I have appointed myself as your god. You have no say in this matter. I shall require a bevy of willing sex slaves to feed me grapes and fan me with a giant peacock feather. I also want a solid gold hookah with plenty of cantonese opium, one thousand hand-picked eunuch guards and a domesticated leopard.

Loving god, or vengeful god?

Delusional god. The only sex slave he's going to find here is Crip, but even that twit buggered off. No booty.

Well, on second thought, maybe Rob would..

infidel

*strikes Alan and Spiffy down with bolts of lightning*

Bongman : Loving God.

well well well

what do i get if i call you god? eh...?

i'll be an apostle

i'll be the first

what shall we call our new religion?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

What do you mean 'maybe'!

Does this mean a holy war with the *squizbit* dei?

*frazzled*

See, there's one, not a maybe anymore.

*collapses*

Excuse me but as the reincarnation of Jesus Christ I take great offense at your attempt to pass yourself off as a god. As the Son of the Only True god I would Like to inform you that If you continue such blasphemus behaviour I will have no other option than to cast a plague on your house.

I believe we already had a discussion concerning who is the true deity. Worst episode ever. I had to kill myself. Then of course, I am immortal omnipotent being, which resulted in nothing more but a failed attempt to blow my friggin head off.

as the deciple of satan it pleases me to tell you to bow down before our true creator. hurry our lord satan doesn't have all day. now praise him while I go light the earth on a everlasting fire that will kill most of you and badly burn the rest.

you all don't mind spending the next few billion years in a unstopable burning state do you?

countzero, rc ; A plague on both your houses.

slipgut is now my first apostle. He shallt be given a brand new DVD player.

jeez. I pass out on my friends couch for a couple days and all of a sudden someone's trying to usurp my position....


*pulls out the squid*

wanna go bitch?

Clash of the Titans 2000..

H*He walks into the room with leather on his back and death in his eyes. Eldritch pulls the black nylon case off the strange and terrible device in his hand to reveal his most secret and terrible weapon. In a long tangle of wet cephalopod flesh, shining chrome and glistening razors, a few lights can be seen twinkling on the various gauges. He brandishes The DeathSquid 5000 turbo Supersport, and pulls the ripcord firing it to life with the scream of a turbine and a mind bluring whirl of deady tentacles with snapping beak.*

"I got plenty of *SQUIZBIT* for ya right here."

I say one night we all meet in #totse, and take an online IQ test - then give results.

We'd all use the same one, that is - one having age and time variables with it.

I'd be honest.

... It'd fit in perfectly, with the bowl games coming up and all, I�d even bust out the Tortilla chips and.. and if you�re lucky....Chili Dogs.


Cheese?

I was calling spiffy an infidel. *smites/crucifies trippy,walks off whistling always look on the bright side of life*

uhh.. I'm with eldritch...

*Ancisace realises that the small squid strapped to his ancle does not have enough firepower, so he leaves the room. When he returns, he has a long leather trenchcoat on and is carrying a violin case. Some members of totse respond with gestures from below belt level, but he ignores them. Opening the case, he pulls out an octopus*
"This is the 3000 series Kraken acid ink squirter, capable of burning anything, even Jaded's Butt Fungus. It cost me a months wages"
*he sits in the chair, and tries to stop the ocopus from strangling him*
"Are we gonna kill the infedel now or what, Eldritch?"
There is a tense silence...

satan rapes me and the plauge you gave me is spreading from my leg to my testicals so can I join you trippy? I will be your servant.

*Waiting for the right moment to stab trippy in the back and apoint my self lucifer the all high and mighty ruler of totse.*

What happens when the real ruler (enigma) comes in here and starts stricking us down with lighting bolts from his arse. oh wait thats braveheart or something.

*takes out RC with the fungus*

*****start warning secuence*****
Hey Trippy,
Watch who's toes you steppin....
*****end warning secuence*****

anyway, good idea though...he he

------------------
Tell your god his replacent's here...

*has RC skinned alive then forced apon a sharpened stake where his weight slowly forces it further and further into his gut*

Well now that I've got him out of the way, I can deal with the real threat.

*Trippy takes out a radio and taps a quick coded message through it. suddenly a noise like that of a thousand rumbling household appliences fills the air, steadily increasing in volume, incresing the tension until suddenly a formation of MIGs and F-16 break from the horizon at barely subsonic speeds. As they lower to strafing distance, the infidels who threaten Trippy falter, then try to run back to safety, but the machine-guns open up and spray minisucle marine invertibrates amongst them. Sand rises as the tiny octopi sink their barbed tentacles into their victims and dig deeper into their week, bleeding flesh. The fighter planes disengage as the heavy artillary opens fire, shooting bowling-ball sized squid at the fleeing men. An octopus hits Eldrich full in the face and decapitates him. Jaded gasps in horror, then rushes back to help him, braving the rain of deadly squid to reach Elrich's twitching body. A foghorn bellows out and a line of infantrymen climb from the trench and charge, lobbing sea-cucumbers and beating at Jaded's prone body with their standard issue moray-eel-on-a-stick's. Trippy coughs twice, then goes to watch Becker*

*Eldritch Watches smugly as his body double Eldrich is destroyed by a tremendous volley of Aerial squishyness. As Trippy calmly walks off to enjoy Becker, Eldritch straight up punches him in the mouth knocking him unconscious. Eldritch pulls a cold beer (imported of course)from his Mystic Vest of Cold Beer Holding (tm) and places it in Trippy's limp hand as a get better present. He then turns and after a quick flick of his Balisong makes short work of the McGee Minions.
Jaded turns to him with a look of grim dissatisfactiion*
"Damn Dude, Fungus was about to feast."

*Feeling guilty for depriving Jaded of his fun Eldritch reaches into his Coat of Many Flings (tm)*

Beer or Buds?

*Jaded grins and offers the obvious reply*
Both.

*~E tosses Jaded a beer and a bowl. Jaded fires it up, has a pull, and after passing the pipe around the room, they leave it still smoulderinmg to rest in Trippy's mouth as another peace offering.*

"I love it when he tries to take over the Universe."

*Eldritch smiles and shrugs*

"Me too Jaded. Me too"