I want some personal stories here guys. These can get pretty hilarious.
This is more of a story that my boyfriend heard but one of his friends had the idea that a ziploc bag would be certainly just as effective as a condom if you tied it around the bottom. Total WINNAR.

I know that doesn't really scratch the surface of hilarity what with this being the intarwebz and all, but I tried to give some kind of decent example

I know a girl who thought if she washed her cooter out the next day she couldnt get pregnant.

I also know a girl who was so very sure that by being on top the cum would all ooze out and she couldnt get pregnant. Now she has 2 kids.

RIDICULOUS birth control methods

Abstinence. Fucking losers.

Oh and I knew a girl who was afraid of splash conception. She thought that if she had anal sex and he came in her ass, that she could get pregnant if she took a shit and water splashed back up at her pussy. She was a fucking retarded slut.

arquin, Naffy said to tell you he wants to hang with you because he lives right near you.

Something pertaining to shrooms...

Abstinence. Fucking losers.

Oh and I knew a girl who was afraid of splash conception. She thought that if she had anal sex and he came in her ass, that she could get pregnant if she took a shit and water splashed back up at her pussy. She was a fucking retarded slut.

I dunno, if it's possible it would explain how niggers came about.

Tell him to send me a private message. or...how the fuck do you talk to people with out posting your email on the board?

LOL pWned

Tell him to send me a private message. or...how the fuck do you talk to people with out posting your email on the board?

Posting your IM name on the board. You can send email to people through the email linked to your account, but there's no PM feature.

There was a Sex Ed Tv program here a few weeks ago. Apparently more than a few Brit boys and girls think that an empty crisp (US 'chips') packet is an acceptable condom.

That one shocked me.

Wouldn't that just chafe and/or cause infection? And you try to claim Brit superiority over Americans.......

i like to fully duck tape my penis. Not only will no semen escape it adds some nice size to my penis.

Who needs birth control when you have these:

http://www.themagazine.info/56/Pictures/Briner%20inc/HangerChromeThree.jpg

http://www.1-877-spirits.com/store/images/large/Jack-Daniels-Tennessee-Whiskey-lg.jpg.jpg

Everybody wins.

I also know a girl who was so very sure that by being on top the cum would all ooze out and she couldnt get pregnant. Now she has 2 kids.

Well that's just gravity.

One of my friends actually fucked a girl after passionately wrapping his entire dick in seran wrap. I suppose it was a better call then tinfoil.

Well that's just gravity.

One of my friends actually fucked a girl after passionately wrapping his entire dick in seran wrap. I suppose it was a better call then tinfoil.

See, it's difficult enough to imagine that someone would lack the common sense to do this, but it boggles my mind how someone would proceed to OBLIGE to being fucked with a seran wrap dick

Just last night a girl asked my friend (while I was there to witness it) if melatonin would work as birth control. Apparently it actually does when taken in doses over 30mgs, but using it as birth control is just fucking retarded, especially considering thats an extremely unhealthy dose.

melatonin is one of the least toxic substances known to man you dumb fucking piece of shit

you could take GRAMS of the stuff and nothing will happen

idk about melatonin working as birth control tho...

who needs birth control when you can say "its not mine, i refuse to have anything to do with it, i refuse to have a DNA test and ill never go on Jeremy Kyle show so get that out your thick fucking skull".

http://i139.photobucket.com/albums/q313/Fanglekai/stophangertime.jpg

Do they make micro-sized duct tape? :p

melatonin is one of the least toxic substances known to man you dumb fucking piece of shit

you could take GRAMS of the stuff and nothing will happen

idk about melatonin working as birth control tho...

K, take 30mgs everyday and see how you feel. Fucking idiot. Seriously, every morning take 6 extra strength 5mg pills. See how you feel that day.

Don't sass me stupid nigger. I didn't say it was toxic or deadly, I said it was unhealthy. Take 30mgs in the morning and tell me you feel healthy.

never taking the progestin pill until unprotected jizzmonkeys fill her uterus. then take one or two.
me and my gf always used to do this. even though i knew it didn't work but i was getting pussy without rubber so i didn't complain. this method of contraception has resulted in pregnancy twice in the last 9 months.
the pull out method was also used but that requires will power, which seems to evaporate as i feel im gonna blow my load; so that i end up holding her down and thrusting as deep as possible.
we also used condoms aswell but they were the terrible free ones from the sex health place, that dont stay on one part of ur dick but ride up it so that the foreskin is pulled over the helmet and there is a big baggy bit of condom hanging loosely off the end so it hurts her and feels like shes getting fucked by a shopping bag. the condom would usually end up being removed and a creampie would be in order

I also know a girl who was so very sure that by being on top the cum would all ooze out and she couldnt get pregnant. Now she has 2 kids.

Well of course that works, I mean it's just gravity /knocked up

I've heard sex in a hot tub... apparently the heat kills your sperm. morons.

sorry I had to
http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x76/JUSTanLS/Falcon_Punch.jpg

Do they make micro-sized duct tape? :p

i see what you did there...

but your a girl so i forgive you
<3

I was at some chicks birthday and her present was a good fucking so we went upstairs but I didn't have a condom so I used a balloon. Was probably a dumb idea but she didn't get prego so w,e

I was at some chicks birthday and her present was a good fucking

Ha. It's rude to refuse a birthday present, so it sounds like a good idea.

Soooo... I guess the consequences of getting pregnant the first time didn't deter you huh? Or.. the second time?

I am impressed you actually got your dick inside a balloon.
It is either very small or mighty.
I'm banking on small.

Aww man, you could've used the balloon to make jenkem instead.

I knew a guy who used chip bag as condom.


He got her pregnant....

then he went ahead and used plastic bag from grocery store.

Got other bitch pregnant.

homie, name vance. told po9 he bitch hadda gun.

I can tell from your IQ that you are most likely the result of a ridiculous birth control method, thus making your post relevant

I can tell from your IQ that you are most likely the result of a ridiculous birth control method, thus making your post relevant

If I had to guess, he's likely also got dimples in his cheeks, as his parents believed they could fuck their way to an abortion. DICK DENTS!

troll????^^^^

troll????^^^^

Proclaiming the presence of a troll should not be a question.

State it, dammit.

But good try.

Abstinence. Fucking losers.


Then you get desperate and end up with a highlighter up the ass and your dick in a toaster.

There's actually a couple at my school who have loads of freaky sex, in school sometimes, and refuse to use condoms. They brag about using ziplock sandwich baggies, and when I offered them a condom once they flat out refused.

Sweet Jesus Wept! And people still think it will be Global Warming that kills us all...

My friends dad told me that my friend was conceived after a tube sock failed to work as a condom.

That just sounds a little painful to me.

I just talked to a friend about this, and a friend of ours thinks that flipping a condom inside out lets you use it twice.

I've heard that an inside out Doritos bag will work...

I know a couple who have used a shower cap, and on a separate occasion saran wrap.

They are also the dumbest fucking twats I've ever met.

aha this is ridiculous, people dislike condoms so much yet it would feel so much better than ANY OF THESE METHODS

This is why they need to teach sex ed. So the dumb fucking teenagers will stop thinking that you can't get pregnant if it's your first time or if it's a Monday or if you wash your hands, or pray or whatever. I find it so ridiculous that teen pregnancy is "normal" now a days.

The problem is that teenagers are so damn horny all the time, if a guy had a chance to have sex but didn't have a condom, no matter what he was taught he would probably think "ah dammit, well.. this chance is too good to miss".

So sex ed won't quite cut it. Parents need to be teaching their kids this sort of basic stuff, and there needs to be trust. It seems that in a lot of families both parents work while their kids are still very young. As a result there is not trust, kids grow up without parents, and learn all sorts of crap from the streets.

my friend though that since piss was slightly acidic after he came he would piss inside her and it would kill the sperm

Awesome :D

Anyways, I know this chick once that thought if she poured diet soda in her vag after sex, it would act as a spermicide.

They tried that coke-spermicide thing on Mythbusters a long time ago.

Milkyway wrapper.

The problem is that teenagers are so damn horny all the time, if a guy had a chance to have sex but didn't have a condom, no matter what he was taught he would probably think "ah dammit, well.. this chance is too good to miss".

So sex ed won't quite cut it. Parents need to be teaching their kids this sort of basic stuff, and there needs to be trust. It seems that in a lot of families both parents work while their kids are still very young. As a result there is not trust, kids grow up without parents, and learn all sorts of crap from the streets.

first paragraph... no shit. im 16, but i dont think that the parents not being there is the problem. its the fact (at least for me) that they flip at the mention of anything to do with sex. my mother is a helicopter mom (she hovers around me constantly), and just cant stand the idea of me having some fun with some chick when she isnt home. i havent, but id jump at the chance. so i think that parents should just be more open (if the blame is on them no mater what) to the idea. just not make such a big deal about the whole subject and treat it like its any small talk topic. it would sure as hell make me wana do it less.
its what i call the forbiden fruit syndrome. if someone demands that you DO NOT do something. somewhere down inside of you will want to that much more. but if someone tries to FORCE you to do something. naturaly, you will be more resistant. its the same thing. if my mother would treat sex like nothing out of the ordinary, i would too.

first paragraph... no shit. im 16, but i dont think that the parents not being there is the problem. its the fact (at least for me) that they flip at the mention of anything to do with sex. my mother is a helicopter mom (she hovers around me constantly), and just cant stand the idea of me having some fun with some chick when she isnt home. i havent, but id jump at the chance. so i think that parents should just be more open (if the blame is on them no mater what) to the idea. just not make such a big deal about the whole subject and treat it like its any small talk topic. it would sure as hell make me wana do it less.
its what i call the forbiden fruit syndrome. if someone demands that you DO NOT do something. somewhere down inside of you will want to that much more. but if someone tries to FORCE you to do something. naturaly, you will be more resistant. its the same thing. if my mother would treat sex like nothing out of the ordinary, i would too.

I agree. That's what I actually meant by the parents "being there".

Apparently some chick won a nobel prize for discovering that coke explodes human sperm.
Seriously.
But I still think using that method would be an idiotic decision, obviously. It's sort of plausible to think it would work as a dumb kid.

Apparently some chick won a nobel prize for discovering that coke explodes human sperm.
Seriously.
But I still think using that method would be an idiotic decision, obviously. It's sort of plausible to think it would work as a dumb kid.

She won the Ig Nobel prize, not the real one. Good read though.

Story follows:

The Ig Nobels honor real research, but are meant as a funny alternative to next week's deadly serious Nobel prizes for medicine, chemistry, physics, economics, literature and peace.

Awarded by the editors of the Annals of Improbable Research, a scientific humor magazine, the prizes are based on published research, some intended to be humorous but often not. Usually the "honored" researchers go along with the joke.

Deborah Anderson of Boston University Medical Center and colleagues were awarded the chemistry prize for a 1985 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine that found Coca-Cola kills sperm.

She said she was serious in testing the soft drink because women were using it in a douche as a contraceptive and, later, to try to protect themselves from the AIDS virus.

"It definitely wouldn't work as a contraceptive because sperm swims so fast," Anderson said. But Coke made with sugar quickly kills sperm, she said, probably because sperm soak it up. "The sperm just kind of explode," she said in a telephone interview.

It kills the AIDS virus too, she said.
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE49200220081003

I'd read it before, but I missed the part about it killing the AIDS virus. Scary.

edit: Also, note that she said Coke with sugar, not the shit made in the US with high fructose corn syrup. In latin america it still has good ol cane sugar. It's so much better. Around passover time Coke makes 'passover coke' that has sucrose (real sugar) instead of fructose. The bottles have yellow caps and they're definitely worth picking up.

Hahahaha, laughed pretty hard at this one.

She won the Ig Nobel prize, not the real one. Good read though.

Story follows:

The Ig Nobels honor real research, but are meant as a funny alternative to next week's deadly serious Nobel prizes for medicine, chemistry, physics, economics, literature and peace.

Awarded by the editors of the Annals of Improbable Research, a scientific humor magazine, the prizes are based on published research, some intended to be humorous but often not. Usually the "honored" researchers go along with the joke.

Deborah Anderson of Boston University Medical Center and colleagues were awarded the chemistry prize for a 1985 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine that found Coca-Cola kills sperm.

She said she was serious in testing the soft drink because women were using it in a douche as a contraceptive and, later, to try to protect themselves from the AIDS virus.

"It definitely wouldn't work as a contraceptive because sperm swims so fast," Anderson said. But Coke made with sugar quickly kills sperm, she said, probably because sperm soak it up. "The sperm just kind of explode," she said in a telephone interview.

It kills the AIDS virus too, she said.
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE49200220081003

I'd read it before, but I missed the part about it killing the AIDS virus. Scary.

edit: Also, note that she said Coke with sugar, not the shit made in the US with high fructose corn syrup. In latin america it still has good ol cane sugar. It's so much better. Around passover time Coke makes 'passover coke' that has sucrose (real sugar) instead of fructose. The bottles have yellow caps and they're definitely worth picking up.

Now I just want to see a video of sperm exploding in action. Like, slow motion time lapse. Assisted by CGI of it combusting in flames. BONUS: other sperm dramatically leaping away to safety

Now I just want to see a video of sperm exploding in action. Like, slow motion time lapse. Assisted by CGI of it combusting in flames. BONUS: other sperm dramatically leaping away to safety

That would be extremely entertaining. I hope someone creates this.

The saran wrap was a good idea at the time...I had my dick all wrapped up perfectly, and I went in. In the middle, we heard a loud pop and sure enough I broke a hole through a few wrapped layers of saran wrap with all sorts of junk dripping everywhere. We said "fuck it" and kept going. The morning after she told her older sister about it, sis scolded us, and bought plan b for her.


This was about sophomore year in high school and yeah we really were dumb fucking twats.

i know a few peopl to who i could recommend using a thimble....

but i think most effective definitely has to be a tin foil helmet for your head. and also, your dick wont get contacted by aliens.