Ok guys, I am writing this from a fuckin toilet. I was invited to this party. I remember being announced not to use the toilet at the right end. This mansion has four toilets! I accidentally happened to use the forbidden toilet. There is no water!!! People keep banging on the door. I am concerned about coming out. I dunno what to do. And there's no fuckin toilet paper!

Shit in the sink and wipe your ass on the wall, as any classy totsean would do

I have already shat in the pot! Damn, people are chatting in front of the door now. Help me!

walk out the bathroom door and out of the house as quickly as possible without looking anyone in the eye, and hopefully everyone will be too drunk to remember you were the one who shit in the busted toilet. If asked, deny everything and blame it on someone else.

That, or just scoop it out with a piece of clothing and dump it outside.

Is there running water in the sink?

If so pick shit up out of toilet break it into pieces. Wash down sink.



Is there a wash cloth or anything in there?

If not use your underwear as toilet paper, go commando.
Use underwear to wipe your ass, then open the window and throw that shit on the roof.


Tell the people outside you are talking on the phone in an important conversation...like your uncle died or something.

Man, there's no absolute fuckin water, not even in the sink! Maybe I will use my underwaer to collect the shit and throw out of teh window. Hold on, the fuckin window is fuckin grilled! People keep banging on the door, and asking if anyone's in here. I am keeping mum. I hope no one breaks in. Fuck, I dunno what the fuck to do now. Why don't they get the fuck away from this goddammed toilet?!!!

How can there be no water? It must just be turned off. Usually the valve for such is located under the toilet, and there's just a nob you turn. You'll see a hose running up to the tank. So let some water in, flush, and then the shit will be gone and you'll just have to deal with a leaky toilet or wahtever the fuck is wrong with it.

Or if ultra lulz are to ensue, the toilet will leak from the bottom of the bowl and your shit will run out on the floor somehow.

Clean your ass using the sink and your hand? Or, take off one or both of your socks and use those.

Ok i got it now.

This is what you do. wipe your ass with your undies. take lid off the toilet, use undies and put turd in the tank, put undies in there too or stash them elsewhere.

Write on the wall behind the toilet with your shit: "There is now water or toilet paper."

No water what so ever!! Fuck man, I used my socks to wipe my ass! waiting for people to get away from the door.