Alright, I turned 21 and I realized I don't know shit about beers. Recommend me one good beer, preferably not one of those watered-down light brands. Something that will get me nice and drunk but doesn't taste like total shit.

Ask them. They'll be aware that you're 21.

Try a variety. I'll recommend you some Harp. Sleemans is always good.

Whatever they might tell you, Coors Light is not made for human consumption. Also, stay away from Tuborg. It's the only beer that has ever lasted in my fridge for any period of time. I can't even give it to guests. It's that bad.

A good rule of thumb, if you're looking for something decent, is to buy in 6 and 12 packs. If you're in the states, go to an actual beer/liquor store.

If you want to go all out for your first beer (first LEGAL I mean...), get a Belgian tripel or quadrupel like... Delirium Tremens. A bomber for around $9. Or St Bernardus Abt 12, or if you can get it.. Wesvleteren 12.

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I only know most of the colorado micro-breweries, so If I were you I would get a mixed 12 pack with several different kinds of beer. Drink each one and figure out which you like the best and then start buying that type of beer.

I would say wait another month until thanksgiving for darker beers because they warm you up in the colder months...Also darker beers are an acquired taste, buy a six pack of some victory storm king stout (9% ) and finish it, it's delicious.

I don't the the color of the beer has anything to do with how much it 'warms' you.

__________________
Who are these children, who scheme and run wild
Who speak with their wings, and the way that they smile
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Its not the color of the beer, its the flavor and the amount of alcohol, if you're trapped inside because its freezing outside a darker hardier beer (stouts or porters/dark ales) will hit the spot.

Where as a lighter less rich and filling beer in the summer is better for cooling off by the beach or whatever...

Do this. Delirium Tremens is incredibly delicious, and really approachable to new drinkers.

OP, Stella Artois is a good lager, not too heavy, doesn't taste like shit, and always available, what more can you ask for?

Horse shit, Stella is awful.

Crownies!

Samuel Adams Boston Lager.
Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald Porter.
Samuel Adams Irish Red.

And if you can find it, which is doubtful, my absolute favorite, Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale.

Also, have you tried cider -- Strongbow is quite excellent and I recently picked up a bottled pint of Samuel Smith's Organic Cider which was also damned fine.