A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs..."Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband says, "Ohmigod! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter...just get the fuck out!"

u must be able to find a better joke than that.

That was snicker funny though...

Of course I have better. That one just came up front first...Besides I don't want to offend anyone here...

Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?

A: A walk.


[I know , that was not much better]

two men walked into a bar, the third one ducked.

(if you dont get it stop reading now)

lol I like the Bar one.

Nah I think the 3 jokes are fine.

If I needed more proof that I've fried too many brain cells, the fact that I read that bar joke several times before the light came on, should do it.

the prof speaks to the new medical students:" There are 2 very important things to become a good doctor. First: You have to fight your aversion against anything that you think is disgusting."
Right in front of him there�s a body of a man. He puts his finger into the anus of the body and licks his finger afterwards.
"Now it�s your turn!"
So every student walks up to the body, puts a finger into the anus and licks his finger afterwards.
"Secound: You have to watch carefully, it was my forefinger I�ve put into the anus, but my middle finger I�ve licked ..."

there are 3 kind of people:
those who can count
and those who cant

wanna hear a dirty joke?
A peice of paper falls onto some mudd....god your sick!!!

A guy walks into a bar.....no, a drinking bar....he goes up to the bartender, who happens to be huge, and says; "Hey jackass, gimme a beer."
The bartender doesn't even look up; reaches down; gets a mug, and fills it with beer and slides it to the guy.
A dude already sitting at the bar watches the whole scene in amazement. He can't believe this behemoth of a man is letting this patron talk to him like this.
The guy downs his beer and says again....louder...."Hey jackass, gimme another beer."
Bartender doesn't flinch. Fills another beer and serves him.
The dude next to him just sits there slack jawed.
Once again the patron yells at the bartender; "Hey jackass, gimme a beer."
He does; the guy downs it, and leaves.
The dude at the bar looks at the bartender and says, "How could you just let that guy talk to you like that?"
The bartender just smiles and says, "It's o.k., he's a regular and hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-always calls me that.

A man goes out hunting for bears, he sees a black bear, he pulls out his gun and shoots it dead. Something taps on his shoulder, he turns around its a brown bear. The bear goes "You fuck one of us, and we will fuck you". The man ends up in hospital for a week. When he gets out he buys a bigger gun and goes searching for that brown bear, he spots him, 'BANG' he shoots him dead. Then again he feels a tapping on his shoulder, this time its a grizly bear, the bear goes "You fuck one of us, and we will fuck you". This time the mans in hospital for 2 weeks. When he gets out he buys and even bigger gun, and searches for the grizly, he spots him in the woods and shoots him dead. Again he felt a tapping on his shoulder, but it was a polar bear, the bear goes "You definately arn't hear for the hunting, so just drop your pants".

quote:

---

Originally posted by Zok:
two men walked into a bar, the third one ducked.

(if you dont get it stop reading now)

---

A toothless termite walked into a bar and asked where's the bartender.


(Back at you. Make me think, will you)

quote:

---

Originally posted by d0m:
u must be able to find a better joke than that.

---

hush it was very funny

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

Brown bears are Grizzly bears.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Bongman:
Brown bears are Grizzly bears.

---

It's bearly possible.


*Ducks to avoid the imminent onslaught of rotten vegetables*

here's a long one, but guaranteed to make one person sick.

three guys are walking through the desert, haven't had a drink in days, come up to a house.

first guy says, i'm getting a glass of water, goes up knocks on the door and the ugliest woman you can possibly imagine answers.

he asks her for a glass of water, and she says you'll have to kiss me first. he's thinking god she's ugly, but for water i'll do it.

goes back to the other two and says, got a glass of water,

second guy says i'm getting a quart of water.

lady answers the door, he asks for a quart of water, she says he has to suck on her tits first, he does it for the water.

walks back to the other two all proud.

third guy says i'm getting a gallon of water,

lady tells him he has to eat her pussy for a gallon of water,

he mulls it over in his mind because of her grotesque appearance and thirst finally won out.

he lifted up her dress, and pulled down her panties and found she had this crusty scabby shit all around her box, he peels the shit away and throws it out the window, does his service and gets the gallon of water.

goes out to the other two and says all proud, i got a gallon of water.

the other two, standing by the window reply, that's nothing you should've had this cornmeal we just ate.