Ok..I have a friend and he or she has things on their mind.So i figured i would come here and everyone can help me on this if they were in this situation

Well the partner is going away for a period of time and he or she wants to seperate until he or she gets back,and he or she says its for he or shes sake and not their sake..What would you say to this?
Please give me your thoughts on this.thanks

the partner is afraid of taking responsibility.

First off, it'd make things easier if you cut out the he or she crap. We don't know you or who you're talking about, nor are we likely to, so who's male and who's female doesn't matter. Nor will the vast majority give a fuck if both are male or both are female.

Anyway.. there's different motivations for saying something like that. It could be total honesty. It would require the speaker to not have thought things through and/or be someone who automatically bends over backwards to make their partner happy, but I wouldn't put the chance of it being the case at 0%.

But, frankly, I tend to believe the speaker is saying this because they a) want the spoken-to to not feel attached to someone who's not there and b) themselves don't want to feel attached to someone who's not there. If the speaker intended to stay true, they would more likely want to talk about it and get the other's thoughts on the matter, rather than unilaterally decide it would be better if they separated over that period of time.

This isn't a bad thing. Knowing that you could very well go and find someone else, yet allowing the other person to hang on to the notion that the two of you are still a thing, that's not cool.

It's the usual, though- they should talk about it a little more and figure out wtf they want to do, so they can be comfortable with whatever they decide.

i was gonna write something but i dont feel like it just ok fine.... she wants to fuk a guy while shes gone so you do the ssame GL HF

That sounds exactly what my girl friend and I were about to go through. Its probably because he doesn't want to hold you back if you find somone else, or at least thats what it was with us. She kept thinking that I was trying to leave her (but I wasn't). Then again he might have found someone else, ya never know. I hope this helped, i can really relate to this one chump!

But if he found someone else,wouldnt he just come out and tell her and be honest?
Maddcow,If you found someone else wouldnt you tell your gf ??

Someone seems a bit fond .

Yes, but I would be very, VERY carful how I worded it so I wouldn't harm her feelings. It would also have to depend on the partner, if I hated her, I still dont think I could just flat out tell her, but yes I would. I would just word it very carfully. If you are going to break up with you're girl friend I would highly suggest that you devise a plan, and yet, be very honest, LIKE ME!

Hope I helped.

With best regards:

Jeff

quote:

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Originally posted by Bliizzard:
i was gonna write something but i dont feel like it just ok fine.... she wants to fuk a guy while shes gone so you do the ssame GL HF

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Im with Bliizzard all the way and you dont need to do the He/She thing we all know its you if i turned you down sorry but he/she probly wants to have sex with someone else least thats what i think

hehe,i agree with both,Bliizard and Shibby-Element

Besides, you or your friend are probably better off without the other person anyways

I'm not a fan of exclusive relationships. The only reason it's so bad and hits you so hard when you break up with someone is that you're left /alone/ - if you have several relationships on the go at any given time, it's not so bad if someone decides they don't want the relationship any more.

Also, I'm willing to bet that once you've decided not to bother keeping relationships exclusive, they last longer. People break up because there's some sort of taboo about having more than one sexual partner, so when they want someone else they have to ditch the old one even if they still want to have sex with them, which is a crying shame for both parties. Also, when someone finds out you've been `cheating' they feel - well, cheated.

Think about non-exclusive relationships; I used to be violently jealous, and miserable as a result. Now that I've decided to take this course, I'm a lot more relaxed about the whole thing. Keep it above board, of course - everyone has to know what's going on.

I hope I haven't gone horribly off topic and that this post is of some use to someone - this stuff is very much on my mind at the moment for various reasons.

- Freon

Freon's totally correct. Love, Venus.

None of which actually helps someone already in a one-on-one relationship.

Hi, Spiffy: It's true that what Freon said (and I agreed with) won't actually help anyone who is already in an exclusive relationship.....won't help them RIGHT NOW, that is!! But that relationship will almost certainly break up sooner or later because of jeolosy, cheating, etc., etc., and maybe our message will help them to not get in such a vulneralbe position again. It's kind of like preventative medicine, except it's "preventitive advice". Love, Venus.

that's crazy, monogamy is only painful if the people in it act like children. Sex is JUST SEX. everyone is perfectly capable of ignoring the occasional urges to be with someone else, it's just that some choose not to ignore them and instead indulge.. Relationships are about compromise, about giving up certain things for others. I'd give up casual sex anyday for the opportunity to be with one man I really love and trust. There's more to monogamy than sex, which both of you seem to be unaware of, or ignoring.

Hi, Wintermute: You are totally correct that "monogomy is painful only if the people in them play like children" The problem is that THEY DO!! Or I should say that they do 98% of the time (just an estimate--could be a little lower or higher). The reason they act that way is (I truly believe) that monogomy is not a natural state for men. It just isn't!! And, like fighting a typhoon with a handheld fan, any effort at changing a natural force of nature is FUTILE. So, being the realist that I am, I think those who just accept the reality of nature, and live consistent with it, will face fewer heartaches and frustrations. I don't speak for your own relationship. It sounds like you have a good one. But remember that only 98% of the monogomous relationships sputter, crash and fail. You might be saved from that typhoon just because you are lucky, and the typhoon changes directions just before it blows you away. I hope so. You MIGHT be one of the rare cases that don't fail. I hope so. But for most, efforts at long term, lasting, heartfelt, kindred spirit, monogamous relationships with one guy is bound to end in jeolousy, frustration, disappointment, betrayal, and failure. Love, Venus.

Good relationship > no relationship > bad relationship

Simple math for dat ass.

I've noticed that you see in people what you expect out of them. Considering you're constantly harping on how men are prone to being jealous and unfaithful (and you do specify men most of the time, even though women will do it too), it's not really a surprise that you're convinced damn near everyone is headed for a disaster if they get into a relationship.

Taking into account divorce rates and number of significant others people tend to have before marriage, I wouldn't be surprised to see the number of relationships that end for one reason or another to be up around 90-95%. Far, far, lower is the percentage which end bitterly. Plenty of people break up either on decent terms or just from realizing that it's not working anymore. Yes, it hurts- but if it was a good relationship up to that point, the good probably outweighs the heartache.

So what even if one or both partners cheats?. IF at some point, everyone is bound to fail, providing that love is evident in the relationship, that's something that can be forgiven... I just don't think that humain frailty and failures are worth forgoing the positive benefits of being in a monogamous relationship