okay... here we go
>Interrogating the Monkey
>Wrastling Russel the one-eyed love muscle
>Yanking/Spanking Frank
>Killing it in a Kleenex
>Erectile Projectile
>Choking Charlie
>Whacking Willie
>bustin' a nut
>date with patty palmer and her 5 sisters
>Tenderizing the Tube steak
>defining the difference between pink and purple
>Sharpening the Pork Sword of Love
>punish the primate
>Strokin' the Scrotum Pole
>erecting a monument
>pulling oneself thru puberty
>scoring an own goal
>practising catch and release
>doing the wife's work
>sparing the rod.spoiling the child
>making piece with ones self
>Go Go PowerRangers(5 on 1)
>Studying the largest snake in captivity
>cuffin the governor until the truth cums out
>Ricky boxing (recruit thing)
>Playin' the skin flute solo
>Pulling at you pants
>Fiddling with your joystick
>Plunking The Bass String
>strokin the hot-beef injector
>snapping the carrot
>Goin' to Jiffy Lube
>paintin' the ceiling
>take matters into your own hands
>caulkin' the belly
>Tug-o-war with Moby
>hand-to-gland combat
>I'm having sex with someone i love
>Releasing the demons
>Doing what cums naturally
>Milking the mutter utter
>Getting rid of the retards
>Making a mess in there (to those outside the bathroom)
>Shooting down the birds and the bees
>Libido lovin
>Lettin' Lucky lust
>Choking Lucky
>Crashing the milk truck
>waxin the weisel
>lubricating the big mac
>Training the Purple Headed Warrior
>Bringing order to your court
>Squeezing Fresh Vanilla extract
>goin for a joy ride
>my personal slip-N-slide
>teach my little boy a lesson
>help, he's choking me!
>the real joystick
>On her period
>quality time at the shooting range
>releasing stretch from the denim prison
>shaking hands with the self employed
>The one handed dance
>Jerkin' the giant
>Clearing Out the Mucky Water
>Bashing the Bishop
>Wax the plank
>Polish your nuts
>Do a bradychimp
>Play Lau's piccolo
>Scalin' tha fish
>Pluckin' tha poultry
>smakin the kak
>Oil Change
>Meat Check
>Goin' fishin for the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed trouser trout
>Beatin' your meat
>pumping jacks
>playin the bag-pipe
>Feeling the mommy and daddy button
>Raking your twig and berries
>beatin' up your little brother
>Rubbing the face
>Polishing the Horn
>jaggov
>petting the one-eyed wonder worm
>pumpin the porpoise
>Doing the Pork Sword Jiggle
>cheering for the Yankees
>slappin' da cocknballs
>Whacking my weed
>givin' a low five
>shinin' the brass monkey
>strokin' your pretty poker
>Having an auto-erotic encounter
>polishing the torpedo
>Bathing the willy wonka
>screwing rosie palm
>Playing the one string banjo
>felling the mighty pink oak
>Slappin' Skippy till he weeps
>Adjusting the Helmet
>Wrestling the Cobra
>Paddlin the Cyclops
>Slingin Hash
>Slapping the one-eyed weasel
>Hurting Harry
>Dropping the "kids" off...
>slaying the skin serpent...
>"sacrificing" yourself for the betterment of ...tonight...
>Waking One Eyed Willie
>Being curious about "George"...
>eulogizing Einstein
>Wax the Carrot
>Crank the Cannoli
>Slap the Sausage
>Beat the Breadstick
>Pull the pork
>Making it with Palmela Handerson
>I was just cleaning it and it went off
>Getting the Dill out of the Pickel
>Taming of the Shrew
>Jerkin' Off
>Spankin'
>Tugging
>Pull Off
>Yank Off
>Yank the chain
>Shoot the moon
>Shallack the galacknoid
>Boxin' your rooster
>Five Knuckle Shuffle
>Pud Polishing
>flying a kite
>Morphin' the Red Ranger
>the one gun salute
>"web surfing"
>primin' the main guns
>clearin' the tunnel
>jousting with the hydra
>reelin' in the big one
>Scratching me Pork
>Floging the dolphine
>Squeeze One Off
>A Five on One
>asking your five voters to take a poll.
>cleaning the pipes
>Buffing the Vampire slayer
>hugging Mini me
>playing punch and judy with the ol' Meat puppet(punch and judy being those old puppet shows where they used to hit one another)
>Rukken
>Layin the smack down on yourself
>Sinkin the 8 ball
>Finding your spiritual center
>Mixing up some of D.R. (your name) two white ball compound root juice solution
>ticklin' the squid
>kickin it solo style
>grooming the poodle
>makin crotch custard
>makin pants puddin
>burning the candle at one end
>Self Gratification
>got the soilder marching
>menage-a-un
>giving rest to your spouse
>Visiting Mary Palmer and her five little saints
>takin' a #3
>Hitchhiking under the circus tent
>the christie brinkley hand puppet
>hand to gland combat
>boxing the jesuit
>Showin' Lord Helmet who's boss
>Attempting Ambe-jerks-terity
>Becoming one with myself
>Strengthening yer wrist
>Lonely mans orgy
>One handed pullups
>drainin the dragon
>having a one legged race
>Test-firing the photon torpedoes
>Breaking In The Starfleet Cadet
>Abusing the holodeck
>Maintaining the Jeffries Tube
>Breaking The Prime Directive
>Engaging The Turbolift
>Leading The Away Team
>Working The Transporter
>Taking the Shuttlecraft Out Of The Bay
>All Hands To The Bridge
>The Forearm Frenzy
>Patting the Robertson
>shaking hands with the man
>Gaining some good old HANDS ON EXPERIENCE
>Giving a hand to the Colonel
>Downloading a floppy
>Oiling the pole
>Checking the dipstick
>Cleaning my heads
>Celbrating Palm Sunday
>Polishing my gun
>Milking the python
>Hacking the tater
>making Duck Butter
>Nothing like the yello-jello
>dont knock masterbation atleast im doing it with someone i love
>punching judy
>spanking the pud
>moving the donkey
>getting off
>palm sister
>antie five
>mr. mojo-rising
>Sleeping with Mary and the four Sisters of Charity
>strokin' the pup
>Making the scene with a magazine
>showing myself a good time
>Thump your stump
>Punchin' the Clown
>Wax the Bishop
>Pitchin' a Tent
>Strokin' the Smoke Stack
>Cradling the Candies
>Palmala Handerson (with her 5 sisters) Polka
>Having myself
>ganking off
>Having a closer encounter of the FIST kind
>Comforting the italian stallion
>Showing stevie whos the boss
>Spankin' the Root
>Honkin' on Bobo
>Rackin the Rib Cage
>Self-service
>Giving your bits and pieces a "how's your father?"
>Shining the tackle
>Fly fishing for sperm
>Walkin' the dog
>Pipein the Peter
>Teasing the Devil
>Beating the Gorilla (little boys spank the monkey)
>Hangin with Big Jim and the Twins
>Shuffeling the deck
>Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
>Grooming the Wookie
>Polishing Vader's Helmet
>Evacuating Tatooine
>Unsheathing the Meatsaber
>Communicating with Red Leader One
>Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
>Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears
>Test Firing the Death Star
>Launching a pocket rocket
>Luring a trowser trout
>Jack the one eyed pirate
>Whippin' up a batch
>Genuflecting the Bishop
>Asking your room mate to leave for five minutes so you can call your mom
>Beating the munchkin till he gives up his gold
>Beaver Hunters Day Off
>Roughing
>Visiting Rosie Redthumb and her four lovely daughters
>My fingers got jealous
>Playing the pink trumpet
>Milkin' the member
>Poundin' the Pudweiser
>Feelin' the other finger
>Stokin' the strokin' stack
>Crankin' on Captain Winky
>Reefin' on the restless rod
>Taking the pink cadillac for a test drive
>Firin' old faithful
>Grapplin' with Mr. Happy
>Tuggin' Tom Turkey
>Pound the Flounder
>Wax the candle
>Spending the night at the Hancock Inn (a real place in VT)
>Hand-cycling the nine bit
>Making the bald man cry/puke
>Straightening Kojak's rollneck
>Tossing the spam javelin
>Tugging the tapioka tube
>Saluting General Pleasure
>Greasing the axle
>Hoisting the mast
>Luring the snake
>Mercury rising
>Gripping up the flesh bat
>Shoveling sperm
>Invoking the sperm spirit
>Sending out all the king's men
>Launching some swimmers
>Choping down a redwood
>Inspectyer gadget
>Using the force with your lightsaber
>Palmanella poisening
>UA (unauthorized) stroking (a Navy thing)
>Full Metal Wacket (a Marine thing - "I am... in a world... of spit!!!")
>Flogging the Dolphin
>Pope on a Grope (have you seen that hat?)
>Pickling pigs feet (a southern beer food thing
>lightning striking the same place over and over and over and over...
>Self Whittling
>Punching Your Way Into Heavan
>Puling Russell the Love Muscle
>Wham your ham
>Pounding peckerhead
>Going to play Rosy Palm, her four sisters, and Thumbelina
>Rubbing one out
>Smackin' your tater
>Banishing the Baby Batter
>Friction Conviction
>Poundin' the Clown
>Floggin' your hog
>Coming home...
>Releasing the valve
>Taking a few practice swings
>Hittin' off the tee
>Getting a good grip on the shaft before hitting the little balls (alluding to golf)
>Freeing Willy!!
>Tenderizing the ol' meat package
>Trying to make it longer
>Reminiscing...
>Spillin' Oil
>Waxing the Buick
>Emptyin' the Cashe
>Yinin the Yang
>Yangin the Yin
>Beat the Turtle
>Dishonorable Discharge
>Fire the Cannon
>One Gun Salute
>Slappin' Johnny behind the German Helmet
>Doing the one-handed macarena with the albino gecko
>Burp the worm
>Fire the Cannon
>One Gun Salute
>Wrestling the purple headed gut snatcher
>Going solo on the flesh flute
>Shining the lighthouse
>Milking the 1-eye trouser snake
>Waxin' the bishop
>Bringin' the general to attention then putting him at ease
>Playing with the one eyed trouser worm
>Arm and Hammer
>Jerkin' the Purple Headed Yogart Slinger
>Jerkin' the Weasle
>Slammin' the Ham
>Shinin' the Bayonet
>Buffin' the Cuke
>Wackin' the Goofy
>Punishin' Petey
>Target Practice
>Rotatin' the stock
>Releasin' the Monster
>Teasin' the Rattler
>Givin' Mama a day off
>Clearin' old one eye's tear duct
>Sluggin' it out with the alter ego
>Ultimate Solitaire
>Choking Kojak
>Firing the Attorney General
>Sex with the only social equal in town
>Doing Pullups
>Organizing
>Shuffling the Deck
>Summoning the Semen Demon
>Parading the troops (corporal and five privates)
>Giving the general a five-finger salute
>Saluting the general
>Playing with the upright organ
>Punishing the Pope
>Visiting Merry Palmer
>Shaking yourself one from the palm
>Checking in to the Red Palm Hotel
>Shaking hands with my red neck friend
>fist fuckin' the piss pump
>choking the bishop
>wrestling the snake
>Flexing Russell the one-eyed love muscle
>Enslaving Private Ryan
>Whacking Wee Willie Winkie
>Makin' Willie do pushups til he pukes
>Makin' a deposit in the Toilet Bank of America
>Doin' the tip-toe tango
>Whacking the one-eyed worm
>Wettin' yer whistle
>Sharpening the beaver-cleaver
>Scolding the diamond-cutter
>Can I just do it til I need glasses?
>Gettin' pudding on her panties
>Solo-sex
>Playing King Kong and Faye Wray
>strummin' the Banjo
>Lay your destiny into your own hands
>Fightin' demons
>socking the sauage
>Endurance Training
>Cleaning the shotgun
>Putting trees to good use
>Seiging the tower
>Monogamy
>Ambidexterity
>Learning the true meaning of commitment
>Ticklin' elmo
>Letting the cat out
>A date with Manuela
>Making tadpole Milkshake
>takeing the neighbors dog for a walk
>playing with my Yo Yo
>Helping Dr. Kleenex get his kids through college
>making water babies (in the shower)
>wobbling my woodle
>Takin' a "homework break"
>fucking miss michigan
>getting your palm red
>cleanin' the pipes
>jiggling the handle
>Testing' Old Faithful
>Dating Thumbalina and her four sisters
>Visiting Taylor Buckner
>Playing Toronto-Maple-Leafs Hockey
>Pull The Goalie
>Hand Release
>Manual Release
>Taking matters into one's own hands
>Finding the solution in the hands
>There's always a solution at hand
>First you grab it by the head then you beat it till it's dead
>Shootin' off a load
>Runnin' a Batch
>Packin' the pud
>Warmin' up the alter boy's dinner
>Flippin' my jibbon
>Giving my girlfriend the night off
>Pattin' the pooter
>Lope'n the mule
>Badgering the Witness
>Pump the gas
>Got a date with Rosie Palmer
>The pause that refreshes
>Playing five against one
>Flicking the Donkey
>Checking head space and timing (an army thing)
>Sending a fax (anouther army thing)
>Hackin yer Banana
>Whippin yer Wire
>Lap based web browsing
>Gettin' some air nookie
>Tango con mano
>Jostling your elder
>Releasing the hostages
>Fixing the Hubble
>Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
>Downloading from your own website
>Evicting the testicular squatters
>fanny fumbling
>Lettuce Rubbin
>Meeting Joe Black
>Visiting Mother Thumb and her Four Daughters
>slapping pappy
>polishing your purple helmet
>abusing government property
>wheeling off a batch
>Using the purple headed yogurt flinger
>whippin the snot out of one-eyed goofy
>forcing your yoda
>bobbing your fett
>darthing your vader
>hand solo
>r2 your d2
>wanking your wedge
>c3p Oh
>degravitizing your boots
>patroling your parameter
>Pulling a jerry
>tenderizing your piece of pork
>making tadure taffy
>Auntin' the jamima
>aiding the gator
>smoking the marlboro man
>Keeping the population down
>Shuffle one out
>Spit Shinin' your Wing Tip
>Giving Monica the day off
>little man in the boat OVERBOARD
>Get to the peak of your peker
>Checkin for carpal tunnel
>It's mine and I'll wash it as long and as hard as I want!
>Buffin' the helmet
>Willy Wonkin'
>Boppin' the bologna
>Milkin' the muskrat
>Snapping one off
>Draining the Dragon
>Experiencing Men-o-paws
>Celebrating Palm Sunday
>Palmala Handerson
>Five knuckle shuffle on the piss pump
>Bashin' the Bishop
>having a session with the wise master
>goin to to dojo (for a little training)
>Enjoyin' yourself
>Beating grandma and throwing her in the trunk
>hand start the one eyed yogert thrower
>Memory Bank Spank
>Feeding the chooks
>Gettin' jizzy with it
>Cleaning the snorkel
>Making a deposit at the "bank
>Mugging the Kojak Doll
>giving flipper a backrub
>Makin' puddin'
>Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
>making sewer babies
>dating the palm sisters
>watering the grass
>Cockin the Gun
>Gettin' jiggy with it
>Filling up the belly button well
>Conditioning the leather
>Rubbing one off
>Satisfying King Solomon
>Hanging on for dear life
>Inflating the Zepplin
>Massaging the Marrionette, no strings attatched
>Extracting a core sample
>Enforcing the "No Fly Zone"
>Digital Manipulation of the Coital Apparatus
>testin out the magic love wand
>The Rise and Fall of Peter the Great
>Just hold it right there!
>Firing the Surgeon General
>Big Battle With The CHOAD WARRIOR
>beatin' up the scumbag who impragnated my wife
>Circling the camel toes (insert imagination here!)
>Helpin' Yourself
>squeaky the squirrel
>taking Herman to the circus
>Russian Roulette
>freeing the soldiers of love
>boobytrapping a toilet seat
>Galloping the lizard
>Five finger boogie on the blue vein
>Tickling little tommy behind the ear
>Walking the one eyed dog
>Making hair-gel
>Making gravy
>just look at all that "jello"
>Making a quick $50(selling sprem)
>humpping the old hand
>Greasing The Baseball Bat
>One man tug of War
>Hang The Hampster
>5 Digit Disco
>rockin the lil' man in the boat
>the disappearing cigar trick
>Male polishing the stinger
>Checkin' the tweeters
>Shaking hands with the wifes wedding present
>analyzing your woofer
>lauchin' the heat seeking moisture missle
>fileting the trouser trout
>jerkin' my johnson
>latherin' the latin love lance
>phonin' the czar
>gettin' gnarly with the knudster
>gettin' gissy wit the goo
>bendin' to the will of the one eyed purple warrior
>peelin' the primordial pestle
>spew from the column of delight
>honkin' bobo
>ridin' the one eyed wonder horse
>fuckin' the cashier at safeway
>sayin' hello to my little friend
>open hand ...insert buba
>Prostate Maintenance
>Honkin' the burritto
>Pickle dancing
>Skippin' rocks off the lake of love
>Shaving the cucumber
>Faxing a hard copy to the Castro
>Chompin' the Chihuahua
>Using the Force
>Countin' Sheep
>Floggin' the dolphin
>Whippin' up some baby batter
>Saving Private Ryan
>Testin' the Viagra
>Feeding your trouser-mouse
>Joltin' the bean
>Cock the cannon
>Supply and Demand
>Puttin' mayo on the knuckle sandwich
>doin' the hand-jive
>firing the photon torpedoes
>shootin putty at the moon
>the sperm manicure
>Putting the dog's eye out
>Rubbing the nub
>Slobbering on the knob (have to be flexible for this one)
>Saying hi to big Jim and the twins
>Verifying your manhood
>Worshiping the fist prince
>Yanking the penal cord
>Flushing babies
>73 de Vince
>The two fisted monkey slap
>bustin' caps
>the blob blaster
>making a sinkbitch
>spewin' crude
>punyeta
>Wank your crank
>skankin' the pickle
>smackin' the pudge
>Eake the Sweak
>Excusing It
>Going to take a bath
>unrolling the turtle neck
>unsheathing the shlong
>washing vigerously
>puncturing the cock head
>shining the helmet
>snake dancing
>dressing up like the mail man
>making liquid salt
>candle pin bowling
>spit shinin' the trophy
>Making love with miss Right
>Spin the humming top
>Letting off a few wrist rockets
>Owner Operator
>Freeing the Willies
>Pettin' the Parrot
>Punchin' the Munchkin
>Spankin' the Monkey
>Slappin' the Salami
>Chokin' the Chicken
>Slickin' the Willy
>Carressin' the Cucumber
>Doin' the Mighty Wang Chung (tonight)
>Tamin' the Shrew
>Shinin' the Shaft
>Tweakin' the Totem Pole
>Takin' the Stalian out of the Corral
>Lubricatin' the Piston
>Beatin' the Meat (a true classic)
>Armin' the Torpedo
>Playin' One Arm Bandit
>Playin' One Eyed Bandit
>Squirtin' the Shavin' Cream
>Playin' the Skin Flute
>Fondlin' the Fountain
>Churnin' Butter
>Buyin' a Vowel
>It's the Middle School Rodeo
>Knuckle Shuffle on the Piss Pump
>Takin' Out the Dentures
>Gushin' the Geyser
>Sealin' the Drywall
>Milkin' the Hieffer
>Squeezin' the Squirrel
>Jerkin' Off (time honored classic)
>Pullin' the Pud
>Self Pollution
>Pullin' a Pee-Wee
>Goin' Blind
>Growin' Hair on the Palms
>Waxin' the Dolphin
>Beatin' the Bishop
>Jerkin' the Gerkin
>Wackin' Off
>Poundin' the Pepperoni
>Cleanin' the Canoli
>Lovin' Thy Self
>Special Saucin' the Big Mac (TM)
>Fondlin' the Fahita
>Bangin' the Burrito
>Heistin' the Jewels
>Pettin' the Kitty
>Hustlin' the Hog
>Porkin' the Pig
>Startin' the Lawn Mower
>Waxin' the T-Bird
>Polishin' the Rocket
>Gettin' Your Pole Varnished
>I'll Be Out in a Minute
>Chaffin' the Chiwawa
>One Man Band
>Makin' the Meat-Whistle
>Torquin' the Taliwacker
>Fist Fuckin'
>Givin' it a Tug
>Shootin' Putty at the Moon
>Pocket Pool
>Shaking Hands with the Unemployed
>Pounding your Pud
>Polishing the Bishop (as in the chess piece that bears a striking resemblence to the male member)
>beatin' the boner
>handlin' the hard on
>yankin' your chain
>sanding the woody
>lubricating the love stick
>Jigglin' your cockanballs
>Polishing your ceptor while sitting on the throne
>Sharpening the pencil
>Charging the battery
>Cooking the calzone
>Tickling old one-eye
>Making the cyclops fight the five headed monster until he cries
>Grabin' the grouse
>Spaklin' the ceiling
>Bopin' the baloney
>Pulling the goalie!
>Pumpin the gas
>Doin the wild Tyler
>Sayin "hi" to mom
>Drainin the main vein
>Pissin off the other people waitin to use the shower
>Stainin the sheets
>Makin a mess
>Worshipin the finger prince
>Pumping the revolver
>Shootin the 6 shooter
>Kickin it downtown free style
>Waxing the car
>Polishing the family jewels
>Makin ma proud
>Taking the physical challenge (double dare)
>Killing 45 seconds
>Striking oil
>Waxing your Rocket
>"Surfing da net"
>Fogging the computer screen
>Pissing off the cab driver
>Skippin class
>Spilling milk
>Wondering why you never get laid
>Workin' the glue stick
>Pleasin' the turtle
>Playin "hookey"
>Lacin up the winter boots
>Walkin the bearded one-eyed love dog
>Beatin' the piss outta my best friend
>Makin' a knuckle hot dog
>Cuffin the carrot
>Chuggin the choo-choo
>Practicing your mantra
>Making me "Love" in the hand
>Squeezing the cream out of the flesh Twinkie(TM)
>Shaking hands with Percy
>Waxing the carrot
>Flogging the bishop
>Makin' Jonny Walker red
>Playin' Rumple Foreshin
>Wrestlin' the Bald Headed Champ
>Punching the Clown
>Car Lifting (as in jacking them up)
>Jackin' off
>Beatin' off
>Pluckin' the duck
>Milkin' the cow
>Chokin' the snake
>Washing your hands
>Tuggin' the Tapioca Tube
>Gettin' to be better friends with Willy
>Just sayin' "Hi"
>Stretching before strenuous exercise
>Tamin' Goliath
>Corraling the Tadpoles
>Pumpin' Iron
>Jack my Mule
>Floggin' yer dummy
>Roughin' up the suspect (Cause you know he's guilty)
>Puttin' miles on your monkey
>Gettin' a little off-hand
>Taking old one eye to the cleaners
>Vanilla puke session
>Cuffin' the pud
>Polishin' the cane
>Squeezin' the crest
>Allocating the aardvark
>Arts and crafts
>Giving seamen shore leave.
>Whipping the mole
>Polishing My Oscar
>Tossin' off
>Greasing the axle
>shaking hands with the president
>Playing with Mr. bubbles
>Rubbing the rhubarb
>Squeezing the squash
>Stroking the bird
>Stroking the meat and paying the butcher
>Boxing the Jesuit
>Riding the Great White Knuckler
>Pulling Mr. Weasel from the grave
>Popin' the porpoise
>Ticklin' the pickle
>Whittling Wood
>A Visit from Mother Fist
>A Date with Senorita Mano
>Bludgeon the Beefsteak
>Clean your rifle
>Wonk your Conker
>Hitchhike under the Big Tent
>Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
>Lopin' your mule
>Smackin' your haddock
>Floggin' your log
>Playing tug-o-war with cyclops
>Sleeeping
>Gettin a visit from ol huey the hand humpin hamster
>Giving the pope a stroke
>Going to war with the Boar
>Doing the inner pants-dance
>Melting ice-creame
>Simmulation
>Training
>Practising
>Milk the bull
>Dice the rice
>Maiming Jane until she's lame
>Hurting burt until he squirts
>Scare the bear
>Cheat the meat
>Toot the flute
>Nail the whale
>Sock the cock/rock etc.
>Kill old Bill
>Chopping down your rainforest
>Maull the mouse/monkey (any M animal)
>Growing a tree then chopping it down
>Whipping your own cream
>Producing and consuming
>Wetting the whistle
>Tugging the boat
>Tooting the horn
>Virtual reality
>Bop the mop
>Pulling the bull
>Flogging the old dog
>Makin' mayo
>Butterin the corn
>Goin eye to eye with johnny hung
>Meeting the captain
>Gleamin' the cube
>Ngocok
>Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
>Eruptin' the volcano
>Yankin' the crank
>Realizing you'll never get any
>Pullin' the pickle
>Performin' an organ solo
>Helpin' Tom Sawyer white-wash the fence
>Climbin' Everest
>Playin' pocket pool
>Winnin' a taffy-pulling contest
>Using your hand as a substitute for a real fuck
>Ripping your penis to shreds
>Playin' with the channel changer
>One word: "SQUIRT"!
>Jiggling the branch to shake the nuts loose
>Pumping the shotgun
>Because you can't suck your own dick
>Checking for impotence
>Rubbing your dick till you come
>Showing off your pride & joy
>Cause you got so close with your girl but she said no
>Getting ready for Rover!
>Making good use of all that old vaseline on the shelf
>Playing makebelieve with your imaginary friend
>The best orgasm you'll EVER get.
>Go fuck yourself
>Girls come and go, but righty will always be there for you
>Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up...DOWN
>Making your own porno
>Having an intelligent conversation with Dick.
>Having a ball... well, two actually.
>Who needs video games?
>Something to embrace in your time of need
>Goddamn it! The joystick's broken!
>Hackin' your lettuce
>Polishing your porpoise
>Stretchin' the muscle
>Whackin' your Pud
>Running a batch off by hand
>Pulling rank on private one-eye!
>Grindin' the Goo Shooter!
>Givin' the sheep a break!
>Doin' hard time in the hand slammer!
>Not now ma, I'm on the commode!
>Waxing the Pole
>Chokin' Kojak
>Whippin' the pony
>Winding the watch
>Sqeeze it sqeeze it
>Doin' the old ya-da-ta-da
>Shaking hands with the governor
>Onan Up
>Whacksin Nostalgic
>Spittin' at the witch
>Crankin' the corona
>Grippin' the spigot
>Churnin' The Butter
>Taking his medication
>Being your own best friend
>Wankin the weasel
>Playing with your hand puppet
>Taking the bullet out of the chamber
>Lubin' the tube
>Tugging yer slug
>Having a five-knuckle-shuffle
>Having an assignation with the five-fingered widow
>Goin' surfin' on mount baldy
>Shakin' hands with beef
>All alone in the gas station of love using the self-service pump
>Studyin'
>Romancin' the bone
>Assassinatin' the president
>Meetin' abraham lincoln
>Empowerin' the little guy
>Wappin' your weenie
>Whippin' the lizard
>Tamin' the snake
>A date with Rosie Palmer and her five lovely sisters
>Glazzing the knuckle
>Fondlin' The Pheasant
>Stretchin' the Silly Putty
>Getting rid of your hangover
>Pulling a sharp left in the cockpit
>Cumming in for a landing
>Russian solitare
>Ancient Chinese stress reliever
>The noiseless hobby
>Playing the drums with your only stick
>Seeing how red it can get
>Go Speed Racer Go!
>A hands-on experience...Sorry, HAND-on experience
>Killing off the endangered species
>Family planning with Mrs. Hand
>Whittlin' the stick
>What they DON'T teach you in Cub Scouts
>Marriage counseling
>Coming sober and realizing your hand isn't as beautiful as you thought.
>Showing the badge
>The only harmless way to shoot somebody
>Catching a case of whackinitis
>Because your girlfriend can't handle more than 7 times in an hour
>Best relief for writer's cramp: masturbater's cramp!
>Learning how to survive in the wilderness
>Best source of income; if you got paid for it.
>Having an affair with Mrs. Digits
>Weed Whacker...NO... Weenie Whacker!
>Rumplin' the Foreskin in Pandora's Box
>Slave labor
>The job with the most rewarding benefits
>Joining 4H club: Hand, Hard-on, Holding, Happiness.
>Pounding the pork
>Salutin' captain winky
>Caulking your gun
>Fixing the plumbing
>Beatin' it with a smile on my face
>Stroking the monkey
>Petting the monkey
>Paintin' breasts on the wall
>Turning Japanese
>Paddling My Pork
>Balls Deep Into Your Fist
>Coming to grips with reality
>Getting ahold of yourself
>So that's what you did when you said you'd be back in 20 seconds!
>Hand-head
>Living life in the fast lane and getting pulled over by the Palm Police.
>What else can be Cindy Crawford at 6:00 AND Pamela Anderson at 9:30?
>Up periscope!
>Donating sperm to the Floor Bank
>Inspecting your Gadget
>Paying the consequences for shaking the piss off too long
>Tug-of-war
>You're not good at sports, you can't sing, so you might as well be good at something
>A mild sedative
>"Johnny, look at my new squirt gun!
>You mistook your penis for your boss's hand
>Gaining an inch
>Measuring the circumference of your penis
>Holding on to a family heirloom
>Tugging on the leash
>Irrigating the bed
>Giving the carpet a midnight snack
>Uprooting a big mushroom
>Grasping at the opportunity
>Knocking your hand up
>Raping your hand
>Trying on a hand-shaped condom
>"My hand was horny, and I couldn't keep it off of me!"
>You control the tightness
>Letting the little prisoners free
>Having a one night stand with yourself
>Your hand never has a headache
>Placing first in Pole-vaulting
>Praising your single-eyed, hairless god
>If your hand is part of you, and you are part of your family, then I guess it would be incest
>Hitchhiking
>Flexing for the ladies
>Conditioning your pubic hair
>You're not beating off, It's getting beaten ON!
>Because you don't know anyone who would fuck you THAT much
>Oh, so that's where glue comes from!
>Why not, I mean, what do you think the president of Hostess was thinking about when Twinkies were invented?
>If you didn't, your nuts would explode
>Saluting the Commander
>banging the bottle to get that little bit out. (kinda like katsup)
>Having an Oscar-Meyer moment
>Burping the baby
>Burping the hamster
>Workin' out a better deal
>Poppin' a willie
>Shinin' your rifle
>Visit Mary thumb and her four daughters
>Shaking the dew off the water lily
>trying to make one eyed willy puke
>letting the dog sleep
>would you like fries with that
>playing a little game of five on one
>Shining your Oscar ( The Award Show)
>romancing lady five fingers
>Beating the Bait
>Buffing the Banana
>Burping the Worm
>Calling Down For More Mayo
>Charm the Cobra
>Dropping Stomach Pancakes
>Hammering Howie
>Holding Your Sausage Hostage
>Jackin' the Beanstalk
>Jelly Roll
>Jenny Macarthy Jaunt
>Jiggle the Jewelry
>One Handed Clapping
>Pam Anderson Polka
>Play the Organ
>Rolling The Fleshy Blunt
>Slap Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
>Tease the Python
>The Sticky Page Rhumba
>Tickle The Elmo
>Tussle with Your Muscle
>White Water Wristing
>Winding the Jack In The Box
>Yank My Doodle (It's a Dandy)
>Five-knuckle chuckle
>Slapping the flesh ketchup bottle
*breath*
**i know there are a bunch left out but this is to get ya started
[This message has been edited by muffin_man (edited 02-02-2002).]
2002-02-02, 05:10
1052 synonyms for male masturbation
