K......this is kinda embarrassing.

Anyhoo.

I'm a virgin. My fiance and I, we tried to have sex, but either I have a very low pain tolerance, or I'm too tight..

It HURTS...

So, he bought me a toy....not overly large......and it still hurts.

I'm incredibly shy..don't want to see a gyno...I think it is because I am a virgin and stuff...

~bright red~

Embarrassing, yes...

But any ideas how I can make this painless? He's great and all, and I want to do this. I'm on birth control pills, and we've both been tested for diseases..

~hides~

Have you tried masturbating yourself with a finger and some lube? One of your fingers is bound to be smaller than his penis, and that should get you stretched a bit and used to the feeling of penetration. Or have your boyfriend do it.

Also, was it painful because you're tight or because you're dry? Or both? A good water-based lube can help with the dryness problem.

Oh, I have NOOOO problem with my fingers, and we've tried lube [tho apparently I seem to do well enough by myself...trust me lol]...

~grumbles~

Actually, my girlfriend and I are having the same situation. She's a virgin, and also rather small in build. Whereas I'm somewhat large...uh...well I'm just large, ok?

Anyway, we've tried several times without success. We end up just pleasing each other orally or manually because of it. I only recently managed to get my finger all the way insider her without causing pain. And that was using plenty of KY.

One thing we haven't tried yet that I heard might make a big difference is to place a pillow under your butt. It changes the angle of insertion and is supposed to make it easier to penetrate.

I haven't bought her any toys yet, but that would certainly be my next move. To get her a small toy and have her ease herself up to the larger ones.

Women were meant to stretch. You just have to be patient. And if you find the right size and work yourself regularly, you'll loosen up.

~Laughs~

Women were meant to stretch, men were meant to wilt. ~coughs~

I'm not small, though - I'm a firefighter. Which means lots of muscles ~flexes arms~ lots of stamina, though I believe stamina was the male problem ~grin~ and the ability to hold my breathe for about two minutes if necessary.

All useful skills. ~chuckles~

If the pain is at the opening to the vagina you might consider seeing the gynocologist. Part of my wife's hymen was not totally broken and sex continued to be less than enjoyable for her until the doctor simply removed the tiny bit of it that was causing her the pain. I'm sure you're wincing but she felt that the pain was near nothing. If it IS your hymen, and it is still making things difficult after this much time and effort, you may find that it has more lasting power than you do. My wife went, believe it or not, a couple of years before she did anything.

OK, if you were to go to the OBGYN he would give you "toys" that were increasing in size that you would use until you got up to the "appropriate" size of you partner.
That said muscles or not it's amazing what can become possible when you are comfortable and excited. Buy not gel but liquid lube. Start with kissing and talking and go from there. DON'T STOP! Have him tease you. Use fingers and add fingers until your at the appropriate size or your exhausted, but then start up again the very next day. I really think excitment and practice is the way to go.
* my $.02 go to the OBGYN have him break the hymen so your "first" time doesn't involve breaking skin and ask his professional advice about this.

I have to see an obgyn about some scars involved with falling on a tree when I was a kid..some scarring...not there tho.

Might as well kill two birds with one stone.

Tho the idea of going to one freaks me out....I don't even think there is a female one in this hick place..

The most comfortable way to go to an OBGYN is to ask a good friend who they go to. When you call and make the appointment mention that you haven't been to one previously and that your kinda nervous (they will be extra nice then) If you have friends you feel comfortable enough with have them go with you or take that fiancee of yours. He doesn't have to be in the exam with you but knowing he's in the waiting room will make you feel better & then you can go out for food or a movie to cheer you back up & settle your nerves.

I can't wait for him to see this.

"Go see a gyno"

Next breath

"no one can see you naked" *ultra pouting*

~giggles~

Plus, I am new where I live, so I don't have any friends cept this girl I met in political history, and this guy who is in pol and my macintosh class...

Hrm.

I'll just ask my doctor.

they don't REALLY see you naked, they just look at parts & if it is a male OBGYN they make a female nurse stay in there with you for your safety.

Hrm, that is much reassuring, thank you ;>

Lots of lube, lots of fingering before trying, and if that doesn't work, find other ways! Anal is ok...if you do it right. AND ORAL SEX ROCKS!!!

Prolly a stupid Answer Lala (Sorry, even though I was just staring at ur name for 8 Posts it still escapes me)

Have you tried some type of numbing ointment?
From how I see it (Basically the same happened to my friend and his Fiancee) is that if you could find a little Novacaine and rub a little on/inside, you would end up stretchin' yourself out. Sex might not be enjoyable the first 2 times, and I pity the ungodly feelings you'll prolly have next moring but shit....
Can you spare two fer the sake of enjoyment?
~Impish Grin~

Is my name so hard to spell :P

Thanks....*ponder*

Ah well, Rekka and I aren't actually together at the moment, so it doesn't matter.

JMDTOVA ROCKS!

ELDRITCH...
I'm telling you...EMAIL ME!!!!! if you don't have my email, it's jmdtova@yahoo.com Make sure to identify yourself as eldritch from totse...cause i don't normally open email from unfamiellia people!!!! WE'LL TALK!!!

i feel your pain, my dear...
unfortuneately, all you can really do is suffer for a while. i had the same problem as you, and all i can suggest is to just dig in your fingernails...and perhaps scream a little if you have to. just ask your other to be slow and gentle with you, and don't try too much at once...and i would suggest giving yourself a week in between tries to heal, cause you'll be walking funny for a few days. most important tho, try to relax, or you just make it worse..[and i would down a couple of advil prior]. after a while, it'll get better, once you stretch out. i mean, just imagine that you're intended to sqirt out something the size of a small watermelon...so i guess we're made to stretch, eh? best of luck and giggles

if your pussy is so tight, have him stick it in your ass, one of the 2 should be accessable...

The problem that you are having may be a physical manefestation of a mental trauma. Do you have a strong fear of rape? Were you ever abused as a child?
There are some cases in ehich the fear of penetration is so great that no insertion of any kind is possible.


[This message has been edited by Alan Smithee (edited 04-30-2000).]

Maybe the problem you have is more psychological than other. So you should try to forget that you are a virgin. That will make things better. Also you should try to feel more secure with your sexual reality ...I mean.... to be a virgin is not too comon this days, and sometimes there is some pressure over virgins...

Maybe you need little psychological help! ... do not feel bad about it!

Have you tried him on bottom, you on top? With you under him and him pushing it might not be that comfortable. But if you were to go at your own pace (lowering yourself on his penis) for comfortability.. well. Who knows. I'm sure you've tried this, just my two cents.

It's a physical thing, the gyno said. Easily fixable yay :P

No thanks, I use toliet paper. Put your tongue away for now and just remove your shirt.............Swiftly Wench!

your public awaits!

Dear Naiaan, I am a specialist in this area and treated many. The problem is usually found in developed females below 80lbs and or 10yos, remidy: make you man sit on a couch, suck him till rock hard,lubricate your pussyand and his cock,take two asprin,straddle him facing him with knees on both sides,each consume 4oz shot of Saki, have him slip his arms around and hold on to your shoulders while you possition his hard cock at the entrance,ease down with your weight till the cockhead is in and lined up, start to masturbate yourself while he sucks on your nipples,just as you are about to cum have him pull down hard on your shoulders impaleing your little body on his big stiff cock, this will only hurt for a second,
once he is all the way inside then hold on to each other,dont start fucking
yet! just hold on and gentley rock back and forth side to side for at least two hours, kissing and nibbling on each other or have him suck your nipples to distract any discomfort you may have while streaching your pussy,more Saki may be in order!duch with warm water repete impaleing every 12hours for 7days or untill your ready to start fucking your brains out,goodluck