;D

[This message has been edited by Cat (edited 03-29-2001).]

All you'll do by telling, is compound your fuck up. Keep it to yourself and deal with it.

If you could even think about cheating on someone, obviously you dont love them. You may think you do, but you don't. Just don't do it and you won't have a problem.

Well my first impulse was "don't tell", based on a philosophy I employ in my life - if its in the past and doesn't affect my future then its none of your business - and love has nothing to do with it since we are after all human and can trip up once in a while - who said love has to be perfect??? I think the divorce rate is so high because none of us can realize our ideal of "pure" and "unconditional" love??? Naurally we can't so either we learn to be flexible and accepting OR. . .

But then you go and make things more complicated!!! What's that saying. . . "two can keep a secret if one of them is dead"??? And if there's a chance someone else will spill the beans well you might as well bite the bullet and do it yourself!!!

[This message has been edited by Bingo! (edited 03-26-2001).]

Bingo's pretty much on it.. I know you said they won't tell, but give it some thought.. more importantly, think about your girl. If you know she'll flip, it probably doesn't do either of you much good to admit to it. If she prefers honesty, maybe you should.

keep your mouth shut.

whether she prefers honesty or not.(doesn't everybody say this)

you have two choices

(1) tell her and lose her
(2) wait for her to find out and lose her

you decide.

quote:

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Originally posted by Dewtard:
If you could even think about cheating on someone, obviously you dont love them. You may think you do, but you don't. Just don't do it and you won't have a problem.

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Lust is different than love ; but you do have a point.

Love should be enough to overcome your lust, if it's not then you may still love her but you don't love her enough.

OK, OK who said love has to do with perfection? Is there no room for human error? And have never any of you just screwed someone to find out where YOU stand with things - by the way where's Rob??? And would it serve either of you to tell your beloved about this incident???

Lust and love are unfortunately not that different, especially since lust is used to express love and is therefore a characteristic of it.

And if love is love - should it not be magnanimous enough to understand and forgive?

PS about the honesty thing, I in turn agree with Spiffy - my motto: when in doubt tell the truth.

No Bingo, there is not room for human error. Not when it comes to love. There is nothing wrong with just wanting some action for the pleasure of it, but if you already have a girlfriend how could you? If you truly are in love with someone, and your at some chicks house about to get laid, you can easily stop yourself. At some point the thought "I would be cheating on my girlfreind, but I really want to do this chick right now" would go through your head. If you can say to yourself "I'll just do her now and think about it later", then you don't deserve her. But that's just my opinion.

In the average relationship, action outside of the two people involved should be brought up before anything happens. That's the kind of thing that people can have a wide variation on in their opinions of what's right, what's wrong, and what they want to do, so be safe and know what your partner wants before you do anything.

That said, if it's just sex, and you know damn well it's just sex, and one-time sex at that, what's the big fucking deal? As long as you don't pull some shit like getting uppity about the idea of your boy/girlfriend getting it on with somebody else, there should be no reason you shouldn't be able to take a given opportunity guilt-free.

My take on it is like this-

1. Don't do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with letting your partner do.
2. Make damn sure that any side action you get doesn't affect your performance with the main person in your life.

Seems fair.

There is truth in everything that is said so far.

The point of telling your lover about what you are about to do. That is my style too. Phone her up, and tell her/him. But then again. what if it just happened. Things like this are possible u know. And you really do love her/him. Do you really want to spoil it by saying what you did ?

I dont know. If my love did it some other guy, the first thing i think is..please tell me about it..please please please. But when i think of it again,,do i really want to know. If i wont know about it ever, then it will never harm my soul. If i do, will i ever get the thought out my head.??
Goes both ways.....

quote:

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I dont know. If my love did it some other guy, the first thing i think is..please tell me about it..please please please. But when i think of it again,,do i really want to know. If i wont know about it ever, then it will never harm my soul. If i do, will i ever get the thought out my head.??

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Beautifully said, Cat! Now it remains to define "love" (if dirty were to mean having many different meanings - love would be the dirtiest word in the world). . . Are you up for it? (Dewtard - attempt noted!)

Hi Bingo! Here's Rob.

If you have the perfect relationship you have to tell her - admit you fucked up big time. BUT. If you have a relationship that aint paerfect, you have to tell her, cos if you are going to break up it may as well be now!

My (real) take on relationships is that you don't 'own' her ('my' girfriend is a demeaning expression for women), and she doesn't 'own' you. You should strive never to do anything which does not please HER and she should strive to never do anything which does not please YOU, but we are only human, after all (or trolls).

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The Rev Spooner says I am a Shining Wit

Rob...
Have you never loved someone so much that it does not matter what, you want to be with that person. Yes, obviously you feel shit about what you've done, but considering another point. You would not have done what you now despise if there was no reason. So you can take it for good as well. If you get to a stage where you start thinking of spending more of your time, and maybe even the rest of your life with someone, dont you want to be absolutly sure that you would derive enough pleasure out of that person, and that he/she is really meant for you.? Take it as a final experimentation before doing the commitment thing.

Maybe, just maybe your partner did the same, and u dont know. but you'll both be happy in the end, knowing that you really have the best time with your love.! If you tell, u risk losing it all and that for a lousy screw.

quote:

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Originally posted by Cat:
Rob...
Have you never loved someone so much that it does not matter what, you want to be with that person. Yes, obviously you feel shit about what you've done, but considering another point. You would not have done what you now despise if there was no reason. So you can take it for good as well. If you get to a stage where you start thinking of spending more of your time, and maybe even the rest of your life with someone, dont you want to be absolutly sure that you would derive enough pleasure out of that person, and that he/she is really meant for you.? Take it as a final experimentation before doing the commitment thing.

Maybe, just maybe your partner did the same, and u dont know. but you'll both be happy in the end, knowing that you really have the best time with your love.! If you tell, u risk losing it all and that for a lousy screw.

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I understand your point Cat, but to me honesty is the most important factor in a relationship. Both my ex-wives screwed around. and were forgiven becuase they were honest. both of them cost me bucks, and wern't forgiven, cos they were dishonest. Both of them left, in the end, because I loved enough to let go. If you don't understand that, then there is no point trying to explain, because you never will.



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The Rev Spooner says I am a Shining Wit

I agree with you fully Rob..
strange contradiction..
then again..life is a a contradiction.

..What would you have done..honestly..!!
And remember you do love her..!
and DON'T want to lose her..!!!!

I've cheated, I told her, she cried, we hugged, now we are stronger.

WARNING: This may not work for everyone.

but for me honesty is more valuable than trust I have to live with my self and I'm serious about the girl I'm with if I wasn't I would wasn't serious I'd still tell.

However I've hear that some girls would prefer not to know, I could not go out with a girl like this because her belief model would conflict with mine b/c she values something that I don't even understand (possibly security something like that anyway) more highly than honesty. Where does trust come in my relationship? right after honestly.
Honesty 60%
Trust 30%
other 10%

I'll shut up and stop warbling now

~Kameron
Madness takes its toll, please have exact change.

I know this isn't the time to be selfish, but Kameron makes an awfully good point. Honesty is a key component to any relationship. Either you want the truth no matter what, or you can accept it if there's a few secrets between you. What do you want? What does she want? If you both want the same thing, then do what that mindset would dictate. If you're not on the same page, big as this may be, you have a potential problem much, much larger.

would you ever regain your trust in someone if they told you they have been with someone else.?

Would anyting ever be the same.?

Would you trust them out alone..?

You may be together afterwards, but i dont think things will ever quite be the same..!!

quote:

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Originally posted by Cat:
would you ever regain your trust in someone if they told you they have been with someone else.?

Would anyting ever be the same.?

Would you trust them out alone..?

You may be together afterwards, but i dont think things will ever quite be the same..!!

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No, of course it won't be the same. But, yes, You can still trust, because honesty is the key to trust.You cannot trust a dishonest person.period.


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The Rev Spooner says I am a Shining Wit

Trust in a relationship means everything to, and i mean EVERYTHING......................!

Now take that in mind to make things even more confusing..!!

What would you have her do if and when she cheats?

Well, for one i would probably go sit around a corner where no-one can see me, and cry my heart out. This i will do immediatly after finding out, so that i have some time to think rational.If i take immediate action on my feelings, chances are that i may just drive off a cliff or something..!

I'm a rather sensitive one when it comes to that.!

quote:

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Originally posted by Cat:
Well, for one i would probably go sit around a corner where no-one can see me, and cry my heart out. This i will do immediatly after finding out, so that i have some time to think rational.If i take immediate action on my feelings, chances are that i may just drive off a cliff or something..!

I'm a rather sensitive one when it comes to that.!

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Been there. Done that. Hurts a lot. but you love her and don't want to lose her, so you forgive, and thank her for being honest.


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The Rev Spooner says I am a Shining Wit