But no. After a good several dozen rejections, it still hurts, a lot.

I let my guard down, after several years of (mostly) self-imposed celibacy, because I was just absolutely convinced, for whatever reason, that there might have been a chance there. I even set myself up for disappointment, reminding myself that, chances are, despite the so-called signals I was detecting, that she will say no. I went over the scenario in my head, of her straight out rejecting me, even in the meanest way possible, yet when it actually happened, (albeit not in the meanest way possible), it hurt. It still came as a shock.

Why is this happening? I mean, rejection is something that I have quite some experience with, yet it never gets any easier.

I had a whole bunch of stuff I had to get done today, but I can't. I just can't concentrate on anything. I have bills/rent to pay, but fuck it, I'm just going to spend what's left in my bank account on alcohol. The one and only thing that I am at least *somewhat* happy about at this exact point in time is that I at least have a friend who's willing to drink with me on this idle Thursday afternoon. Other than that though, I've just lost any semblance of self-esteem or self-confidence that I have built up over the past few years.

Why do I fail so hard?

I need help. Desperately. But the only place I know where to look is at the bottom of a bottle. :(

you are probably trying too hard. dont worry, everyone on earth has someone that will want to spend the rest of there life with the other.

Try being yourself

But what if trying too hard IS being myself?

Actually, out of some strange coincidence, the first person I spoke to about this after it happened was this one girl with whom quite a similar thing happened several years ago. I asked her, flat out, "Was it because I came on too strong?". She said, flat out, "Yes. I'm not going to lie, that is why."

The thing is though, that's just me. I'd be being somebody else entirely if I tried to play it all nonchalant.

But maybe that's just it. Maybe I need to *stop* being myself. It's unfortunate that it has to be that way, but what else is one supposed to do?

What the fuck is being yourself anyway if you think about it, you only respond the way you have immitated growing up anyway. Being yourself is nothing more than being who you want to be, you obviously don't wanna be a fucking loser so being a fucking loser isn't you....go figure

thats how i think anyway, but that may just be because i have no idea who the fuck i am :D lol

What the fuck is being yourself anyway if you think about it, you only respond the way you have immitated growing up anyway.

This is a good point.

Personally, I don't really have any problems with tweaking my personality/behavior to some degree if it means compensating for areas in which I lack.

Unfortunately though, I think there may be more to my own personal issue than can be fixed by minor personality adjustments.

Being yourself will not get you laid and getting laid is the first step to having a meaningful relationship.

This.

And as much as I hate what I'm going to say, the movie Hitch had a good point about this very issue: the fat guy was complaining about "not being himself", and Will Smith said, "you is a very fluid concept right now."

If you're doing something retarded, stop doing it. It has nothing to do with 'being yourself.' It has everything to do with you acting like a dumbass.

Also, get off the alcohol. You've been going downhill for years, and it's really depressing reading any thread you start because they're always more pathetic than the last. Deal with your fucking issues.

By pretending to be someone you're not. Good advice.

Sure, being yourself might be "being who you want to be" but that suggests a "you" that chooses in the first place. It doesn't really matter who you are, identity varies from one moment to the next. Just be happy with who you are. If you're not, then work towards it. Stop drinking to solve your problems because it won't.

Don't be a fucking loser man.

Short ans no. You just have to learn not to care. Talk to every pretty girl you see. But if you need a self esteem builder go after ugly girls.

1). Picture in your mind the person you'd like to be.

Picture it in great detail. What that person is dressed like, the way he walks, the way he talks, the way he acts, the way he thinks.

Then start "acting" that person out. Pretend you're playing a role of that person. Keep doing it until you are the person you want to be.

2). Make it a target to approach 10 girls every day over the next 10 days.

That alone will give you a 100 experiences of approaching women. Doesn't matter if you get rejected or not, keep with the plan. Understand, that, most of the times you get rejected it's not because the girl doesn't like you - most likely she's just not interested in meeting new people at the moment for whatever reason.

3). Mental rehearsing. Every night , rehearse the events that happened during the day, when you think you acted in the wrong way. Rehearse the whole situation in every detail, but act the right way this time.
Eventually, when you face a similar situation in real life, you will not make the mistake anymore.

This technique is actually used in many fields - I know that a lot of athletes use it to perfect their technique. Imagining something in your mind in great detail for 10-15 minutes is almost as useful as doing it in real life.