Okay...well as embarassing as this is, I can't orgasm, no matter how hard I try. Whether it be through masturbation or otherwise. I only came close once..and that was a year ago when my ex licked my clit for the first time. But everytime I've had sex, I have been forced to fake it, and my ex-boyfriend was non the wiser.
But now I have a new boyfriend, and the sex is mind-blowing, although I still can't achieve orgasm. Should I fake it? Or tell him the truth: although sex with him is amazing, I can't come and never will?

I'm not exactly sure what is better. Acting, or bruising his ego. Help me, please!

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*le sigh*

Do not tell your man the truth unless you want this relationship to end.....No man wants to here he can`t get a woman off....Learn to live with faking it, or go to a doctor to see whats the problem.....
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All rights reserved, all wrongs revenged...

[This message has been edited by BiggCatt (edited 04-05-2001).]

If you are serious about this guy and looking at a long-term relationship, I think you should, veerrry gently, discuss this with him. Your problem is almost certainly psychological, not physical. You need someone with patience to help you get over whatever is holding you back. You may have some demons which need to be exorcised, so you may also want to seek some professional help.

Okay, keeping in mind this is coming from a guy who knows many chicks, but not a chick..

There's a lot of problems that a lot of people have, sexual and otherwise, that are based in the same thing- a mental block. If you don't get off on the right foot, it's easy for the mind to convince the body that it just ain't gonna happen. In your case, an orgasm.

HOWEVER, a lot of times it's based in some sort of deep-seated insecurity or fear around another person, but masturbation is fine. If you can't even get off that way, then it's probably- non-professional opinion- one of two things: 1- something is physically wrong or 2- you're trying too hard.

You said the sex was great, but you can't orgasm? It doesn't sound physical, but that's just because I don't know anyone who's had good sex without an orgasm and not discovered (or known) it was a mental block of some sort. Try to relax. Try meditation, erotic massages, screwing in public.. and try to relax. If it just ain't happening, go see a doctor.

Sex without orgasm CAN be enjoyable for me, but only because I haven't had one before.
Anyways, maybe you're right when you say I'm trying too hard. When I'm having sex, my mind is mainly focusing on "I hope I cum this time" or planning a time to fake it.
Perhaps next time I should try to clear my mind and just focus on my boyfriend and myself....

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*le sigh*

As much as adding things to one's thoughts is generally not the way to get someone to relax and stop thinking, here's one other thing that might help.

There's an old Zen saying- "When you seek it, you cannot find it." Let that float around a little bit, and consider times in your life you've tried to do something, failed, and just tried harder and harder until your concentration was shot, you were frustrated and angry, and just didn't give a fuck anymore. Most of the time, once you stop trying, bam, that's when success hits.

I'd want to know if the girl was important to me. Hey Catt you have a bad experiance or what, honest to god (non-exsistant sentiant being) I'd want ot know and want to help, I can't be the only guy on the planet who feels like this.

My girl finds it difficult to cum when she's on the bottom, so no problem, we roll around a bit untill we find something that works, not forgeting the all important foreplay and we both have our turns and sometimes we decide to put in a bit more work and do things that require more stamina.



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~Kameron
Carpe Aptenodytes! (Seize the Penguins!)

quit thinking about it.

let it happen.

Buy a strap-on vibrator and wear it all day. It will happen sooner or later.

If you fake an orgasm you're only hurting yourself. I believe that it is each person's responsibility to get their own orgasm.

You probably can't come because you're worrying about it too much.

I'm surprised that you have *never* had an orgasm. Sounds to me like what you need to do is get a vibrator, a dildo, and some time alone to explore yourself sexually on your own where there is no pressure to perform. Just do what feels good and don't worry about having an orgasm. If you work yourself up more and more into a state of high arousal, you'll get off.

My ex-girlfriend got off once when I kept rubbing her nipples. She'd never done that before. It surprised her. But other times, no matter what I did, she didn't get off. She'd have to masturbate while I was kissing her, etc. That's fine. Whatever works is fine with me.

If your boyfriend thinks it's his fault that you can't get off, that's his problem, not yours. You are responsible for your own orgasm. Enjoy it -- it's YOUR orgasm.

Idiot

just relax and you'll cum naturally I used to have a real hard time with that myself quit trying so hard to please the man please yourself and remember RELAX A BIT

quote:

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Originally posted by La Dannata:
Sex without orgasm CAN be enjoyable for me, but only because I haven't had one before.
Anyways, maybe you're right when you say I'm trying too hard. When I'm having sex, my mind is mainly focusing on "I hope I cum this time" or planning a time to fake it.
Perhaps next time I should try to clear my mind and just focus on my boyfriend and myself....

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amazing sex without orgasm? I don't get it.

Maybe you have an orgasm and just don't know it, I've heard that to be possible.

Relax, let go, perhaps you're too tense during sex.

Some women can't have a orgasm. Try a little more foreplay, before your main course