But I posted a blog (yeahhh laugh it up, heh).

It was more of a venting thing than anything, because I set it to private so only I can read it. But I want SOMEONE to read it, so I've decided to post it here.
Any input is appreciated. Even if that input is just reading it so that I know someone in the world knows how I felt about this kid.


"Jeff... you can't see this, but...

I really loved you. I always will. I may hate you for what you did to me... and for what I did to myself, but I will always love you.

-I loved your hair.
-I loved your body.
-I loved your beautiful eyes even though you looked girly as heck when I got up close, 'cause your eyelashes are just as long as mine.
-I loved that you plucked your eyebrows.
-I loved your nose.
-I loved your adorable freckles.
-I loved that I could see your ribs, even though I think you didn't really like that they showed.
-I loved your smile; your straight, square-ish teeth and your thin lips.
-I loved it when you'd hold my hand and lay your head on my shoulder.
-I loved kissing you and I loved biting the living shit out of each other.
-I loved that we both love MSI and that we could almost always agree on music. I loved your sense of humor.
-I loved hearing you sing, even if your voice was dripping with ego despite the fact that it cracked all the time.
-I loved that you're the opposite of straight edge.
-I loved that we're almost the same age.
-I loved that you're a foot taller than me.
-I loved that you'd get up and get something for me if I asked... and I loved that a lot of the time I didn't even have to ask.
-I loved that you use the ^_^ face all the time.
-I loved cuddling with you underneath your big Gator blanket; it never mattered that the house was cold as shit, you could always warm me up.
-I loved how we were never awkward around each other.
-I loved wrestling with you over silly things.
-I loved your fascination with inside jokes.
-I loved your nerdiness and your glasses.
-I loved your intelligence.
-I loved your love.

You told me one night that you hope you marry me one day. You called me Alana Lee Lovely, your ALL-purpose love addict. You kissed me (and fucking touched me) in front of your friend[s]. You sung out loud with me. You told me you loved me. Not only that you loved me, but that you loved me more than you've ever loved anyone or anything. You told me you thought I was beautiful. You told me you were IN love with me. You called me your goddamn wife. I loved all of that - I reveled in it.

you fucking lied about all of that shit, jeff. and I hate that.

-I hated your huge ego.
-I hated your fucking excessive pride.
-I hated that no matter what, you always had to be right.
-I hated that when I was right about something to do with you, you made me feel guilty for thinking that, even when it was true and you know goddamn well it was.
-I hated how when we'd have sex, you'd pull out after not long at all, just for the expressed purpose of being a total asshole.
-I hated being told by other people, "You're gonna be really mad at Jeff, but..."
-I hated that you were fucking a girl I was already jealous of, while you were trying to get me to dump my boyfriend for you.
-I hated the way I found out about that when you brought it up in casual fucking conversation like you did nothing wrong.
-I hated feeling like there were a million people who were more important than me.
-I hated how when you were around Pat, you were a douchebag to me if he felt like being a douchebag to me, and nice to me if he was nice to me.
-I HATE THAT YOU ARE A FUCKING MOOCH.
-I hated that you didn't underfuckingstand how to talk things out. how am I supposed to fix something if I don't know what's wrong? You never gave me the chance.
-I hated that you never really asked me over even though you claimed it didn't bother you if I just came over whenever I wanted.
-I hated how you could say mean shit and have it be okay, but with the slightest comment to you, even a tiny joke, you'd throw a goddamn fit.
-I hate that you're demotivated and you still have no license or job.
-I hated the way your personality was fake, 99% of the time.
-I fucking DESPISED the way you'd refer to people older, or roughly the same age as you, as "children", when half the time those people were more mature than you are.
-I hated the way you loved drama.
-I hated your inability to apologize first... or at all.
-I hated you smoking cigarettes.
-I hated your NEED to be accepted and thought of as awesome. I'm the only one who sees through you. You AREN'T that cool.
-I hated the way you said "niggers!" all the fucking time.
-I hated your overwhelming lack of sympathy and caring for me.
-I hated your sarcasm and that stupid goddamn smirk.
-I hated wondering when you were actually going to say "I love you too" and when i was just going to get "uh huh" as a response.
-I hated the suspicion... deep down... that I was never anything special to you.
-I hated having Patrick confirm that suspicion, and I hated that I wasted so much time with you because I thought there was a chance that MAYBE I really WAS different than the rest of your girls. I was wrong.



I miss you so fucking much.
I am so disappointed in myself."

AND

A CONTRADICTION!!! OMFG! Writing letters and not sending them is a good way to vent anger, but I do not understand why you decided to post it here. You're going to get flamed soooo bad.

better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

and other sayings




Nothing to see here folks

**** hi i'm starting a petition against reading the opening post of this thread ****

signers:

Kikosanchez




**** please pass along to all affected by long, shitty opening posts ****

I loved his smile. I loved the way it looked and i loved it when he was happy.

I, however, did NOT love the sarcastic, shitfaced, smug little GRIN when he felt like he was above me.

And yeah, I will get flamed and ignored, but I posted it here because I didn't wanna post it around people who actually know me, but at the same time I wanted SOMEone to see it because i'm just open like that. I can't keep things entirely to myself.

either way, mission accomplished. thank you.

On the bright side, at least you've learned something (I hope).

That's it, just vent it all out - feels slightly better doesn't it?

You'll most probably go through a lot worse in future, but whatever - shit happens

Take care.

To tell you the truth i admire the fact that you put this up just to get it out there. I actually had an ex girlfriend who did some shit like this and after everything cooled down she showed it to me and it actually fixed alot of problems. so i might suggest showing him when the drama calms down if he is worth it. you'll probably get flamed for this but w/e. props tho for showing you're real unlike most girls.

MSI fucking sucks.

I disagree.

Anyway....

-I love that you are putting this out there.
-I love that you are a real person with real problems.
-I love that you have bigger balls than your ex.

You were obviously too good for him, although I have done the same thing that he did to you and for that I am sorry. Maybe you should give him a chance, I don't know what you are planning on doing now, but I would suggest just letting it all blow over. My ex tried to kill me because I started dating a new girl a few weeks after I broke up with her, and it ruined any chance of having a future relationship of any kind. Good luck.

Everyone's going to flame you, but I think that was sweet and sometimes relationships would benefit if both parties wrote HONEST lists like that, not expecting their S.O. to read it.

And then both show eachother.

Anyway, yeah, sucks. But if he's such an arrogant ass, maybe he's too proud to admit he loves you?

Maybe he gets his jollies out of seeing you squirm?

Was his last name Hunter by any chance?

I have no problem with this being posted here. Good Post.

Sometimes S&A'ers just need to vent, to say things here that they perhaps can't or won't say elsewhere-online or IRL.

Op, sounds like he was an idiot to lose you.

__________________
Eoghan, Samwise gamgee. The truth is out there, people.

nah read her other posts in other threads, she just has really low self-esteem. Notice how clingy she is? they probably dated for a month tops.

Rmfaolirl!!! Tr0ll STFU/GTFO Acolyte!!

tl;dr
But in response to what I did read -- that sucks. =( I'm sorry some fuckhead did that to you.

Try it.

Lolwut? I admit I didn't read all the post[s], but what does this have to do with anything? o.O

We don't fucking care.

If you want to write a blog then post it on your fucking xanga.

If you have a question then post it here.

You're wasting out time because you "want comments".

At least give us a reasons to validate your emotional roller coaster.