So guys post your embarassing sexual incidents in this thread. Heres mine;

I was over at a girl's house for a party. She was really hot and all the guys at school had fucked her at least once, but I was only there because my older brother was there. That's right: he fucked her too. I was pretty much a loner back then.

I felt really alienated on the dance floor (gay rap music) and so I went upstairs to her room to sulk. I lay down on her bed and started crying, but then my elbow brushed something unusual. I opened my eyes and looked beside me to see a lacy black thong.

I looked around in the hall to see nobody was coming upstairs and shut her bedroom door. I was already hard and it was difficult to slide the thong up my legs onto my hairy ass. My fuzzy balls were hanging one out each side of the thong.

I was really drunk from two shots I'd had before I grew tired of the party (I can't hold my liquor) and so I thought it would be a good idea then to fap. I lay on her bed and started rubbing the tip of my dick like it was a big clit pretending I was a girl. I must have staved off orgasm ten or twenty times and it felt like I had been fapping for days.

When I was just about to reach an earth shattering orgasm from the sheer kinkiness of what I was doing in the room of a girl I barely knew when the door to the room opened. Her mother stepped in with a laundry basket and froze.

I slowly reached for my pants, as though if I moved very slowly, she wouldn't notice the fat bastard in her daughter's thong stroking his harbl. She screamed louder than I've ever heard before and let me tell you, escaping wasn't easy. She was strong as hell, and grabbed my arm like I had been raping her daughter or something.

My only escape route led me through the dance floor where all my possible friends or girlfriends were dancing. I ran very fast, hoping my speed would make me difficult to identify. All the while I was fighting off the most powerful orgasm of my life. My legs were weak and I almost fell down the stairs.

As I ran, I skirted the edge of the dancers, but I slipped on - believe it or not - a guy's puke. Evidently, he'd had too much to drink, and down I went.....it was slow. Completely agonizing. I flipped about three times.


I landed face down in the puke and the slight tingling of the stomach acid and the slippery, warm feeling of my dick being massaged between the floor, her black, silk thong, and my stomach proved too much.

Everyone had already turned upon hearing the loud slap of my stomach hitting the floor, and as my brother and the girl who's thong I was wearing watched, I came harder than I'd ever imagined was possible. My legs shook, my butt clenched, and everybody was completely silent.

I wanted to kill myself for about three years after that incident.

What a cool story

Normally I'd close this cos we only had it recently but you wrote a good story so it can stay.

My embarassing moments have been well documented but here's some snippets for those who don't know.


Jack *comes to after a party lying next to a small goth girl* (this was the 80's and I didn't know better* and asks: "uhm how old are you?"

Goth Girl: "12 I'm in your sister's class at school"

(she might have said 13, its blurry)


Episode 2

Jack "loses his virgnity , looks down at her and asks : " was it ok for you? Was I like any good?"

Her *ZzzZZzzz* she'd fallen asleep during.

They had 12 year old goth girls in the 80s?

OP's story is so fake but it made me lol.

Dissapointed it didn't turn into a bel-air, that would have turned me on much more.

Wait a sec, how old were you then?

Perhaps there's hope for me yet. :p

Uhm thats when we had real goths and not your emo-mall vampYres of today.

(real goths= actually had read byron/shelley/stoker while on laudanum/Sinthe/Sack)


--------------------

I'm outside the Forum with my library books
Surrounded by students who look like ghosts
Teenage vampires with died black hair, its
like Dawn Of The Dead and I don't wannbe here.


Surely thats a fad and they'll all go away.
I heard my nephew is one of them he thinks he might be gay.
I said I'd have a word with him and tell him that he's not
but his piercings make me sick and his bedroom stinks of pot.

Now he doesn't eat meat, thats a step too far
I tried to force feed him with a Kylie's Chocolate bar.
Funeral For A Friend? MY Chemical Romance??!

Shut up and buy a belt so we don't have to see yer pants!


Has your mom seen the tattoo on yer back?
When the sunsets do you turn into a bat?

I don't know if i'll go back to the Forum again cos these Emos look like they've
risen from the dead.

Fall out Boys? Death Cab For Cutie??

You should get a hair cut and job, my beauty!

You mean like this:

http://www.chordmine.com/artwork/the_cure_1.jpg http://andrearf.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/bauhaus.jpg http://www.nndb.com/people/542/000026464/cave.jpg http://www.kevchino.com/graffix/bandphotos/siouxsieandthebanshees_bp.jpg http://www.shout.ru/tours/the_sisters_of_mercy_moscow_2006_banner.jpg

As opposed to this:

http://www.cosmopolis.ch/images/music/marilyn_manson/marilyn_manson_pressefoto.jpg http://theonlythingiknowforsure.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/slipknot.jpg http://api.ning.com/files/xN0xTbq1jd3kRFgK4-uiEAwS4BzJQuxfzHIAYg4uyBnSo4kclIPiREhHsE7IcriP9k7* dFESDs4JaspLKmeRLfK4hPnI78-K/Cradle_of_Filth_1280.jpg http://www.icicom.up.pt/~fzs/blog/archives/cHIM6.jpg http://img118.imageshack.us/img118/6038/aiden18rs2.jpg

Losing my virginity to some I wish I hadn't:

"Tell me when you're almost coming so you can pull out because I forgot the pill"

I was coming when she said "Tell me.." and that was 2 minutes in.

same.

so i'm drunk at a party held by my friend from another school, didn't expect anyone from my school to be there but low and behold like 3 chicks from there walk in. one was this fine ass azn, and having had a six pack I decide to try my luck on her. unfortunately, she's sober and i just back off because i'm being too forward.

eventually i find this kinda fat, not really cute chick from school and she gives me a Mad Dog. I chug that bitch down in a few minutes and now I'm hammered as fuck. we go out by my car and smoke a cig and we randomly start making out. her breath smells like shit, but i'm reaching my hands down the back of her jeans trying to finger her from behind and end up kind of swiping down her ass crack. this doesn't really bother her and i'm kind of just taking it all in.

she says ok, really drunkly, and we get in the back of my car when i realize i have no condom. i look at her again and realize i don't even wanna do this. i start fingering her anyway, and i'm only at half mast. i unzip my pants, i am really belligerent at this point and get out to ask my friend for a condom who is at his car with a bunch of people. he looks at me funny and he's like.. 'nah.. i dont have one.. lemme get a cigarette though cuz im gonna head out.' i reach for my pack and look down at my shriveled up dick head. there is also the hottest girl at the party standing there. ok this story isn't working, because i can't remember most of it, basically, i ended up showing my dick to a shit load of people and didn't even get pussy.

fat bastard in her daughter's thong stroking his harbl

what the fuck - icanhascheezburger slang?

props for the funny story, true or not.

I was fucking my ex when my bed broke and made a really loud sound. The headboard fell off and the footboard fell and the bed just collapsed

not that embarrassing just funny

never really been embarrassed yet

ive had trouble bustin a nut on a few occasions, even after like an hour (because of the anti-depressants i was prescribed to at the time)

ive put a huge hole in this girls wall from her bed post rocking back and fourth, smacking the wall a million times

Probably the two most embarrassing for me was knocking myself out during sex and then my boyfriend kept going because he didn't realise, and his dad seeing me with no pants on.

The first one is obviously a worse experience however the second was possibly more embarrassing for me as i was just sitting on the couch holding my bra, a business shirt and my jeans when he walked in and was like "Hello darling" then realised i had no pants on and i was like "yes, i don't have any pants on"

same.

so i'm drunk at a party held by my friend from another school, didn't expect anyone from my school to be there but low and behold like 3 chicks from there walk in. one was this fine ass azn, and having had a six pack I decide to try my luck on her. unfortunately, she's sober and i just back off because i'm being too forward.

eventually i find this kinda fat, not really cute chick from school and she gives me a Mad Dog. I chug that bitch down in a few minutes and now I'm hammered as fuck. we go out by my car and smoke a cig and we randomly start making out. her breath smells like shit, but i'm reaching my hands down the back of her jeans trying to finger her from behind and end up kind of swiping down her ass crack. this doesn't really bother her and i'm kind of just taking it all in.

she says ok, really drunkly, and we get in the back of my car when i realize i have no condom. i look at her again and realize i don't even wanna do this. i start fingering her anyway, and i'm only at half mast. i unzip my pants, i am really belligerent at this point and get out to ask my friend for a condom who is at his car with a bunch of people. he looks at me funny and he's like.. 'nah.. i dont have one.. lemme get a cigarette though cuz im gonna head out.' i reach for my pack and look down at my shriveled up dick head. there is also the hottest girl at the party standing there. ok this story isn't working, because i can't remember most of it, basically, i ended up showing my dick to a shit load of people and didn't even get pussy.

Haha ah man that's some embarrassing shit I feel bad. The first time I ever got drunk way back when I was like 12 or 13 I did something similar. I don't feel like reliving that event so I'm not going to post it but I'll just say I know how you feel.

yeah i havent really had any really embarrasing sexual incidents, but i have busted my girlfriends bed completely in half. she had a futon-type thing, like this:
http://www.focusfurnishing.co.uk/images/Atlanta%20Futon.jpg

and basically we fucked so hard that the middle just bent to fuck and it bent so low that the middle part was on the floor lol

I just put one of those together yesterday for a friend. It was the same exact model, only the pad was black instead of blue. The documentation that came with it said it holds up to 600 pounds.

Whale sex?

whale sex?

rofl!!!

rofl!!!

Fail.

GTFO.

Fail.

GTFO.

"stfu acolyte"

Fail.

GTFO.

wtf?...i.....fail????

damn...my maths teacher WAS right all those years ago :P:P:P

wtf?...i.....fail????

damn...my maths teacher WAS right all those years ago :P:P:P


http://www.forumspile.com/Blank-Picard_Facepalm.jpg

I just put one of those together yesterday for a friend. It was the same exact model, only the pad was black instead of blue. The documentation that came with it said it holds up to 600 pounds.

Whale sex?

lol no we only weigh about 120 each, i just pounded the shit out of her

lol no we only weigh about 120 each, i just pounded the shit out of her

600 Pounds of Force

600 Pounds of Force


That's some fucking good fucking.

indeed

The elevators at my university have no stop buttons... The door opened and there we are, my pants around my ankles, her bent over with her skirt up. I look up and of all the freaking people in the world, it's one of my lecturers. She looked very confused for a moment then crapped herself laughing. we stood there without moving until the doors closed. I pressed the button for the ground floor, we got dressed while it descended and bailed.

Every time I go to that lecture now I get a very amused look.

(just copy pasted mine from a previous thread)

i once while drunk and getting denied asked a girl if i was in the friend zone :o totse :\

the same exact thing happened to me
except it was my futon
but yea that shit just kind of collapsed
its not really embarassing
just pissed me off

You are the king lol.
Worst I've ever been is too drunk to fuck

embarrassing sexual exploits of mine include but are not limited to: falling out of bed mid thrust, passing gas, falling asleep in mid thrust, and saying really out of place things. things like " here comes jesuss "

her bent over with her skirt up..................She looked very confused for a moment then crapped herself laughing

She shit on your dick?

600 Pounds of Force


It's all in the hips

Futons suck for fucking. Me and my girlfriend just recently broke hers. Her exact words were something like "if you stop.....I'll kill you" so I just went with it. I have not had too many embarrassing moments. Slipping out like 10 times in the same session would be one of the worst.

She shit on your dick?

No, you dunce, the lecturer laughed hard. There was no crapping in the literal sense.

Wait, 10 times is considered bad? My partner couldn't keep it in for more than 3 thrusts unless slow missionary and wondered why I got frustrated.

I was fucking my ex when my bed broke and made a really loud sound. The headboard fell off and the footboard fell and the bed just collapsed (...)

'Evidently this was not something that the design team had in mind. That's a shame, really. I think that instead of designing beds for primarily sleep and for fucking as a secondary activity, they should go with fucking first and sleeping second.

'Most demanding specs first, after all.

Wait, 10 times is considered bad? My partner couldn't keep it in for more than 3 thrusts unless slow missionary and wondered why I got frustrated.

That's why ten year olds shouldn't have sex.

I was with this girl in the mall, after about 3 hours of teasing and putting her ass on my dick we decide to take it oustide. So I find a nice spot in a dark place. I take off my shirt put it on the floor. And start doing her after about 2 mins I nut and she like wat happen. I was like damn but to my luck a car came and we had to go. But then as I try to go back to the mall a security guard stops me and he's like we have you on camera, but the main desk told him to let us go. But I couldn't get back inside and my cuz was inside. And I was out of state . Luckily I found my way back.

Ex-girlfriends' mother's boyfriend knocks on the door while I'm in her bed.

Ninja rolled behind the door as it opened.

Not embarrassing, but god damn I have skill.

I have fallen asleep while helping my girl friend masturbate.

Not ashamed, I get bored fast.

That's why ten year olds shouldn't have sex.

We were 15/16 so young but knew the basic mechanics of it.

Wow, this is going to be hilair.

1) One day, my [ex]girlfriend and I were in her car making out, and I started fingering her. It went great, she really enjoyed herself. When I finished, we just laid there cuddled up. And then... I noticed the blood all over both of my hands and her jacket.

2) At the beginning of summer after a party, while still highly intoxicated, I lost my virginity to a guy who not only had a short, uncircumsized dick, but who came after like, 3 minutes. (I believe it was his... 2nd time or something.)

3) One weekend, my best friend's sister was out of town and decided to let us borrow her house and get drunk. So, we got a shitload of vodka for me, my best friend GL, her friend Casey, Casey's boyfriend Joey, and Joey's, GL's, and Casey's friend Paul, and all got smashed for two nights in a row. The first night, even though I consider him HIDEOUS and we are not each other's 'type' AT ALL, Paul and I made out. I remember we were in GL's sister's bed, and he got a condom out, and for some reason, even though I was on my period and had a tampon in, my stupid drunk ass didn't tell him to stop, I just let him put it on. So he did, and we're dry humping...and finally rationality kicks in so I just tell him that I can't do it. He says okay... YET HE CONTINUES TO DRY HUMP MY FUCKING LEG LIKE A DOG. I dealt with it for a second because I felt bad for telling him no, and then I got up and went walking. We didn't talk much for the rest of the night. Morning comes, and according to all of my friends who were outside the bathroom window walking around at some point in the night, they came up to the window to see me jerking Paul off in the bathroom. Paul confirmed it; it happened. And as if all of this wasn't bad enough, the next night, I had WAY too much to drink and passed out early. Paul ended up getting so drunk he threw up all over the place and pissed on himself. They had to change him, and all saw his dick, and apparently he has a fuckin' forest of pubes down there. SICK. I was NOT proud of myself for that one.

4) One night, me, my [ex]boyfriend and his best friend were staying the weekend at our friend Jalayne's house. She gave her room and bed to me and my ex. She gave us PERMISSION to do it if we wanted to. Yet... when everyone said goodnight and he and I retreated to her room and started to fuck... she walked in to get her motherfucking shorts... TURNED THE LIGHT ON... saw his ass and my leg, and just STOOD THERE "shocked" for a good 20 seconds before she got her shorts and left. AWKWARD.

5) One day when I was with that same boyfriend, dry humping on his exroommates couch, he came... all over my BLACK shirt after...wow, I think it was less than a minute.

I would never tell this story to friends or family. It's not embarassing, just disgusting.

When I was 16 I was, well a slut. I was partying at some house with a bunch of boys and a friend. Now this house was gross. Food, booze and cigerettes everywhere. The carpet stank of piss and the bedrooms had no doors. You could probably catch a couple dozen diseases from their bathroom. But regardless I was there and I was wasted. The boys kept feeding me Captain Morgans and passing round the beer bong.

I was making out with one of them and most of them were watching. Then a couple went to bed leaving just one watching. I vaguely remember looking at him and smiling and suggesting he join in. The truth was I was more attracted to him then the guy I was making out with. Anyways it turned into a threesome. Two best friends mauling a little girl in a digusting bedroom with no door. It was awkward and not very sexy. The first guy had a penis about the size of my thumb while the other was hung like a donkey. I paid more attenton to Donkey Dick.

Right in the middle, a third guy walks in. He watches for a while and asks to join in. I started yelling at him til he left. Then the two guys finished and we all passed out.

Worst morning after ever.

The boys kept feeding me Captain Morgans and passing round the beer bong.


How generous of them :D

Not so much embarassing but mildly entertaining at least for me.

Me and my girlfriend at the time were home alone. My mum was at work, so we were in my room and there was a movie on and we were fucking (duh). So my mum comes home for lunch and knocks on my door. Being the quick thinker that I am, I catapult her (she was on top) off of my bed, and onto the floor so that the bed is inbetween her and the door. She wasn't stoked but my mum didn't notice. I guess she just thought I was watching Fight Club, half naked with all the blinds closed at roughly midday with my collection fo girl's underwear all over the floor...

Another time with another girl we were doing it at midday (roughly) and there's a knock at her door. Being the quick thinker that I am, I put my shirt on and sat in a chair facing the opposite direction from the door while she gets fully dressed. Her brother walks in with some bullshit excuse and leaves then we get back to it. I don't think he noticed that I wasn't wearing pants.

I hope to god you don't ever expect some guy to treat you like a 'princess'.

I paid more attenton to Donkey Dick.

lol lol

I would never tell this story to friends or family. It's not embarassing, just disgusting.
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