I'm in need of talking to someone, so I'm just gonna write this out and give it to someone who knows what they're talking about. I'm fucking sick and tired of living in a communist home where if i, or anyone in the family voices their opinion, it's automatically crushed by a barrage of shut up or get out comments, more so with me than anyone.

Any time I challenge the way things are dealt with, my opinion is crushed. I have no focus in life because every time I have a dream or an ambition and I try to talk to someone about how to go about it, they either laugh � or state only the negative side, so it fades away and seems like an impossibility.

I don't even know what i want, all i want is independence, I don't even know why I'm doing A-Levels or what I'm going to do with my life. I don't even want to work for anyone else, I want to make money my own way. Why should I listen to some idiot boss, after working for years to get a degree? why should i even get one, you get better money, you get stability? so what? that can all be eaten up in a single second, you can't measure you're success with what material possession you own.

At the same time, one of my biggest ambitions is to have all the material things i can dream of - so there is a conflict in my mind that needs to be resolved, or I'm going nowhere. I don't want to be settled in one place with the same daily people and the same routine, I want excitement and experience, I don't want the office looking after me, I want to look after myself.

what the hell is possible in life anyway? so what when i do have millions or the girl i want or anything else? i ALWAYS strive for more, even if i have 20 million, a beautiful girl and live like a king, i will still fail to be content, i will still feel shit and i will never be content, all i do is dream of a better life.. and i know you can look at me and say, you're father is well off, you get it handed to you on a plate, that's all good from the outside.. but you have no fucking idea what it's like inside.

i need this sorted or im going down. l8r.

I kinda know how you feel, my house is like a regime where my dad gets his way, no matter how clearly stupid it is. And telling him that he is wrong will just result in a heap load of shouting. This happens to everyone but my lil bro...

And as far as I can tell, life is just killing time until you die, so I'm really doubting whether I should even pretend to study for major exams. I reckon being a truck driver will sort anyone for life...

i know exactly how you feel
i am the third of 3 children. my parents are divorced so i switch back and forth through the houses. at my dads house, he thinks were all quiet perfect people becuz we dont try anyhting there. but when were at our moms, we be ourselves. My older brother, take advantage of my mom all the time and its his rules or i get beaten up. And my mom does nothing to punish him. My sister just laughs. My older sister is a whore who doesnt care about anything but her social life so all she does is watch gay tv shows or take up computer time on ICQ and what not. Im the youngest and I get nothign my way. If I try soemthing, i get beaten up by my bro or bitched at by my sister. My mom is lazy and does nothing. My friends arnt any better. Everything I'm interested in is either "gay" or "stupid". Me and a friend are interested in drugs but if anyone found out wed die in our friends. i wanted to enlist in the army but all my friends tolld me in stupid

lifes a bitch
but ya gotta live it up

I know how you feel, but for me the point of working hard at college(didn't even think about going for a-levels) is so I can get as far away from my family as possible, I'm not sure what I want from life either, but if i work hard now, I'm sure I'll find it along the way and I don't want the doors to reaching my dreams to be closed because i didn't work hard enough as a stupid kid.

well what is a full life. money, sex, big house??
or is it happiness with oneself, perhaps the thing you seek in yourself. maybe you should try and explore and gain new experiances. Just living your life to your rules, not by a nine to five regieme. perhaps you should follow what all thos other ppl do in life and just gain experiance. be it walking or on the back of a harley. maybe joining the amry is just your way of wanting to see the world. or drugs to expand your mind. wht would u ratehr be, 60 and loads of money, girls and stuff or 60 and having been to 75% of all the countries, of having seen it through the eyes of a tramp or a god. to have learnt all there is to kno on what you believ is life. education and wealth is nothing comapared wit life. i myself want this for myself, i want written on my gravestone "lived"