the local shopping mall has a pond near it, and a flock of ducks are always around there. lots of them, just milling about... and i'm always starving, never have money for food... eventually, stealing food from the supermarket will run out of luck. Mesa boogie amps are fucking expensive. gibson guitars are fucking expensive. cargo vans are fucking expensive.

so i wait around dusk in the bushes near the mall pond, and i shoot ducks in the head with a air rifle. it's in plain view of a heavy road, and a entire mall parking lot, so i have to be sort of sneaky... i'm sure SOMETHING bad would happen to me for doing this. i put the dead duck in a plastic grocery sack for the trip home, and go through the woods to get there.

now, at first, i had no idea how to prepare it - never having done this before. but, i was starving, so, you know, where there's a will there's a way. it was horribly mangled, though, i essentially took my little 5 inch SEAL knife and chopped it apart... sort of like trying to peel a potato, only it's a duck. lost a lot of meat. i just dug a hole in the woods and started a little fire, put the flesh on a sharpened stick, and held it over the fire till it seemed done. obviously, not ideal.

i learned quickly how to properly rip a duck up so i could cook it over a fire fairly well, but after 20 roasted ducks, you start wanting a little more flavor, even though it IS good meat. greasy and filling. heavy.

so, what are some easy ways to spice up a duck? i can't let my parents know i'm killing the ducks little kids fucking feed bread at picnics, and eating them. they don't understand how musical instruments can be more important then food and clothing and girlfriends and stuff.

so, whatever you can suggest, i have to be able to do it with few complications over a fire in the woods. i'm justing looking for easy ways to mix it up, add some flavor. i have a tin pot i found in the road, so i could use that, it's about 4 cups. any wild plants i could use would be nice. i like dandelions and wild carots, there are some rasberries and mint around i could use. this is central new york. i could steal whatever could reasonably fit in a small cargo pockets, like spices or whatever.

Keep the duck whole, but remove the guts. Steal some honey and soy sauce. Mix together. Baste the duck as you rotate it(ie. spit roast).

http://www.dpi.nsw.gov.au/agricultur...aising/cooking

Get some salt, and soak the duck in a brine solution for a few hours. It should make the skin really dry. Then cook it over the fire. Not sure if it works, sort of just combined the thing for pork ribs with duck

Ducklings are best, but not much meat.

http://www.ehow.com/how_2077537_butcher-duck.html

Might give you ideas on how to maximize meat.

I'm not sure he has a few hours .

here's an idea.

get a job.

also, it's not the guitar that makes the player.

it's the player that makes the guitar.

i work 60 hours a week, you prick, and having the best equipment is imperative if it's at all possible.


the honey and soysauce idea sounds really good, i think i'm going to try that. and yeah, i make the duck sort of a roaster chicken. i could get away with stuffing the thing into the pot with the sauce and covering it with plastic for a hour or so, maybe broil it a bit to get the flavor into the meat, and then brush as i roast.

i think i'm going to try rosemary, sage, thyme and fennel as a rub, mixed in with the drippings i can catch.

Careful, urban wildlife is oftentimes not the most healthful thing to eat.

humans are worse, and the only critters i see running around asking to be eaten are ducks and humans. i don't think i'll have to do it much more often, cause i got a job where i get free food every shift. i might need to get a duck here and there when i'm not working.

Good point.

Also, is it wrong to want a filet o' human? I want to know what people taste like but OH NO.......... it's "bad."

I want people-steak before I die, at least once.

You do know where Avian flu came from, right?

*ObZ

avians?