Inspired by http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/105664235.html

To the girls I've fucked

Michelle: You had serious problems. A knitting needle in your pussy in grade 9? I told your close guy friend that I would never date you, just fuck you. Then a week later we're dating. I'm surprised we lasted ten weeks. You dump me for saying I'd leave if you got knocked up, then two days later you're jerking me off with some hand lotion in the baseball bleachers at school. The first time you said you loved me, you were so shitfaced that you were puking all over the field and passersby though I was going to rape you cause they didn't know I was your boyfriend. You really brought out the asshole in me, thank you. Oh yeah, that time we got caught by the principal was fucking awesome. I'll never forget that.

Carly: Ugh. We're talking on MSN, you mention you're bored, I invite you over to "fuck like rabbits." You say "eh, why not." I go to pick you up, you turn out to be a different Carly. Fuck. Well I'm already horny, and you're not that ugly. Turns out you're a virgin too, so you get blood all over my sheets. Ugh. A week later me and a good friend double team you, it's his first time. We never talk to you again. You were plain in every sense of the word. You gained weight after all this too.

Allie: I fucked you the day after double teaming Leah. Apparently we'd met at a party a week before and talked for a good half hour about everything and we really made a "connection." I just remember staring at your petite figure and big tits and imagining them in my mouth. All I remember in terms of conversation was offering you and your three friends a fivesome. So you wanted me to be your boyfriend. You've got problems too.

Tammy: You would always sneak notes into my jacket in one of my classes. You were alright looking and apparently had nipple piercings. I fucked you. The piercings weren't that cool. You should shower more often. And shave more. UGH. I cum on your stomach. Twice. Never see you again. No, I don't want to go into your house and meet your mom. Unless she showers more than you do.

Stripper: I'm 18. You're 25. You were my friends grad date and fuck buddy. We make out in front of him then bang behind a tree. People are walking around us. Buddy bangs you a couple hours later. You tell my friend you've slept with over three hundred men. I spend the next month inspecting my pubic region three times a day, and thankfully can't find a fucking thing, and thank God that I wore a condom, and that I lost my wood after five minutes. I tell you it's cause people are around, but I really just feel dirty for having sex with a stripper. Nonetheless a friend's stripper.

Jamee: You try to introduce yourself to me, I stop you mid-sentence and grab your ass, look you up and down, and tell you that you'll do for the night. Apparently you decide after this that I'd make a good mate. We bang on the beach about fifty yards from the rest of the party, behind some bushes. The condom breaks because sand gets in your pussy. Your sister comes in when I'm just about to finish and starts freaking out and pushing me. Thankfully, her boyfriend is my friend and picks her drunk ass up and carries her off to cool down. I see you three days later with a fuckload of scratches on your back, and I know that they're not from me. Once again I spend the next month investigating my pubic region.

I'm going to make an effort to choose better sexual partners from here on out. Also with more normal names.

I'm going to make an effort to choose better sexual partners from here on out. Also with more normal names.

Be sure to inform totse about your every move.

Way to make up names and scenarios...

you spelt the title wrong wasnt it
"The guys I've fucked"


oj dude but seriously if all thats true
:D:D:D
nice 1

You guys are like my second family, that I never talk to. Of course I'm going to keep you all updated once in a while.

Shut the fuck up, Acolyte.

And yes, it's all true. If I was gonna make shit up, there'd be more girls on that list and I would be a bigger asshole.

not impressed...

Not unless they read totse... then it could possibly interesting.

You wouldn't happen to live in NC would you?

" so i shoved my 12" dick in her ass lol" i see what u mean u could have lied lol.

i think the best part about my ex gf is when i was talking to her on the phone while eyeing this other girl up i barely knew, then when i put the phone down i took the other bird back to mine and while i was fucking her i was havin another convi with my gf on my mobile :D

shortly after i broke up with my gf lol

I thought this was a potentially good thread though I knew the actual outcome.

The reason for the haters? None of them have stories to tell.

1 - 15 years old, drunk in the park waiting for your parents to go to bed. Oh, and you were going out with my best friend at the time. Not the worst way to lose your virginity I suppose. We became pretty good friends (or at least as good as friends that get drunk and sleep together and pretend it doesn't mean anything can be) until we went our separate ways about three years after we met, and strangely and probably regretfully we haven't spoken since. You were a bit of a sexy creature. You also wasted a lot of my time. Still think about you sometimes.

2 - You were 1s replacement. Like the original Mini against the Austin Metro, turns out the original was better and lasted longer. You were really sweet. I'd probably meet up with you again just for a chat.

3 - Hrm. Well the sex was good, but you were mental. Then you started seeing my friend. And now the two of you are together and we all live in the same house. Thankfully, you're absolutely mental, drugged up jumped up violent posh bitch and I don't fancy you in any way. Even the physical attraction has gone (except when I hear you shagging). Please do the washing up once in a while, and don't kick the door in just because you've forgotten your key.

4 - Saying 'you'll do' to someone in a club and it working means you are in for a good night. I do not appreciate you stubbing a cigarette out on my bed or writing your phone number on the wall.

5 - Your tits were so big they scared me a bit. Combined with your short slighty dumpy body it looks like you're going to fall over when you walk. I see you in the street sometimes and you pretend to ignore me, which I find hilarious, because you think you're clearly so much cooler than me. Truth be told I thought you were quite cool, most people hate you and think you're pathetic, except for your uber-friends.

6 - Oh you had a boyfriend. You were one of those people that was so cool I could barely look at you. Not sure how I managed that one, maybe you were using me? Well, the joke's on you! Not much else to say on this one. Other than 'I think someone saw us fucking on the roof'. I wonder if he ever found out.

7. Errr, I was drunk. Very drunk. Your skin reminded me somewhat of an elephant's. I left for work without telling you how to get home so I hope you made it okay. If it's any consolation, I think you punched well above your weight.

8. Another drunk one. This time it's a bit of a role-reversal with 7, except I don't have skin like an elephant. Took me a while to get my bearings in the morning.

9. You're going to be off the train in approx 2 hours and 15 minutes, and I've been counting every hour. You're the only reason I'm still where I am, but soon I'm going to leave and we will both cry. I'll come and see you as much as I can but I don't know if we can keep things going or how well it will work. You remind me a bit of 1. It annoys me when I hear about other people you've slept with, but take that as a compliment. You said that you've never met someone who has made you laugh so much; I don't think I have either, hopefully we'll stay together. Only seeing you once a week when I go is really going to be hard, but as much as I want to be with you, it's my life and I can't sit in a deadend job just waiting to go home every night. If it doesn't work out, then I want you to be happy, and even though I don't know if I'm quite in love with you yet, it must be pretty bloody close.

Nah I don't live in NC.

That's horrible mylife, in a really funny manly way of course.

Yeah I figured there'd be haters. Thanks.

Only someone who makes up names and scenarios would accuse another of making up names and scenarios.

Disney World Cream Dream:
So I forgot your name, big fucking deal.. I was 15 and met you 3 or 4x before you drank two smirnoffs and started to act like a drunken idiot. You let me hit it in the hottub in the pool at Disney's Vacation Club (now Old Key West) in turtle pond. For my first time it was fucking amazing and you were so beautiful, except you kept pissing me off, making us switch from the hottub to the pool every fucking 2 minutes so I wouldn't cum in you. We had to lie to your best friend who was making out with my wingman and told her we weren't fucking just fooling around and that the condom wrapper by the hottub was already there. Can't believe she believed me.. HAHAHAhhaahaa, you caught the Disney bus back to the contemporary and I never saw you again. That was fucking awesome and it's still our little secret.. and Totse's of course. Miss you, we should fuck again... wouldn't remember what you look like even if I saw you, but you rock and I hope your doing well.

To my fat friends sister:
Yes I remember Thanksgiving.... I had Thanksgiving dinner with your whole family in Illinois, went and got drunk with my friends just to come back and have you jump my shit in your dark ass basement. Making out with you and feeling you up was cool, and your pussy was my property for the next 2 days... I ended up tearing that shit up while my best friend was sleeping next to us in your parents house (note: not a good thing to do, EVER). Then we went over your girlfriends house and tried to fuck, but your cigarette addicted ass made it impossible for me to keep a hard on and I sure as fuck wasn't about to eat your pussy... cause lets face it... roses ain't the smell that was comming from your undies.. blue-balls never felt so good.

Roberta:
We did the whole courtship thing and I may have actually ended up falling in love with you... Until I found out that you were having another mans baby. For some people thats cool, not me... thats why I bounced without saying a word. Im sorry that I took full advantage of the situation and nutted all up in you and didn't use a condem, but wtf? we were having a ball. You were still drinking when it was like 2-3 months, and we were dating, and I had to met your friends whole all told you that I would do exactly what I did to you. Im sorry you had to go through that, and for that I am a straight up asshole. But out of everyone... I loved you the most. If you weren't having that baby we might still have something. I check up on you time to time and hope the best. Love ya B... I still remember the first time you gave me head... I couldn't stop laughing and I know it hurt your feelings... lol sorry for that too.

Mexican bitch:
Fuck you, you stupid ho... I worked way to hard for that ass only to find out you's a ho... Get the fuck off my dick!

Ashley:
WoooooWWW!!! Jesus girl.... how the fuck did we end up hooking up? You dated my best friend... (the one who was sleeping while I was banging my other friends sister) and then broke up and got married to some fool. While he was in Iraq, you let me completely have you... It was amazing in the weirdest way, knowing we shouldn't have been near each other.. we completely let each other have it. You even smoked me out and gave me alcohol. Probably the best sex I ever had, so much so that I was thinking that I wasn't the only guy who had been to your house since your husbands departure. Last I heard you got divorced and are now somewhere down in Texas, hooking back up with my best-friend.. Pls oh pls tell me you didn't say anything... and I know how much you want both of us to fuck you at the same time... I don't know about that.... never say never though... When we were all hanging out back in the day, we did some pretty freaky and scary shit... just in general. We try to stay in contact and Im so glad that each time we talk you get that much hotter and more mature.. Your so fucking sexy... and I would definitely hit that again.

To the ones I missed:
Unfortunately it either wasn't that good, or I was completely wasted.... not memorable at all... You fucking suck and are a waste of oxygen... choke yourselves.

The guys:


A1 - You were the youngest, most inexperienced person I've got with but suprisingly the best. You were also the first person I got close to, so you gave me a good first impression of intimacy. We didn't actually fuck but got close and then when your friend kicked me out the house because I wasn't supposed to be there you were nice enough to walk me back at 7am in the freezing cold and wait for my lift to get there.


J - You were basically just a total arrogant douchebag but I guess I was just horny and when you tried to get with me I thought why not. I should never of given you the priviliges I did or spent so much time afterwards trying to seduce you when you obviously didn't care even though I did suceed. I was really ignorant back then... But then I finally realised how much of a cunt you were and retardedly obssessed over your ex. How you used to part my hair so it looked like hers and just took an interest in me because I looked similar to her generally. Then you got a really lame haircut and looked even more like a generic douchebag than before.

A2 - I wasn't actually attracted to you particulary but you asked me out one night in one of those immature adolescent ways and I thought and replied with ..'why not!'. A new experience. It was SHIT. You were one of the most self centered immature people i've ever met despite being a couple years older than me. The sex was completely cold and selfish and boring, but at least you got all the initial pain out of the way for me so I could enjoy myself in the future. It was awesome when we finally broke up after just 2 weeks but all the memories of how lame it was to fuck you kind of ruined sex for me a bit.

D - Again I wasn't that interested in you but I was still at that point where I was so unsure of myself I let people take advantage of me because I was too KIND to say fuck off. We got eachother off in my friends bed and then half way through you come out with " I shouldn't be doing this, I have a girlfriend." I thought ' what the fuck, you douchebag' but It's really not my responsbility what decisions you make so I ignored it and we carried on.

T - You are actually a really weird and amazing person, even though we only kissed it was something awesome at that moment. So natural and easy. Nothing romantic actually came out of it in the end but it's cool we're still friends and go off on our little drives through the wilderness for hours and hours. Something good came out of that connection we had that one night.

N - I was really lusting after you for a while and I know you liked me too, It was just waiting to happen. So then it almost did when I took some E and acted on my desires - let my worries and caution go despite the possible consequences. We made out heavily but then I started coming down and I've never felt so awkward and uncomfortable and didn't let it go any further. I'm really sorry for fucking with your feelings like that because I know you genuinly had a soft spot in your heart for me and you've never got angry at me about it even when I finally explained it was all a mistake. I'm glad we're still good friends now.

E - You were the first person I properly liked on the long-term. It took us a while and lots of subtle flirting up until the point of where we were very comfortable with eachother. But then my insecurities arose again and I found it ridiculously difficult to get close to you. I wasn't sure what was going on between us anyore either. I realised even though we had that amazing attraction we never actually talked or did anything together and then you started liking that other chick and I just let it go. Now you're in a happy relationship with her and that's really cool. It was never gonna work.

N - Everything was crazy between us. I met you during a real mad time in my life( and what seemed like everyone else's too) and It was like being inside some kind of drug fairytale. I was so happy to have met you but then by the time I came back out after falling ill you'd suddenly gone back into normal mode and were not the guy I remember from those few nights we had together. You did try to very nicely get with me again whilst I was tripping on acid for my first or second time and I was in no mood to do aything physical, but the whole situation helped me to realise alot of issues I had, so I thank you for that even if you don't realise you did anything atall.

J - You are the most complex and amazing person I've ever met. I've never worked through so many of my problems in such a short ammount of time before. You brought it all forward so I could recognise what was going on, and the funny thing is you don't even realise you're doing it. The first person I've slept with in a long time that I actually truly enjoyed and felt the love for. You continue to help me in many different ways and I seem to make progress everyday. The better I get, the more perfect we can become as two people with an amazing connection that doesn't need to be dampened by personal issues any longer, and I won't let it. You give me strength to get through whatever bullshit comes my way. I might not be able to give you such a sadisticly twisted, interesting and amazing experience as your ex did, but I'll try my best to make it exciting with the fiery spark that IS inside me...somewhere. It's just hiding.

I've only slept with one person, so this'll just be to the boys that happened before that.

1.Will- We made out every day in eighth grade. You were a dirty stoner, but under the crusty eyebrow piercing and pseudo-wigger clothing (remind me why I liked you?) you were very good looking. You've got significantly better looking since. I don't think I really liked you; I liked the lifestyle you represented. You were always high and happy. You kissed like a sloppy washing machine. It's a good thing you already had a girlfriend that I didn't know about, and I never saw you again, because I learned a lot from you. About how not to like an asshole.

2. Waylan- I always thought you had a stupid name, but that first time I met you (when I was drunk and made out with you) I didn't know that. You were very weird looking, but you grew on me. Except for your man-boobs; that was always gross. I'm glad we didn't end up dating because it turns out you're a tool when it comes to girls. You rejected me but ended up with a really ugly, weird, boring girl who looks and acts like a grandmother even though she's only 19, and I'm sure the sex is awful. You really screwed that one up, pal. You taught me that some people highly overvalue themselves.

3. Chris- I don't want to talk about it. You make me want to throw up in my mouth every time a repressed memory surfaces.

4. Jake- You were my best friend's boyfriend and my boyfriend's best friend (how fucked up is that???). You were very cute under all that emo. I was 14 and insecure, you made me feel good about myself, and then you kissed me in the movie theater when we went to see 'She's the Man' with some friends and our significant others were in Florida. I always knew when you were fighting with your girlfriend because you would tell me how you wished you were dating me instead, and she would tell me how everyone told her that you were cheating on her, but she didn't believe it. That killed me, really it did. You showed me how even the worst things feel like the best things when you shouldn't be doing them. I've never felt worse about anything in my life than you, but the whole thing made me realize that cheating on someone is so disgustingly awful that I will never, ever, ever be tempted to do it again. I'm glad we only grandma kissed and exchanged romantic sentiments or I would feel like even more of a waste of person today. And I'm really glad you and her broke up.


That was very cathartic, but I wish I had more sordid stories.

Amy - Well, you were the first. By no means the most attractive. You don't really have any redeeming qualities so I can't think fondly of you. You wore me out by continually asking me to sneak out with you and fuck you at the local park. I guess I like those memories, especially the time we were naked on top of a park bench and that cop car drove past. After nine months I was finally sick of your suicide attempts and your general depressingness. You cried and sort of stalked me for a while. Then I was an asshole to you and you stopped and hated me.

Brin - You were half the reason I dumped Amy. After two to three weeks you dumped my ass. We were good friends before and that hurt a lot more than I would've liked but I got over it. Probably made me stronger.

Claire - Fuck, you were a mistake. Dumped you for Sam. It's like trading pokemon cards.

Sam - You were cool and liked sex a lot, but you were way clingy. Glad I dumped you, but you cried and I had to sit there while you begged me to get back with you. Now you're getting married to a guy you haven't even dated for 6 months. Grats on success. I regret the way things turned out, but shit happens, everyone makes mistakes. You were still crying about it 6 months later. I hope you got over it. Everyone in the grade hated me after I dumped you, because apparently you're supposed to wait more than 45 minutes after sex. Whatever.

Libby - Ahh. After a decent spell of solitude and the hate dying down, I turned to younger girls. You were cool, but Christian. Thankfully my guile and persuasion got you to forget about that long enough to have awesome amounts of sex, and sneak out with me and night (and fuck in the same park and Amy). It was good. Then I finished school and it was hard, so we did the fuckbuddies thing, but that wasn't for you and you eventually stopping coming over. That was cool, but I was still a bit hung up on you. Got over it quickly.

Nadine - Made me prejudiced against all south africans. You were dumb, and not attractive enough to make up for it. Glad it didn't go on longer. You didn't want to trip with me, you wanted me to drug you. You're a dumb bitch, and your tafe friends are fucking scumbags.

I wrote it all but for some reason couldn't submit it. Oh well it felt good getting that off my chest.

I've only had one girlfriend, and only fucked one girl.

I feel shitty now. :(

Don't worry man, you're fucking fifteen for Christ's sake. When I was fifteen I was the same. Highschool is pretty much a goldmine for pussy. Quality over quantity.

All right, I'll join in:

This is to the girls I've been sexual with:


N - You were the first girl I ever dated for longer than three months. It was kinda strange how my buddy J met you online somehow, we all meet up and I get introduced to my next few girlfriends (not knowing at the time of course), he starts dating you, and then we end up fucking on one of their beds months later. Oh yea, thanks for giving my homeboy M head right after you got finished with me while I was in the same room, you slut. You told me not to cum in your mouth, but I did it anyway because we ended years ago. At least I was the one who got to fuck you on your bed while your Daddy was at work and while M watched.

K - Wow you were a bombshell. You still are very pretty to this day. It sucks that you cheated on me with your friend P, but I'm glad you caught me kissing K1 in your best friends pool a few hours later. I'm glad we are good friends now, and I'm happy you are so open with me. We said all we needed to about those days. I'm happy I chose you over C when you two sat me down and made me. That Goo Goo Dolls concert we went to on the 4th was one of the best nights of my life. I'll never forget it because you truly are the first girl I ever fell in love with. I hope your happy with your new boy, and I never mind when you want to talk to me about problems your having. I'm always willing to listen and to help.

K1 - Your just nuts. Seriously, your problems with your psycho mom and incestual uncle somehow prevent you from letting me fuck you against a wall whilst a few weeks before you were totally cool with letting me get hot and heavy with you in a pool while we were not even dating?? Make up your mind damnit. I hope that boyfriend of yours from what the fucks ville comes back for your sorry ass. You desperately need stability in your life.

J - Rape? Come on. You let me touch you and don't fucking lie to me saying you didn't want it. I gave you every possible chance and warning as I moved my hand past that one little hair sticking out of that mound which contains your baby box. You moaned like a pig and kissed like one too. I never knew how J could stand to be around you for so long...

C - OooOoh damnit I kicked myself every day until my 17th birthday for not fucking you ragged when your dad left and we were alone in your basement. "Lets take it slow" should have been my cue to whip out my rock hard cock. You were kissing me with those amazingly powerful lips, rubbing my cock through my pants, with that tight cheerleading body dry humping me into submission....aahhh fuck. You totally had a kid with some drugged out loser from your neck of the woods, let yourself go, and are totally not worth my time now. I couldn't believe how pretty you were when I saw you on that bridge a few years ago, but I'm glad you have to now deal with the 3 year old demon without me.

K2 - Wow. 18 months of my life wasted just because I wanted some poon. You asked me out when you were on top of me making out, and I knew I was gonna get some that night. What the hell was I supposed to say? No? I'm not that much of a fuckwit...Well you turned out to be a genetically doomed controlling bitch from hell with some serious daddy problems. I found it sick that you called me daddy whilst we fucked because of how brutally he beat you sometimes, and still does to this day. That band trip I went on was the best thing that ever happened to me. If I only didn't have this thing called guilt, I totally would have banged A so hard I would have got an A with distinction at NYSSMA. She ended up sleeping in my bed with two other girls, but no, I slept on the floor with a dude because I wanted to be loyal to you. Fuck Fuck Fuck I would have done more than kiss her if I knew you would jump on the dick of the next loser who comes to town after I tell you what transpired. Then, a year or so later, you have the nerve to ask me if what we did by breaking up was right...wtf you crazy cunt. GTFO! >:-|

A - You really are not that attractive, you smoke, and have manly hands. Still, you are a fun person with the same name as me. I would have fucked you hard if I was an emotionless douchebag. Your going to college online in colorado now, so maybe its best we didn't get too intimate...

S - You were my best friends girl. Damnit what a mistake. What the fuck was I thinking? I drove you to the bus station to see him after we fucked, though I don't remember if you two were still official at that point. I hated how you treated him, so I think I did it partially for him, though he is 100% capable of saving himself. The connection we made over the ensuing weeks was kinda nice, but I'm glad nothing else happened. You give me drugs whenever I want them now, whatever I want I can get them from you, its fucking awesome, I'm glad you think I'm a good fuck. If he ever finds out, I don't know what I'll do... I'm sure he won't be mad because he had some long conversations with me about how much he disliked you before and after what happened.

My S - Totse, have you ever wondered what it is like to be head over heels in love? Well, I know now. Baby, you are simply stunning in all aspects. I love you more than I have ever loved another human being in my entire life. You are so understanding, caring, intelligent, witty, gorgeous....wow words can't describe how wonderful you are. I want to marry you girl so badly, but I haven't showed it. I've been such a dick to you sometimes, but only because you demand so much of me. Honey I try to explain that sometimes you and your feelings are a little much for me, and that I can't cope with it all at once, but you take it the wrong way. I love you sweetie, I'm never going to give up on you, you are my soulmate, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep us going strong. I'm sorry for how all the other guys treated you but I swear baby I'm not the same. Your the first girl who I ever cried over, and the only girl whom I've ever been so comfortable with. I wish I could spend every night with you sweetie, but I need to finish my EE degree so you and I can live comfortably someday. I love you, you are going to be the girl I spend the rest of my life with. I'm so glad I found you <3

M.L... I've probably had more feelings for you than any other boy, even though you're an Italian prick with a big dick nose and I'm fucking your brother and would fuck your dad, but it's probably only to spite you because you broke my heart and always wanted to bang my friends. I lost my vriginity to you and it was adorable, and it was really bad sex, and then you told me not to tell anybody, and I never did, but I kindof did, because I was pissed that you wouldn't even admit that you'd fucked me.

Silvio the Nicaraguan...lol, you were the one I told everybody I'd lost my vriginity to, even though you'd got sloppy seconds. You were sexy, you were brown, we did it without a condom, you didn't speak English, you forgot my name, your breath smelled like zuchinni. Hope you have a good life and learn to read and wrie and speak English and find happiness.

A.W. You are the sleaziest kid I've ever met. you got a new truck when you were 16, and you were like 'Wanna hump?' and I was like 'k" and we did, and it sucked and you never made me cum, ever, in all the times we hooked up. you cheated on most of your girlfriends with me. Fuck you.

S.whatever...worst sex ever, you were a virgin, I was desperate. It lased way too long, you sucked at everything you tried. It made my vagina hurt and neither of us came.

Buba...I'm so sorry that I was such a total dick to you, you're the sweetest kid I've ever met, even if you don't beleive in AIDS and all your sisters are circumsized. I love your hot hot chocolate body, and I'm sorry I used you sometimes for cocaine, and I'm sorry I abandoned you, and I'm sorry you're stuck in spainland dealing drugs for the rest of your life, and I'm sorry that you love me, and I'll get you a greencard sometime, cause you were really good to me.

All the other spanish dudes...Fuck you guys, that stuff was hot, but gross, I probably got a wack of diseases cause of you.

Anika, The French girl in France... Thankyou so much, hottest ever, You made me wanna do more girls, lots more girls. I'm probably pretty gay.

My cousin: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you were older than me, you're like my big brother, you shouldn't have let me do that. You made me feel fucking sick inside for days you peice of shit. I'll never respect you again.

L.L. I'm fucking you just to spite your brother. It's cool though, cause you're hotter, and circumsized, and you're fucking kinky and I got to finger your bum and it was fucking cool.

K.D. I'm sorry that I bled all over your dick and made you cry and stole your virginity and probably gave you diseases. Hope you get over it, lol, you're cute, I'd bang you again.

TOMTOM: We're fuckbuddies now, you're a cutie, I'd cougar the fuck out of you for the rest of your lives.

My Mexican: Fuck you, I could have rocked your world.

Everybody else: You're inconsequential.

My cousin: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you were older than me, you're like my big brother, you shouldn't have let me do that. You made me feel fucking sick inside for days you peice of shit. I'll never respect you again.

Go on.

oh captain kirk....

I'm not doing this. Too long and embarassing.

Go on.

Eh, It was my fault too. We've always been pretty awsome friends, He's alot like me, but fat, and homeless looking, and a boy.

So we'd been hanging out all thanksgiving weekend, and it was fun, and flirty. Then we got really fucking drunk and went for a walk in the forest as is thanksgiving tradition, jammed to kiss in a clearing '...I was made for lovin you baby, you were made for lovin me....'

Then we got really fucking drunker, it was real romantic, then we did it.

The whole time I was ontop I was yelling 'I'm fuckin ma cousin, I'm fuckin ma cousin, I'm fuckin ma cousin!" In a real deep south accent.

Then we woke up the next morning, and could barely look at eachother.

Lol, honey, it's not near so bad as mine...cept the threesome. ;)

Oh yeah, and sven, you're a dickface.

oh yeah, and sven, you're a dickface.

you fucked him?!?!

The whole time I was ontop I was yelling 'I'm fuckin ma cousin, I'm fuckin ma cousin, I'm fuckin ma cousin!" In a real deep south accent.

If this holds any truth to it, you're a sick, perverted, person who sounds like a shitload of fun.

If this holds any truth to it, you're a sick, perverted, person who sounds like a shitload of fun.

You have no idea my friend.

you fucked him?!?!

Oh man, no I didn't, I just sucked his dick, but he's still a dickface, and I'd still say that to him.

If this holds any truth to it, you're a sick, perverted, person who sounds like a shitload of fun.

Yeah Arquin, you've got no idea.

Oh man, no I didn't, I just sucked his dick, but he's still a dickface, and I'd still say that to him.

Do it. And tell him I faked it... everytime.
Fuck that was an awful 3 months.

Classy girls them totseans.

Yeah Arquin, you've got no idea.

Soooo creepy...yet sooooo kinky.

Do it. And tell him I faked it... everytime.
Fuck that was an awful 3 months.

lolololololoolooooooolllloooooooollolololol, K! Looool, this makes me wish I'd really fucking bit his dick, and not just scraped it with my teeth cause i was like 14 and couldn't give head. It makes me wish that I'd actually manned up, and bit his dick.

Oh yeah, just so totse knows, and isn't all like 'this aint your fuckin chatlog.'

Ripstick and I had a contest once, we both liked this dude, and so we decided 'k, first one to sleep with him wins' and I dunno, I sucked his dick, so I thought I'd won, but he didn't like me, then he started dating her, then she got really mad at me because everytime they went to do it she couldn't get my voice out of her head. It was kinda funny, except she kept threatening to kill me.

Was that the christian guy you both tried to corrupt?

lolololololoolooooooolllloooooooollolololol, K! Looool, this makes me wish I'd really fucking bit his dick, and not just scraped it with my teeth cause i was like 14 and couldn't give head. It makes me wish that I'd actually manned up, and bit his dick.

Oh yeah, just so totse knows, and isn't all like 'this aint your fuckin chatlog.'

Ripstick and I had a contest once, we both liked this dude, and so we decided 'k, first one to sleep with him wins' and I dunno, I sucked his dick, so I thought I'd won, but he didn't like me, then he started dating her, then she got really mad at me because everytime they went to do it she couldn't get my voice out of her head. It was kinda funny, except she kept threatening to kill me.

I kept hearing 'oh and his quick fingers!'. ***insert finger motion*** in my head every single fuckin time.
Oh and thanks for telling me about how he came on your face and took pics. That helped too.

A- I didn't really like you. Your mom is either a fucktard or really cool for letting me come over then leaving us alone for hours. You cut your hair and gained weight so you had to go. I wish I had gotten back at you for cheating on me but ending it in public and calling you out was the best I could do.

B- You introduced me to my best friend for a few years (alcohol). Thanks for inviting me to the party scene when I didn't have many friends and your parents basement still smells like shit I bet. You played with me for a while until you got bored and you're one of the reasons I became so cynical. I hope you die slut.

C- It was great until I realized you were the female image of satan. Fuck you too. The sex was great though and you were too young to be that slutty. I hope you got some stds by now.

D- I loved you but I never said it. You loved me and you never said it. You're beyond my help and as much as I loved you I was too young and immature to handle a real relationship. You were more psychotic than I was and beyond my help which made you impossible. Thanks for dumping me like that, I still resent you for it. You were too jealous that I was with E and you ruined a good thing.

E - You were one of my best friends and still are. You're the one who I made it out of the friends zone with but it turns out you became too clingy. I need breathing space and you take up all the oxygen in the room. You're not as experienced as you think you are by the way, or at least you weren't. You moved and we drifted away apart but I'll always be there to talk to you. Turns out I ended up back in your friend zone (prefer it there). You can't give head worth shit by the way and you drive worse than a middle aged asian hooker.

F- Hey beautiful. You were hot till you got pregnant (not mine). Fucking chinks. How in the hell did you even come about you chinese mexican bitch. You're too short by the way so we don't match. I hope your nigger baby daddy runs off (like we all know he will) and you're stuck with an ugly quarter chinese, quarter mexican, half nigger baby.

D Again - Hey, you worked out your psycho bitch syndrome? That's cool, I really did love you. Still do to some extent. That was a real shit way to break up with me but I forgive you. You're the dumbest smart girl I've ever known by the way. I lied, you are 20lb overweight. You still suck in bed for the mostpart.I really considered being with you for the long run but your low self esteem makes me sick. I wasn't put on this earth to play therapist for every bitch with childhood issues so get over it. You owe me money for all the dates by the way so fucking pay up.

I only put girls that were at least semi relationships. I missed some drunk sex with random girls but they weren't memorable anyway so I won't bother remembering them.

I kept hearing 'oh and his quick fingers!'. ***insert finger motion*** in my head every single fuckin time.
Oh and thanks for telling me about how he came on your face and took pics. That helped too.

heh...heh...heh...ugggh.

Oh man, I'm sorry bout that.

Alright. Let's do this shit.

Ian - I was drunk and fuckin liked you for like a year. You took advantage because the girl you actually liked wasn't at that party. I said all the wrong things and acted like an idiot. I told you to come back the day after. You didn't. The next time I saw you, I asked you to come for a smoke, you loked at me, turned away and didn't say a word. I was only a fuck to you. A very bad fuck.

Fabian - My glorious swiss boy. We learned together. It might not have been fantastic but it was comfortable and intimate. You should have been my first. I did love you for what it was worth. Not just because you were gorgeous with an accent.

Derek - You had a hot body. I was drunk. You were 23, I was 16. Oops, guess you didn't find that out until after. You had a fiance and I had a boyfriend. We fucked in a roofing van, in an alley on top of some piping. You had a small dick. I told you I didn't mind. Well I did. Awful.

Mike and Matt - My one and only threesome. Fuck fuck fuck. One 3 inch dick and a donkey schlong. It was gross and degrading and I wish I could take it back. I bragged after just so I wouldn't have to deal with how disgusting I felt. Never again.

Sven - I faked it everytime. You thought you were experienced but you didn't know shit. Sometimes I'd fake it just so you'd get off of me. I thought with practice you'd get better. You didn't. Same shit everytime. I didn't even really like you. It was a contest. Yay, I won. I wish I didn't. Ugh, you weren't even attractive. Why, just why?

Aiden - You were engaged to a 16 yr old. That was gross. I called you because I failed getting with some other guy. We parked in the wilderness park and said we both needed sex. In the middle your fiance's best friend pulls up, i hide, you talk, and we drive somewhere else to finish. You dick was small and unsatisfying. Glad you got your rocks off. Oh and I had a miscarrage. That would have been the most whitetrash baby in the world. Thank fuckin god.

Joel - Not bad for a meth head. I had to make the first move even though you were much older. It was a good weekend fling. We still talk and you ive me prescription pills.

Devon - You were dating her for 2 yrs but couldn't help yourself. You took advantage of my lonliness. I loved you. You said you would dump her to be with me but you wouldn't man up and do it. I was just sex to you. That fuckin killed. I became an alcoholic after that. Oh and you were fat. I overlooked that because I cared about you so much. I thought since I was so much more attractive then you, you wouldn't screw me. I was wrong.

Damian - We had something each other needed. I saw a side of you no one has seen. You were open and raw, fragile. Not an asshole that everyone knows you as. I was happy holding you and comforting you when you needed it. I think you were just embarassed to need it.

Ty - Totse knows all his faults and failures. But very little of mine. You are a great lover. I call you sex god. When there's no shit to ruin things, you satisfy me more then anyone ever has. We have such a sexual connection. If only everyone had it. You can make me wet just thinking about you. I'm attracted to everything about you and sometimes I just need to touch you everywhere. I know this smothers you. I can't help it. You are just the sexiext thing I've seen. I love you and your body, and your dick. Fuck I love it.

Looks fun. I'll keep it short so people will actually read it.


A - You are my best friends sister that is hot and four years older than me. Your drunk ass woke me, a 14 year old at the time, up and asked me to fuck you. It took some persuasion because I was a pussy back then, but I played along. You are now kind of a weird bitch, but I still like you cause you have my v-card.

B - I will end up dating you for four years. You are beautiful and an awesome person but I will cheat on you a couple times in the future with C, D, and E. I'm sorry.

C - You ran up to me in a street party and even though I was loser drunk and had a bloody face, you start violently making out with me. I then banged the living christ out of you. I woke up very depressed as you are not very pretty and I cheated on my girlfriend with you.

D - You have a very pretty face. I banged you against a garden shed at 5AM because I am a loser and that's where I like to have sex. You are very pretty but fucking you made me depressed as well.

E - I had wanted to fuck you since grade nine. Six years later, you allowed me the priveledge. You are the epitome of what men want to have sex with and I had a wonderful fucking time banging you from behind. PS: thanks for the clap, slut.


I am, once again, dating B. She's a sweetheart to still love me after those. I told her about all of them.

Thank you, that made me giggle like a little school girl.

You have no idea my friend.

Danke.
Totse+booze=entertainment.
:D

<3 wooty

L.L. I'm fucking you just to spite your brother. It's cool though, cause you're hotter, and circumsized, and you're fucking kinky and I got to finger your bum and it was fucking cool.

He's circumsized but his brother isn't?

8==============================D

This kind of thread reminds me why I came to Totse in the first place, for the honesty.

I left for a while, and now I just visit for the lulz, but this thread makes me want to post. Too bad I have nothing to post. Actually, I don't care. I'm still a virgin and I don't mind. I hope you other virgins don't either. So I'll name the girls who I've dated, even if I haven't fucked them:

J: You were too good to be true. I thought I loved you. I still think I did. And the something happened, and we broke up, and then you became a whore and a completely different person and I still wonder if I could have changed that.

K: You had a funny shaped face and were way too needy. Now you work at the local grocery store and when I hear you talk I'm glad we didn't go any further.

All the girls I almost dated: I'm a stupid fuck who can't make up his mind and has impossibly high standards. All of you have either been too dumb or too ugly or too needy or too boring for me, which probably reflects the fact that I will never find anyone who suits my needs. No matter. It's a good thing you didn't end up with me, because I probably wouldn't make you happy anyway.

Oh, there were others, but I'm drunk and it's been hard enough to spell correctly let alone remember all of the girls I dated (not that there were a lot of them)

Women will never satisfy, you have to find something that fulfills you first. Then you can enjoy women as a side dish. A dessert after your entree, if you will.

Agreed on the drunk-ness by the way. I'm gonna go sleep now.

Devin - I don't know why you made me wait a year before I could hop on your dick but both of us know I wanted it long before then. I always wondered why you were so prude, why you'd only kiss me, and then on that faithful summer day I realized that it was because your dick was small. You fucked me over emotionally in too many ways to count, but I think that was a special part of our relationship. The hurt was better than feeling nothing.

Sean - My baby boy, my ruca, my one love. The night we met was probably the best of my life, each 15 beers deep and Damian Marley playing in the background. So yeah we are the couple who drunkenly fucked in a van with other people present and then turned it into something absolutely beautiful. Getting to know you has been a challenge and not going to lie there are some things I don't like, but I need you for more than just those things. The sex is amazing, so soo much passion. But again as in my previous relationship I feel taken for granted. I don't think you know what you'd do if I got up and left but for some reason you act like you've got life after me all figured out. You don't take me seriously but I've fallen in a deeper love with your qualities, even the bad ones. Be good to me because no matter what, I will always be good to you.

I don't think you know what you'd do if I got up and left but for some reason you act like you've got life after me all figured out.

Is this an attractive quality in a male? No matter how much they love you, they've always got it all figured out in case shit goes sour?

And I don't feel comfortable posting all my girls. But this is an extract of what I wrote:

Darren - I felt like you took advantage of me, you were older, my friend and my boss. You pressured me and you grossed me out. Looking back now, I can tell it "didn't just happen", that you and Mel planned for the threesome to happen . I don't feel bad for fucking your girlfriend in your bed after you left for work. I also don't feel bad for lying to you, that one night, I did know where she was man, you know why? because I was in her. I am sorry for your loss though, you really should have just put your self out there and told Mel how much she actually meant to you, that's if you really did care for her as much as you told me. Oh and I feel sorry for Mel, you're terrible at sex, kissing and just general touching. It must have hurt when she asked me to do things she'd never do with you, right?

Mel - You deserved some one better, you gave Darren your all and he always acted like he didn't appreciate you. You were terrible in bed at best. So boring, but so slutty, how is that even possible? Out of all the times we had sex, you taught me what I don't want in a lover. Oh well...iand that time I went soft and blamed it on you, it had nothing to do with you being unattractive. You were just so boring that while pounding away I started watching TV and a gay cowboy scene came on. I guess pinning it on you at the time was pretty immature. Any way, at the end of the day my friends think I'm sad about your death. Well I'm not, and I think some one would have found you worth saving had you not killed your self. Ironic, huh? Oh and ps, you cheated on Darren so many times and for so long, yet you decided to come clean about it when we had sex? Stupid cunt. He was my boss!

??? - What the fuck was your name? You were just married but you wanted a girl on girl experience and just decided you wouldn't mind adding some cock to the equation? Filthy slut. Living with Mel and Darren would have made for an interesting time after I left, no? You taught me that the vows of marriage mean nothing to some whores, although you were amazing in bed.

Wanda: My first love. I remember the first time I saw you on the corner, all thought was "God, where has she been all my life?". Then it finally happened, me and all my friends were drinking and I decided to go search for you for some bit and I found you. I brought you back to my friend's place to show you how proud of I was to have you. After some drinking we finally decided to do it, and you only cost me $4.50. I feel bad because I wasn't the first one in, nor was I the second, nor was I the third, nor was I the fourth or fifth or sixth, and it sucked because the chinese kid who barely could speak english and had a three inch dick got in before me. That one hour waiting for you and standing in the background watching you was magical, although that 30 seconds I had with was even better.

Charlie: I am most embarrassed about this one. At the same friends place I saw you in your corner when I first caught your eye. You were rubbing against my leg the whole night as I played with you with some catnip and a laser mouse pointer. After all my friends passed out I decided to take you to the bathroom and take advantage of you by using my species superiority. It looked like you enjoyed it but I couldn't really tell if you were smiling or crying under all that fur, you just kept saying "Meow, meow meow". Best 45 seconds of my life, and the literally the best pussy I ever had.

China Doll: I had such a long day and decided to go to the local bar for a couple drinks. You were scantily dressed and looked like a fine Thai lady. After some men tried to tell you off, I quickly came to your aid, but to my surprise you were incredibly strong and your large hands held them off of me as they beat me up. Thats when I noticed your beautiful warming leg hair and decided you were the one. I took you back to my apartment and we undressed and began. The sex hurt so much it felt good, I'm not really the submissive type, but the way you tied me up and fucked me with that dildo (it was suprisingly nice, I didn't get a chance to see it but it felt all nice and warm and fleshy) made me feel like a million bucks. I wish you let me fuck you, but I can't wait till you're done with your surgery and I can finally experience your true womanhood.

lol good read :D just Katie sticks in my mind really she was fantasmagoric in bed spoilt me for life i'll never ever forget the sex we had together.... and that you broke my heart which is now healed. serves me right though she was several leagues out of my league. still great memories and sex :D

thank you Katie :)

Ahh, what the fuck...

1. You bullied the crap out of me when we were three to four. After that, we weren't even all that close - sure, we were friends, but we didn't talk all that much and a lot less than my closest friends. I still missed the crap out of you when you left, for years and years, wondering if we'd ever meet again, thinking of you everytime the slighest thing brought it back, and wishing.

2. We were just friends, but you were a damn great friend. Thank you for that. You were the one who taught me I was a genius - your jaw dropping, your eyes shooting as wide open as your mouth, as you excitedly exclaimed "that's it!" every time I provided the engineering solution to whatever project you/we were working on became sort of a running gag. Too bad that lesson didn't help; I always hated it when you tried to make me play "school," and I found out later that the traumatic horror of the real thing is not only just as unpleasant, but far more fucked up. Still, you were one of the best friends I ever had, and I deeply apologize that I was always afraid of punishment every time you got a little horny. Despite the fact that you were really hot, if memory serves, I wasn't all that interested, though it might've been as fun as anything else - but I'm honestly sad that I didn't put out for you. You deserved it, and I'd honestly like to look back on it as something we shared. It's seriously one of my regrets, and I also felt sort of like I cheated you. Sorry.

3.1 You're fucked up, dude. I hope you got help.

3.2 God damn, you were the nympho from hell, and a serious sexual freak to boot. Sure, we were just friends-with-benefits - hell, more like aqquaintences-with-benefits - but that was all you were looking for. Thanks for not treating me like shit, at all, unlike everyone else who entered my life at that time. Meeting your baby sister was scary as hell. I always thought that your hair always being unkempt and sort of dirty and your not bothering to wipe your nose or your bizzare disregard for some of the common social and cultural habits was just something about you, but the one and only time I asked for you at your house, seeing your baby sister standing there, hair like einstein, naked and barefoot except for a diaper and looking severely retarded from chronic understimulation, caked in dirt, was the first time I came face-to-face with, or even heard or concieved of, that thing we call "systemic neglect." It scared the crap out of me, and that image stuck in my mind for a while.

A few years after you left, I realized that I really regretted not having a threesome with you and your baby sister. I'm neither proud nor ashamed of that. I'm mostly over it now, but it still would have been hot; just nailing your baby sister wouldn't have cut it, would have been a turn-off, but together with you would've been different. I hope your life didn't hold you - or your sister - back, and I hope that wherever the hell you are, you've found a shitload of happiness and a working life. :)

4. Yeah. You were my cousin. Yeah, you sexually harassed me briefly. It's cool, though, 'cause you're a hella cool person and you've never done me wrong.

While I wish it hadn't made your life harder, I'm kinda glad you got knocked up a few years later, even though it got you thrown out of your house before turning eighteen. All of your daughters are seriously cool as shit; I'm not into incest personally (more power to everyone else), but if they weren't related to me, I would've been fucking proud to get with each of them. Unfortunately, they are. They still kick ass. As do you.

5. You were a year younger than me, I think, and we never got to see each other outside of whatever "special education opportunities for gifted youth" we got sent to, but you were kind, you were amazingly beautiful, you were ever so patient and helpful and nice to me, and I kind of had a crush on you. 'n, oh yeah, you were the most amazing singer I've ever heard before or since, and you weren't as profoundly fucking stupid as everyone else in the gifted education courses.

6.1 I met you a few days before I met your older brother, which was a day or two before I met your older sister. We talked for hours, and while I seriously spent that entire time staring at your pussy, that doesn't change the fact that I seriously enjoyed the company and the conversation. Honest and cross my heart.

You were amazingly beautiful. At two years old, your genetics knew to put the babyfat in all the right places and keep it away from all the wrong ones, 'n that's actually part of the reason I realized on that first day that you actually had the most beautiful pussy I've seen before or since. Speaking of which, I seriously approve of the tendancy of several fundamentalist Christian sects of always putting their daughters in dresses. That, combined with the tendancy to leave just a hint of growing room when buying underwear so one doesn't have to buy a new pair of panties every few weeks has been the anatomical education of many a young boy, and frankly, as long as you're comfortable with it, it's a good thing. We never 'hooked up' in a romantic sense, or fooled around or anything - and several years later I realized that this was probably because you're lesbian - but you're one of the best friends I ever had. I thank you for the time we shared, and I will always love you.

6.2 I was ten. You were four. You were probably my first real relationship, and I'll never forget you. Every moment we shared was magical, and I couldn't stop thinking about you for years. Still do. 'n if your actions and feelings are any indication, I'm glad you felt the same way, because I love you, and want everything to make your life the best that it can be. I remeber the times we spent in piggyback rides and twirling you around or just sitting and chatting, or curled up cuddling together and just lying there and enjoying the contact together, and each memory is a treasure. In case you were wondering, you were a lot more mature than I was; thank you for putting up with my childish moments and thank you for being a leader to me.

Plus, it was hella fucking cool that you and your little sister were in a sexual relationship. Even though I was never a part of it, that still fuckin' rocks.

I remember on that fourth of july, how you noticed I was starting to get a little tired and took it upon yourself, without anyone asking or mentioning anything and without asking for anyone's help, to go get a blanket to wrap around me for my comfort and convenience so I could go to sleep, and then, even though you were not tired, crawling under the blanket and scooting in close until every part of us that could be touching was doing so and laid there, under the blanket, drifting in and out of sleep the whole night through.

That was actually the first time in my life that anyone had taken the time to care about me. Thank you; I love you too, very, very much. 'n I hope you'll forgive me if, while your taking the initiative to get the blanket to care for me will always remain one of the most moving things anyone's done for me in my life, that the time we spent together, intertwined, under that blanket, not doing anything, but just lying there together, will always remain one of the happiest memories in my life.

You singlehandedly untertook the task of imparting my sex education, and despite my experiences with 3.2, you're responsible for most of what I know today. Between your rampant nudism, you're frequent and usually unsolicited extreme exhibitionist tendancies, your constant evangelizing of some new masturbatory technique or improvised tool, your somewhat random and unsolicited solicitation of random passers-by to fondle your genitalia, and a handful of other quirks are basically responsible for the foundation of my humble understanding of the basic plumbing and what someone with such a set of equipment might do with it for fun. Most of my erotic memories and even fantasies are more or less based on either something you did, or something you tried to get someone else to do. Thanks.

7. We'd been friends for years, I even fell in love with you towards the end. I remember one of the many trivial play-fights we'd gotten into as an excuse for erotic contact... I think this time it was fighting over a chair, despite all the other identical chairs in the room, as opposed to our usual trick of climbing onto a nearby couch and fighting over a blanket... and I remember taking a break from all the wrestling, while sitting on your lap, when you decided to rhytmically contract your vaginal muscles just so I'd feel it. God damn, you had a strong-ass PC muscle, dude... damn.

That was kinda cool.

I enjoy everything we did, and kinda wish we'd done more, even though our respective parents were in the next room. I also feel kinda guilty; I'm pretty sure that the only reason your little brother kept harassing us and trying to get us to kiss that one time is because we'd taken to playing with each other and excluding him. Not that this doesn't make perfect sense - I didn't want to sex up your little brother and presumably neither did you - but I kinda feel bad for the little guy, all left out with nothing to do. As much as I like him, it was worth it, though.

'n yeah, I'm actually quite sure I fell in love with you towards the end.

8. Yes. I had a crush on you too.

9. I don't know your name, 'n we never talked, but I enjoyed playing with you all through the museum for a day.

10. I don't know your name, either, but you walked up to me in another museum and just started telling me all about the exhibit until your mom called you away. I'm really confused about your age, though; you had the body of an eighteen month old, but your language was that of a girl five times your age and your idea of intellectual play was... just mostly unheard of in humans. I'm sorry your mom called you away, and enjoyed the time we spent together; maybe in a more ideal world, we could've exchanged numbers, met up for lunch sometime, and see where it went from there...

11. It was some fun times, but you're a little fucked in the head. Aren't you a bit young to be an active alcoholic and ex-heroin addict, or something like that? It's cool and all, the fact that you're completely a psycho bitch affected your happiness, not mine, but I really hope you can manage to straighten the rest of your head out someday so you can enjoy the beautiful world the rest of us share. I like you, I just sort of worry about you sometimes, and if I was as clear in my head then as I was later I probably would've run the fuck away. Best of luck in your journey in life.

12. I have no idea what we saw in each other. 'n yet again, though you were a lot younger than me, I find my mind boggled by how much more drug experience you had then I did. Yeah, you pretty much broke me, which is sort of funny, because you weren't even that deep, but hey, it was fun while it lasted, and I learned a lot of life's lessons. Best of luck growing up, and I almost still love you, and do still kind of like you.

13. I babysat you for almost year from when you were just a few months old, but disappointed &totse by failing to properly stick it in your pooper. Yes, oh internet, I'm sorry.

We hooked up a few years later; the first thing you did was to climb on top of me and start kissing me. I really, really enjoyed this for a while, but after a bit, I started to get a little suspicious, and stopped kissing. You... kept going.

While I was trying to figure out how to lovingly, kindly, and nonjudgementally explain that when you climb on top of someone and start kissing them, it's honestly very, very important to remember that there's an actual person underneath you, with their own thoughts, feelings, and opinions that are important to pay attention to, your father just sort of... yelled at you. Something about "leave the poor boy alone," I believe. Immediately afterwards, you drag me through a neurotically-jumbled mishmash of the weddings from every disney movie ever written.

In spite of this auspicious beginning, it was pretty obvious thereafter that we were just friends. Damn good friends, but just friends; we loved each other profoundly and truly, but it was some sort of analogue of deep heterosexual man-love. Despite almost raping me and wanting to marry me, you didn't have a crush on me. Doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it when your first response in getting out of the bath was to run out and fling your wet naked self into my lap, and I enjoyed the hell out of being your favorite and well-loved adult in the house, but you very obviously considered us conspiratorial best friends facing the challenges of life together, rather than pair-bonded lovers facing the challenges of life together, and I respect that.

Several years later, I met up with you and your brother again. I sincerely admire and respect the person both of you have become, and while I always liked your mother, and never disrespected her, I now strongly respect her for being a part of your life.

14.1 It's kind of funny. One day, you were playing with your cousins and I kind of wondered what it would be like to get to know all of you, and the next thing I know, you had fallen deeply in love with me, and screwed up your courage and said to me ever-so-imploringly under your considered and measured air of casualness "You can lay on me if you want."

Well... that lasted until you found out that even the head of someone several times your age weighs more than you do, especially when you're malnourished and small for your age, but it was good times nonetheless. I mean, sure... you were a sick, cold bitch; just because the instinctive defensive response to a clavicle strike in the course of a piggyback ride happens to mildly sexually stimulate you is not an excuse to just cruelly torture the fuck out of someone for your amusement... and you were able to shock the hell out of me with how truly cold, heartless, and uncaring you could be in other ways, too... just the raw totality of cold amorality was beyond anything I had seen from anyone. But at the same time, you were smart, and funny, and amazingly kind, a great sense of humor and fun and great to be with... I remember just cuddling with you, you sitting in my lap, face to face and our arms wrapped around each other just talking until sunrise came. I will always love you, and I hope you choose the bright side of your soul, because you are such a beautiful person.

Speaking of which, you were one of the four most physically beautiful girls I've seen, as well.

I have absolutely no idea how you pulled off "mom, I want you to meet my boyfriend" after we'd been dating for a few months, and I have absolutely no idea how you pulled off "mom, I want my boyfriend to move in and live with us" in the year before you entered first grade... but feeling a tiny hand on my back and waking up to see someone I love very, very much was a blessing.

You taught me a lot about life; you had sort of a cynical pragmatic wisdom which was new to me, and I learned a lot from it, and thanks for letting me in on the details of the flat-out mafia rackets you were running... the stash-spots you could safely use as a cut around your house, how you'd skim a little off the top and how to do so, and the occasionally bizzare jedi mind-tricks and organized campaigns you and your cousins would use to keep your parents, family and others from cutting in on your shit. It was pretty fucking educational.

You also taught me everything I know about human sexuality that was more realistic than porn (or more subdued and traditional than the habits of a sexually hyperadventurous and exhibitionist four year old). I'm sorry I had a complete fucking breakdown when you raped me during a game of horsie, and I don't blame you for the rape; you hadn't been taught the language to describe your anatomy, or masturbation, or sexual pleasure, and tried to communicate as best you can with the language you knew. I'm sorry I'm slow, and I'm sorry I couldn't handle it and broke down. It wasn't very mature of me, and you deserved better; I'm sorry about that.

You were also my first model outside of myself for healthy, mature, committed polyamory. Thank you. And thank you for passing me around among your friends; they're pretty cool, and it was good to get to know them.

Yeah, I know your flaws, and I shrink from them - no one should be able to be that cold to even their worst enemy. But I know your good points, as well, and even with my eyes frighteningly wide open, I will always love you.

p.s. My vague metaphysical apologies go out to the boy you broke up with the day you made your mother move me in to live with you. I always wondered why every boy in the neighborhood would always wave hi when I passed, and thought it might be the friends of a boy I used to hang out with when he was four who hooked back up with me and introduced all his friends to me when he was about seven. Hooked back up with them a couple years later, and it turns out that they were all much older (one of them became my freeler later on when he moved up in the drug game)... turns out they were your ex-boyfriend's friends and all your other ex-boyfriends.

By the fact that they were so darned friendly, I assume there's no hard feelings... but I still feel kinda guilty about stealing second-grader's girlfriend . Not that there's anything I could do about it; despite the cuddling and googley-eyes, I didn't find out until much, much later that we were actually some sort of formal couple, and that everyone but me apparently knew this and no one informed me... a couple comments your mother made and a few other things actually flew over my head until I found out later, which is about the time I realized that the day when you really needed some time alone with your boyfriend whom I never saw again on the day you moved me in with you, you were probably breaking up with your boyfriend. Well... while I'm glad for the time we had together, he definately has my condolances.

14.2 I'm sorry I broke your heart. I tried to be gentle.

I enjoyed every moment we spent together, and while it may be hard to tell by how it all happened, I actually loved you a lot. Still do.

I learned a lot from you about the danger of power in relationships - the real thing, not this meaningless bullshit spouted by hate groups who apparently can't even parse meaning in the english language. You had your heart so set on me, and were trying so hard... and it would have been so easy to seduce you, deflower you even... and then just say "that was fun, I'm leaving to live with your cousin now." Funny/sad thing is... your cousin was polyamorous, but you were monogamous. I loved you, and I think your cousin even knew that, and if you just didn't try to cut her out, it would've happened. I tried to be as gentle as I can - and I have no idea what your sister and cousin said later that night to thoroughly drive the point home, though it's obvious they did - but I'm sorry I broke your heart. Sad thing is, even though I loved you... even if I was willing to give that sort of slap in the face to the other girl I love, there was no way it would work. We were visiting for a few days, just like you sometimes stay at your aunts house, and I didn't have any sort of live-in boyfriend with your mother - what was I supposed to do, say "I love you but I'm running off to continue living with your cousin who I just broke up with?" I love you, but not only would I not slight the other girl I love, probably the only thing I wouldn't do for you, there was also no way it would work from the start... but that still doesn't mean I'm not damn sorry I broke your heart, love.

Ironically, it was tempting as hell to seduce you for the exact same reason that it was terrifying as hell to watch you set yourself up to fall so hard - and if you're going to keep doing that, I only pray you'll never fall for anyone who would have it in their character to take advantage of it, because it scared the shit out of me... but... I love you, and taking advantage of you would have been a beautiful thing and a beautiful moment if it wouldn't have hurt you. I'm sorry - and scared because - you're willing to set yourself up like that... but I'm also sorry it didn't come when we had a fairer chance.

Of course, it was also tempting as hell because you're on the list of the four most beautiful girls I've ever met, seen anywhere, or heard rumor of. But we'll ignore such petty concerns.

Thank you for the time we had. Thank you for being there. Thank you for taking it well... and thank you for still being in love with me, after all these years...

14.3 Your other cousin thinks your a lesbian. You're the only girl in our circle of friends who didn't try to do anything with me, but you also didn't try to do anything with any of the girls, either. No matter what's not my business, you're a great friend. Seriously, thanks.

14.4 At the risk of being blunt... damn, dude, you've got a nice set of tits. Or pre-tits, or whatever they call them in that stage. While our time together was fairly short, I really admire the fact that you're perfectly comfortable/secure enough to hang around in a loose tank-top a few sizes too big when you're just starting to develop like that, and despite the fact that it's actually a lot more common than one might hear rumored, I actually respect the hell out of you for basing your comfort level - or even whether or not you lean forward whenever you feel like it - not on whether someone is involuntarily staring at your tits (or superniplets, or whatever the hell one call them), but whether their focus and respect is on you as a valid person. On top of that, you're cool as shit - you're seriously one of the few people I'd like to crack a 40 with and porch-monkey all day. Thanks for being you, and I'll remember you as a good friend.

15. You latched on to me the instant the door opened and refused to let go, ever... I fell in love with you that same night, when, after getting in trouble and being put to bed for taking off all your clothes while chatting with the strange man (which was about the point I excused myself from the conversation and started looking around for any adults to talk to, rather than just being open to the possibility)... you just sort of looked around, stood up timidly, waited a second, came over, and mentioned to me "yeah... I was laying down, but not anymore." Like I said in the "attractive traits" thread, I'm a sucker for a girl with a strong sense of self, especially when it's strong enough to be 'uppity' and damn well unbreakable, even in the face of a contest with power... and something about the way she was subtle and slow-played her commentary told me she was a little brighter than she let on.

I remember (sometime a few days after waking up intoxicated on the bathroom floor, probably one of the many days I slept on the couch) sometime in the first week or two, stroking your hair while you were just laying in my lap and babbling on and on about how you were beautiful, and smart, and funny, and a good person, and how most importantly whether or not the people around you sometimes forget it, that your happiness is important and good in its own right... rediculous, maybe, to babble that much, but it was important to me at the time, and I meant - and mean - every word. I remember how, weeks later, she decided not only that she loved me (something she apparently decided damn near day one, for some reason), but that she actually trusted me and respected me as a person, too... something that to the best of my knowledge, she never decided about anyone. I remember how she used to love 'itsy bitsy spider,' and demand I continue for hours, and hours... turns out that she didn't really care if I stopped singing, and just wanted someone to caress her bare back while she sat naked on the edge of the couch. (dear totse, please note that it says "caress her bare back," not "caress her while barebacking." thanks). I remember how you begged your mother later when she tried to make you go to bed until she finally let you spend the nights with me... and I remember how you did everything in your power to take care of me. That's only the second time anyone's done that, and even though I was pretty capable and didn't need it, I am honored and moved by the love you shared with me. Thank you.

16. I remember how, after dating #15 for several months, her mother's boyfriend, after getting off the phone with his dad, asks me to come with him while he goes to his house to take a shower and grab some clothes.

When we got there, he introduced me to you. I'd known the nigga for years, and didn't even know he had a daughter. 'n after introducing us, he left us to play together while he took a shower.

You're kind, you're loveable, you're one of the smarter people I know, 'n funny as hell when you're playful. In short, you're actually one of the coolest and most likeable people I know, 'n I had a great time.

After we moved from your room into the living room, some ways through this, you decided you wanted to... well, make out. I'm honestly very, very sorry I didn't, both in the "damn, I wish" sense, but also in the sense that my failing to do so and keeping it to kissing at each other for several minutes instead was unfair to you, too. If your dad was out of the shower, I would have, and if we were alone, I would have been happy to... but the only person in the room was your grandfather, with whom I'd not exchanged more than two words, and worse still, he was reading a newspaper and might not have seen the perfectly natural case of exactly how this came to be. I'm sorry - and yes, in both senses of the term. I cheated you in addition to cheating myself.

Afterwards, we hung out in your dad's room at your grandfather's house (the nigga has more places that he can crash, I tell ya) and listened to underground hip hop. Mostly... you confirmed that you're just really a kick-ass person, 'n I respect your dad 'n his babymomma for managing to pop out a one of you and somehow not fuck you up too much. 'cause you rock.

On the way back, your dad asked me what I thought of you; when I mentioned your actual traits, he just sort of cut me off in mid-sentence and said "she's beautiful," with a very proud smile on his face. 'n ya know what? He's right - you're seriously chronologically #3 on the list of the four most beautiful girls I've seen or heard rumor of. How the hell all four ended up on the list of "people I've shared affection or relationships with in some vague sense" of my ugly ass, I'll seriously never fucking know, but it's true, and I'd be really hard-pressed to find even models which would begin to compare; total time-stopping, earth-shattering beauty like has never been seen...

...buuut... yeah. Your father, after finding out from your grandfather than you were staying with him rather than your mom at the moment, bends heaven and earth to drag me over there to introduce us, immediately leaves us alone together in your room while he takes a shower, and when I actually list the many positive traits of you as a person, cuts me off to replace them with "she's beautiful." I think I'm out of the closet, nigga. Funny thing is, until I'd dated his girlfriend's daughter for several months, I didn't even know he had a daughter, and I've known him since years before you were born.

I guess 'character' is the dividing line on parents' feelings about people dating their daughters, and it's sort of an all-or-nothing split. Kind of amazes me how this society works, but it works out pretty well in spite of its flaws being more publically-obvious than its virtues, and I've learned as much or more from how the parents of my loved ones handle our relationships and integrate them as I've learned about life and living from the many people I have loved.

Back to the point... you seriously kick ass as a person. I hope you weren't minorly scarred for life or feel rejected because I didn't make out with you - it's just the way the surrounding circumstance was for a moment - and I'm sorry I missed out, both on the experience of making out with you and in bringing you whatever happiness you found from what you wanted in the moment. Our time together was short, and I'm really sorry it wasn't more often, but that short period really enriched my life and its happiness, and I'm glad and honored to have met you... and that you seemed to approve, too. :) I only hope that you enjoyed it as much as I did, because your life deserves a richness of good things, and probably better than I can give, but damn, we had fun.

17. I have no idea what inspired you to stare at the side of my eyeball for countless hours, or to gaze upon me with love and awe like either you or I are some sort of messiah when you finally caught my attention, or to stare so deeply and expressively into my eyes for the next hour... but thank you. You seriously brought healing to my soul with your inscrutable wisdom.

I also have no idea what inspired you to teach me how to masturbate on the down-low using a stroller, especially since you pretty much stopped once you'd demonstrated how it was done, rather than continuing. I promise I will share this knowledge discretely with any girl who can use it, though.

To this day, even my borderline-aetheist sceptical mind wonders if you weren't some figment, or some avatar of the cosmos, brought into being for some higher purpouse before fading back into the nonexistance of Schrödingerian nonobservation... even though, if such a thing is even possible, I have a lot of serious questions - most of them revolving around either "why does evil continue to exist" or "how the fuck did my surrealistically-nonplausible love life come to be and what purpouse does it serve."

Still... I have no idea why you chose me or what you saw, but you seriously healed my soul with your penetrating gaze. Thank you.

18. You were probably the youngest girl I've actually at-least-somewhat dated, albeit only by a month or two, and we spent our time together in a bizzare twilight... not quite lovers, but much more than friends... despite your strong but highly sporadic sexual/erotic/affectionate interests. For all I know, you actually said it best when you finally decided, and asked me to be your father... which, as a child of divorced parents, both of whom and whose partners are very polyamorous... actually makes some sort of sense, and I thank you for the honor even if I'm slightly unnerved by any vague incestuous overtones that might be inherent.

I admire you for your energy, which even a heavy regimen of last-ditch ADD meds - which when the chemical intervention isn't involving focus/attention for schoolwork, tend to be hardcore tranquilizers - couldn't begin to keep down. I admire you for your enthusiasm for life, your sense of play, and your irrepressable sense of joy which brightened the world of all those around you. Oddly enough, most of all, I admire you for your sense of your right regarding contact and your body; when you wanted to be touched, you'd grab my hand and put it on the side of your back under your shirt, when you didn't, you'd grab my hand and throw it off you... what most impressed me is how you did this without even thinking about it or pausing what you were doing... you just sort of assumed you had the right to be touched or not touched as you saw fit at the moment without even bringing it into conscious thought, and love, you were right. I wish the whole world could learn from you that sort of understanding and sanity of the total ownership of their body and their right to be touched as they see fit. The world would be a lot better place, in fact, if everyone could learn from you.

While some of your erotic impulses were fairly culturally normal - when you carefully adjusted yourself and sat crotch-down rather than butt-down on my face, only your late-in-life diaper kept this from being remarkably and pleasantly obscene, and I'm really wondering if you woke up at an inopportune time once or twice in that time of your life when you still slept in your parents' room - some of your erotic/demierotic impulses were positively endearing, like your tendancy to just press yourself into someone and squirm and wriggle your way up them. I remember the first time you did that - ending with smearing your padded crotch across my face, which made your sister burst into laughter. Like everyone else in your life, you made your sister a lot happier when you were around; thank you for that, because she wasn't a very happy person most of the time.

...but most of all, I love your constant joy and energy, and the way you tackled life with glee and head on. :) Thanks for being you.

19. We were both far from home, and knew our time together was short. We had the whole beach to ourselves after the first hour or so, just the two of us and your father. I don't know what you saw in me, per se, but thanks for taking the effort to strike up a conversation, and thanks for teaching me everything you know about the ocean and the waves.

We surfed for hours, and we talked for hours, and words cannot describe how thoroughly I enjoyed both, especially since it was with you. You've got a great personality and some kick-ass people skills to go with it, and tumbling through the surf and washing up on the shore with you on top of me just made my day... and when our first date by chance was over, you asked me on our first date by mutual agreement - and honestly, my very, very first date ever, despite my surprising degree of experience - all day, the next day.

Thank you for being my first.

After another wave or two, I went back to the hotel room... and stayed up half the night, looking forward to tomorrow and remembering the day before. I was on cloud nine.. and seriously annoying the people around me, too.

In the morning, I went back to the beach, and - sure enough - in an hour or two, you showed up... I remember the excitement on your face when you asked if I was going to be here all day, and I remember how much more excited you grew when I said "yes." We chased fish, and explored the beach, and rode the waves... and I remember blushing in humility as you half abandoned me to tell your mom all about how we had the same favorite colors and liked the same hobbies and had the same surfing style and how our names started with the same letter and my eye color and my favorite music and...

I'm sorry your mom cut our date short, even though I'm glad we had a decent chunk of the day we thought we would together, and enjoyed the time we had. To be honest, I think it might've been that you wouldn't shut up about how much you had a crush on me, and I think you finally annoyed her. I didn't mind though... I don't know what you saw in me; even though a long-ass cardio run the day before had cut my tone like never before, I still wasn't that sort of mind-blowingly attractive or anything like that, and while I think I muddled through OK and really enjoyed our conversation, I don't think I was that mind-blowingly scintillating... which makes it all the more confusing, because even at eight years old, you could've pulled any man on that island, but I enjoyed our time together, and thank you for choosing me.

And yes, for anyone wondering, she was chronologically #4 on the list of the most beautiful girls I've seen in person or in media or even heard rumor of, and if the other girls weren't also in a whole different league of beautiful from the most beautiful people out of everyone else, she could have easily made the top of the list without competition. She was that amazingly gorgeous.

I don't think I was in love with you. I know I had a really, really big crush on you, and I know that crush was because of your personality rather than your beauty, because I remember my trancendent wonder when I first saw you, and it was different than that. I know I liked you, and I think I could have loved you if we had more time together and circumstances were favorable.

Thank you. I enjoyed our time together, and you seriously made my day, my trip, my week, my year, and my life - and since while asking one's mom to let your boyfriend shack up with you probably counts as "dating," I don't think it counts as any sort of "a date," you will always, always be the girl who asked me on my very, very first date. Thank you.

20. We haven't even met yet, except for talking over the phone, and you don't exactly talk much. I have no idea what our relationship is going to be like - lovers, friends, or just "yeah, that guy who occasionally sends a christmas card"... but I do know what sort of person you are, your nature and character, and I am severely impressed.

I'm sorry we didn't succeed in fixing the world before you got here. You are a very, very happy accident that your parents were trying to avoid, and to break the cold, hard news to you, there's a chance that if we waited 'till the world was even decent or even "not evil," you would have never been here at all. I'm sorry we failed you, much as I'm disappointed with my parents - and all who came before aside from the rainbow, dead and related families - for leaving the world like this without even trying.

What I can do is try to give you the best world that I know how, and the best world the family knows how, and shelter you as much as possible from that cold and hurtful one. Oh, and I'm turning your mom on to the electric vibe and bringing her in to the fold. I was going to do that anyway, and by some miracle she's already more than halfway there all on her own, but it's sort of been accelerated in importance and maybe it'll help her find some fresh ideas to give you the best she can instead of just going with a flow that might not have your best interests at heart.

'n, oh yeah... I'm gonna keep working on fixing it, on making a world where nature is still alive as a valued thing in its own right and people don't have to live in modular wooden crates in a hyperindustrialized society in which human life is the most easily disposable of interchangeable parts and things don't have to be the same and audiovisual artwork is art and doesn't tell you what to think and what to believe and what to like and not to be yourself and where no one is ever, ever told where to go and what to do because of a bell.

I'm so, so sorry we didn't get it done before you came. That's what happens when birth control fails. We're glad you're here even though we're sorry that "here" is where you arrived and we promise we'll do our very, very humble damnedest to build something that doesn't hurt and degrade and destroy everything inside the heart and mind so damn much. We're sorry.

I love you.

Is this an attractive quality in a male? No matter how much they love you, they've always got it all figured out in case shit goes sour?

Depends on how involved you are with the girl. Sean (boyfriend) and I are really close and I would expect that the hard to get phase would be over by now. By hard to get I mean, he doesn't just let me get close to him. I have to poke and prod at him to figure him out. And at that point I feel like we're playing games and that it's just as childish of me to poke and prod as it is for him to "withdrawal" like that. It's not a huge deal but does irritate me sometimes.

At first yeah a cocky, I'm-Not-Too-Into-You attitude can be alluring, but if you start having sex or at least share a requited love, let the chase be over.

II also don't feel bad for lying to you, that one night, I did know where she was man, you know why? because I was in her.

I lol'd.

B: I lost my virginity to you. It was sweet, you were like "no, your first time should be special" but I made you fuck me. We were both drunk, and I really wanted to fuck a Scottish guy. You were a sloppy kisser at first, but you learned after a while. We dated for over 2 years which was too long, but you were sweet and I liked having a boyfriend. The sex was just okay because I was kind of a prude because I was inexperienced. You need more confidence, you don't have a small dick.

A: I cheated on B with you. B was leaving the country forever in two weeks so I didn't feel too bad. It was a one night stand and I couldn't resist you because you were a total Adonis - grad student from Paris, used to be in the French army and just gorgeous. The sex was good and your cock was big. You ate me out even though my pussy was stanky from dancing all night. But after about an hour you rolled over and said "I'm too drunk for this." I felt awkward after because you were friends with my older sister. Whatever.

K: First guy I slept with after B left. I wasn't particularly attracted to you just drunk and horny. The sex was pretty good but neither of us came. I liked the way you talked dirty to me. The next morning we went and got the morning after pill and you paid for it which was nice. I drunk dialled you the next weekend and you never spoke to me again. But I don't care because like I said, I wasn't really attracted to you anyway.

R: I met you on the internet but we actually became pretty good friends (with benefits). Your lip was pierced and it was hot. You were a pretty good lover but you could also be a douche - insisting that I sit on your face and then saying "uh, I dont' really like hairy twats." Fuck you. I actually miss you though and I hope we can be friends again some day. We had alot of fun, but I have no interest in sleeping with you anymore.

D: You are the only older guy I have slept with (32 when I was 19). I found you incredibly attractive but you sucked in bed. We only fucked a couple times and you came in like 2 minutes. I did like how you were gentle with your fingers though. You later told me I was only the second girl you had ever slept with, and I was like "wtf?!" I felt like I raped you, lol. After about ten dates you said you had met someone else and we haven't spoken since. I was hurt at the time but I got over it quickly. I hope you improved your sexual skills for the sake of the other girl.

J: BIG fuckin' mistake. You were such a good friend, and us sleeping together fucked everything up. I thought I just wanted to be friends with benefits but I totally fell for you. You were only 16 (I was 19) but you were really good and I liked your dick. The day after I fucked you you had a new girlfriend. I had gotten you a sweet birthday present and I was excited to give it to you. But I ended up having to watch you cuddle with this new girl and it was like a slap in the face. You are the only guy I regret sleeping with. It is probably for the best that nothing happened though. You were the one who got me into cocaine and who knows where I would be now if we had gotten together. I do hope we can be good friends again the way we were before we fucked it up.

K: I thought you were the hottest guy in highschool. We kind of messed around when we were in grade 10, but it never went anywhere. A couple years ago you randomly invited me to be your date at your cousin's wedding. I agreed, just wanting to get laid. Our sexual chemistry was amazing, in the beginning we fucked all the time. I was just looking for a fuck, but somehow you roped me into a 2.5 year relationship. We just broke up and I'm glad. You were a douche to me. But I still have love for you and I hope you all the best.

A: I met you when I was 17 and have always had a crush on you. You were the first guy I called after me and K broke up. I like you so much and you are such a good lover. You actually care about me and want to make me come. You are kind, funny and smart. I want to be your girlfriend so badly but I am too scared to say anything because we have only been hanging out for a short while. You turn me on so much. You keep teasing me because I get so wet, but seriously, you are the only guy who has ever done that to me. Your touch is electric. Fuck, I want you to be my boyfriend so badly.

Heaps of pedo shit

Fucking pedo...

You are kind, funny and smart. I want to be your girlfriend so badly but I am too scared to say anything because we have only been hanging out for a short while.

Y'know, since it means so much to you - I could be wrong, but I don't think there's a guy in the world who would turn down "wanna get together, or do you just want to be fuckbuddies?"

Which... if I'm right - go ahead and ask other guys to check - means that the worst you could do is be right where you are. Maybe ask again in a year or two.

Ask around, just in case I've horribly misestimated the male mind, but you might just be able to have a chance at what you want, risk-free. ;) Enjoy.