If a Libra is any sort of classification I tend to fill it quite nicely; I weigh everything and am a complete situationist. Meaning I resolve problems as they come to me in a case by case matter. Only wisdom makes the decisions easier.

Here I'm at a loss.

My love life started early and never slowed, period. It just wasn't my thing. Why waste time on what ifs is a big part of my creeds. My first, K. for simplicity, is the woman I'd thought I'd end up marrying. First & Last(I thought) real requited love, first kiss, first fling, first summer romance, first everything. The stuff poets write about.

Before we detail this out there is a bit of history, K may have been my first everything, but not the first girl. The neighbor girl when I was in the elementry years till she moved, sad but fun, and yet still to young to know what First everything meant, (though it was the first chest I got to see hanging upside-down from the playground). The odd ball, for lack of a better expression, dick in her hand type, broke that one quickly when she found she was pregnant, she was couple years older then I in my 6th grade year. And one missed opportunity when I was with the bitch.

The Bitch.. well... is the root cause to this, my only regret in life. The regret being not knowing what I wanted when I was going on 7 years through my teens with K which included my pre-adult life with the woman I thought I'd spend lifetimes with. Asatru faith if case your wondering.
Answering the what else was out there was what doomed this poets corner like so many others; if your curious the bitch I decided to get back with all she wanted was something to compare somebody else to. She was originally a swing and a miss while K. was a city distance away (and me with just a bike in the middle of a school year) broke initially by her kissing another guy. Which is, ironically the same guy she was testing me against.

Don't get me wrong, the things I've been weighing ever since my wife & 2 kids now is something that I'm defiantly not deluded about. And...

Yet, today, of all dam days, I dream about her. Never once have I. And to tell you folks, I'm a pretty avid to recall of my dreams. You don't spend a third of your life on your back for nothing. Spare you the details but the whole dam time in the dream was trying to find a place to re-kindle after all these years in the middle of a farmers market / harvest festival. Precog or message, not relevant I didn't even dream of her when the bitch crushed all hope.

I left K for the bitch and what else was out there push. K. ran... and I mean ran. Not officially adopted after 9 years with care givers she took off and left a fire trail behind her with those care givers. Ironically the adoption papers were to be signed that month. I digress... Anyway I had no dam idea how much me coming back after Grade F = grounded summer after summer really meant. Call one up for teenage stupidity on both sides ... heh.

Well now to present day and this ... very odd situation presents it self. I'm with a woman where falling in love with her mean I said I love you going out the door to work a few months after moving in with her. Since day 1 we got together I've been at her side, and I mean move in day 1. Like I said.... why waste time when the possibilities are there now and when both of you realize it. My marriage is going 4 years June 20th. Adopted daughter(my wifes) and 3 month premature baby tornado later here I stand... wondering.

Well K. stopped running. She lives a few cities away... ironically. I never did stop loving her, though that choice cost us everything. I love my wife... but I feel that day walking out the door to work was a fluke, like saying love you to a good friend. A best friend. It's what a marriage is built off but not peace of mind, and this my friends... is the no small thing. And I will not shake this awareness of every time I say I love you knowing it was my mind saying ok Chris, wake up and tell her rather then you do in all ways. Love I settled into rather then felt akin to. Putting possibility of a life together over everything else. Am I fucking screwed? My wife is a diabetic & has chronic pain and I've cared for her for the last year now, putting my own life on hold for her and my kids care. My choice there, but if she doesn't get better I'm not to leave her side, period. Fill in the blank for cause but that's my subjectivity, not something I can ask you to give me.

Now the the dream has made me aware, what advice anywhere has any relevance? Happiness or True happiness... what the hell choice is that. I will not make a descion of this magintute based on relativity.

I suspect this answer will come from someone very wise &/or very old and knows the story of oh shit now what better then any.

Too long, did not fucking read.

Fuck you.

Idiot.

What does this is no small thing tell you?

Alright. I'll read the whole fucking thing then.

This could take like an hour though because I have severe ADHD.

Put a fucking summery at the bottom.

Not only is it long, but it's fucking boring.

Gave up.

You have a very confusing writing style.

I think you are basically saying do you stick with your wife or go and find K.? We don't know these people, you are the only person who can answer that question.

If I'm wrong, then ignore that.

I like how you repeatedly spelled "damn" like "dam." Oh, you have a very stupid writing style as well, else I might read it all the way through.

That's pretty much it. But yeah, we can't tell you, you havn't exactly weighed it up well.

Wow, craziest story I've ever seen.

Stop having regrets from your teens, everyone make mistakes. It seems your regrets is some shit you've dragged along all your life. Don,t you think it's time to let it go?