Hi. My name doesn't matter. I have a question for you guys, because I can't come up with an answer to it on my own.

Nothing really interests me. Sports, music, art, people, machines, religion...I just have never found anything that interests me in life. Now, I'd like to to think I'm unique in this, but I can't really accept that. I act too much like other people for me to be convinced I'm the only one this amazingly lost as to how life goes.

I've been told to do what I love. That'd be wonderful advice if I knew what love was, or even knew how to discern different feelings. I don't really know what emotions feel like. Sometimes my body gets really hot and my face flushes...other times, my stomach feels really empty when it's not...other times, my heart leaps and my fingers tingle a little bit...most of the time though, I don't feel anything at all other than my physical senses. My thoughts don't really seem to be influenced by these feelings either...at least to no extent larger than mild confusion as to what they are. My thoughts tend to center around finding a woman I can care for, cigarettes, what you who must label things would name God, and death.

My actions are pretty empty too. I wake up, smoke a cigarette, then spend my day listening to music I don't enjoy, watching TV I don't enjoy, talking to people I don't connect with, and during the really bad times, I'll go several days in a row doing nothing but playing video games and watching porn as an alternative to suicide.

Anyways, at the center of all this is an overwhelming feeling...I don't know what it is. I feel like I'm in the middle of a labyrinth...not a simple one either. It's as though there are a million different corridors all leading to unfathomable consequences, and only one option is the correct one, but I won't know if I chose right until I'm at the end of each path. This, obviously, is a problem. What can I do to overcome this feeling? Drugs didn't work. Drink didn't work. Psyche meds certainly don't work, (but they sure do make you not care that you're in a spiritual abyss).

If any of you have been here before, how did you get out? How did you come alive again? This isn't how I was as a child...not as a young teen either...not even into my late teens.

You have a big head.

you are depressed or you have a brain tumor... PICK QUiCK!

my advice is... try to love something?

I googled ego deflation and found some interview with a Yogi. She states that you don't deflate the ego by trying to suppress it, or kill it. You simply punch a hole in it, like you do a balloon, by making fun of it...of yourself.

I don't really think too much of my life is funny though...not in anything more than a pathetic humor though. I don't know. I'll give it a try though...that is, trying to laugh at my ego. Who knows, maybe I'll become a real boy...like Pinocchio. I've already turned into a jackass.

Never do anything meaningless. Find something you are really good at, better then everybody else. Then practice that thing to become even better and never do anything meaningless again. It works for me. Like I noticed two things I excell in, 1: I can deduct complicated matters in no time and 2: I am naturally adept to fightingskills. In both I can feel superior over others, which gives me much satisfaction. I've come to love deducing criminal activity and constructing layer upon layer of deceit to fool others, using them like puppets. At the same time I came to enjoy fighting, though I was previously a very quiet guy. Well, I still am, so that makes me even more unpredictable, gentle on the surface but storming underneath.

I suck at stuff like technics, chemistry, math, art, so I just leve it be and appreciate other people's accomplishments in those fields and possibly use it for my own gain.

I can help.

Here's what you do.

You turn the TV on and watch either a documentary or a news/current affairs program.

You find something on the show you don't understand or don't know much about which seems interesting and isn't explained in detail on the show.

Internet that shit up.

In your research, you will come across other shit inside articles you don't know.

Internet that shit up.

Rinse and repeat.

It will seriously take hours of your fucking day though.

Be careful.

Hi, I read your post, and find your way of living very interesting. In my opinion, there must be something, no matter how insignificant it may to others, that interests you. What you must do is find it and dedicate your time to that. Try figuring what that is and discovering yourself as your alternative to suicide, rather than porn and games. You will feel much more satisfied and productive. It's not always easy to find it though, I found out what I wanted to do with my life when I was almost twenty. Before that, I too, was lost in this labyrinth we call life. I had no idea what I wanted to accomplish before death, or if what I would choose was the right path to go. The thing is, there is no correct path. You make your own path and when you accomplish what you set out to do is when you will finally begin to see the light at the end of the labyrinth. What I would also suggest is, take some classes in a college, if you don't already go to any. Take different courses, not for credits but to see if there is something you are better than others at. Perhaps you may even find something you wouldn't mind learning in your own time. Find that and become better at it.
Another option would be to find a job, if you don't have one, to see the reality of things to come. I'm guessing that you can't get a great, fulfilling job but what you will find in these places is others, who, like you have dedicated their lives to nothing. Now, I can't say that for everybody you will meet there, since you are likely find others who are working at what they truly want to become later in life.
It's funny, in the last job I had, I was the youngest, and everybody I met there hated their job. They felt they could be doing something more productive and enjoyable than making a minimum wage at a place that, at this point in their lives, were forced to be at due to their living expenses. Don't become this person, don't get to a point in your life where you can't do what you could have done while younger. These people may not have been suffering from what you have but you see how they all ended up in the same path. I ended up working there for about a year until I too, couldn't take it anymore. I left the place without having learned anything but I did know that I definitely did not want to be doing that type of ritualistic, unsatisfying, robotic lifestyle. It made me realize that if I did end up having to do that again in twenty years I would probably commit suicide.
You say you are unable to experience emotions, well although that may be abnormal, you can use it to your advantage. There are jobs out there that require you to be unemotional and where as others would find it difficult to suppress and mask their true emotions, you will obviously have no problem doing so.
You also state you want to find a woman you can care for, then there you have something else you can work on. Again meeting people will be easier in a job or school. Don't worry if it takes you longer than others, if you're a social outcast like myself, it will take many tries and heartbreaks to find someone who truly understands you. Don't expect that someone will just walk into your life though.
Well, since I don't know anything about you, that's probably the only advice I can give you. Just realize that there is no objective purpose to our pathetic short lives. So make one for yourself, experiment with your abilities and find your own purpose. Try and create short/long term goals, find a hobby that gives you some sort of emotion and don't jack off too much. Btw, what do you mean when you say you weren't like this during your younger years. Did you have dreams and goals?, or did you get emotional at times?
Did some event or self-realization make you change your attitude about life. I'm just interested in why you have created this apathy towards life..peace

Here's what you do: Pick up Eric Clapton's autobiography on tape or if you're a reader, pick up the book and read it.

As to what changed. I almost died in the middle of nowhere. Nobody helped me. Nobody cared. All that saved me were my legs and an insane urge to live no matter how painful each step was. Thirst, hunger, and bone biting pain were my travel companions for the entire journey. Since then...what most people see as life looks like a giant waste of time to me. Come that close to death, and what most people consider living is just a distraction, at best.

I just meant i was moving this to headshrinkers. Clever, don't you think?