this is aimed mainly to guys and i think age makes a huge difference so if you odnt mind it would be helpful to mention it. the question is how long would you date a person without gettign physically involved. this is anything beyond kissing in my opinion.

so would you go out for more than two monthes with a girl if you werent even getting a BJ or would you wait two years before breaking up? obviously it depends alot upon the person but lets assume its and average mate, not stunning or wonderfull but clearly worth your time.

hmm, i would say stick with it for a while. Kinda depends on the situation. Thing is that women want sex too, it is just a matter of wearing them down. First, find out their reasons for not doing anything, if they are afraid of getting pregnant, gettings STDs etc. Find as much statistical data about the possibilities of getting pregnant and contracting STDs without condoms, then add in condoms and other contraceptives. Now compile an essay, with various literary techniques but make sure to include statistical facts from reputable sources. Depending on their age, teenagers usually think that there is a 90% chance to contract aids with a condom, this is due to all the anti-sex ads out there, usually blowing it out of proportion. Now after you give her the essay, ask her to write a response, or give an oral presentation, whicher she prefers. Ask her to include her own reactions to information, including disbeliefs as well as epiphinies. Also have her include her reasons that weren't addressed in the essay. Now make a Power Point presentation complete with animations about these issues that haven't been resolved, make sure to include pictures that may turn her on, and if she still don't do anything, shes probably a lesbian. . . If you are wondering WTF is up with my post, i have been doing an english report for the past 7 hours.
Serious Response: Depends on the situation, not really a cut-off date. . .

i could wait a long time if i really like the girl. usually i will wait till i know what her limits are and how far she is willing to go. going slow makes it more confortable for everybody. but there is always some girl who puts out right when you meet her.

you know, maybe I just date a lot of 'easy' girls, or I am just one helluva charmer, but I haven't had a girl not 'in the sack' by the second date in many years. i wouldn't know what to do if a woman made me wait for some (actually, I would probably just keep a lover on the side-works out great...)
The last time I waited for a girl, she was religious, and I NEVER GOT IT!!! That was tragic stuff, learned my lesson, and picked my women better after that...

I've only had sex with one person, and waited a year before we did for the first time.

As long as it takes

EDIT: I forgot to ad..i need a date first

[This message has been edited by razorlines (edited 09-08-2002).]

I wouldn't go for very long officially "dating" without sex only because it would indicate some odd attitude towards sex or another problem with intimacy.

Is your only objective to 'get some'?
(nevermind the meaningfull life- changing relationship parts)
Wouldn't it depend how you met? If you met a girl in a bar or club she would probaly be drunk already and have an understanding of the situation(you and her getting nasty before getting sober). If you meet her at school she would want to know you and most iportantly you knowing her, gaining her trust,confidance and ultimately her snatch.
excuse the insensitivity.

but two years is a looong time to wait.


[This message has been edited by Thoughtmonger (edited 09-09-2002).]

well personally at 17 years old im only willing to wait about 2 monthes at the most without at least getting and giving some great oral. if its any longer than that then i think its time to break it off.

what it really comes down to here is if im paying out to go on dates (that i dont want to be at anyway) she should at least be putting out. alot of people disagree with me on this but if your not sure if you want to be intimate with a person after two monthes then i think the relationship is getting pathetic and unbearably boring.

You could always try finding someone you actually want to be on a date with instead of looking at it as a chore you have to carry out, with sex as the hoped-for reward.

i am 17, i would probably wait for about 2 days before gettin some, maybe 3 days if they were really hot. If not by then id get out of the relationship.

Seriously though, with my last relationship i waited over 2 months before we even shared a serious kiss, and about 4 months before having sex. And i thought that it was well worth the wait for both of them. But i would have to say that it was difficult for me to last in a relationship for so long without a kiss, but the sex i could understand, and i would have waited longer for that.

When I was single in southern California I would rarely wait more than 2 weeks before losing interest. There were too many beautiful women that were available and I wasn't looking for anything serious. Even if I got some within the 2 weeks, I would move on in a few weeks. I rarely had a relationship last longer than a month, yet I almost always had a girlfriend.

I'm 21 & my longest relationships been 3 weeks, but I think that's cause I get what I wan't straight away & lose interest after that!
So I suppose if I really liked the girl & felt that she was worth my time, then i'd probably hang on for as long as it takes. But if she was just o.k i'd probably have fucked her off after 3 weeks!!.

i fuck on the first date. but then again, i'm attracted to sexually uninhibited people. i love sluts.

how long you wait all depends on your personality type; if you're a prude, date a prude. if you're a raunchy, 5 times a day kinda guy, then why would you even bother trying to pursue a relationship with a nun?

From the people I know personaly I've seen that if you both are in your first serious relationship, and virgins, it takes 5-6 months. It is considerably shorter otherwise.

If you actualy care about the person as a person, it will happen when it happens, so don't stress about it. If you are compatable enough to have an actual relationship you both should be ready at about the same time.

(note: not all men are controled completly by their glands, but maybe I'm the only exception)

It all depends on what kind of girl it is. Skanky happens fast and preppy takes sometime ive had it within five days andsome times it will take 5 months.

quote:

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Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:
You could always try finding someone you actually want to be on a date with instead of looking at it as a chore you have to carry out, with sex as the hoped-for reward.

---

ok have fun looking for a "cute" new shirt at abbercrombie, ill be laughing all the way to the skatepark. maybe you havent noticed but at 17 boys and girls share virtually no interests whatsoever.

no sex is better than bad sex.
emotionless sex is more likely to be bad sex.


you figure it out.

quote:

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Originally posted by syphon detonator:
ok have fun looking for a "cute" new shirt at abbercrombie, ill be laughing all the way to the skatepark. maybe you havent noticed but at 17 boys and girls share virtually no interests whatsoever.

---

Maybe, but at 24 that changes a bit. Besides, even at 17, there's no rule that says you have to put up with dates you don't want just to get laid. The girls who share your interests may be more rare, but they exist in greater quantities than you seem to realize.

But, what the hell. If you're happy with miserable dates for a chance at action, who am I to say you're wrong? Missing out, maybe, but not wrong.

[This message has been edited by Spiffy McBang (edited 09-10-2002).]

Jaded, I'm appauled. You, of all people, should know that "too much is better than not enough."

For SHAME!

quote:

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Originally posted by Jadedfool:
emotionless sex is more likely to be bad sex.

---

now bring this in line with masturbation.

masturbation is private, sex isn't.

mutual masturbation is an entirely different thing than just wanking, as opposed to what I post, which is all wanking.

point is, bad sex, and I mean horrendously bad sex, is not only a blow to the ego, but is also just a lot of hassle. theres always the cleanup and the awkwardness and the intense urge to get this random person out of MY FUCKING BED, et.. al..


masturbation, you just go to sleep.

And girls talk about these things with each other, just like guys. You definatly wouldn't want it getting around that you're a bad lay.

No publicity is bad publicity.

quote:

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Originally posted by Jadedfool:
masturbation is private, sex isn't.

mutual masturbation is an entirely different thing than just wanking, as opposed to what I post, which is all wanking.

point is, bad sex, and I mean horrendously bad sex, is not only a blow to the ego, but is also just a lot of hassle. theres always the cleanup and the awkwardness and the intense urge to get this random person out of MY FUCKING BED, et.. al..


masturbation, you just go to sleep.

---

*smile*

ok, my hand�s not crying anymore ...

Mine is.

Get to work, bitch.

most I'd ever wait is 2 months but I usually get it within a month

Like others have said, I'd wait a while before i fucked her to kingdom cum "heehee", if I liked her. Maybe a year or two, but after that why the hell wait?

I'm 13-14-15. Well actually I don't know my exact birthdate. No records. no birth certificate... I think ill make another post on this. bye.

-TheParkinator

to the fool who said 'no publicity is bad publicity', you are very, very wrong, especially in regards to your 'sexual ways'. you get marked as a bad lay, or a dog, or a total dick, then you best move to a new town, because you aren't gettin laid by any quality women anymore. And be warned, all women know each other, don't let them tell you otherwise, and the bad rep will NEVER leave you....

I have to agree with the guy who said no sex is better then bad sex.Anyways I think some romance will definately set the mood for sex. since I've gotten older at times it makes me crave sex more and maybe that's one thing this girl desires.I would give her a few months to see.

I waited a 5 months before I slept with my wife.

Ok I just read all of your posts and I just thought you might want a girl's perspective on the topic. I am almost 18 and I like having sex, but I don't sleep with a guy on the first or second or usually even the third date because most guys would assume that means I'm a slut. It doesn't matter how much two people like each other or how good their chemistry is, if a girl puts out on the first date guys automatically get the impression that she is easy. If I don't really see the relationship lasting or going any where then I might sleep with the guy on the second or third date, but not if I think there is potential for a real relationship. I can't speak for all girls but I know that most of my friends feel the same way, there are times when they wouldn't mind getting laid on the first date but they don't because it looks bad. Then again if a girl isn't looking for a relationship and just wants to hook up randomly then it doesn't really matter what the guy thinks about her afterwards.

That's silly. It's unfortunate that it's also right on the money as far as how too many guys will react.

If you like sex, and you like a guy, then there shouldn't be a problem with having sex with that guy- if that ends up ruining the chance at a relationship because he thinks you're easy, then he's got some insecurity issues he needs to work out. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone like that?

Well honestly I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with some body like that but I also wouldn't want him telling all his friends that I'm easy. So to be on the safe side I don't hook up on the first date no matter hom much I like a guy or how much he says he likes me.

quote:

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Originally posted by stephy_17:
Well honestly I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with some body like that but I also wouldn't want him telling all his friends that I'm easy. So to be on the safe side I don't hook up on the first date no matter hom much I like a guy or how much he says he likes me.

---

As much as I'd like to say, "Why do you care what they think?", I realize it complicates things when guys hear shit like that and then start asking you out because they think they'll get laid easily enough.

That being said, it's really only a problem of a size that you allow it to become. If you say damn the torpedoes and sleep with a guy, and suddenly you're getting all this attention, it's only going to be a major issue if you get all pissed off or pay attention to this reputation. So long as you treat guys the same as you would have before, simply saying no to who you don't want and such, then the guys who try because they think you're easy will have a nice little rejection to deal with. The no's get around as almost much as the yesses.

It may sound like I'm underestimating the ability of guys to lie about shit like that, but I'm really not. I've seen firsthand what several girls have had to deal in similar circumstances. But, in every instance, no matter how stable-minded they are, they could have dealt better to some extent if they would have just stopped listening to the idiots. In addition, most guys I've met can figure out if their friends are lying, and besides, why should you care about the things people say if they're telling people bullshit about you? If the people they're telling automatically assume it's true and won't listen to you if you deny it, then they're not worth your time either.

My apologies if it sounds like I'm trying to change your thinking on this. It's just something that gets my bristles up a bit, and I have trouble hearing anyone, male or female, say it's a bad idea to have sex or.. do anything, really, on a first/second/third/twelfth date because of what people will say without responding. The only power words have over you is what you give them, and I'm frankly tired of seeing so many people give so much power to such a vast quantity of thoughts that come from such limited collective intelligence.

quote:

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Originally posted by Spiffy McBang:


My apologies if it sounds like I'm trying to change your thinking on this. It's just something that gets my bristles up a bit, and I have trouble hearing anyone, male or female, say it's a bad idea to have sex or.. do anything, really, on a first/second/third/twelfth date because of what people will say without responding. The only power words have over you is what you give them, and I'm frankly tired of seeing so many people give so much power to such a vast quantity of thoughts that come from such limited collective intelligence.

---

I totally agree with you, and I really wish it were that easy. I'm not saying that people shouldn't sleep with some one on the first date. I'm saying that I don't do that because I've had to learn from experience. It is really easy for a girl to earn the title 'slut' yet a guy can sleep with as many girls as he wants on the first date or with out even going on a date first and he just gets congratulated. I don't not sleep with a guy on the first date just because I care what people think about me, I do it to see if they are actually interested in getting to know me or if they just want to hook up. Ok I feel like I totally forgot what I was going to say in this reply so I'm gonna end it now.

Don't worry Stephy, if you're doing it in ten years, you'll be termed 'sexually adventurous', or described as 'horny' instead. You'll explain it away with a flick of the wrist and 'I've got a very strong libido', or 'I have needs.'
You could actually Enjoy having the reputation of a woman who enjoys sex.

I mean really, fuck them all....

*snicker*


[This message has been edited by Tooth Fairy (edited 09-20-2002).]

That is true because the guys that I hang out with the most or what ever you want to call it are between the ages of 17 and 22, a lot of them aren't really mature yet. In 10 years I'll be hanging out with a completely different age group (hopefully right?) The older people get the less hung up they are about what people think or say about them, so I guess for now I am stuck in a world of closed minded 'little' boys who think a girl who likes to have sex is a slut.

No, 'No Publicity' is mystique............

oops, that was in response to this;

"to the fool who said 'no publicity is bad publicity', you are very, very wrong, especially in regards to your 'sexual ways'. you get marked as a bad lay, or a dog, or a total dick, then you best move to a new town, because you aren't gettin laid by any quality women anymore. And be warned, all women know each other, don't let them tell you otherwise, and the bad rep will NEVER leave you...."

and Z3M's initial quote......

[This message has been edited by Tooth Fairy (edited 09-20-2002).]

quote:

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Originally posted by stephy_17:
That is true because the guys that I hang out with the most or what ever you want to call it are between the ages of 17 and 22, a lot of them aren't really mature yet. In 10 years I'll be hanging out with a completely different age group (hopefully right?) The older people get the less hung up they are about what people think or say about them, so I guess for now I am stuck in a world of closed minded 'little' boys who think a girl who likes to have sex is a slut.

---

Hopefully, you'll be hanging out with a different age group than you are now - but still probably largely your own age group at that time. Although, it's good to have friends of all ages. My very close friends range in age from early twenties to mid fifties (I'm way closer to the former than the latter ;-)), and some of my very best friends are ten years older than me.
Some people get more hung up about what people think about them as they get older. My ex was obssessed/almost paranoid about what people thought about him. That was funny, casue if he was so worried, he should have fucking behaved better........
But largely, people get more liberal minded as they get older.
My dad was with us for christmas day last year - and we had a big dinner with five other close firends (8 in all) & I warned my dad that there might be some dope smoked (by two of the older guys - late 40's - in our group in particular) & he surprised me by responding
'well as long as I'm offered a puff....'
My dad's 69.

So don't worry, it only gets better.......

Oh, and further........

I had a lot of sex from a pretty young age, with whomever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I didn't give a shit what people thought about it.
In fact I may have been a bit naive, as I never gave much thought to If people even knew about it. The guys I dated were generally from different circles. I do remember one nasty incident where a guy I was going out with (whom I hadn't had sex with) went around bad mouthing me after I refused to have sex with him without a condom. Then I went out with a guy for six months, without having sex with him at all. I really liked him, but he just didn't do it for me physically, so I ended it.

When I talk about this period in my life now - I freely say I was sexually promiscuous.
What it seems people are failing to understand, is that adolescent girls undergo the same stimulation to their hormones as adolescent boys.
There are varying degrees of sex drive amongst both sexes. I happen to possess a high one, and I certainly had a very high level of sexual curiousity in my teens. There's nothing wrong with it!

Thanks for the different perspective. I know that I've had more sex than a lot of girls who are my age but I don't really see anything really wrong with it. I also know that I might not feel the same way about it in 10 years as I do now. But If I liked a guy and I could have sex with him on the first date with out anybody finding out then I would totally go for it. But if I knew that he was going to go tell all his buddies what an easy lay I was then I wouldn't. It's not just because of what they would think of me, it would be because a guy like that isn't worth my time.

I think your last comment is the crux of the matter...

Having said that, I talk about my single friend's sex lives with them. Not so much for the gossip, but for the titillation factor - now that I'm a happily married woman - it's kinda fun hearing about others' sex lives...

But you're right to say a guy who would spread it around like that isn't worth your time...
However, it would be pretty hard to say what kind of guy he really is, after only one date.

I remember an occasion where I was at friend's place and we had a bit of a party, and all got very drunk. There was this one guy who I had known from a distance, and we got it on a little, and he asked for my number before he left. And I told him I would really love to give it to you, but I'm not sure you mean it, so if you really want it, why don't you come back again tomorrow and ask for it. If you don't show, I'll know you didn't mean it.
He turned up b4 midday. :-)

You're probably playing it safe......... just don't play it too safe.......

quote:

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Originally posted by stephy_17:
Thanks for the different perspective. I know that I've had more sex than a lot of girls who are my age but I don't really see anything really wrong with it. I also know that I might not feel the same way about it in 10 years as I do now. But If I liked a guy and I could have sex with him on the first date with out anybody finding out then I would totally go for it. But if I knew that he was going to go tell all his buddies what an easy lay I was then I wouldn't. It's not just because of what they would think of me, it would be because a guy like that isn't worth my time.

---

Kind of a chicken-and-egg problem there. I love those, they're so much fun to be unable to figure out.

I realize that, regardless of what I've seen, I still have a bystander perspective at best on this. Still, for what it's worth, if you're not good at spotting certain traits in people (such as whether a guy is likely to jabber to his friends), the best way to learn is experience, and to trust yourself. If there's a mutual attraction thing going on, you don't sense any bullshit with him, and you both want to go for it, then go for it. If you're wrong, you're wrong, but I don't expect that would happen too often unless you turn your brain right off.

I don't know how many guys you know, but I've met my share, and I've found that it's generally quite easy to figure out the general level of braggadocio you'll get with any of us based on minimal conversation. Yes, they tend to shoot straighter with me since I'm a guy, but young men are almost entirely non-complex beings (and the ones who are complex tend to dislike the traits of the simpletons, such as bragging about their "scores"). You seem fairly intelligent, so as long as you trust your judgement over your hormones, you'll probably be right at least 90% of the time. Besides, if someone calls you a slut, they're openly stating their ignorance, and a guy who could shrug his shoulders at it would definitely have at least one worthwhile trait if you liked him as a potential boyfriend.

Honestly, though, a "traditional" slut, the ones most commonly found with that title on their heads, have reputations as people who need nothing more than a beer and a request for sex, and maybe not even the beer, and bam, you get laid. You do not, in any way, sound like you're prone to doing something like that- so, although you know your friends and where you live, based on the average person, I believe you have less to worry about than you think. So long as you continue to say no to the guys you don't want, then the only people likely to call you names for saying yes to the guys you do like are either jealous or morality pushers, and they rarely listen to common sense anyway.

3 1/2 hours.

it all depends on the chemistry if it aint right and i dont find any mutual interests with my date i go for the one nighter and i can usually tell if things are going right on first date.if things go well and i really connect with the other person then im willing to just take things one day at a time,why rush a good thing,when they can only get better...

5 months, one week, three days and eleven hours. Exactly.