So....


Let me start off by stating that I will soon be graduating with my Bachelor's of Science in Chemistry next spring. I love science. I love math. But both math and science have robbed me of my imagination.

From probably from when I was 17-20, I was studying chemistry to "better man kind". I really got interested in it because of psychoactive drugs. I wanted to become a pharmacologist, and try to take advantage of the extremely fast growing field of intelligent design of pharmaceuticals, specifically enantiotopic and diastereotopic design, as well as famialial phsycoactive sythesis. I believe I have the potential to succeed. Just like Alexander Shulgin. Chemistry is all I'm good at. I make good grades. Like a calculator crunches numbers, I'm always trying to learn more.

But now, after experiencing an intimate relationship with pschoactives of all kinds (the only real drugs I can say I haven't tried would meth and heroin.) my motiations in life have changed. I'm mostly interested in psychoactives, and I've tried almost everything.

(I would have done heroin if available, but it wasn't. And I live in 417 and have seen this place get destroyed by meth, so I won't touch the stuff).

So yes, chemistry is what I'm good at, but drugs have opened up a new extreme path in my life since ive been using roughly 4 years ago (unless you count alcohol). Now I want to pursue photograph. Painting. Liberal arts just to feel alive. Freedom of my spirit. I'm fucking tired of being tied down to the rules of society!

Is this normal? I hate these damn constraints of society!!!!! It makes me feel like a robot; chemistry has made me too logical!. Did I just reach an epiphany; is this how lots of people seems to turn out?

/drug rant

Maybe I should just move to a remote location and synthesize various substances.

blah

I'd say skip it. Paint in your free time, make music in your free time. Don't let drugs rule your life. I'm only 16, but that doesn't mean I don't have experience with this shit. Around 2/3 of my family are hopeless drug addicts, my aunt even 'sold' her kids to her ex husband (who regularly fucked the kids, my cousins) for meth money. My cousin (one of the ones who got raped by his dad) is now shooting Oxy and heroin, with no place to live. My aunt is an alcoholic and a pill popper, and she and her new husband beat my cousin. He had to join the military just to get out.

That's only some of the terrible shit that has been caused because people can't take good things in moderation.

Just my 2 cents. If you wanna stay healthy and well, take what you want, just try to keep it casual.

And there should be no constraints on the art you create.

Maybe I should just move to a remote location and synthesize various substances.

FTW!

It sounds to me like you were straight-laced and were buckled down with schoolwork.
You did some psychoactives.
Now you're all like "holy shit! theres more to life than labwork?!"

Guess you "expanded" your mind a bit. You can always have chemistry as your main job (pharmacologist) and pursue your self interests on your own time. But, in the end, I suggest you do what truly makes you happy. We only go around once, might as well make it a pleasant trip.

Peace.

I kind of went through the same thing. For most of my school "career," I was the GATE, Honors, straight A's type. About a year before I started messing around with drugs It was a big deal when I got really high C+. And I was very logical, math and science oriented. I did ok my first year of high school/drugs, but my second year was actually relatively drug free but my grades were shit. Somewhere in that time I decided I really just suck at math whether I like it or not, and started leaning towards something in Liberal arts or music. I still don't know what I want to do, and I'm running out of time to decide. All I can suggest is that you don't think just about how you feel now, but how you will years down the road. Basically, you need to decided if you've been changed for life, or if this is something that will pass.