Greetings -
I've been at college for a couple of months now, and I consider myself a rather self-aware person.
I've since been able to deal with the multitude of people who have absolutely no connection with me whatsoever (I may be making broad generalizations here, but what else can I do besides write everyone off? Go from clone to clone, searching for a connection?), but the desire to connect with someone else, preferably on both an inward and physical level, comes back. And some times it comes back pretty strong, and it seriously gets in the way of my moment or hour, and sometimes is the only thing I can focus on during the day.
I want to solve this problem, hopefully through a bit of thought, because I don't want to get stuck in what is essentially a self-defeating feedback loop. But currently, I can't mentally write it off, all I can do wait until the negativity subsides -- at which point it lingers and interacts with whatever I was feeling before it started.
Maybe some of the artists out there stuck amongst droves of people who they cannot relate to in any way could give me a bit of advice here. Is it inevitable that this desire to connect with people (I've had moderate success with projecting myself into the environment so that I get some sense of self-manifestation) come back, meaning there's nothing I can do? Perhaps if it won't go away, then maybe I can at least channel it into something else? For now it just saps my creative energy and any desire to learn.
I'm pretty sure that if there is someone or few out there, then I'll eventually come across them, but in the meantime, well...
cheers~

First- Welcome to Totse
Second- Are you saying that you really want to be able to connect to people and understand them? If so, and you are having trouble with it, then maybe you suffer from some sort of social defect- it definatly sounds like you are depressed. If i am reading it right then maybe you should see a doctor for a psyc test.

Chunkmiester
If i have understood your post wrong then disragard this post

Sheesh Chunkie - that was a litte presumptive of you........

CNXN, are you saying you have trouble making friends? Or simply that there is no-one you've come across with whom you would Like to become friends?

Are you shy, introverted? Feel superior to those around you? Perhaps you should go beyond judging a book by it's cover. People aren't always that shallow, they take time to get to know. Maybe you come off as aloof, and therefore, people shy away from opening up to you. Perhaps you seem very smart, and some are
reluctant to show themselves because of that.

Don't be too concerned at this stage, but try and give the people around you the benefit of the doubt,and a little more time. You might find there are, after all, some fellow minds.

"what else can I do besides write everyone off?" In doing this, you are writing yourself off.

I felt the same way you do for a long time. Always looking for some meaning, feeling aloof and yet superior to everyone like I was some sort of depressed prophet.

No matter how banal or retarded it seems.. here is your solution:

Become a sports fan.

Start watching and reading all you can about football, basketball, and baseball. Pretty soon you will find that you can relate to all the jerks around you. Once you are somewhat accepted by jerks, it follows that you will have the self-confidence and the social proof needed to get a (physically) beautiful woman.

You can't just discard 99.9% of society by saying they're all "clones". You have to look for connections in the people around you.

Something that helped me a lot was to read some stuff about psychology, what motivates people to act the way they do. I've realized that deep down everyone wants to be loved, needed, and understood. But before you can change people's values, first you have to be able to connect with them.

here's some websites that might help you:
http://www.fastseduction.com/ http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/

Most people are shallow little bitches that you'll never be able to connect with. Get used to it. But that makes it even better when you find someone who isn't a worthless little wanker.

Try finding an artistic person, read their poetry, or their lyrics, or try and see if you can find a connection with their art.
Then speak with the person, tell them how you enjoy their work, and so on.
I'm guessing this would work, since I don't feel a real connection with anyone either, and yes I probably do push them away by not provoking them to open up to me, but no one has tried that with me, why should I with them? Maybe you feel the same way.
I'm not going to tell you that there is a cure-all for matters such as these because that would be a lie.

CNXN are you happy?do you like yourself?most,not all but most people who cannot relate to other people are not confidant in themselves,they are not happy with who they are.Of course this might not be how you see yourself,you may like who you are,if so ask yourself this, do you really need anyone,why do you want to make friends,if your only wanting to make friends to fit in,why bother.

SILENCER not all people need someone/want someone to love.
Hitler,Genghis Khan,Ted Bundy..etc

quote:

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Originally posted by stgeorge6602:
SILENCER not all people need someone/want someone to love.
Hitler,Genghis Khan,Ted Bundy..etc

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Hitler had Eva Braun...
I think Genghis Khan had an entire tribe to dedicate himself to...

Ted Bundy? Good point

I think I know where your coming from. Personally I don't care too much for people in general, and after a while I kind of even seperated myself from everyone. I still feel left out and all, and definitely get pangs of regret for not bothering to put some effort out to make friends. In the end though I find that I'm happier and better off by myself no matter how much I think I would like to be with others. Slowly over time I have that feeling less and less, and I feel more and more that people in general are stupid. So if you truly enjoy being by yourself then time is probably the only thing you need to get over not being around anyone. Otherwise study up and start throwing yourself into the social mix. It doesn't really take to long to get you a group of friends if you put a small effort into it. The hardest part is to start conversations after that it gets a lot easier.

Sorry if this post doesn't make much sense, but extended periods of time alone causes you to lose communication skills.

Finally there are some original people around here somewheres, most of them are just hiding so they too can fit in and make friends. Nobody seems to like those who are different.

Tribal.

Hey, i do the same thing, i write people off all the time, usually cause i see how they act, speak, and anything else and usually, i dont like it. Most people CAN'T hold an intelligent conversation without it being about drugs, drinking, or sex. I try to mention something half intelligent and they give me the look like "wtf?". Plus Ive been lied to too many times and im extremly critical when it comes to people, lie to me once, i MIGHT forgive you, lie to me twice, ill give you the finger, especially if i ask you something and you lie right to my face, i HATE that. Speakin of that, I told this chick that I dont lie to girls, cause I, one out of a million or so =) respect women and aslong as they dont lie to me (HA!) i wont lie to them, well i told several girls this, and they told me i was full of shit, are we used to being lied to in this society so much?

I think a few of you are sadly way too cynical.

Please read my above post ^^^ as it doesn't seem that any of you have.

Believe me, been there, done that, got the (emotional) scars.

I agree, some of these comments are pretty sad.

It's fucked up that our society is structured so that moronic, conformist fucks are selected for, while people who are intelligent and creative are often ostracized and removed from the gene pool forcefully or of their own volition.

I've realized that there's nothing we can really do about this, so we may as well try to conform and fit in to some extent. Trust me, it's much better to talk to stupid people about stupid stuff than to continue being alone and dissatisfied. Plus, if you really are smart, you can win all sorts of arguments with people. Not only is winning arguments a lot of fun, it also makes people respect you and begin to accept your viewpoints.

Why Are Relations With Others Important? http://mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/

"Don Hamachek (1982) answers this question this way: (1) we understand ourselves by comparing us with others. Example: we know how attractive or how irritable we are by noting how good-looking or crabby several others are. Especially when we are feeling afraid or upset, there is a strong need to compare notes with others, preferably similar others in a similar situation: "misery loves miserable company" (Schachter, 1959). (2) We overcome loneliness, which can be excruciating, by being with others. Also, living entirely alone is hazardous to your health (see chapter 5).

Humans are social animals, much of our joy comes from interactions with others."

Arguments are great fun, or at least I thought. When you argue enough with people you will always come across that one moron out there that believes they are right no matter how much you try to convince them otherwise. It kind of ruins the whole thing...

hey cnxn,

i used to put alot of though tinto this stuff when i was in high school tought itmes, alhtough now i realize it was mostly my own isecurities, it was sorta like i wanted to reject them sorta b4 they could do the same to me, ppl thought i was snotty sumtimes b/c i was insecure u know reject them b4 they reject me sorta deal, i have found ppl r mostly feeling the same way u r,
we all have this outside shell, n that sorta well its a cover really inside we r all so much the same,
i was better able to connect w/ ppl when i thought, key words, i thought!, ppl liked me better.
how do u get yourself to think ppl like u thats tricky, but u can change sumthing n make yourself feel better about u n then u can trick yourself into thinking ppl like u, ppl like u when u think they like u, n the hard part is u really have to belive it,
i don't kno if i was helpfull at all,
i am not even trying to make connections anymore, not b/c i can't but b/c i just fell like such a looser these days,
mostly b/c of the expectations around me, mayeb while we r at it, someone can tell me how to disconnect from ppl , how to not let that effect me, my perception of myself.O! when u open yourself up to ppl, remember it brings the good with the bad, u sorts become dependent on them bb4 u know it u r seekign approval n your perception of self is determinded by them as well, its kinda scary actually.

Thanks for all the input, I'm looking over it all and taking it into consideration.
A couple of things. First, I probably came off as sounding a little superior. When I wrote the message there was a hint of urgency so the usage of "clones" was a little bit too powerful, I admit. It's just that I get frustrated when all I'm searching for are doorways and answers, and that people write that sort of thing off or get annoyed by it. Second, it's not a social defect I have, it's just that my thought processes are a bit different than that of most people, and I just don't have a desire to pass around surface information or add another person's facts to my mental filing cabinet. But then again, it could be... I'm actually seriously considering doing something different and learning about whatever it is seems to be so commonplace here in order to break through barriers.
Even if the connections were very loose, I would like to have a small group of people where I could at least count on one to be around at any given time to give me their spin on a certain idea I was carrying around (same picture, different way of painting it). If college has shown me one thing, it's that human voice, the sight of another person, and all the subtle things going on in yourself when you experience all of that (what I used to think was irrelevant) extra information is something very important.
cheers~