Right.

I've been going to my mates house most days after work. I chill with him, his roommate and about 7 other people who go there. The girls there I get along with quite well, and when new ones arrive, they seem really interested in me the first day or so. Their friends will tell me they think I'm hot etc. but then after about 4 days they get together with someone else in the group. And on a few occasions actually start liking each other.

My dilemma is that I don't know whether they learn my personality and don't like it, or that I'm doing something to make them think I'm not interested. Therefore pursuing someone else. They still are friendly and whatnot but they go off with someone else and I'm getting sick of missing the opportunities. But it's just out of my control as I don't know what else to do.

Any advice?

bump.

Maybe you're sending the wrong signals? Are you letting the girls know that you're interested in them/a relationship (any sort)/etc?

I think you may be giving them the impression that you just wanna be friends with them or that you've already got something going with someone else so they just move on.. This sound vaguely right?

Im a victim of giving wrong signals as well. Still dont know how to fix that

That's the most likely scenario. But it could also be them just flat out disliking my personality.

If it is in fact me sending the wrong signals, then I'm pretty much screwed as I don't know what else to do. I guess I could be more "flirtatious" and talkative.

well how DO you act around them?

This is kinda crucial to the question bro.

I guess I could be more "flirtatious" and talkative.

This is what you need to do. Don't just sit back and hope one of them will latch onto your personality. Be assertive ya know, take control... whatever that may mean for you in your situation.

They come sit next to me, ask me a question. I answer it, smile, ask a question back etc. Just like a normal conversation.

But when they do things like sit on my lap I just act normal and don't really do anything. Eventually they will get up and go sit somewhere else. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I'm not going to start groping them right then and there with 10 other people in the room. But if I don't react, then they might get the wrong impression and think I don't like it?

Also, when they find out I'm a virgin that also seems to make them lose interest then they end up going to someone else. They're still friendly and all, as I said, but I'm the only virgin in the group and I'm thinking maybe they find it a turn off?

well it sounds like you're not the touchy feely type, which is fine BUT females respond best to physical signals so if they sit on your lap, where are ur hands? Do u put them on her leg (not too low, not to high, just above the knee, whatever?) or do you just keep them off her? other hand on her back (not bum, yet) or arm sort of around her, get what I'm getting at? haha bit vague i know but small casual touches are what gets girls to respond.

They come sit next to me, ask me a question. I answer it, smile, ask a question back etc. Just like a normal conversation.

But when they do things like sit on my lap I just act normal and don't really do anything. Eventually they will get up and go sit somewhere else. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I'm not going to start groping them right then and there with 10 other people in the room. But if I don't react, then they might get the wrong impression and think I don't like it?

Also, when they find out I'm a virgin that also seems to make them lose interest then they end up going to someone else. They're still friendly and all, as I said, but I'm the only virgin in the group and I'm thinking maybe they find it a turn off?

If a girl sits on my lap, I'll at least maybe put my arms around them, but I will at least focus on them. What do you mean by acting "normal"? Don't freeze and do nothing. Girls don't just sit on anyone. Unless of course you are in fact a walking talking chair, in which case props to you because that's fucking baller, but I digress.

Virginity shouldn't even be an issue unless the pussy is in the bag. Are you constantly announcing your virginity? Probably not the best idea. I bet however it's your drunk male friends letting the world know. It will only hold you back if you let it.

If a girl sits on my lap, I'll at least maybe put my arms around them, but I will at least focus on them. What do you mean by acting "normal"? Don't freeze and do nothing. Girls don't just sit on anyone. Unless of course you are in fact a walking talking chair, in which case props to you because that's fucking baller, but I digress.

Virginity shouldn't even be an issue unless the pussy is in the bag. Are you constantly announcing your virginity? Probably not the best idea. I bet however it's your drunk male friends letting the world know. It will only hold you back if you let it.

By acting normal I mean I act exactly how I would if they weren't there. I still talk to them, talk to others, watch TV, do whatever. I just don't really react to what they are doing.

I don't announce it, neither does any of my mates. I've been asked twice if I'm a virgin and I felt my only answer was the truth as a few others already knew. That's another thing. These people who asked me this only knew me for a few days and they somehow "sensed" I was a virgin.

They come sit next to me, ask me a question. I answer it, smile, ask a question back etc. Just like a normal conversation.

But when they do things like sit on my lap I just act normal and don't really do anything. Eventually they will get up and go sit somewhere else. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I'm not going to start groping them right then and there with 10 other people in the room. But if I don't react, then they might get the wrong impression and think I don't like it?

Also, when they find out I'm a virgin that also seems to make them lose interest then they end up going to someone else. They're still friendly and all, as I said, but I'm the only virgin in the group and I'm thinking maybe they find it a turn off?


You need to understand she is probably not sitting on your lap for no reason. If she thought you were an idiot , she wouldn't be doing that.

There is no need to start groping them , but you could if thats the kind of girl they are. They are giving you a signal that can help you in "getting some"

The whole virgin thing is shitty for you. It is obviously lowering your confidence and out casting you as a prominent male figure in the group. You need to stop being a bitch and worrying about singling yourself out because thats gonna FUCK YOU.

When a girl realizes you don't have any confidence , and are relatively shy when it comes to contact , they are going to lose interest.

Make them laugh , be assertive , make them feel good. More importantly , comfortable.

Oh , and stop being a bitch.

haha bit vague i know but small casual touches are what gets girls to respond.

Yeah exactly. It sounds harder than it is but you just gotta act natural ya know. And I remember you making a thread about how you thought maybe you being a virgin is a turnoff and that was your problem well I wouldn't worry about that so much as the way your coming off to these girls. Be flirty and energetic... it's hard to do sometimes but alcohol helps that.

But yeah when they come and sit on your lap and shit like that, depending on the mood and setting and whats going on around you, do things like tickle her... or i dont know stuff like that. Whatever feels right.

By acting normal I mean I act exactly how I would if they weren't there. I still talk to them, talk to others, watch TV, do whatever. I just don't really react to what they are doing.



Your problem is in bold. I mean really, how do expect to ever get any if you don't ever make a move. Now I'm not saying that you should start immediately ripping off their clothes the moment they sit on you but doing nothing at all is probably the worst card you can play. How would you feel if you started either tickling or tried to initiate a cuddle with a girl and she was completely unresponsive? You'd probably brush it off and assume they're not interested, right? Yeah, that's what these fine Australian lasses are probably doing.

Listen, Misfit, normally I'd be my asshole self and make fun of you for your complete ineptness but your actually one of my favorite totseans due to your hilarious stories/threads so I figure I'll try to help out a bit. You have an interesting and unique personality, most totseans fucking do. Enough of one that I can realize that halfway across the fucking world, maybe you should let them see it. I recommend you stop over analyzing your every action, let the drunken courage flow and make a subtle move. No one is going to walk you through it step by step, you know what to do. Trust your instinct and commit one way or the other. Good luck.




I don't announce it, neither does any of my mates. I've been asked twice if I'm a virgin and I felt my only answer was the truth as a few others already knew. That's another thing. These people who asked me this only knew me for a few days and they somehow "sensed" I was a virgin.

I'm not even gonna comment on this. Don't worry about it, a girl will fuck you if she wants to. The fact that your a virgin won't change her mind one way or the other.

http://www.impawards.com/2005/posters/hitch.jpg

If a girl is sitting on your lap, it probably isn't because she's looking for a friendly chat about the Pacific Rim economy. Take it as a sign that she's interested, is making a move, and the ball is totally in your court. You need to reciprocate, or else they're going to take it as rejection and cross you off the list of eligible males.

Just be more aggressive and take things into your own hands. Don't expect them to go after you. It's your job to make them interested if anything, don't just sit back and wait for it to happen or you'll be waiting a while. You're young, just be assertive and take control of your situation. Trust me, if you're more confident with them then you won't be a virgin for long.

Hey man, I'm 19 years old and lost my virginity a month ago...and all the sudden I'm a pimp! I always sucked at attracting girls before. I'll tell you what you may be doing wrong, in my experience, although it may have been mentioned above:

When you first meet a girl, usually she knows almost instantly whether or not she's attracted to you. If she is, you'll know it, unless you're dealing with those bitches that just lead you on for pot or a safe place to get wasted (I don't know how old you are).

Here's the key: Say you meet a nice pretty girl and it seems she's attracted to you; flirty, gives you that eye, ect. If you wait too long to make it apparent that you are attracted to her, she will simply move on and forget you. What finally worked for me was a simple "I am strangely attracted to you..." and then she kissed me. And then we had sex later and now she's my girlfriend.

And I almost thought I'd end up the actual 40 year old virgin.

Have you considered despite being attractive and friendly, your friends might just be more attractive and friendly? Not only that, but being 'hot' will only get you so far. Your looks have given you a head start in the race, but your ability to pick up has you running like a cripple, so you're still coming last.

I've come a fair way confidence wise over the last few months and it seems things can only get better. Thanks everyone for your advice. It all makes so much sense, and while I do try and do what you say, I tend to try to hard to not overdo it, which means I probably underdo it.. if that makes sense.

They come sit next to me, ask me a question. I answer it, smile, ask a question back etc. Just like a normal conversation.

But when they do things like sit on my lap I just act normal and don't really do anything. Eventually they will get up and go sit somewhere else. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I'm not going to start groping them right then and there with 10 other people in the room. But if I don't react, then they might get the wrong impression and think I don't like it?

Also, when they find out I'm a virgin that also seems to make them lose interest then they end up going to someone else. They're still friendly and all, as I said, but I'm the only virgin in the group and I'm thinking maybe they find it a turn off?

You are describing me perfectly, but when I read your post I thought "wth, just wrap your arms around them or play with their hair" and then I realized that's what I need to do. I have no problem conversating with a girl but then when they make a physical move I have no idea what to do.

You have to know when to make a move. Next time, pay more attention to the girl on your lap and less attention to the tv.

It's positive reinforcement: girl does something good (sitting on your lap), you give girl attention. Girl likes attention, girl does something good again.

It's positive reinforcement: girl does something good (sitting on your lap), you give girl attention. Girl likes attention, girl does something good again.

LULZ its so true but way to make us sound like dogs/animals to be trained :p

LULZ its so true but way to make us sound like dogs/animals to be trained :p

Watch how people act toward little kids. Like 2-5 year olds. They treat them like puppies. :)

Since behavior reinforcement works for girls, I'm going to keep doing it. Sorry!

Watch how people act toward little kids. Like 2-5 year olds. They treat them like puppies. :)

Since behavior reinforcement works for girls, I'm going to keep doing it. Sorry!

Haha don't apologise, its how we work :) Plus, we get what we want out of it; win/win

Haha don't apologise, its how we work :) Plus, we get what we want out of it; win/win

Everyone gets sex, so it's all good. I guess you should be used to misogyny on here anyway. Oh well. Today I was thinking about my totse personality and how no one in my life knows I post on here. It's kind of odd.