Hi all. 'Been a few years since I've posted on TOTSE, but I've always maintained that S&A is one of the best forums here. Sheer entertainment value makes it a safe bet for something stimulating.

(actually, when I signed in it reported my last login as 01-Jan-1970. Odd, I thought, since at that time I don't even think my parents had even met).

Anyhoo. Not that I expect the best advice from the S&A crew -- I know there's bound to be a whole bunch of replies along the lines of, "Kill him. Kill her. Kill yourself." But at the very least, talking this kind of thing out has to have some value.

Here's the situation:

'Girlfriend and I ran into a rough patch around this time last year. It was brought up in conversation that the relationship (of almost six years, at the time) was stagnating and getting stressful, and that maybe the best thing would be to take a 'time out'.

Now, (ex-)girlfriend is living in a different city, hours away, and according to her she has a new boyfriend "too good to be true" and hasn't responded to any friendly inquiries about, "how ya doin'?" lately. Not that I was pounding her for information anyway -- I figured too much probing would just get her irritated.
(edit) -- She's the kind of woman who doesn't complain, even if she's desperately hurting, and never says what she wants. Low self-confidence.

Last week, she sent me a bubble envelope which contained a double set of photos taken sometime in the last few years. Nothing racy, just the usual photos of family get-togethers, etc. None with her in them -- she was photo-shy, but I wouldn't discount the possibility of there having been a few of her in the set before she collected them up and mailed them back.

The things that got me were these:

- No note inside saying anything like, "Found these photos, thought you might want them back."
- No return address.

Naturally, I still feel really strongly about this woman -- I mean, you don't un-program yourself from a comfortable six-year relationship in a year's time. But I'm kind of at a loss for anything to do. I sent her a long letter outlining how I was feeling and what I was thinking around those weeks and months that we were splitting up, hoping that she might do the decent thing and at least let me know what her line of reasoning was.
(edit) -- I sent this letter only a little while ago, so it's not unreasonable that I haven't received a response.

TL;DR -- Six-year relationship tapered off with a time-out that ended with no attempt at reconciliation. No effective means of contact, and no signs of any response in last few weeks.

I was wondering what everybody else thinks. Is this worth worrying about? Should I just declare it a lost cause and try to move on? Should I summon up some spine and track her down?

Don't try to force any contact with her, it's pretty clear that she doesn't want any. just assume it's over, and know that if she ever wants contact/closure/another shot - she'll come to you about it, which allows you to do it on your terms, not hers.

Sadly enough I would mimic what she's doing and cut her completely out of her life. Although a 6 year relationship... that's going to be a doozy. Best of luck.

Hey, I know that at the end of the day you're going to do what you feel like doing and my advice won't really matter.

After going out for 6 years you are supposed to be passed the point of playing stupid games. From the sound of it she isn't a good person, and not someone that you would want to be with for the rest of your life. You sent her a letter and made an attempt to contact her, if the only thing she's done was send you a bunch of pictures of family without her in them and no return address then she's fucked in the head.

You deserve better then that dude. From the sound of it it's her loss, and not yours.

I wouldn't try contacting her again, she knows how to reach you and if she was a person of any decency she would not just run out on a person after being with them for 6 years.

Jeebus, 6 YEARS?!

Well, you need to ask yourself what you really want to happen.. In the ideal world, you'd go over and tell her how much the relationship meant to you and you're not going to let it go to waste. Unfortunately, we live in the real world, and "fairy tales" don't happen. The best thing you can do for yourself right now, is to try and take your mind off things. Go out with friends, try not to get affected too much by it.

Let the chips fall where they may.

Good Luck Buddy..

Get a bunch of photos together with her in them and scratch her face out. Then mail them to her the same way she did. Also, put these photos in every room of your house. Problem solved.

*dusts hands and walks away*

Leave it alone.

I know how you feel. Obviously not to your extent, but I do have an inkling.

It's just that time of year where you're reminded of these things the most.

Seriously, just leave it alone.

lots of stuff



man, just let her go. i know it is hard, but well. sometimes ya just have to let go.

Yeah mate...Let it go.

She's doing the "returning things" thing...She says she has a boyfriend who is too good to be true.

To be honest, it seems like you'd only be fooling yourself if you think you guys will get back together.