so my girlfriend and i got in our first argument and she was bugging out saying i would get mad if she went to partys or go to the club with her friends. Of course i said no i wouldnt be mad and that ended the argument right there. But In reality i would get mad. See here is the deal, i trust her but i do not trust anyone else. I just dont feel comfortable bc the main reason guys go to clubs is to hook up with other girls, ik because i used to do it! I dont want to get that image in my head that some other dude is hitting on my girlfriend while im not there.
Right now she is at her friends party(im not there bc i just got in from a trip from nyc and she asked if she could go and of course i said yes to prove to her i wouldnt get mad) and its bugging the shit out of me, i mean i cannot sleep!
I know im taking this way to seriously and im just paying mind games with myself here.

Does anyone feel the same way?
Is it really ok for your girlfriend/boyfriend to go to partys/club without you?
Can anyone help?

Obviously hiding your true feelings was the way to go, that way, communication can completely break down from there.

sarcasm?

I think you should try an trust your chica more. It's not a big deal for her to go out on her own, and if you actually think she would mess around on you, then maybe you shouldn't be with her in the first place. It's not fair to get mad at her, and it will only make her resent you. I know it's hard. My ex was very attractive and girls hit on him/checked him out constantly, even when I was with him. So I can't imagine what it was like when I wasn't there! But you control what you think about, so just don't dwell on the fact that other guys might be hitting on her. If she's truly yours, you have nothing to worry about and should try and get over yourself.

Now, if she is going out partying without you all the time, then that's another issue. But if it's just every once in a while, just suck it up man.

sarcasm?

To be fair, it kinda sounds like she was trying to manipulate you into going "OH yeah?! well fine! you can go to that party, because I dont mind at all!"

Seriously though, an intimate relationship is meant to be based on sharing between 2 people, so I don't see how a good relationship could be based on holding things back.

I don't like for my girlfriend to go to parties. We can go together, but really I don't like her going alone. Like you said, I trust her, I don't trust other guys. Most guys are probably decent and would leave her alone, but add alcohol+some crazy fucker and it doesn't end too well. I just really don't like the idea of people hitting on my girlfriend when I'm not there.

But I worry about little things a lot, things that I later find out I had no reason to worry about. Still I identify with what you are feeling. Hope that helps!

You should go and spy on her. Or get one of her friends to spy on her for you. Also, sleep with that friend. Then you'll know.

Never trust a woman.. Ever.

Alright thanks that really helped me
Last night she texted me throughout the whole party to make sure i wasnt mad and gave me updates on whats going on with her so i wouldnt worry( i didnt even ask her to do that she decided to do that herself)
So basically nothing did happen, the whole time she hungout with her group of girlfriends at the party and the guys that did talk to her asked where i was and told her next time to bring me bc they wanted me to come in the first place.




I don't like for my girlfriend to go to parties. We can go together, but really I don't like her going alone. Like you said, I trust her, I don't trust other guys. Most guys are probably decent and would leave her alone, but add alcohol+some crazy fucker and it doesn't end too well. I just really don't like the idea of people hitting on my girlfriend when I'm not there.

But I worry about little things a lot, things that I later find out I had no reason to worry about. Still I identify with what you are feeling. Hope that helps!

I thought i was the only one that thought like this bc i talked to my buddies and i talked to my sister and they thought i was an controlling asshole when i never put her under the gun to decide between me and her friends in the first place!
But whatever shes not planning on going to everysingle party without me she said but i have to respect if her girl friends(friends that are girls, no shes not gay) want her to go out with them.

it should realy depend on the party and those involved.


the rule of thumb i use for most cases if my wife wants to go to a party where i am not welcome/not interested/to tired/etc is simple: Does she know the people there? more so, do I know the people there?

it's realy simple - if she wants to go out to a club i am aware is a drunken-orgy fest. i tell her no. i'll expain why and she'll be all emo-faced for the next few hours, but will accept my decision. we usualy end up going to a bar or something anyhow after.

if it's a party where she knows the people, i see no reason not to let her go.

the only problem i always have is how she'll get back home. it's not the parties i'm usualy worried about, the places she/we frequent have pretty decent security. it's the transport back home that worries me, becouse she sure as hell aint going to drive herself after a party.

so i usualy ask one of our friends to keep a eye out for her, to make sure nothing happens to her.

you could do that with yours as well. ask her to keep you informed during hte party, or when she leaves and when she expects to be home. just so you can reasure your own worries about something happening to her. when i ask a friend to keep a eye out for her i tell her as well, so she knows who's arms are save to jump in if some drunk fuck tries to do something.

Thanks for the advice
Yeah I feel more confident about the party situation bc i know everyone there but i just dont feel comfortable with the club idea. Like you said its like a drunken-orgy fest. When me and my friends used to go to the clubs our main motive was to get some ass that night. I think I'm going to discuss this with her sometime that i dont feel comfortable with her at clubs without me.

Am i wrong that the main reason you go to clubs is to hookup?
How would you feel if your gal is grinding out there with some other dude?

Being in a relationship with you would be Hell.

Does anyone feel the same way?
Is it really ok for your girlfriend to go to partys/club without you?
Can anyone help?

no i dont . it takes awhile to build trust. and if you have a good understanding on what (level) your trust is at. its not that big of a deal

but since you said it was ya'll FIRST argument, i would assume that ya'll havent been going out for all to long.

how old are you? like 16-17? dont worry so much. be calm. you seem way over-protective of your girl. this your first real relationship?

most people new to real relationships, get very insecure and are always wondering what the other person is doing. thats not how it should be. its normal to have doubts, but to be honest if she is with her friends chances are nothing would happen.

cause every girl has that friend, the one that is always like "you shouldnt do that, you got a man"

i cant even count the amount of cock blocks i could contribute to that line

Like you said its like a drunken-orgy fest.

How would you feel if your gal is grinding out there with some other dude?drunken orgy fest
wow you really need some realization of what an orgy really is.

also i dont mind her grinding with someone else. i'm secure in my relationship. it makes me feel good knowing there are lots of guys out there wanting a piece of that. but at the end of the night i know who she is going to come home to. me not them

the rule of thumb.

wife.

so she knows who's arms are save to jump in if some drunk fuck tries to do something.

1st off,you should really think about cutting that thumb off, it will cause you nothing but problems

2nd, wife? i cant believe someone married you, with an outlook like that you need some therapy to become a bit more secure

3rdly, so you are saying that if she went to a party with her friends, that she would have no clue who to go to for help if something did happen, if you didnt talk to her friends. you should just kill yourself. friends are friends for a reason you go to them in a pinch, or if something happens. friends look out for each other regardless. she's not a fucking 3rd grader who needs it spelled out for her

and lastly. you talking to her friends about "keeping an eye on her" is just something for them to laugh at. you are an insecure bitch. you keep her on such a short leash for to long, one day that leash will break and she will never be back

I can't believe some of the responses in this thread, seriously.

If your girlfriend wants to go to a party, I can't believe she actually has to ask permission. Maybe it's cultural differences? I'm not really trying to be sarcastic, but the OP and Temko's approach to relationships sounds like 17th century puritan New England, radical Islam or something. Having and exercising that kind of control in a relationship IS oppression.

I can't imagine how you can even have a truly meaningful relationship with your girlfriend, as your views towards women are inherently sexist.

hmmmmm.....
or how about i've been cheated on in the past 3 relationships i was in bc i let them go to partys without letting it bother me bc i never wanted to be a controlling boyrfriend.
Its hard when you're scarred from being hurt like that.
There is always that thought in the back of my head that it can happen a 4th time bc it didnt stop them from the first 3 times.

But anyways we've been going out for a year and a half now and that was our first argument. Me and her are verry close, she is like my bestfriend to me. I gotta say im in love with her. But after thinking about this whole situation and reading the replies, i do trust her and i have nothing to worry about bc i love her and she loves me. all in all i was just thinking way to much about the situation.

check it out bro, if you cant trust her to not fuck anything she sees if she drinks a bit, then you wont be together long. i dont trust my girl to tell her everything about me, but i trust her enough to not trip if she goes to a kickback when im at work or out of town and what not.

I'm kind of like this aswell. :(

I get jealous.