For any who remember, my grandfather passed away a few months ago. It hurt like fuck because, even though he wasn't a blood relative, he was more family than most blood relatives I have. But most of all he was my best friend. And he still is.

That's what's making me wonder.

His relatives came over earlier this morning to get my dad so they could go bury the ashes. They're burying them in the West Ham football ground (UP THE HAMMERS! :D ) and I know he'd be proud to know that his remains are with his lifelong team and passion.

But he's not dead to me. Physically it's obvious he is not here but to me mentally, he's still right here.
It's strange to think about it at times...A weird way of living.
I won't leave things leaning in certain places in the house because he might kick it over with his big old grandad shoes or I won't leave anything in certain places so he doesn't break his neck tripping over them! Little things like that. They're still here in my mind.
I know it's residual second instinct of a life I was used to but in a strange way it's like keeping him alive.

He's still very much in my memory. I haven't gone a day without thinking about him and how much I miss him. All the silly little things he'd say about things he didn't agree with..."You silly old sod!!!" or "BALLS BRUVVA!"
I still have a problem going near his room. I went there once to get his West Ham scarf (one of the only things his relatives didn't take. Fucking tight bastards they are) so I have something of him to keep with me. It's strange being in the room without him and his stuff there.

I refuse to let him go. He's not dead unless he's forgotten. And I refuse to forget him.

I don't know why I decided to post this. I really don't. But I must say, typing these things out and letting my mind and fingers do their work, it's helped me get some things of my chest.



I still miss you John. I'm always your mate. And there'd better be a beer ready when I meet you there, sunshine! Hammers till I die bruvva.

*hug* :(

Good for you, egeszsegedre.

He deserved to die.

I've had a life-changing experience in September that's pretty much left me void of most emotion. I can't feel things like pain and I fear it makes me really insensitive at times. I can only look at things objectively and say that as he was probably really old, he's lived a good long life and it should be honored rather than mourned.

Even though I have not experienced something similar, I was really moved by this thread. I just thought I would let you know......

He deserved to die.

violation XD

hmm,i gotta say,but what does this have to do with s&a.unless you had some feelings for him and desires before his passing and you want to let it all out.

r.i.p. man

A few years after my grandpa died, I found out he was an abusive, alcoholic thug.

Be happy you have such a close relatives.

violation XD

hmm,i gotta say,but what does this have to do with s&a.unless you had some feelings for him and desires before his passing and you want to let it all out.

r.i.p. man

It's sex and affection, newbie. I should know, I've been modding this forum for years.

Sex and Affection: Anything and everything about sex and relations.

Keyword: RELATIONS!

Knob.

My grandfather passed this past year as well. I am sorry for your loss and I think it's totally normal and fine that you still consider him when going about your day to day business.

My grandpa passed in june of 06. I miss him so much. Its insane how much I can still feel him in certain places. I can't even go in his old study because the memories literally knock me off my feet. I wanna tell you its going to get easier, I'm still waiting on that one.

I wouldn't trade that closeness for the world though, even though it just makes me miss him that much more.

They do get easier. Trust me.
You'll be fine. Give it time. :)

For me, the emotional outburst was triggered because his family (the tight cunts) were burying his ashes. And I wasn't invited. You should have seen the looks I got at the funeral because I cam and sat at the front. They did not like it at all. Cunts.
For some reason all the work, time and, most of all, friendship that I put into making him smile and feel comfortable... It means nothing to these old fucks. It was my arm he grabbed onto (strong grip for a dying 83 year old) whilst gesturing at the ceiling with the other arm, babbling incoherent words and looking into my damn eyes the day he died. I will never forget. He saw it coming. I don't now what "it" was but he saw something.

I think about him every day. And I will probably adjust my actions to make sure he doesn't kill himself for a long time to come. Even though all I have left of him is good memories, bad memories and a scarf I'll keep with me for a very long time.

Keep faith TG. It'll work out in the end. :)

They do get easier. Trust me.
You'll be fine. Give it time. :)

For me, the emotional outburst was triggered because his family (the tight cunts) were burying his ashes. And I wasn't invited. You should have seen the looks I got at the funeral because I cam and sat at the front. They did not like it at all. Cunts.
For some reason all the work, time and, most of all, friendship that I put into making him smile and feel comfortable... It means nothing to these old fucks. It was my arm he grabbed onto (strong grip for a dying 83 year old) whilst gesturing at the ceiling with the other arm, babbling incoherent words and looking into my damn eyes the day he died. I will never forget. He saw it coming. I don't now what "it" was but he saw something.

I think about him every day. And I will probably adjust my actions to make sure he doesn't kill himself for a long time to come. Even though all I have left of him is good memories, bad memories and a scarf I'll keep with me for a very long time.

Keep faith TG. It'll work out in the end. :)

I was also in the room with my grandfather when he died. He had layed in a hospital bed, while his blood children made the decision to take away his oxygen and just let him suffocate. I was freshly 16, sitting there while my grandpa who I loved more than anything, suffocated to death with an audience of his 9 children who claimed to love him. He was my fathers dad, and my dad felt the same way I did, but 1 against 8 is not good odds. After my grandpa passed, I had to drive myself home on the highway, I had to pull over and turn on my hazards a couple of times because I couldn't get ahold of myself. That night still sends shivers up my spine. Then, when I got home, my brother and sister went to play video games, my father went to be alone, and my mother went outside. I sat on my couch alone and cried for the entire night I think. After that night is when the real fuckin battle started, his heartless fucking children spent the night several weeks bickering like selfish cunts about the little money my grandpa had going to my grandmother, my selfish bastard uncle, who was not my grandfathers by blood, but he had raised him like his own, took my grandfathers gun from WWII to go sell it, but my dad tracked it and him down, got it back, and went and put it back in my grandfathers study.

I'm sorry to hijack the thread, this is just something I've not actually been able to ever talk about out loud. Doesn't even feel like it could have happened. I can't believe how selfish people can be. Over some fuckin paper with no real use other than to get more material shit they don't need. It makes me sick.

Time heals death by creating it.

It's sex and affection, newbie. I should know, I've been modding this forum for years.



Keyword: RELATIONS!

Knob.

srry cap'n

as you said,still new.i am such a knob

r.i.p. for your grandfather man

I'm sorry to hijack the thread, this is just something I've not actually been able to ever talk about out loud. Doesn't even feel like it could have happened. I can't believe how selfish people can be. Over some fuckin paper with no real use other than to get more material shit they don't need. It makes me sick.

No sorry needed. None at all. If I can vent my feelings for a person who made a fucked up life just that little bit more bearable by being a landmark that never changed or moved, you and anyone else has the damn right to vent about missed loved ones. I encourage it.

Anyone who wants to share, be my guest.

I am truly sorry to hear these things, TG. I can't really imagine watching a loved one die. It would break my heart in one way and be a weight off my mind in another. But the memory would always remain.
Relatives tend to be selfish fuckers...I've seen enough to last a lifetime. Karma will come around sooner or later and put it's big black cock in their arses.

dagothnonlik...Thank you for your condolences.

No sorry needed. None at all. If I can vent my feelings for a person who made a fucked up life just that little bit more bearable by being a landmark that never changed or moved, you and anyone else has the damn right to vent about missed loved ones. I encourage it.

Anyone who wants to share, be my guest.

I am truly sorry to hear these things, TG. I can't really imagine watching a loved one die. It would break my heart in one way and be a weight off my mind in another. But the memory would always remain.
Relatives tend to be selfish fuckers...I've seen enough to last a lifetime. Karma will come around sooner or later and put it's big black cock in their arses.

dagothnonlik...Thank you for your condolences.

Karma already got a good lot of them. One of the most selfish ones husband OD'd about 6 months later, unfortunately, i loved my uncle also.

But thank you.

One of my good friends died in an accident my senior year of highschool. for the first couple of months it was hard, but my friends and I get through it by remembering the good times we had, and just thinking that hes in a better place. Time is the best healer.