I recently moved to this small town. Everytime I go to the grocery store there are never any hot girls for me to hit on. I go in tonight at almost 10pm and there are hot girls fucking everywhere. I'm surrounded by them.

Sounds good, yeah? No. I'm in there wearing sweatpants(not a big deal by itself) and the only things that I went there to buy were two frozen pizzas and a bottle of whiskey. And I haven't shaved for like 4 days. How the fuck am I supposed to pick up girls with that shit?

Shoulda hit the bottle...you woulda thought of somethin...

Tape a picture of my ass to your face.

The solution to this is SO obvious. You should have run all the way home, showered, shaved, put on expensive cologne and some nice casual duds, greased your hair, and then run all the way back to stand in a semi-relaxed posture just outside the grocery store door, with a single tulip in your fist, and a hopeful look on your face. Now you're going to be very sorry you didn't put the effort in. One of those girls COULD have been your wife-to-be.

You snoozed, you losed. I hope you've at least learned something from this utter failure.

Well that sucks. Kind of ironic though. just out of curiosity what kind of whiskey was it?

Ugh. . . disgusting Jack Daniels. They didn't have my usual brand. I always drink whiskey on the rocks and this was my first time buying JD. It was so gross. At first I thought it had more alcohol but it was actually just really disgusting. I could barely swallow it.

I could barely swallow it.That's because it was really sour grapes.

Powertroll trolls.

Ugh. . . disgusting Jack Daniels. They didn't have my usual brand. I always drink whiskey on the rocks and this was my first time buying JD. It was so gross. At first I thought it had more alcohol but it was actually just really disgusting. I could barely swallow it.

you always drink whiskey and that was your 1st Jack Daniels, liar liar pants on fire