URGENT - DUDLEY EARTHQUAKE APPEAL At 00:54 on Monday 23 September an earthquake measuring 4.8 on the Richter scale hit Dudley,UK causing untold disruption and distress -

* Many were woken well before their giro arrived

* Several priceless collections of mementoes from the Balearics and Spanish costas were damaged

* Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed

* Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Dudley

One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old mother-of-three said "It was such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next day."

Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken masses.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

HOW YOU CAN HELP
* �2 buys fries, scraps and blue pop for a family of four

* �10 can take a family to Stourport for the day, where children can play on an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles

*22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim

PLEASE ACT NOW

Simply email us by return with your credit card details and we'll do the rest!

That's fuckin funny. ha ha ha ha good shit

Bloudy hell some one from the midlands on totse.

So surprised.

I felt it and i went to sleep with the neigbours loading rifles and getting bottles of water for Saddams next attack.

Peace Renegade,

He he, Nice one fixed!

I was only half asleep and still managed to miss it.

I am starting a shoebox drive as soon as possible. Each shoebox will contain:
Biro caps, because the inevitable result of a spilled biro collection is the misplacement of several caps.
Airline bottles of Tanquray gin, because this helps everything.
Beaver pelts, because we have not sent any in several years and they are starting to overrun the place, several children have gone missing and we suspect the beavers.
A small bag of indoor grown bog hemp, this too helps everything.
Pictures of the queen in Vancouver, because we know you will be curious as to what she was up to while she was here.
A video cassette of early Doctor Who episodes, because I have several and they are taking up space.
Mocking statements from people in San Farancisco, because they will pay me to include them.
Soap, toothbrushes biscuits and vichy water, for traditions sake.
I hope these packages will find you well and intact.
Cheers.
ps: that was fucking hilarious!!!

Im going to and i know i will be able to send a pack of pork scratching through everyones chimeny.

Just like Dudley Moore did in Santa Claus the movie.

Now where is my burbarry cap?

Peace Renagade,