TL/DR:
I want to move to Finland next year, but my girlfriend wants us to move out together and go to university. I am worried that I am being very selfish if I leave, but im terrified of being chained down and resenting her as a captor if I stay.






My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years and living together for one. Living with my mum and brother though, which is weird, because we cant afford to move out yet. This is because she is still in school. At the end of this year we had planned to move out together to a bigger city and she was going to have a year off while I started university. I am having second thoughts though because I have always wanted to run off to Finland.

This could be just a normal breakup, except she moved out of home so that we could be together after her zealous parents flipped out over us. She gave up most social interaction, her schooling was tainted by rumors (even amongst teachers) and even now she is only just back on speaking terms with her family. It seems that she has given up a huge amount for us to be together, and to make matters worse I have been pretty untrustworthy. On my side of things though I gave up social interaction too, I fucked my entire family around by putting a new person in it and instead of going to university this year I worked to help pay for her.

I had thought I had a wandering eye or something like that, but i'm often attracted to other people and now I am doubting if I even love her any more. I have always wanted to go to Finland, and after being trapped for a year I am almost desperate to leave, but I think this is a massively selfish idea. I know she could take care of herself next year, but she had already planned everything out and was really excited. Now I have found a huge load of info on suicide in places she thinks I can't find, and I am quite concerned that this may be attempted soon. Should I just leave her to her fate next year and do what I want? Or should I do what she wants and settle down? Either way the fear of loss and regret is massive, and I'm worried that if I act selflessly now that I will resent her later.

I read a few websites on being selfless but they just mention thinking of the people you care for. I thought about it and I don't really care for anyone. I hate the idea of being selfish, but I can't help not caring about them. Instead, I am asking for some real life opinions.

Thanks totse

Well, if you are already having doubts about the relationship and you guys dont even live together yet I say:Hightail it to fuckin Finland!

Personally, I don't buy selflessness. Sounds miserable. You got to live for you, and if you think Finland will make you happy and fix your problems then give it a go. Don't be callous about it though. Set your girl up before you go. Other than that, sounds like a wonderful opportunity.


Course, don't get in the habit of running or you'll end up my neighbor.

-F☺rd

Go to Finland. Invite her, but don't give her money for an airfare and tell her the wrong address of where you're going.

Or one day just get up and say you're going to go down to the shops to get some milk, and never come back.

I think it'd only be selfish if you had a kid together and you were just running away from your problems. But if this is something you've wanted to do, don't let anyone hold you back from being happy.

Go. You've already doubted it more than once, there is no chance. You know it. You're only prolonging the inevitable by staying.

First of all, you must live you own life. If she isn't right there with you, then she isn't the one.

I did this. Me and my girlfriend had plans. Were together over a year. I got sick of tedious bickering, bought a plane ticket and left 2 weeks later. Best decision I've ever made. You my sir, are immature and need to grow up, as did I. This isn't a bad thing. Running away to Finland will most definitely do this. But the fact that you do want to run away says a lot about your maturity.

I miss my girlfriend heaps, but I know I'll end up with her one day. Do you think if you did run away that you'd up with your girlfriend one day as well?

The worst thing you could do is stay with her any longer if you're starting to think you don't love her, or are resenting her for holding you back. Get out there, travel the world, meet beautiful women, and if she still has your heart at the end, go back to her. If not, it wasn't meant to be. Just get out there man.

Go now.

Leave. Leave for all of us that can't. Please leave.