I have always been socially awkward, I tend to be quiet because I don't have much to say. I think its the fact that I don't know/care much about the things usually talk about, but I don't feel like they would relate/care to the things I COULD be social about. Sorry if thats confusing.

It isn't like I'm not trying, I'm just really shy. Among friends I'm comfortable with I can be pretty funny, but it doesn't translate over to meetings with new people. I seem dull and uninteresting.

I've been trying to meet new people, going to parties and such, hoping I'll get better at socializing, but I don't feel like I'm improving. I'll be talking to someone in a class and I'll try to bring up something of interest we can talk about like (how was your weekend?), but instead of taking off into an interesting conversation, it just slows down until we both just kind of sit there awkwardly.

This just feels like a part of my life that I've missed out on, and need to fix before I feel happy.

btw, freshman in college, play sports, drink/smoke weed.

If anyone with similar experiences can give me some advice, that would be great.

same boat as you here man.

sorry I can't give you any advice but hopefully someone can help us both.

You have to nullify yourself up a bit. Just learn not to care.

Heh, I'm 2nd year in college now, and pretty much in a similar situation to you.

Except after a year of trying, I have concluded that it's not me that's the problem but all the nigs that I study with.

I mean, think about how you made your friends before. It just kinda happened, right? It's not like you were specifically out to make friends, or doing something special specifically to get those friends. Well, at least that's how it's always happened to me.

Now here, I've been doing the same thing at first. Except everyone was acting really gay, trying to pretend to be something they're not, and desperately trying to fit in the group that they thought was "popular" and "cool".
Oh, not everyone. There was another group, "the outcasts". That one was comprised of mostly ugly and/or incredibly dull people with hardly any sense of humour and/or will to improve - e.g fat people who wallowed in their love for pizza and what not.
The two groups obviously never talked to each other, because if they did, something terrible would have happened. Or that's the impression they gave me.

Then there was me - being generally chill about everything, chatting to anyone who seemed interesting and not being part of any of the retarded groups (although I tried to party with the "cool" "clubbing" group, they were all indulging in dull activities acting like it's the most fun they can have, over and over again).

Ever tried talking to someone, approaching someone, only to have to do all the work? Ever start thinking "hey, why am I doing all the work? Why do I have to keep the conversation going, without any effort or interest from their part? That's not how friendships are made"

So basically I came to a conclusion that it's a problem with them, not with me, and I'll just have to hang on and look for the right person. Meanwhile, it's a good time to go to the gym, get new skills, and do other self-improvement.

Yeah that's the ticket......just blame everyone else.

This ftw.

Yeah making sustained smalltalk is pretty difficult to do. When you don't know the person/have nothing in common, you either have to change topics every 2 minutes or keep making general inane comments to keep the convo going. My problem isn't shyness, it's just hard to keep up conversation when there's nothing to talk about.

My only advice is to just hang out in groups. You can make comments every now and then, but you don't feel compelled to keep up an entire conversation. Listen in and learn more about the other people, and maybe when you do have to talk to someone 1-on-1 you'll have something to talk about.

Of course, it helps if the other person likes talking and leading the conversation...


*ObZ

Actually I find smalltalk to be quite easy. Just keep asking the other person questions about him/herself. Most people are quite happy to talk about themselves endlessly.

i am the same as you. very quiet, observant, reserved. but secretly i'm very passionate and intense.

"the harder you try, the less you succeed. don't try at all and get everything you need." it's my personal mantra.

stop caring about being social. put less effort into always saying the right thing and just be friendly. people love to talk about themselves so just be agreeable and ask questions.

True, I never really went out of my way to make friends in high school, but it was so small that I had classes, sports, breaks, and would see everyone multiple times.

Now I'm meeting new people, sometimes I try to carry the conversation, sometimes they do, or we both try, but it seems to end badly. Maybe its my fault? I am kind of quiet, don't talk about myself much (don't like to put myself down or brag).

I have thought about just focusing on grades/working out, but I worry about my already limited social skills atrophying.

That, and I get fucking bored and lonely. This has been the one thing thats been bothering me the most since I got to this school. I wish I had a few good friends up here that I could just chill with(not people that just get high all day)

I hung out in groups during high school, but then I realized that when it came to 1 on 1 conversation, I was useless. I would like to be able to be the person who can keep the conversation going, without spewing a bunch of retarded bullshit out at the same time, and still being myself.



to the people telling me to not care/try, doesn't that just end with me not having any friends?