what you would think about her afterward, or is she just a liar? If you really do love her then there is no way that your heart will let you NOT give her another chance.

*This advice is strictly from my own experience and I am by no means an expert on relationships.*

crazydarkangel9:

If you really love him and want to be with him then you need to earn his trust back. If you have truly changed then it shouldn't be too hard. You just have to show him that you do love him and that you are a different (better?) person now.

I honestly think that most girls go through a kind of 'slut phase'. I might be wrong, but almost all of the girls I know (myself included) have gone through a time when they slept with a few or even alot of different guys in a short period of time. It is usually not too long after the first time they have sex (as far as I know). It sounds like that's kinda what happened to you and if it is then don't let people make you feel bad about it. Its stupid that guys can sleep with 20 girls in 1 year and be called a stud but if a girl sleeps with even half that many guys then she is called a slut.