first i just want to say that if you are just going to make lame suicide jokes GTFO.


ok, so ive been dating this girl for almost 7 months. i love her, but she loves me like hardcore. she is so attached to me. This in itself is not necessarily a bad thing, but there have been times when i have come very close to ending it.

this gets bad. she has recently told me that i saved her life. i asked her how, and she explained that she was planning on committing suicide but didnt once she found me since i made her so happy. this was flattering, but the problem is that if we were to break up she would fall back into that way of thinking. she has told me that some days im the only thing keeping her here. I also found out that she had attempted suicide some years ago. i believe she also cuts herself.

(despite the fact that she is not the most emotionally healthy person, she is a great girl, and i love her)

Now if i had known this from the start i wouldnt have gotten involved. but this has come to light after 6 months of being together. i am really scared. What happens if i want to end this relationship? Do i end it and risk having her commit suicide, or do i stay with her to save her? and what would be grounds for ending such a relationship without being morally wrong?

i care so much for her well-being. help a brother out

Tell her to get professional help.

Also, dont let this stop you from breaking up with if you really want to. Its not your moral obligation to stay with someone when you don't want to, just to "save" them. Her suicidal tendency is her own problem to take care of, not yours.

You're not doing her any favors by staying with her out of guilt or obligation; you'll always resent her for holding you back, and your relationship will be a miserable shell. You deserve to be with someone you want to be with because you like them, not because you're obligated to them, and she deserves a partner who doesn't stay with her out of fear. If you ever really feel like you want to end it, do it as sensitively and gently as possible, and if things get crazy and you fear for her safety, maybe let her family or a close friend know that she's not taking it well and you want someone to make sure she's okay. They'll probably hate you for making their daughter/friend an emotional wreck, but it will also make sure that she has the support she needs and someone to keep an eye on her. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy to do the right thing.

ive talked to her about seeking professional help. she says she has tried it before, but knowing her she probably did not tell the doctor everything. ive reasoned with her to try it again, but to no avail. so thats not an option.

I totally agree with the "its her problem" thing, but i just have a hard time with that because i really do care for her a shit ton.


and i have come close to breaking up with her before, but we sat down and talked our problem out, but over the course of this i said something about maybe not being together and she freaked out. so i can predict that going badly.


here is why i am asking though: we are seniors in high school, and part of me wants to be a free man freshman year at a uni. but im so unsure as to what i want



thoughts/advice

Hahaha. I had this exact problem a couple of years ago. Eventually the whole suicidal thing got to be a bit too much bullshit, 'specially because she didn't have anything to be depressed about. So I dumped her ass, and yeah she cried for a while and was all sad for weeks but did she kill herself? No.

Unfortunately.

Has your girl ever killed herself before? No. So you've got no reason to assume that she will in the future.

Silverfuck nailed it. You can't stay with her out of fear of her killing herself. And on top of that, I'm honestly not trying to sound like a dick, but most of the time when a person (especially a girl) attempts suicide it tends to be more of a cry for help or attention rather than an actual attempt at suicide. That's one reason I wouldn't worry about her actually killing herself. I'm not trying to belittle people who attempt suicide and fail, I'm just saying that deep down they usually never wanted to kill themselves in the first place.

Has your girl ever killed herself before? No. So you've got no reason to assume that she will in the future.

I seriously lol'd.

And voodoonirviana, you're right about it mostly being a cry for attention. There's a statistic out there that guys have far less suicide attempts, and far more actual suicides. But even though it's a cry for attention with girls, you can't always base everything on that.

Many years ago a girl I'd seen shortly came to me telling me she was going to kill her self, I was sick of people throwing their problems on other people and 'talking' about wanting to commit suicide rather than talking out the problems that made them think that was the only option they had left. So I told her to "do it, and no bullshit either. If you're going to do it, no half assed jobs, jump from a big building or in front of a train" - well, she did it. And she seemed like the least likely person to commit suicide. Seriously didn't see that coming.

You need to break up with this girl. But you also need to be there for her and give her ongoing support, surely if she's not a lover, you can see her as a friend, yes? Offer her your friendship and make it very very VERY clear nothing more will ever come of it. But you like her so much that you want her in your life and you want to help her with yher problems. That's the most you can do. People wont get better until they want to get better. She needs to put effort in to it and it's not something she's going to find in a boyfriend. She needs to look with in, long and hard, to find the answer to her happiness.

Depression is infectious.

You might think this is stupid, but tell her parents you're worried about her and you think she should see a psychiatrist for depression/suicidal thoughts. Basically, you can't make her do shit. Her parents can. If you actually think she'll kill herself, get her professional help via her parents. If you think she's bullshitting you, then date her as long as you want and dump her.

Most likely she's insecure and thrives on male attention to bolster her ego. This is really common. Still, if you're worried and you actually give a shit you should tell her parents so they can get her help.

You might think this is stupid, but tell her parents you're worried about her and you think she should see a psychiatrist for depression/suicidal thoughts. Basically, you can't make her do shit. Her parents can. If you actually think she'll kill herself, get her professional help via her parents. If you think she's bullshitting you, then date her as long as you want and dump her.

*If* her parents are trustworthy.

I was once with a girl who had completely useless parents, and I wouldn't have told them shit.

Important question: Does she have good friends, or are you about the only one in her life?

first i just want to say that if you are just going to make lame suicide jokes GTFO.




http://www.jibjab.com/view/156906

*If* her parents are trustworthy.

I was once with a girl who had completely useless parents, and I wouldn't have told them shit.

Important question: Does she have good friends, or are you about the only one in her life?

Yeah, I thought about that too. The problem is, though, that if she's under 18 neither of them can really do shit without her parents' approval. Maybe see a school psychiatrist if there even is one. My school didn't have anything like that. Maybe they can call a 1800 suicide hotline. Really there isn't much he can do other than be supportive. Hopefully he'll update and let us know.

She needs good friends. This is definitely true. She needs people other than the OP, so she doesn't base her happiness and self-worth on him, if that's in fact what she's doing.

i think she has significant enough anxiety/low self esteem to actually do it. she has a few friends, but i am the closest person to her. although i do think it is probably somewhat attention based

http://www.jibjab.com/view/156906

EPIC!!!!!!!!

OP...can you use her obsession and love for you as a guilt trip tool against her? You seem to be worried about her, so...fuck it, why not?

"If you really loved me like you say you do, and I hope you do, because I wouldn't be with some one who lied to me and didn't love me, you'd go get help". Sneaky, horrible, but a necessary evil?

Recommend therapy and then take your own advice, GTFO. This relationship will only turn worse. Every single time something bad happens, this is where she'll go to.

"I'll kill myself , if you kill yourself."

Pwnt.

If you attempt suicide and fail (wrists), its for attention.

Suicide isn't hard, a gun to the head is not hard to get if you're REALLY serious.

Suicide isn't hard, a gun to the head is not hard to get if you're REALLY serious.

I knew some one who took 200 epilim to commit suicide. I remember telling a friend this. Said friend tried using 350 epilim and didn't die.

A totse member who shall remain nameless tried 3 suicide methods, simultaneously, and survived, now he's got lots of problems.

It's a fucked up thing man. You never know what's going to happen. There's a dude who shot him self in the mouth with a shotgun but some how blew his face off and survived.

People try and get high and end up dying.

hell ya do it.

My friend was in this situation.

9 times out of 10, they're faking it. It looks like she just wants attention and/or is trying to scare you into staying with her. But I may be wrong.

Either way, I say dump her if you really want to. If the first reason is the case, she's just a bitch and should fuck off for putting you through this. If she's serious, then let her kill herself anyway. Anyone who's weak enough to be that dependent on another person deserves to die. It's Darwinism.

You need to break up with this girl. But you also need to be there for her and give her ongoing support, surely if she's not a lover, you can see her as a friend, yes? Offer her your friendship and make it very very VERY clear nothing more will ever come of it. But you like her so much that you want her in your life and you want to help her with yher problems. That's the most you can do. People wont get better until they want to get better. She needs to put effort in to it and it's not something she's going to find in a boyfriend. She needs to look with in, long and hard, to find the answer to her happiness.

This, with a suggestion along the lines of Silverfuck. Be there for her, but no when to tell her to deal with shit on her own. You shouldn't have to suffer at all times because she needs a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes it's important to be that for someone. It's equally important for a person to learn how to deal with emotional turmoil on their own.

You care for her. So do so. Just make sure to be your own person in the process, and not just some sort of extension of her.

This, but just because it is her problem, that doesn't mean you can't help her through it. It does however mean that you aren't obligated to help her through it.

(...)

here is why i am asking though: we are seniors in high school, and part of me wants to be a free man freshman year at a uni. but im so unsure as to what i want

thoughts/advice


The hardest thing for you in this situation will be to separate your wants and desires as an individual from what you want for her.

I get the sense, from your original post and this little extra bit above, that you're really uncomfortable in this relationship now that the stakes have escalated. If you really love this young woman enough, maybe your thoughts would probably be to stick it out with her instead of weighing your options. But you're right -- at your age you really can't be expected to know what you want out of life -- or romance, for that matter.

Do the decent thing: Schedule a visit to the guidance counselor at your school, and mention that she's having this trouble. Maybe they can help her out, but a suicidal young woman is probably beyond your ability to treat. You can help her by being there, but I've heard it said that some of the worst relationships are founded on a desire to help rather than to share, so my advice would also be to ease yourself out of the relationship as best as you can manage.

If you don't want her to know that it was you who let the school in on the secret, that's fine -- you can remain anonymous if you pen a short little note to the principal and let him deal with delegating it to the guidance counselor(s). But there's also the chance that as her boyfriend, you might know more about how serious the situation is than they might be able to uncover. You can probably be of most help to her by approaching the school staff in person and keeping them apprised of anything they should know.

If it salves your conscience, remember that in some jurisdictions you'd be compelled to report her to some kind of authority if she was in danger of harming herself, and privacy be damned.

Silverfuck, arquin, and pretty much everyone else on here has given you the right advice.

I had a girlfriend like that, but she was a little bit more reserved about it. She told me she tried before by using every pill in her cabinet, and ended up passing out and having crazy diphen hallucinations and what not. Didn't work though, but I think she meant it.

This was a reason that when I stopped liking her and realized that we weren't doing "good" by each other I didn't break it off. It got to the point where I had a resentment for her because I found out she cheated on me...So when I told her she walked from the park where we were to an overpass and threatened to jump off into moving traffic.

I straight up told her to do it because she had lost every ounce of my compassion...she called ME a fucking lunatic and got down and started walking home.

Point is, break up with her while you do still care, and still want to help.

I guess the only question I ask now is...do you really want to be with her or not!?

Does your school have help lines? If so, you can anon call and say blah blah your worried about x y or z and they will check into it and see if she needs help..? I had an uncle who got in a fight with my aunt (his wife) he left saying he would kill himself she didnt believe him and he went to a church prayed came home and hung himself outside with a dog chain and the next day her and my cousin (his daughter who was 9) found him..

so yea take it serious cause you never know how desperate someone can get...talk to her about her issues talk to an adult you trust or know will want to help..dont stay in this situation though, it will only bring you down and will be worrying all the time wtf...plus she might use it as an excuse to cheat on you or fuck you over..then hold "well ill kill myself then" over your head...best advice I guess is to try to tell someone your concerns.

this is teh perfect answer:D

This reminds me of my dad telling me about an old girlfriend of his who threatened to commit suicide when he tried to break up with her. It pissed him off so much he told her to fuck off and if she ever threatened him with shit like that again he'd kill her for her.

You are not responsible for another person's mental illness. If you cannot handle the relationship with her, end it. How she chooses to react to that is her responsibility. Also, please take this from someone who went through the EXACT same: You cannot save her, but she can drag you down if you stay long enough.

Kill her first! It's the only way!

Leave the bitch.

frankly id just make her end it aka be a total asshole and make her want to break up that way it was her own choice and if she hates you enough she wont be depressed about losing you so she won't kill her self she'll be more pissed off but don't cheat on her if you do that'll bring in a huge emo moment and that'll make the suicidal thing worse

Tell her to get professional help and stay with her aswell. Try and help her man.