There's this girl who I have been wanting to hook up with for some time. I had one of her friends tell her that I liked her and her response was along the lines of "Oh, I had no idea that he liked me! I would have never known!" So, I acquired her phone number and called her yesterday.

We haven't really spoken to each other before besides idle chit chat about college work. When I called her, she seemed surprised, yet enthusiastic. I asked her what she was up to today and we talked for a little bit. I then said that I haven't really had the chance to talk to her and I wanted to know if she wanted to go out and do something sometime (as in a date).

She followed with "well, I'm not sure, I'm kind of dating someone right now, but we're not really together or anything". So then I asked "Well, would you like to go out and do something?" and she said "Yeah, sure!"

That was a bit confusing and I'm still not quite sure what to make of it. She said she was working this weekend so we couldn't do anything then, and then we conversed a bit more and I asked her if she would like for me to call back later, and she said yes.

Can someone decipher what just happened here? I'm confused and am completely infatuated with this girl but I don't want to be too pushy. How should I follow up? I'm usually not like around other girlfriends I've had, but I think I really like this girl alot.


I appreciate any advice/input given

Hi: I think she is doing what is natural for a girl when she is first confronted by a guy (like you) who she really don't know, but thinks she might like----but she is afraid because she senses that the guy is already infatuated with her, even before she has made up her mind!!. She just pretends she is "sort of" already in a relationship. Then if it turns out that the new guy is not a good one, she has a convenient "out". And if the new guy turns out to be a good one for her, she will just tell him (you) that she is giving up her "sort of" relationship to be all for you. That will make his self esteem high, and make the new relatioship more solid for her. Yes, that's manipulative of her, but I am sorry to tell you, it works for the girl, and is what happens all the time. Good luck. Love, Venus.

Thanks alot, that actually sounds very reasonable.

Does anyone else think differently, or do you all feel the same as Venus?

[This message has been edited by herzeleid (edited 04-25-2002).]

[This message has been edited by herzeleid (edited 04-25-2002).]

Yeah, good chance there is no other guy at all. Just roll with it.

You may, however, want to keep an eye on the stuff she says. Don't be suspicious, just pay attention. It's possible there really is another guy. It's possible she may be doing exactly as Venus suggested, giving herself an easy out, but otherwise is a good, honest person. She's only trying to protect herself. And, it's possible she's manipulative as a part of her personality. Some people are like that.

Thanks for your input Spiffy, any advice given helps a great bit.

After the call that I made to her, I've been wanting to talk to her in class but when I speak, I can't even utter a single word so I shoot a blank and I say nothing. It's been a few days now and we still glance at each other but never talk.

The only time we would have a chance to talk is at the end of the class, and so far, I've said nothing and have gone about my way. I wish that for once she would take the initiative since I already called her. That way I would know for sure that she shared interest as well. I hope this isn't making her lose the interest that she might of had for me. My personality isn't like this at all, all of my girlfriends in the past have said that I was a great talker and was very charismatic. Around this girl, I seem to be a very shy/timid person, and I hate this impression that I'm giving to her.

I want to call her Monday and see how her schedule fits in with us dating sometime on the weekend and see if she's still up for it. However, I feel that I might be scaring her off by not conversing with her besides the one time I have on the phone.

Would any of you girls be turned off by this or just think that I was shy and was having a hard time talking? Should I try to say something again Monday or wait to call her when I get home? How would you feel (as a girl) in this situation? I'm very confused right now since I've never had this problem around other girls and my head is in a fucking bind and it's tearing me up.


Thanks again for any help

[This message has been edited by herzeleid (edited 04-26-2002).]

c'mon man, you gotta go and talk to her at class. You only live once! I suggest reading text that totse has about getting people to like you. You don't need to make yourself something you're not, but it has some good ways to make people more comfotable around you, like matching their speech rythem, patterns and body language. Give it a try. and good luck.

-GreaterEvil

You're right, It's been killing me not to say anything and it angers me even more that I've never been like this before. I'll definitely force myself next time, hopefully.........