Hmm, I've ran into a dilemma. In the Spurious Generalities post under my, "Pissed Off" post I spoke of a girl named Amanda, a cousin of a girl I had a very bad relationship with. I started talking to Amanda a while back ago and last night we went out. It was a great time I had a lot of fun and made a connection of sorts.

The more time I spend with this girl the more I like her. She's so close to being my ideal women. She's smart, is as witty with words as winki, likes to hunt, fish, shoot, camp, hike. She also has the same attitude I do toward life, we think so much alike it's scary. Funny I used to hate this girl. Seems both of have changed quite a bit in the year that we have known, hated, and liked eachother.

My guess about myself about miserable with out having anybody is true. I feel, well content at the moment. Not my lately and usual, "I hate the world, hope you die soon" attitude. It's as if something is lifted off my chest. We aren't serious, but it's something that could turn out that way. BUT.

But she has 3 children from a previous marriage. The last girl I was serious with had 3 children, the last serious relationship I had turned out to be the most horrible time of my life. Needless to say I am very weary. It's not the kids themselves, I like kids. I think in the last serious relationship the kids were used by both parents to get at eachother. In that the relationship however the divorce was new, just starting. This time the divorce is aged 3yrs and I have never seen the kids used to get at anybody except by the father, but that was quite a while ago. If the kids leverage thing, which is wrong, is still existent with the father, I don't see it, as if the father grew up.

Another thing is that Amanda hates Valerie, as so do I now, but her one drawback is that I was with Valerie.

So here I sit, wondering what the hell to do. Go on and see what happens (I like that idea), Break it off now? But what if? I mean, hell she's so close to perfect, which I'd be very happy to settle with. But I just don't know about the deal with the kids.

all i can say is wow, i mean yeah, well 3 kids can be good and bad:

good
1.child support money
2. they may like you,

bad
1. they could have that "your not my dad" attitude.
2. you may not get child support money

i know that theirs plenty more but cant think too fast right now.

if you love her go for it. it's worth it.

LOL, if I love her? Maybe in time. I've known her for a while, but we just started hanging out.

Child support money? Just seems wrong to me to make that a plus or a minus.

to quote marilyn manson "i'm not in love but i'm going to fuck you til somebody better comes along"

nuff said

Shane, I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better in that way. Didn't I say something about how just such a thing would catalyze your existence and expectations to produce contentmentin your life a few posts ago? Yes, I did If you are able to
begin the next phase of your life with someone who is witty and intelligent whose
company you enjoy and for whom you have all requisite respect, then I think that you should spend however long it takes for you to
be 100% in touch with yourself and honestly
admit any misgivings that exist and then take
them up with this girl. Full disclosure at the onset of a relationship is invaluable, as is it's continuation each and everyday you and she choose to spend together. Yeah, this does sound kinda serious, but you are a fairly serious guy so I'll go on.
1. Do not settle for her without letting her know that you are settling for her! If you must look at it that way at least have the decency to give her the opportunity to accept being settled for, or not.
2. I liked your views in the abortion thread!
A bit extremist, but I follow your thinking.
Hopefully as you get older you'll find a bit
more empathy for your fellow human beings, not acceptance of nor overt tolerence for, but just a little "Be it not for the grace of God there go I" if you know what I mean....
Had I posted in the abortion thread I'd have concluded with the opinion that it is the responsibility of everyone who has had children to realize and respect their obligation to impart to those children the
beliefs and values they themselves hold dearest! NO one else can be expected to do it for a parent and similarly, no one really should. One might hope that in an ideal world that the community of individuals within which a child was raised would also champion most of if not all of those same values. That in these times is regrettably not often the case. Kids are going to be exposed to as much
filth,depravity and darkness as you or I or anyone can imagine, that is a sad fact. However, the home is the one place that if
properly valued and maintained, can be the bastion of goodness in the lives of all who reside there.
I have been impressed by your quickness and apparent ease of evidencing an open mind in matters that interest you. Now I am assuming certain things about you and will continue to do so. Therefore I think that you should be brave and honored in the matter of
this womans children. Rearing kids provides ample opportunities for your idealism to bear fruit. Of course that is provided that you actually live for the most part as you profess to beleive, to be obliged to respect a hypocrite is certainly a good way to foster
disrespect, rebellion and whatever else goes along with "could have done a better job with the kids" I don't think that you like to do anything that you don't feel you do well and I doubt this would be an exception.
Be sure to discern between the rush of meeting and getting involved with someone new and interesting. Just the inception of such a relationship can cause feelings so pleasurable you may not look at all the things that need to be considered. Some people fall in love perpetually just for the rush, whether or not they know it. I don't think you'd ever be like that, but it is a concept worth thinking yourself through at least once. You are doing your best if you can be yourself 100% and feel accepted and comfortable and liked even loved. If there is any part of you or her that cannot freely particpate in the relationship 100% of the time, then stop , time out and try to work through it.
After awhile I came to the conclusion that
it was not likely that a person would come along that you could be sure would be a good
mate. I figured the best you could hope for is to find someone who, based on all that you could readily observe and eventually assume, would be most likely to handle conflict and dilema as well as the unexpected shifts and changes that life will have in store for you as individuals in a way that was most suitable to you as a couple. Whatever you do will probably be alright as far as she and the kids are concerned and whatever she does will most likely be just fine with you in as much as your respect for her remains and grows throughout your time together.
I hope I said what I meant to.
That being: go for it! don't settle if that
is truly how you perceive it. Take the children as a golden opportunity and to them be the best 'step-father' or whatever that they could ever have. I know that you , are
capable of these lofty things and I beleive that should you find yourself in a relationship which commands anything but your very best, that you will resent it , whomever
it is with and mostly yourself, for not living up to who you are.
Okay, I'm done, happy autumn! Ciao'
ps-forget the child support, it is up to him to pay it, you should not require it or view it in anyway as some sort of dowry for the kids, that is sick! If you get it fine , put it away for their college, if not , be carrying on in such a way that it is unneccessary to comment on the derilict nature of the fathers performance. To never
have a bad word for him and simply be your best for the kids in his stead will be the ultimate dhild support! Now I'm really done.
Take care and no being overly bad to cats!
/\_/\
'0'0'
>>Y<<

I would say, go on. See what happens, follow your gut and do what feels right.

I've already fucked up 2 friendship relationships in a half a year by telling good friends that i liked em. I'd wait a bit. Become sure of yourself and confident.